Nosy child

[swamp]

DD is 5 and she is a serious busybody. 

Whenever Anyone is talking, she wants to know who, what, why, where, and what's going to happen next.   While I appreciate her curiosity, it can be rude and sometimes it's none if her business.   And then she will pester you until you tell her, and I tell her it does not concern her, she gets upset. 

Anyone here have a nosy kid?  

How do you handle them?  

[Cookies Galore]

I was/am that nosy child. You're screwed.

[kittensaver]

I was a nosy child. If I had a dollar for every time my mother turned to me and said, "Please wait your turn, the adults are talking" I would be a rich woman.

[swamp]

[Deleted]

Is it because she feels insecure? Does not knowing make her worry? 

[Spellbound454]

I guess not butting in to someone's conversation is one of the social skills we have to learn.

Waiting for a space and then saying "excuse me" or something like that.

Its not nice to have to correct kids, especially if they get upset....but its got to be done.

[swamp]

Jul 30, 2013 18:03:00 GMT -5 oped said:

Is it because she feels insecure? Does not knowing make her worry? 

She worries about everything. 

[whoisjohngalt]

Jul 30, 2013 17:47:59 GMT -5 swamp said:

DD is 5 and she is a serious busybody. 

Whenever Anyone is talking, she wants to know who, what, why, where, and what's going to happen next.   While I appreciate her curiosity, it can be rude and sometimes it's none if her business.   And then she will pester you until you tell her, and I tell her it does not concern her, she gets upset. 

Anyone here have a nosy kid?  

How do you handle them?  

I WAS your DD, and I didn't grow out of it until I was old enough to understand how rude I was. And even now it's hard.  At recess in school I used to hang out around my teacher trying to listen on their conversations bc I found them much more interesting than BS kids were talking about

My oldest is also very nosy, oy.  All I do is try to get the message across that it's rude to interrupt or hang around and listen on conversations he is not part of.  Nothing has worked yet.

[whoisjohngalt]

Just read Oped's post

Can only speak about myself, obviously, I was never insecure or worried about anything, I just liked (and still do) knowing stuff.  All kinds of stuff

And since kids' stuff were too boring to me, I wanted to know grown up stuff. 

Now that I think about it - when I first started working, I did the same thing with my bosses - their conversation were always much more interesting to me that BS my coworkers had...

Hmmmm, I might have a problem.....

[Deleted]

Well, if its just wanting to know stuff, you keep plugging away at the rude angle till she grows up enough to get it. 

Does she have conversations with friends you can but Into?

But, if she is a worrier and has to know because it causes her distress not too, ie. if not knowing means she's sitting there assuming the worst, then something else might be needed...

[Deleted]

Anyone here have a nosy kid?

How do you handle them?

I always told them to shut up & if I wanted them to know something I would tear off their (TTWAG) ears & hold them closer.

[sheilaincali]

My brother was/is that nosy kid.  As a kid he would constantly interrupt adults, spy on conversations, listen in on phone calls, read other people's mail, etc.  My parents just ignored it was the WRONG answer.  Now as an adult he is just as bad.  If the Boss is having a meeting in his office, DBro will stand in the doorway and listen in.  And that's if he doesn't just walk in and sit down.  Gives his input on everything- most of which has nothing to do with him. 

His problem is that he is very paranoid- he takes after our mother.  He assumes that he has to know absolutely everything that is going on at all times.  It's very annoying when you are trying to have a conversation with the Boss and his jackass son is opening eavesdropping on the entire conversation.

He never learned any social skills that would keep him from interrupting or give him the ability to pick up on normal social ques.

Hopefully you can nip it in the bud now.  Because if she's anything like my brother she won't outgrow it.

[Deleted]

Jul 30, 2013 17:59:10 GMT -5 Cookies Galore said:

I was/am that nosy child. You're screwed.

What she said.  I was so nosy I used to open my Christmas presents then rewrap them and put them back in my father's closet. Can't say it pleased him too much when he found out about that. Started hiding them at other people's houses after that. Damn it.

[zibazinski]

I had a child like that. We started with the "whisper voice" if she needed to talk to me about someone who could possibly hear her. She snooped as well. A few well placed swats cured her of the "buttinsky" routine and finally she started to realize that people didn't like her dad, who has the same traits, and that if she wanted any friends, shed best cool it. She does a lot better.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

I was nosy. I remember my second grade teacher commenting that I was nosy. I was shocked by that. 

DD#1 would get so mad if something appeared in the house without her knowledge. As in if I went the store and there was a new gallon of milk  in the fridge and she didn't go th me shed get ticked. 

She would also get mad when I couldn't tell her the name soothe people in the car in the next lane. So weird is that girl. She s fifteen now and isn't as bad as she use to be. 

I don't have any advice. 

[ZaireinHD]

OH! maybe she needs to focus or keep busy or she is not busy enough and she wonders about the things around her?
so maybe if she gets into some activity (video games I like) then she concentrates on that instead of other stuff.

[Deleted]

My 5 year old does the same thing. I hear 'what are you guys talking about' constantly throughout the day. I don't think it's that big of a deal,
But he does need to be reminded about Interupting to ask his questions.

[Spellbound454]

Not quite the same thing but....

As teacher I see a lot of kids who lack basic social skills. It causes a bit of a problem if you have 30 of them in a class discussion... and a few want to dominate (shouting out) without letting anyone else get a word in.
The rule is,...If someone is speaking, you have the manners to listen to what they are saying... before making your point.
If its really bad, I give them a tennis ball and only the one with the ball is allowed to speak. Or I'll ask a question and let them put up their hand. 
.....Worse still, is when I'm trying to make a teaching point and a child is interrupting. This normally gets accompanied by a fierce glare.
Since every teacher in the School is likely to be doing the same thing, it normally comes out in the wash.

Reaffirming manners, in subtle ways, is something I do all day long.... and its much easier if the kids have already been taught at home.

[Cookies Galore]

Jul 30, 2013 20:20:40 GMT -5 @empressspunkles said:

Jul 30, 2013 17:59:10 GMT -5 Cookies Galore said:

I was/am that nosy child. You're screwed.

What she said.  I was so nosy I used to open my Christmas presents then rewrap them and put them back in my father's closet. Can't say it pleased him too much when he found out about that. Started hiding them at other people's houses after that. Damn it.

Still do! Df keeps gifts at work now.

[thyme4change]

Learning to accept that there are things out there in the world that it was not my place to know was a long, hard road for me.  I wish my mother had done more for me than just ignore me.  I don't know what to tell you, but I suggest a series of talks with maybe a list of questions she could ask herself when curious about someone's conversation:

 - Are they talking to me?
 - Are they talking about me?
 - Are there markers that it is a private conversation?
 - Does it really sound like it matters to me at all?

And then tell her she would have to listen to several minutes of the conversation without saying a word.  If during those minutes, you notice her listening, you can help clue her in.  "Hey sweety, this doesn't concern you."  Good clue on if it is her business or not.  She needs to know that right now she is a cute, annoying child doing it, but as she ages, the consequences will get worse and worse if she doesn't learn to control herself.

Then maybe help her with a checklist of things she can remind herself after she removes herself from the conversation, maybe that she has things that she might not want every single person in the world to know and that if someone else were telling everyone just because they asked, how much it would hurt her.  How do the people who are having the conversation feel about their conversation - was it private, was it personal?  

Also, it took me many years to realize that every conversation wasn't about me. As a Mom, I might say to my kids "I know this is hard for you to understand, but there are things in this world that happen - even things in this house that happen - that have absolutely nothing to do with you.  They wouldn't be any difference if you were never born at all."  I really want my kids to get a little perspective on their place.  

I would suggest that you have some of these conversations during a quiet time, maybe a day or two after an incident of her butting in.  And then have a few "reminders" ready for when it actually happens.  After a few weeks, check back in with her and say "I've noticed you've done a little better, but we still had some incidences of you butting in."  Ask her if she is using the checklists, and ask if there is anything you can do to help her improve further.

I agree that life will have to slap her down for her to really change, but the least you can do is warn her that it will.

[Nazgul Girl]

   My first husband and I used to tell our busy little daughter that we were having a " grown-up talk " when we wre discussing something that she didn't need to be a part of.   We would tell her that when she was a grown-up, she could join into grown-up talks.  

   I used to give her things to think about, such as " how many people in the world do you think are talking to each other right now " and  "how many cows do you think give milk in the United States ? "   I'd also have her write a little "unicorn story."   It would keep her busy for hours.   She would write it, illustrate it, and then read it to us.

    In other words, you have a really clever child, and it would be good to give her little tasks.   It's possible that she wants the comfort of frequent interactions with you since your time with her is precious to her.  

    She's hardwired to be nosy and inquisitive, just like her mother.  

[Deleted]

Kids are very egocentric by nature. It does take them time to learn that every private conversation is not about them.

[thyme4change]

And as she ages, it gets easier and easier to remember to keep the juicy stuff until you are alone with your spouse.

[Deleted]

I think it's somewhat normal to be nosy to a point. It means you're paying attention to the world around you and you want to know what's going on. Hell, my ears still perk up when I hear my boss talk to his boss in hushed tones! My mom tells me pretty much everything now, so I don't have to eavesdrop on her anymore.

[mrsdutt]

This is a common situation with first born children.  They can have a high IQ and think they know more than they do.  They understand book work, but not life.  They hear something an adult says and only have the ability to think it out at their level - with the limited skills that represent that age.  Thus the worry.  Thus the questions.

With that said - and understood- the behavior has to be cut short.  I have seen a child who was never disciplined in this area, and believe me, it's not pretty.

FYI:  I had one and the one I had has one.  Ask your mom if she had one!!!

[whoisjohngalt]

This entire thread is pretty much about me and my 5 yr old. 

BTW, I am an only child and my 5 yr old is the oldest - so birth order might not have anything to do with it.  I don't know.....

I do hope that he learns quicker than I did.

[swamp]

Jul 31, 2013 9:37:03 GMT -5 mrsdutt said:

This is a common situation with first born children.  They can have a high IQ and think they know more than they do.  They understand book work, but not life.  They hear something an adult says and only have the ability to think it out at their level - with the limited skills that represent that age.  Thus the worry.  Thus the questions.

With that said - and understood- the behavior has to be cut short.  I have seen a child who was never disciplined in this area, and believe me, it's not pretty.

FYI:  I had one and the one I had has one.  Ask your mom if she had one!!!

She is the second born.  My mother had one, her first born, my sister.  DD acts exactly like her. 

[swamp]

Jul 30, 2013 23:47:49 GMT -5 @lonewolf said:

Is she actually butting in and interrupting the one speaking or is she simply curious about a lot of things? 

She is butting in and wanting to know who DH and I are talking about, why they did what they did, how they did it, where they did it, etc, etc.   And will keep asking until she gets sent to her room, even though she has been told many times, "this does not concern you, daddy and I are talking about something that does not concern you."

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

My great-grandparents immigrated from Ireland to Montreal.

Hence, my grandmother grew up speaking French Canadian as her native language.

My mother grew up with a native-French-speaking parent and went to a Catholic school where French was taught.

So, when my mother and my grandmother wanted to talk about things without us nosy, buttinsky,kids hearing, they spoke to each other in French.

You and DH just need to speak to each other in French.  

[Deleted]

Jul 31, 2013 13:16:57 GMT -5 swamp said:

Jul 31, 2013 9:37:03 GMT -5 mrsdutt said:

FYI:  I had one and the one I had has one.  Ask your mom if she had one!!!

She is the second born.  My mother had one, her first born, my sister.  DD acts exactly like her. 

Isn't that hard. Some times I catch myself lecturing my daughter when my true target is my sister... I even cll them by he others names sometimes