Thank you Note/card...

[Deleted]

To piggy back on the other thread:

Did you send a "Thank You" note or card to the people that gifted you cash at your wedding or is it no longer a tradition to do so?

We went to one wedding in June, another in July and in both cases the checks were cashed but no thank you card to be seen or a even a text.

Earlier in April I sent money for my godson/nephew birthday and it wasn't until I called 3 weeks later to inquire about receipt of the money (it was cash vs check so was worried they may have not gotten it) that the parents said "thank you".

We thanked everyone we got gifts/cash from at our wedding and when we receive a gift or cash in the mail for our birthdays or anniversary we promptly contact the sender to thank them.

So unless you are physically with the person during the gifting process, do people just don't bother to say "thank you" anymore?

[vonna]

I think thank you cards are still very important.  We expect our kids to write them. And, for those we send gifts/money, if no thanks is received, we often stop giving.

[Deleted]

What you are describing isn't cool.

I say that as a mother who dropped off a birthday card with two fifty dollar bills for son and his wife last month.  Their birthdays are three days apart so I delivered it on my son's birthday.  (We've always done one card . . . it's blank inside and I write a message to both.)  My daughter-in-law thanked me when I delivered the card.

I never heard a word from my son.  After a month, I told DH that meant the adults were too old for birthday cards.  I know two fifty dollar bills aren't a fortune, but they could go out to dinner or something.  It was just rude not to call and thank me for remembering.

So next year I stop birthday cards/money for the adults.  It's not payback.  I just look at it as a meaningless gesture in their lives. 

[Tennesseer]

I have heard of newlyweds writing thank you on the wedding gift check they are cashing and that's it.

[Cookies Galore]

Oh hell no! DF and I will be writing a thank you to every damn person who shows up to our wedding!

[kittensaver]

If someone thanks me/us for a gift we are handing over to them in person (wedding shower, birthday, baby shower, Christmas, graduation, etc) I don't expect a written thank you as well. But I too have stopped sending cash and/or gifts to folks who don't respond and we are left wondering whether they got it or not - especially cash or checks that go through the mail. And I hate being the jerk who calls under the guise of "to see if you got it" and then have to listen to lots of fumbling excuses. You either have manners or you don't.

On the flip side, I have a relative who sends me a written thank you card when I merely send her a greeting card! (nothing but a greeting and a signature inside the card). That's overkill.

[Peace Of Mind]

Absolutely!  I still do thank yous for gifts, etc. and  I am also one of those weirdos who always RSVP when asked to.  It makes me nuts when people don't RSVP to events and especially when it's a wedding.  Brides complain all the time how they only get about 60-70% RSVPs returned to them and they put the postage and everything on it for them.  All they need to do is put a number in the little spot and mail the card that is pre addressed.  How hard can it be? 

[muttleynfelix]

Thank yous are a must....I say that as someone who is about 6 months behind on thank yous from DD's birth.  Since many of the people gave gifts at her baptism too, I'm try to write thank yous for that.  I almost got through them last weekend,  I guess tonight, I will try to finish up.

[Sam_2.0]

I write out thank-you notes for anything more than a card. I found out on one of the other forums I am on that you are supposed to send thank-you notes for sympathy cards? I understand notes for flowers, meals, or donations on behalf of your loved one. But are you really supposed to send thank-yous for sympathy cards? I just don't know that I will have it in me to do that.

I will admit that I don't always send notes to my grandparents on my dad's side. But their gifts always come with snotty notes attached. I have my own issues with them going way back. We see them maybe once a year or less, only if we happen to show up at my parents' house while they are there.

[Sam_2.0]

Also, I thought if you opened the gift in the presence of the giver and personally thanked them, that notes weren't really "required", but still nice to do? Or is that not true?

[Deleted]

Aug 5, 2013 18:54:42 GMT -5 @sroo4 said:

Aug 5, 2013 18:07:05 GMT -5 @southernsusana said:

What you are describing isn't cool.

I say that as a mother who dropped off a birthday card with two fifty dollar bills for son and his wife last month.  Their birthdays are three days apart so I delivered it on my son's birthday.  (We've always done one card . . . it's blank inside and I write a message to both.)  My daughter-in-law thanked me when I delivered the card.

I never heard a word from my son.  After a month, I told DH that meant the adults were too old for birthday cards.  I know two fifty dollar bills aren't a fortune, but they could go out to dinner or something.  It was just rude not to call and thank me for remembering.

So next year I stop birthday cards/money for the adults.  It's not payback.  I just look at it as a meaningless gesture in their lives. 

I fell victim to guilt by association/misunderstanding. My gramma used to send me $5 for my birthday, well into adulthood. One year it stopped. Whatever I figured she'd stopped for everyone, until I found out it was because I never thanked her. Turns out she had me confused with my sister who really did never thank her. 

Personally I could care less about the $5 I'm just sad that she thinks I was rude and didn't care. My mom went to bat for me and gram realized for a short time that I did always call and write. But I think the wires were forever crossed in her mind     

He knew I was trying to connect with him that day and gave me a time when he would be home. He wasn't. That's fine, but he should have called afterwards to say, "I'm sorry that something came up, but thank you for the card." Forget the money. I went to some trouble to remember his and my daughter-in-law's birthday.

In other words, there was no guilt by association/misunderstanding.  He was simply too busy to be grateful. 

I'll post "Happy birthday" on his Facebook page.  I'm just now too busy to go by the bank to pick up two $50 bills, write out a card, and drive 20 minutes to deliver it.

It sounds worse than it is.  His father's family doesn't celebrate adult birthdays at all.  That startled me when I married into the family because we did.  So he's used to it from that side of the family.

Now I have deemed him an adult.

[Deleted]

Aug 5, 2013 19:06:30 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Also, I thought if you opened the gift in the presence of the giver and personally thanked them, that notes weren't really "required", but still nice to do? Or is that not true?

If you are physically handing over the gift/cash and the person says thank you, I don't believe a thank you note afterwards is required.

But I am thanking of occasions like:
- a wedding: when you put the envelope/card with the check or cash in it inside the box or location dedicated for that purpose so you don't personally hand it over to the bride or groom.
- someone birthday/special occasion and you mail the gift/cash instead o physical handing it over to them and you get no phone call, note or card saying thank you.

[Cookies Galore]

Aug 5, 2013 18:28:46 GMT -5 Peace Of Mind said:

Absolutely!  I still do thank yous for gifts, etc. and  I am also one of those weirdos who always RSVP when asked to.  It makes me nuts when people don't RSVP to events and especially when it's a wedding.  Brides complain all the time how they only get about 60-70% RSVPs returned to them and they put the postage and everything on it for them.  All they need to do is put a number in the little spot and mail the card that is pre addressed.  How hard can it be? 

I'm not even going to get started...

[Sam_2.0]

Aug 5, 2013 19:12:13 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

Aug 5, 2013 19:06:30 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Also, I thought if you opened the gift in the presence of the giver and personally thanked them, that notes weren't really "required", but still nice to do? Or is that not true?

If you are physically handing over the gift/cash and the person says thank you, I don't believe a thank you note afterwards is required.

But I am thanking of occasions like:
- a wedding: when you put the envelope/card with the check or cash in it inside the box or location dedicated for that purpose so you don't personally hand it over to the bride or groom.
- someone birthday/special occasion and you mail the gift/cash instead o physical handing it over to them and you get no phone call, note or card saying thank you.

I absolutely agree with you on the notes for those occasions. I am just thinking of DD's party this weekend. She opened up her presents with the guests there, and we had her go to each person and give them a hug and say "Thank you" for each gift. I've already written out thank-you notes for the gifts too but now I wonder if that was really required or not.

[Deleted]

Aug 5, 2013 19:06:30 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Also, I thought if you opened the gift in the presence of the giver and personally thanked them, that notes weren't really "required", but still nice to do? Or is that not true?

It depends on the occasion, I think.  If someone hands you a gift at a birthday party, I think a simple thank-you is enough.  If someone gives you a wedding or shower present, it isn't.  Those require real thank-you notes.

A lot of grandparent gifts are given indirectly because the grandparent isn't there.  Those deserve thank you notes, whether they write you a "snotty" note or not.  Don't give them more ammunition for thinking you are a "snotty" kid. 

Kill them with generic kindness.  It really does work.

[Peace Of Mind]

Aug 5, 2013 19:13:31 GMT -5 Cookies Galore said:

Aug 5, 2013 18:28:46 GMT -5 Peace Of Mind said:

Absolutely!  I still do thank yous for gifts, etc. and  I am also one of those weirdos who always RSVP when asked to.  It makes me nuts when people don't RSVP to events and especially when it's a wedding.  Brides complain all the time how they only get about 60-70% RSVPs returned to them and they put the postage and everything on it for them.  All they need to do is put a number in the little spot and mail the card that is pre addressed.  How hard can it be? 

I'm not even going to get started...

Have you sent out your invitations already and are having the same problem?  Seriously, what is so hard about putting a 0 or 2 or whatever on a line or checking a box that is yes or no?  What is wrong with people?

We'd get little messages on some of ours and those were my favorite ones.  I hope people get their acts together soon.  You have way more to worry about at this stage than rude/lazy people!   I think you told me yours is in Sept.? They have time to respond yet.   No matter what - you are going to have a great time!

[Cookies Galore]

Aug 5, 2013 19:22:40 GMT -5 Peace Of Mind said:

Aug 5, 2013 19:13:31 GMT -5 Cookies Galore said:

I'm not even going to get started...

Have you sent out your invitations already and are having the same problem?  Seriously, what is so hard about putting a 0 or 2 or whatever on a line or checking a box that is yes or no?  What is wrong with people?

We'd get little messages on some of ours and those were my favorite ones.  I hope people get their acts together soon.  You have way more to worry about at this stage than rude/lazy people!   I think you told me yours is in Sept.? They have time to respond yet.   No matter what - you are going to have a great time!

Invitations went out July 17 and most everyone had them by the 19th. We got a good initial response. We've been having issues (six were never delivered), so I started asking people if they got them because now I'm paranoid they all disappeared! DF's sister said (and I quote) "We haven't sent ours back yet. I'm still admiring them on the mantle. So pretty!" Admire it without the $%!@ RSVP card!

[Opti]

I no longer remember if we did the Thank-yous for cash or checks first back when I got married.
I do know it took us awhile like three to six months to get through everything so hopefully you
will actually get thank yous for the wedding gifts in the next couple months. Birthday thank yous
should be faster, so sorry to hear you had to call.

Southernsusana, that is a bummer about your son. Hopefully he isn't one of those guys who thinks
all thank-yous and communication go through the wife regardless of whose family or friends are involved.
I have a friend that does something cute. She calls on your birthday and sings happy birthday to you or
your answering machine. Easy and memorable.

[Deleted]

Emily Post says 3 months is the max to get out wedding gift thank you's.  I've heard people say that they have up to a year to write the cards & are going to take that entire time to get it done (sort of makes me wonder why I bothered to stretch and get them something when it was going to take them a year to write out "all those thank you's")  My personal experience has been that I get gushy thankyou notes for cash/check and nada for gifts off the registry.  My reaction has been to avoid weddings entirely if possible.  But now that I think of it I've got several neices/nephews coming of age . . . hmmm . . . they didn't send my DD any gifts for her ill-fated wedding, so maybe that is my out!!!!!

[tcu2003]

Yep, thank you notes should still be sent. I'm with others - if you can't send me a thank you or let me know you got the gift, you don't need future gifts from me.

We did do thank you notes from DS's first birthday party. We opened presents there, but it was hectic and DS was completely overwhelmed, plus too young to say thank you (not in his 3-word vocabulary yet), and I wanted to thank everyone for coming.

I really wish I could stop going gifts to nieces and nephews. We don't live local to DH's family (his parents and 2 brothers and their families all live within 30 miles of each other) so we have to mail most of the nieces and nephew birthday gifts unless we happen to be back. Last year, 4 of the 6 had gifts mailed, and none of them were acknowledged. Unfortunately, I feel bad punishing the kids because their parents can't let us know they received their gifts (text, email or phone call would work).

[zibazinski]

I don't feel bad at all. DF sent his niece and nephew a very nice Christmas present two Christmas ago. No thank you. He finally asked his sister if they had gotten them because they live in BFE. She said "yes" and how much they enjoyed them. Really? The kids are old enough to at least send a text or an email if they haven't been raised well enough to write a thank you note. So no more gifts from DF. I was rather proud of him for taking that stance.

[Deleted]

PS -- Sometimes I am really late thanking my mom.  She sends a check for birthdays & I don't send the thank you until I figure out what I am getting myself, so I can tell her what she bought me.  Sometimes that takes a couple/few months.

Does that make me a bad daughter?   Maybe I don't want the answer to that!

[zibazinski]

I even send thank yous as well as bringing a hostess gift to someone having a gettogether. Someone hassles with people over deserve appreciation for dong so.

[zibazinski]

That is an awesome idea. We often don't tell people how much they mean to us and what joy they bring to our lives until its too late. The lady that always organizes our lunches is getting one from me-TODAY!

[happyscooter]

Yep, I sent thank you notes a few days after my bridal and baby showers.  I think if someone can make a trip to the store, spend their money to buy a gift, wrap it or bag it and take the time to come to a shower/wedding/my home, I can certainly spend 10 minutes to write a note, address the envelope and drop it in a mailbox.

Everybody who works should get a lunch hour.  Eat in one day and use that time to work on notes. 

[resolution]

They still have some time to send thank yous for the June and July weddings before they are breaking any etiquette rules. It's a bit early to write them off.    

[tcu2003]

Aug 6, 2013 6:07:59 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

That is an awesome idea. We often don't tell people how much they mean to us and what joy they bring to our lives until its too late. The lady that always organizes our lunches is getting one from me-TODAY!

I need to do this more often. Once in a great while I do it, but not often enough. I've been thinking for a while I wanted to send a note to a friend who is a LLL leader (but not local to me), and tell her how much her support and advice helped me continue to BF when it was tough and we were having trouble in the early days. This thread has given me the kick in the rear to go get that done.

[zibazinski]

Good! You don't even know that she might be having an awful day and getting a note like that will make a big difference. We EXPECT thank yous for gifts but the best gifts are unexpected.

[sarcasticgirl]

people SHOULD be saying thank you, but they don't. 

I wrote out thank yous to everyone for our wedding and shower. i had a color coded spreadsheet just to make sure no one was left out. 

With that being said, I almost never get a thank you card in the mail. People are asshats. 

[Chocolate Lover]

It depends on the occasion, I think. If someone hands you a gift at a birthday party, I think a simple thank-you is enough. If someone gives you a wedding or shower present, it isn't. Those require real thank-you notes.

For the love of God, WHY  You were present, I opened it in front of you, said thank you (and yes, that includes eye contact and being specific, not the general group thank you) and talked to you more during the party. WHY do I need to send a note too?!

I am not talking about the sent/dropped off ones obviously, just to be clear. But I think it's a little obnoxious of the giver to expect a card if they were there in person AND personally thanked for what they gave.

Call me rude, you won't be the 1st.