sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Aug 6, 2013 11:02:42 GMT -5
For the love of God, WHY You were present, I opened it in front of you, said thank you (and yes, that includes eye contact and being specific, not the general group thank you) and talked to you more during the party. WHY do I need to send a note too?! I am not talking about the sent/dropped off ones obviously, just to be clear. But I think it's a little obnoxious of the giver to expect a card if they were there in person AND personally thanked for what they gave. Call me rude, you won't be the 1st. you opened gifts at your wedding?
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Aug 6, 2013 11:26:01 GMT -5
I said not dropped off gifts. And, I was a good YMr and got married at the courthouse. But if you came to my shower and watched me open it and I said thank you, why should I then send a card too?
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Aug 6, 2013 11:28:14 GMT -5
That is an awesome idea. We often don't tell people how much they mean to us and what joy they bring to our lives until its too late. The lady that always organizes our lunches is getting one from me-TODAY! I need to do this more often. Once in a great while I do it, but not often enough. I've been thinking for a while I wanted to send a note to a friend who is a LLL leader (but not local to me), and tell her how much her support and advice helped me continue to BF when it was tough and we were having trouble in the early days. This thread has given me the kick in the rear to go get that done. This thread gave me the kick in the pants I needed to finish my Thank You notes last night. Woohoo!!
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Aug 6, 2013 12:55:53 GMT -5
I said not dropped off gifts. And, I was a good YMr and got married at the courthouse. But if you came to my shower and watched me open it and I said thank you, why should I then send a card too? Good question. I always sent thank yours in that case because I was told to, and I still do. I guess mi on etiquette autopilot.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 6, 2013 12:58:30 GMT -5
Because that's the right thing to do. A verbal thank you isn't enough but if it is for you and your friends/family are okay with it, so be it.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Aug 6, 2013 12:59:59 GMT -5
I said not dropped off gifts. And, I was a good YMr and got married at the courthouse. But if you came to my shower and watched me open it and I said thank you, why should I then send a card too? Good question. I always sent thank yours in that case because I was told to, and I still do. I guess mi on etiquette autopilot. To me & my logic, you being there in person to receive the thank you is the best case scenario. If you were unable to attend but still sent a gift, of course a note is appropriate. I could never just see the logic in saying thank you in person and then sending the note too. It seemed overkill to me.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Aug 6, 2013 13:01:00 GMT -5
Because that's the right thing to do. A verbal thank you isn't enough but if it is for you and your friends/family are okay with it, so be it. Where's the logic in that??!?? I spoke to you, looked you in the eye and said thank you. How is that not enough??!??
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 6, 2013 13:04:58 GMT -5
Because it isn't. Sorry but it simply isn't but if it is in your sphere, okay.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Aug 6, 2013 13:32:50 GMT -5
Because it isn't. Sorry but it simply isn't but if it is in your sphere, okay. Ok, so because you said so. Got it.
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Aug 6, 2013 13:45:10 GMT -5
Good question. I always sent thank yours in that case because I was told to, and I still do. I guess mi on etiquette autopilot. To me & my logic, you being there in person to receive the thank you is the best case scenario. If you were unable to attend but still sent a gift, of course a note is appropriate. I could never just see the logic in saying thank you in person and then sending the note too. It seemed overkill to me. I err on the side of saying thanks TOO much. I've gone above and beyond for plenty of people who ended up acting entitled rather than grateful. It rubs me the wrong way so I tend to be overly grateful. It wouldn't bother me if I didn't receive a thank you after a shower that I attended and was thanked in person. It does bother me when I just hear crickets after sending a gift.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Aug 6, 2013 13:49:40 GMT -5
Because it isn't. Sorry but it simply isn't but if it is in your sphere, okay. Seriously... I could actually care less if anyone sends me a thank you card or not. A simple thank you in person is fine with me. In fact, I actually think a hand written note is kind of overkill. Whenever I get one it ends up in the trash. ETA: And I am certainly not going to hold a grudge against someone just because they didn't send me a thank you card. I mean, I don't run to the mail box each day expecting to find a thank you note. I give a gift and actually forget about it most of the time.
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kittensaver
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We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
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Post by kittensaver on Aug 6, 2013 13:51:58 GMT -5
It wouldn't bother me if I didn't receive a thank you after a shower that I attended and was thanked in person. It does bother me when I just hear crickets after sending a gift. =======================================
This ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Aug 6, 2013 14:02:21 GMT -5
Because it isn't. Sorry but it simply isn't but if it is in your sphere, okay. Seriously... I could actually care less if anyone sends me a thank you card or not. A simple thank you in person is fine with me. In fact, I actually think a hand written note is kind of overkill. Whenever I get one it ends up in the trash. ETA: And I am certainly not going to hold a grudge against someone just because they didn't send me a thank you card. I mean, I don't run to the mail box each day expecting to find a thank you note. I give a gift and actually forget about it most of the time. "Seriously... I could actually care less if anyone sends me a thank you card or not." - so then you care some. I don't hold a grudge- but I find it rude. partly because i'm left wondering if something was lost in the mail and partly because it is rude not to say thank you. If someone hands me a gift, I wouldn't NOT say thank you. so why should it be any different if I received something in the mail or something was dropped off?
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Aug 6, 2013 14:06:09 GMT -5
Seriously... I could actually care less if anyone sends me a thank you card or not. A simple thank you in person is fine with me. In fact, I actually think a hand written note is kind of overkill. Whenever I get one it ends up in the trash. ETA: And I am certainly not going to hold a grudge against someone just because they didn't send me a thank you card. I mean, I don't run to the mail box each day expecting to find a thank you note. I give a gift and actually forget about it most of the time. "Seriously... I could actually care less if anyone sends me a thank you card or not." - so then you care some. I don't hold a grudge- but I find it rude. partly because i'm left wondering if something was lost in the mail and partly because it is rude not to say thank you. If someone hands me a gift, I wouldn't NOT say thank you. so why should it be any different if I received something in the mail or something was dropped off? Are you okay with phone call? I typically just call people to say thank you when I receive something in the mail and vice versa. I get what you are saying about wondering if something is lost in the mail... to me any kind of thank you is fine. I don't specifically need a hand written note which is what I was saying. I agree it is rude in general not to say thank you in some form.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Aug 6, 2013 14:07:07 GMT -5
Because it isn't. Sorry but it simply isn't but if it is in your sphere, okay. Seriously... I could actually care less if anyone sends me a thank you card or not. A simple thank you in person is fine with me. In fact, I actually think a hand written note is kind of overkill. Whenever I get one it ends up in the trash. ETA: And I am certainly not going to hold a grudge against someone just because they didn't send me a thank you card. I mean, I don't run to the mail box each day expecting to find a thank you note. I give a gift and actually forget about it most of the time. If we still had karma you'd get some Sarcasticgirl, just to clarify, I have no issue with sending cards to someone I did not have a chance to thank in person. None at all. But I feel that an in person thank you is enough, that's all.
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Aug 6, 2013 14:10:17 GMT -5
"Seriously... I could actually care less if anyone sends me a thank you card or not." - so then you care some. I don't hold a grudge- but I find it rude. partly because i'm left wondering if something was lost in the mail and partly because it is rude not to say thank you. If someone hands me a gift, I wouldn't NOT say thank you. so why should it be any different if I received something in the mail or something was dropped off? Are you okay with phone call? I typically just call people to say thank you when I receive something in the mail. I get what you are saying about wondering if something is lost in the mail... A phone call, an email- those are fine. I don't need a literal handwritten note. Just some sort of acknowledgment and gratitude.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 6, 2013 16:20:24 GMT -5
To each their own. I hope I made that clear. If you are going on strict etiquette the way I was brought up, of course you say a verbal thank you if the person is there but you ALSO write a thank you note. I realize that some aren't doing it.
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hurley1980
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Post by hurley1980 on Aug 6, 2013 18:32:40 GMT -5
Okay, I have a question (sorry for the hijack). We received some gifts, some gift cards, and some cash.....all of these people will be getting thank you notes. I have a list of who gave what, the address to send to, and they will be going out next week (we got married on the 27th). Do I send cards to those who just showed up as well as those who showed up with a gift? I wouldn't mind doing it, because I am happy that every who came was there to party with us and we really didnt expect crap, but a handful of people who RSVP'ed did not show up, and a handful of people who were not originally invited (family friends) did show up. So not only do I not have addresses for those not invited to send a thank you to, I am having a hard time remembering who all didnt show up who was supposed to. Did that make sense?
I need wine....
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kittensaver
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We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
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Post by kittensaver on Aug 6, 2013 18:37:17 GMT -5
At least in my world (others may disagree!) anyone who gave you a gift deserves a written thank you. Even the jerks who RSVP'd and didn't show - IF they gave you a gift. Also in my world - I don't think you owe anything to an uninvited guest.
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on Aug 6, 2013 20:11:05 GMT -5
I didn't send a thank you to guests. We definitely thanked them for attending as we went around and talked to everyone, but that was the extent of it. The exception is that is a couple of friends who sang at and did a reading at the wedding. They got thank yous for being an important part of our lives and participating in the ceremony (though, I guess everyone who involved in the ceremony got a special thank you, now that I think about it).
Edited to add: anyone who gave a gift, GC, or cash of course received a thank you for the gift and attending (if they did attend). I did not send a thank you specifically to guests who attended and did not send a gift.
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pinkbow832
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Post by pinkbow832 on Aug 6, 2013 22:31:08 GMT -5
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on Aug 7, 2013 7:32:50 GMT -5
I have wanted to send a letter to a group of people that were very supportive of me in my teenage years. I wasn't a hellion by any means but these people (about 4 married couples who had teenage kids too) cared about me and included me in activities and events.
I hesitate to write to them (they are local) as I might give them the impression that I am dying.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 7, 2013 8:16:03 GMT -5
See what I mean! People think others are DYING if they express love and appreciation. It makes my aunt very uncomfortable that I tell her I live her at the end of our conversations. I still do it because I do, because she's always been there for me and I want her to know I care very much for her.
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Aug 7, 2013 8:24:27 GMT -5
I certainly didn't send noted to those who simply attended my wedding. They got a free meal, free drinks etc. And we spent our entire time thanking everyone in person. Every. Single. Person. I only sent thank you notes for gifts.
I am one of those who will randomly send a note of gratitude- or a card just because. No one has ever thought I was dying lol I think it is nice and I know that when I get an unexpected note it brightens my day.
Side note- I don't send notes because I HAVE to, I send them because I am truly grateful and I want the other person to know..
Sent from my Nexus 4 using proboards
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Aug 7, 2013 9:01:49 GMT -5
My daughter recently got married. I HOPE she sent thank you notes, but haven't asked. (I will now!) My niece also recently got married. I didn't make it to the wedding or reception. I told both her and her parents that the gift was at my father's. They both said thank you, they would pick it up. When I didn't hear anything more for a few weeks, I got concerned and asked if they got it, or if I needed to pick it up and drop it off. (This was all done by text) They said they got it, thanks. In a half joking way, I asked my niece if she had started writing her thank you notes yet. And told her that posting a thank you on facebook was not good enough. -I, my other sister (who furnished her house and back yard for the reception), as well as others never got an invitation. When my sister (MOB) found out we hadn't been invited, the day before the wedding, she was mortified and sent an email inviting us. Presumably we didn't get an invitation because she/niece had posted something on facebook. Really? I don't belong to facebook. That is why I made the comment to her, that posting a thank you on facebook, was not good enough. She didn't reply. Maybe I was wrong to have even brought it up. But I felt like it needed to be said, and that if her mother said it, she would disregard it. I haven't heard anything more from her. Maybe I should check facebook!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 7, 2013 13:27:54 GMT -5
That would come under the heading of public humiliation in case you didn't just message her quietly. I imagine she is embarrassed as she should be that someone called her out on it. I feel for the mother, how embarrassing to have raised a child like that. This is why I won't tell my GF that her son doesn't write thank yous for shower or wedding gifts.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Aug 7, 2013 13:37:57 GMT -5
That would come under the heading of public humiliation in case you didn't just message her quietly. I imagine she is embarrassed as she should be that someone called her out on it. I feel for the mother, how embarrassing to have raised a child like that. This is why I won't tell my GF that her son doesn't write thank yous for shower or wedding gifts. Oh, no. I didn't tell anyone I messaged her at all, until I posted it here. I'm not up for publicly humiliating people, as a general rule. I think you are a gem, for caring about your GF feelings, like you do. You deserve kudos!
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