bookkeeper
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Post by bookkeeper on Jul 9, 2013 7:27:19 GMT -5
My older brother does live nearby and does most of the heavy lifting as far as taking care of our parents. He will make a fine executor and I am named as the follow up executor if anything happens to him. We get along pretty well, and he often asks my advice in financial matters. His wife lost her mother last winter and he is learning how the process works in that state as the wife clears her mother's estate.
I read the wills and living trusts and medical directives when they drew them up 25 years ago. The big change is that farm ground which was worth $800/acre 25 years ago is now worth $9000/acre. The appreciation of their farm has made them wealthy, but does make things more complex in regard to federal estate tax. There is no state estate tax where they live. We are concerned that all assets may not be included in their living trusts, thereby pushing us into probate.
When I read the wills back in the 80's, each of my parents inherited from the other when they passed. The children inherit when the last parent passes. We may be under the $10 M limit for estate tax for a married couple, but we may be over, depending on their investments and the real estate market.
My dad has liquidated some of his gun collection and sold his motorcycle. I have encouraged them to part with things they no longer use or enjoy.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2013 10:26:18 GMT -5
Bookkeeper, You may be worrying needlessly. The important thing is that the real estate is titled into the Trust in order to avoid Probate. Bank/brokerage accounts will pass to the named beneficiaries outside of Probate. When one parent passes, the other will inherit at a stepped up value and no tax is owed. If the total estate is worth $10M when the second parent passes then yeah, the estate will need to pay taxes on the part of the net estate worth over $5,250k in 2013. Here is more info: www.irs.gov/Businesses/Small-Businesses-&-Self-Employed/Estate-TaxETA: And even if the assets aren't titled perfectly it's not the end of the world. Most estate "packages" include a will which has a 'pour over" clause. This means that if your parents didn't include assets specifically given to someone else they intended those assets to be in the Trust. When I settled my mom's estate she forgot to title her little rental house in her Trust's name. That meant we had to make a trip to the Probate court to get approval to be placed in her Trust so I could sell it. It was a pain for sure as it caused a 6 month delay and $2500 in court and atty costs when it could have be easily handled by paying $50-$150 to have her atty do the filing. Enjoy your parents while they are still here and let them know how much you love them. The estate stuff will work itself out.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jul 9, 2013 11:31:31 GMT -5
The things that are most important are designating a POA. And, also a POA regarding medical issues. There is a financial POA and there is a healthcare POA. My mom had a financial POA but when she went into the nursing home they asked about some type of medical POA which she didn't have. Not really sure what that entails but it didnt' prevent me from being able to make her medical decisions. In terms of estate, i think it is best to just leave everything in their name. After my dad died, mom wanted to title the house to my sis or me. It was an old house, not worth much and i told her that she didnt' need to do that. She did anyway, and then when she sold the house we had to send documents back and forth for the closing to my sis who lives several states away. So, there was no real advantage to that. As for protecting assets due to medical costs, there is a 5 year Look Back for Medicare. If someone goes into a home, you simply cannot just move or transfer assets to the children. But, if they are healthy and not is this position they could start gifting money if they choose too.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jul 10, 2013 1:20:17 GMT -5
I wrote my dad a letter last night, telling him how much he means to me and how much I appreciate him. I haven't dome anything with it yet, but definitely plan to. I'm glad I wrote it. Hugs to all~
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on Jul 10, 2013 7:07:12 GMT -5
Are your parents the kind that won't talk about death or funerals or anything? My dad never did so my mom didn't know what kind of service to have. When my mom was diagnosed with cancer, I know it was hard for her. But she did pick out the dress she wanted to be buried in, picked out her pallbearers, the music and speakers. And it took a lot off of us. But she always was a thoughtful person.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 10, 2013 7:26:40 GMT -5
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on Jul 10, 2013 7:35:52 GMT -5
Which reminds me, I need to get my obituary written. After that, DH will have everything he needs when I kick the bucket.
And he wants nothing.
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bookkeeper
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Post by bookkeeper on Jul 10, 2013 8:17:33 GMT -5
My mom is your church-basement kind of lady. She has her entire service spelled out and written down and in the safe with her will. My dad refuses to discuss any of it. He never has liked to talk about anyone's eventual demise, much less his own. Mom wants a stone somewhere, dad could care less.
Just an update, Dad had his urinary stents replaced yesterday and sounded pretty good on the phone. The anesthesia always makes him into a loveable person for around 12 hours. Mom was pooped after all day at the clinic. I worry that she will get run down caring for him and have an accident or illness that puts them both down for the count.
One day at a time seems like the best advice. I have to constantly remind the two of them to drink water, stay hydrated and eat soft food when they are post op or not feeling well.
Why do elderly people not want to drink water? Many of their problems circle back to dehydration. I have encouraged both of them to drink a Gatorade every day to help with hydration.
On a personal note, I have been drinking a Gatorade every day this summer and I have noticed about a 50% reduction in the hot flashes and have been sleeping much better. Apparently I was short on some minerals as well.
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whoami
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Post by whoami on Jul 10, 2013 10:26:36 GMT -5
Whoami your MIL may have dementia. When my mom first started down that path, she became like your MIL - she refused to make decisions on what she wanted, but she would become furious if someone made a decision for her. It's tragic. And it's hard for those of us who deal with her, because she's frequently angry and argumentative. I don't know what they pay the assisted living employees, but it isn't enough. I would agree if her behavior was somehow different than her usual MO....but it really isn't. Its her way..that's it and everyone else can go pound sand. Its sad because other than DH...there really isn't anyone else who is willing to put up with it. Been that way for years.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Jul 12, 2013 7:45:55 GMT -5
Whoami your MIL may have dementia. When my mom first started down that path, she became like your MIL - she refused to make decisions on what she wanted, but she would become furious if someone made a decision for her. It's tragic. And it's hard for those of us who deal with her, because she's frequently angry and argumentative. I don't know what they pay the assisted living employees, but it isn't enough. I would agree if her behavior was somehow different than her usual MO....but it really isn't. Its her way..that's it and everyone else can go pound sand. Its sad because other than DH...there really isn't anyone else who is willing to put up with it. Been that way for years. Well, my mom was always fairly difficult, too, very opinionated and controlling. What was new with the dementia is she can no longer make decisions. I think in a way she is afraid she'll make the wrong decision and then she'll be stuck with the results. So now she refuses to make them, and then when she is unhappy with the results she can complain freely, because she wasn't the one that made the decision. It is very hard. Lately, though, with the progression of the dementia, she's actually inhabiting a kind of alternative reality where she has a boyfriend, goes to parties all the time, goes to lunches with her imaginary girlfriends, attends imaginary concerts, and has her own maids (the people that work at the assisted living facility.) So about 3/4 of the time she's fairly content and happy, living in her own world, and the other 1/4 of the time she's yelling at us and the workers at the facility...
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on Jul 13, 2013 8:39:10 GMT -5
bookkeeper, I hope you can ask your parents to either leave a note to explain why they made any decisions or to tell you why they decided certain things. My mother had asked my sister to be the executor, she said 'no'. Later she started talking to me about it and I said 'no' before she could ask. But I was listed on her checking account so I would have had some say so if the executor had tried to pull a fast one. So she asked my brother to take her to an attorney, he did, not knowing why. Once there she told the atty to put bro as executor. Bro was fair, sis didn't question his decisions and I used the money in the bank to pay doctor's bills that came in after she passed, power and gas bills and homeowners insurance.
FIL on the other hand made some decisions that still leave us wondering after almost 2 years. And since it works in someone else's favor, they aren't willing to share any info. Hurtful to say the least. And again, manipulation from the grave.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jul 13, 2013 14:16:48 GMT -5
My mom is your church-basement kind of lady. She has her entire service spelled out and written down and in the safe with her will. My dad refuses to discuss any of it. He never has liked to talk about anyone's eventual demise, much less his own. Mom wants a stone somewhere, dad could care less. Just an update, Dad had his urinary stents replaced yesterday and sounded pretty good on the phone. The anesthesia always makes him into a loveable person for around 12 hours. Mom was pooped after all day at the clinic. I worry that she will get run down caring for him and have an accident or illness that puts them both down for the count. One day at a time seems like the best advice. I have to constantly remind the two of them to drink water, stay hydrated and eat soft food when they are post op or not feeling well. Why do elderly people not want to drink water? Many of their problems circle back to dehydration. I have encouraged both of them to drink a Gatorade every day to help with hydration. On a personal note, I have been drinking a Gatorade every day this summer and I have noticed about a 50% reduction in the hot flashes and have been sleeping much better. Apparently I was short on some minerals as well. I hate water. Yuck! I have started carrying a drink with me most of the time, to avoid dehydration. Wow. Did you have to drink it for a week or two before you noticed the improvements? I think I'll give the Gatorade a try. It sounds promising! Thanks for the tip!
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bookkeeper
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Post by bookkeeper on Jul 13, 2013 15:46:52 GMT -5
After a week, I knew for sure it was the Gatorade making the difference. I still have a few warmer moments, but I find the sports drink has really helped.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jul 13, 2013 16:57:25 GMT -5
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