did I do okay?

[Deleted]

I just had someone come to me (not a direct report, but someone we work with in an adjacent department) with an issue.  Not a problem, except that I explained to them TWICE already that they weren't looking at the documents properly.  So I again showed them in person what to look for and they STILL said "no, that's not what I'm seeing."  I think my voice rose a little bit each time I responded, but I tried my best to keep it in check.  I also tried to insert a little humor/laughter into the conversation but I think they could tell that I was getting really annoyed.  We ended up figuring out what (we think) the issue is.  

The exchange ended up going alright, but I am having a hard time with keeping my emotions/temper in check when I am faced with these types of situations.  Did I do alright?  How do you managers handle situations like these?  Or heck, how do any of you handle it (when you know that you are right, the other person is wrong, and they are repeatedly oblivious to their mistake)?

[genericname]

Sounds like you did fine to me. Much better than I would have. I just get annoyed and take over the project myself. Not the right way to handle things, but that's also why I would never want to be a manager, haha!

[jeffreymo]

I had a similar interaction with my boss yesterday.  I had been working with a couple of others to document a flaw in a system that I've known about for a while, but needed documentation to convince my manager who is a "the system is always right" type of person.  If it were someone with a more open attitude, this would've taken a week or two, but because it was this specific manager I knew that it would take more evidence to convince - and because of some dynamics in the office and other important projects it's taken 4 months.  I also had to raise my voice before the boss took me seriously.  My "educated" guess as to what the problem is will probably be the answer, and once again I will get to hear my manager say "you were right about that".

I've had 2 other similar issues with this boss, and it's taken me a long time to convince them each time.  I tip-toe into the conversation, and then follow up multiple times starting with "I think there might be a problem" and ending with "I know there is a problem and I'm confident I can fix it".  Like I said, other managers are much more on the same wavelength as me and we get things done much more efficiently.

[Deleted]

Be happy they came to you and sat still until you could make yourself clear to them. Remember from their perspective, up until the moment they were able to see what you saw it was you that wasn't getting it so they were keeping their cool too. And one day it is going to be you just not getting it and you want to have good karma on your side that day.

[Deleted]

At that point, I ask them if they want to make printouts to take notes on....for them to reference later. Cause sometimes I'm on vacation, you know?

[Tiny]

I think you did ok... no matter what the 'pros' to this exchange were that you were aware of your behavior and you were trying to change it/control it and now that it's done you are reviewing it in order to see if you can be better in the future (what worked/what didn't work). That's all very positive and more than most people can do!

Or heck, how do any of you handle it (when you know that you are right, the other person is wrong, and they are repeatedly oblivious to their mistake)?

I'm at the point where I've stopped thinking in terms of 'right' or 'wrong' with my job. Mind you, in my work life (and increasingly in my personal life) there are almost always more than one solution/answer to any given problem - some better than others - but still viable solutions/answers. Yes,I do acknowledge that sometimes there absolutely is only one right answer/solution in the work place but I suspect most stuff falls into a gray area. Just saying - I've tried to disengage the 'right/wrong' response from my line of thinking when dealing with most stuff. It makes it easier for me to 'think outside the box'.

OK, that said, it's a big red flag when I find that I (or the person I'm am working with) repeats the exact same thing as an answer/response twice in a row - but there is still confusion. It means I need to either ask different questions or approach a problem from a different point of view. If I have to I may try to lead the person who's not getting it 'down the path' by breaking down or expanding on parts in an attempt to figure out what part they aren't getting. Sometimes I need to be led 'down the path' by someone in order to see what they are seeing/saying. Sometimes we're looking at the same Elephant -just from two different ends. Sometimes being led 'down the path' causes both of us to realize we're both alittle off in our 'answers' OR turns up a bigger badder issue that needs to be addressed (ie the current problem is a symptom of something bigger and unseen).

Again, my 'work' isn't about doing the same things by rote (which would have an obvious right/wrong way to do things). I suspect that things get handled differently depending on type of work one does.

That's my approach when I'm confronted with someone who 'isn't getting it' or who thinks something they've done is 'right/ok' but has caused a problem further downstream.

[violagirl]

Have you done any reading about how to talk to different personality types? Everyone approaches things differently. I often approach problems from a completely different direction than everyone else and it takes awhile for me to figure out that my manager and I are actually talking about the same thing - I just went about solving it a different way. I don't do well with instructions over the phone, I need to hear it in person or on paper. Preferably with diagrams. And it can SEEM like I am not getting it, but i need the big picture before I understand the little picture, so it takes me awhile to process things. 

[toomuchreality]

Jul 2, 2013 9:46:21 GMT -5 @justaposter said:

Be happy they came to you and sat still until you could make yourself clear to them. Remember from their perspective, up until the moment they were able to see what you saw it was you that wasn't getting it so they were keeping their cool too. And one day it is going to be you just not getting it and you want to have good karma on your side that day.

Good thoughts! 

[Deleted]

Us managers bottle it up inside until review time when we let it out.

[Deleted]

How do you managers handle situations like these? Or heck, how do any of you handle it (when you know that you are right, the other person is wrong, and they are repeatedly oblivious to their mistake)?

I generally get mad & use the F word if I feel that they are being stupid on purpose.

If I feel that they really are stupid then I tend to let it go. I have been sucked in a few times trying to explain something to someone that doesn't have the IQ of a box of rocks but every time I do I find it's a waste of time.

[resolution]

Jul 2, 2013 19:40:30 GMT -5 violagirl said:

Have you done any reading about how to talk to different personality types? Everyone approaches things differently. I often approach problems from a completely different direction than everyone else and it takes awhile for me to figure out that my manager and I are actually talking about the same thing - I just went about solving it a different way. I don't do well with instructions over the phone, I need to hear it in person or on paper. Preferably with diagrams. And it can SEEM like I am not getting it, but i need the big picture before I understand the little picture, so it takes me awhile to process things. 

You might want to look into different learning styles as well as personality types. The most common model of learning styles for adults is called VARK. V = visual, A = auditory, R = reading, K = kinesthetic. If someone isn't getting it from a verbal conversation, try laying it out in a diagram or typing out an outline of how it should work to appeal to a visual/reading person. If that doesn't do it, try for the kinesthetic - hands on where that person performs the task while you walk them through it.

[Abby Normal]

So I again showed them in person what to look for and they STILL said "no, that's not what I'm seeing."

One of the owner's sons does this to me all the time.  He is such an idiot sometimes and it's really hard not to beat him over the head.  I generally find that if I talk completely over his head, rather than try to explain it so he actually understands, he'll give up and go away.  It's just easier sometimes.