Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jun 26, 2013 12:59:23 GMT -5
A bottle of wine...perhaps a nice crisp pinot grigio? ^This and I agree with Archie about the plant. Have you been to their home before? If they like plants indoors I'd get them something low maintenance that requires little light or water. If they don't have indoor plants (or allergies) I'd get something that could go outside that adds color. Have fun at the party and I agree to never show up empty handed.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 26, 2013 13:01:35 GMT -5
Its good manners to bring a gift to someone who is hosting an event for you. Something I have noticed sadly lacking in the Midwest where I am. In the south, you'd be a pig if you showed up empty handed. I even write thank you notes afterward. I'm not sure drinking up all the booze you bring is very nice but it's better, I suppose than drinking up all theirs if you arrive empty handed. You may be right about bringing cut flowers but they don't have to be immediately arranged and watered.
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Jun 26, 2013 13:01:47 GMT -5
DH and I just hosted a party Saturday night, and most people brought bottles of wine, and all but one bottle was opened and consumed that night. In the past, guests have brought a bouquet of flowers, and a special vodka blend because they know vodka is my drink of choice. ETA: If it were my boss, I'd find out what he/she and/or his DH/DW prefers to drink. I want to attend your parties!
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Jun 26, 2013 13:07:11 GMT -5
Its good manners to bring a gift to someone who is hosting an event for you. Something I have noticed sadly lacking in the Midwest where I am. In the south, you'd be a pig if you showed up empty handed. I even write thank you notes afterward. I'm not sure drinking up all the booze you bring is very nice but it's better, I suppose than drinking up all theirs if you arrive empty handed. You may be right about bringing cut flowers but they don't have to be immediately arranged and watered. I was born and raised in Texas and moved to Chicago at 25. I am baffled at how many people show up empty handed to someone's home. Where I come from, that just is not done! lucky for me, a good portion of my friends are transplants with proper manners. But I've attended a few dinner parties where I was the only person to bring something and the host was baffled as to why I brought wine. I used to write thank you notes as well... but don't do that very often now. Too many people here think it is just so strange and I rarely receive them myself... even when attending showers and such! My granny is probably turning over in her grave.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 26, 2013 13:13:39 GMT -5
gifts being a PITA? please feel free to send all the gifts to me There's no reason the host should feel obligated to open all the wine bottles brought to an event. That's just silly. I always bring wine and never expect the bottle to be open. If i do expect to be able to drink what I've brought, I bring one for opening and one for the host. Can I send you a 2 pound bowl of bean dip? There have been times that I put the bottle down, and the person who brought it immediately ran over and popped it open - so I can't say that everyone follows the same rules. No matter what I do, I feel like I do it wrong. It isn't that the gift is a pain, it is just that I am not sure what people are expecting. So, I really like the idea of bringing wine and saying "You can enjoy this later." That way, I don't feel guilt for waiting until the other 3 bottles are gone before opening the gift wine.
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Jun 26, 2013 13:22:27 GMT -5
gifts being a PITA? please feel free to send all the gifts to me There's no reason the host should feel obligated to open all the wine bottles brought to an event. That's just silly. I always bring wine and never expect the bottle to be open. If i do expect to be able to drink what I've brought, I bring one for opening and one for the host. Can I send you a 2 pound bowl of bean dip? There have been times that I put the bottle down, and the person who brought it immediately ran over and popped it open - so I can't say that everyone follows the same rules. No matter what I do, I feel like I do it wrong. It isn't that the gift is a pain, it is just that I am not sure what people are expecting. So, I really like the idea of bringing wine and saying "You can enjoy this later." That way, I don't feel guilt for waiting until the other 3 bottles are gone before opening the gift wine. I'd just go by the general rule that a bottle isn't to be automatically opened. If someone wants to open it fine, but that doesn't mean you have to open every bottle. If someone gets offended that you didn't automatically open a bottle that they brought, well that person is an A$$ and you probably don't want them at your next party! as for the bean dip. I'd send it home with whoever brought it. if they refused, I'd politely inform them that while I'd love to have it, I wouldn't have the space and would likely be forced to throw it out, which I'd hate, so it really is better if they take it home. If they refuse, I toss it. But then again most of good friends know me and my honesty and aren't offended when I bluntly say "I'm not going to eat it so take it home or it gets tossed"
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Iggy aka IG
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Post by Iggy aka IG on Jun 26, 2013 13:31:54 GMT -5
DH and I just hosted a party Saturday night, and most people brought bottles of wine, and all but one bottle was opened and consumed that night. In the past, guests have brought a bouquet of flowers, and a special vodka blend because they know vodka is my drink of choice. ETA: If it were my boss, I'd find out what he/she and/or his DH/DW prefers to drink. I want to attend your parties! Come on over, SG! The more the merrier!
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drivingaround
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Post by drivingaround on Jun 26, 2013 14:15:52 GMT -5
I don't know about the whole not bringing a gift is poor manners. As a host I invited you to MY home to enjoy MY food/drinks/company and do not want you to bring something unless I've specifically asked. Sure a bottle of wine or flowers are always nice but I'd rather you just come and enjoy. Especially with a group of 50, I've planned ahead and ensured we have adequate offerings. Why is it rude to show up up to a place you've been invited without a gift? I don't get it.
As a guest I struggle with showing up empty handed even after my comments above. I want to show I appreciate the invite and want to be there however when the host has said don't bring anything just come I have to assume they are sincere and not passive aggressive. With my group it is very clear when everyone's contributing versus one family completely hosting.
If kids are there and it's a pool party you could always buy a few cheap inflatables/pool games at the dollar store.
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milee
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Post by milee on Jun 26, 2013 14:19:08 GMT -5
When the host says not to bring anything, s/he is clarifying that the party/dinner is not pot luck and that s/he is providing all food, drink and help.
That's a completely different issue than whether you as a guest should bring a small gift to the host. Even if it's not potluck, it's still considered polite to bring a small host gift. Doesn't have to be fancy and isn't to help with the party, it's a gift for the host.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 26, 2013 14:22:01 GMT -5
I was born and raised in Texas and moved to Chicago at 25. I am baffled at how many people show up empty handed to someone's home. Where I come from, that just is not done! lucky for me, a good portion of my friends are transplants with proper manners. LOL - So, on this board every wedding and shower is a rude-ass, selfish gift grab, and the proper thing to do is bring a gift to every party you go to. Ergo, every time I invite someone over to eat a taco and go for a swim, it must be that my wine rack is empty, and I don't even like you - I just want you to buy me some wine. I am such a bitch! How dare I invite someone over.
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milee
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Post by milee on Jun 26, 2013 14:29:37 GMT -5
Thyme, I think the truth is that to be a good host and guest each has to do more than 50% of the work. The host ideally needs to be gracious in not expecting gifts, making a good effort to ensure everybody enjoys themself and understanding that not everybody has the same customs. The guest ideally needs to be gracious in bringing a thoughtful (note I didn't say expensive) gift and trying to be flexible with whatever hospitality is offered. If everybody tries, it works.
Sometimes a host or guest will step outside the bounds of what the other is expecting, but if both are trying in good faith, it's OK. The advice most people offer here are along the lines of being conservative and trying your best whichever end you're on.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 26, 2013 14:42:53 GMT -5
Nah - it is a shakedown. Bring me wine or else.
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Jun 26, 2013 15:36:48 GMT -5
I was born and raised in Texas and moved to Chicago at 25. I am baffled at how many people show up empty handed to someone's home. Where I come from, that just is not done! lucky for me, a good portion of my friends are transplants with proper manners. LOL - So, on this board every wedding and shower is a rude-ass, selfish gift grab, and the proper thing to do is bring a gift to every party you go to. Ergo, every time I invite someone over to eat a taco and go for a swim, it must be that my wine rack is empty, and I don't even like you - I just want you to buy me some wine. I am such a bitch! How dare I invite someone over. inviting someone to eat a taco means they should bring tequila and an invite for a swim means vodka. DUH.
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Jun 26, 2013 15:47:22 GMT -5
I don't know about the whole not bringing a gift is poor manners. As a host I invited you to MY home to enjoy MY food/drinks/company and do not want you to bring something unless I've specifically asked. Sure a bottle of wine or flowers are always nice but I'd rather you just come and enjoy. Especially with a group of 50, I've planned ahead and ensured we have adequate offerings. Why is it rude to show up up to a place you've been invited without a gift? I don't get it.
As a guest I struggle with showing up empty handed even after my comments above. I want to show I appreciate the invite and want to be there however when the host has said don't bring anything just come I have to assume they are sincere and not passive aggressive. With my group it is very clear when everyone's contributing versus one family completely hosting.
If kids are there and it's a pool party you could always buy a few cheap inflatables/pool games at the dollar store. I can't explain why it is rude to go empty handed. When your southern granny drills that into your head, you don't ask questions. and I should clarify that I don't expect people to bring things to ME... DH and I have a overflowing bar and I keep my wine rack stocked with all my favorites for emergencies. however I will never show up empty handed and if i go to a dinner party at a friend's home, I find it rude when others bring nothing for them. But I live in a land where I am generally the only person on the train that offers my seat to a pregnant woman, I hold doors for other people and am polite to strangers. this means i get to be a judgmental asshole to those who can't spring for a $10 bottle or wine from trader joes!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 26, 2013 15:51:20 GMT -5
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jun 26, 2013 16:06:24 GMT -5
Nah - it is a shakedown. Bring me wine or else. LOL. I think if you are in a group that regularly goes to each other's homes the hostess gift thing would get old and expensive. I grew up with most of the social events being at the same four or five families homes. I think it was just cheaper and less of a pain to not do the hostess gift thing. For rarer invites like to the bosses' house I might do the bottle of wine ... but then with 50 people if twenty folks bring a bottle of wine perhaps the boss will like the few that don't better?
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Jun 26, 2013 16:15:43 GMT -5
Nah - it is a shakedown. Bring me wine or else. LOL. I think if you are in a group that regularly goes to each other's homes the hostess gift thing would get old and expensive. I grew up with most of the social events being at the same four or five families homes. I think it was just cheaper and less of a pain to not do the hostess gift thing. For rarer invites like to the bosses' house I might do the bottle of wine ... but then with 50 people if twenty folks bring a bottle of wine perhaps the boss will like the few that don't better? my social events are usually with the same circle of people and a $10-$15 bottle of wine doesn't get old or expensive. EVER.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 26, 2013 16:16:44 GMT -5
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 26, 2013 16:19:49 GMT -5
Don't get me wrong - I've never turned down a bottle of wine. I just don't like when they are ambiguous about the intention of the wine. Especially when it is a potluck, and they bring a bowl of potato salad and a bottle of wine. Is one for the potluck, and one for the hostess, or are they both for the potluck?
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jun 26, 2013 16:37:04 GMT -5
LOL. I think if you are in a group that regularly goes to each other's homes the hostess gift thing would get old and expensive. I grew up with most of the social events being at the same four or five families homes. I think it was just cheaper and less of a pain to not do the hostess gift thing. For rarer invites like to the bosses' house I might do the bottle of wine ... but then with 50 people if twenty folks bring a bottle of wine perhaps the boss will like the few that don't better? my social events are usually with the same circle of people and a $10-$15 bottle of wine doesn't get old or expensive. EVER. Growing up Dad's beer was Coors and his celebration wine was Andre's Cold Duck. Alcohol wasn't often a part of the regular multi-family gatherings. My family was nowhere near that $10-$15 bottle of wine equivalent. Or if they were it was pre-kids.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jun 26, 2013 16:39:16 GMT -5
Don't get me wrong - I've never turned down a bottle of wine. I just don't like when they are ambiguous about the intention of the wine. Especially when it is a potluck, and they bring a bowl of potato salad and a bottle of wine. Is one for the potluck, and one for the hostess, or are they both for the potluck? Well ... the potato salad is for the potluck. You could always ask their intentions for the wine. (At least here you don't seem like Thyme the shy retiring don't ask hostess. )
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jun 26, 2013 16:42:54 GMT -5
LOL. I think if you are in a group that regularly goes to each other's homes the hostess gift thing would get old and expensive. I grew up with most of the social events being at the same four or five families homes. I think it was just cheaper and less of a pain to not do the hostess gift thing. For rarer invites like to the bosses' house I might do the bottle of wine ... but then with 50 people if twenty folks bring a bottle of wine perhaps the boss will like the few that don't better? my social events are usually with the same circle of people and a $10-$15 bottle of wine doesn't get old or expensive. EVER. I've had hostesses ask me if I want the bottle opened even after I say "I brought you a little something" as I hand it to them. I usually have a bottle for me too and tell them "It's for you so do as you wish. Keep it for later or serve it now or if you get low." It's just not that big of a deal. We almost always bring food too unless we are coming from somewhere else. Wine won't spoil before you get there. I think it's rude to bring cut flowers that require the hostess to get up from her meal to find a vase, etc. Especially if the person insisted that she do it who brought them. I'd hand them back and say "You do it. I'm eating and you're late." I wonder how I have any friends at all!
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 26, 2013 16:46:20 GMT -5
Well, one thing I do know - the next time I have my closest 3 neighbors over, I will require them to bring a bottle of wine for entry. Sheesh, the 7 of us polished off every bottle of wine in all 4 of our houses. I had like 3 bottles, thinking we would have a couple drinks, have some dinner and retire to our own homes. Instead, we sat there and pounded all night. I've had less empties after parties with 30 people.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jun 26, 2013 16:51:14 GMT -5
I finally noticed in the OP you said it was going to be hot. It may be too late, but I find lots of people like the various flavors of Mike's Hard Lemonade. Tell they can save for another hot day or serve them.
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Jun 26, 2013 17:08:58 GMT -5
Well, one thing I do know - the next time I have my closest 3 neighbors over, I will require them to bring a bottle of wine for entry. Sheesh, the 7 of us polished off every bottle of wine in all 4 of our houses. I had like 3 bottles, thinking we would have a couple drinks, have some dinner and retire to our own homes. Instead, we sat there and pounded all night. I've had less empties after parties with 30 people. pfffft! if they were GOOD neighbor's they'd already know to bring the wine!
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 26, 2013 17:11:57 GMT -5
They did. And we drank all the wine I had, and all the wine they brought, and then everyone had to scatter like rats to get more. It was a great night. I feel so lucky to have a group of neighbors like that.
ETA - I guess I should have said TWO bottles for entry. I meant a bottle for each person. But everyone brought a bottle per couple.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jun 26, 2013 17:16:34 GMT -5
Just do like we do and have a sign made for your front yard. I thought the HOA kept removing it but then I found it at my girlfriend's house when I was out walking.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 26, 2013 17:22:08 GMT -5
What did the sign say? Was it this one? or this one?
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jun 26, 2013 17:23:28 GMT -5
You're my girlfriend! I mean... I don't know what happened to those signs you had in your yard. Mine said "Bring me wine or else".
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jun 26, 2013 18:19:35 GMT -5
LOL - So, on this board every wedding and shower is a rude-ass, selfish gift grab, and the proper thing to do is bring a gift to every party you go to. Ergo, every time I invite someone over to eat a taco and go for a swim, it must be that my wine rack is empty, and I don't even like you - I just want you to buy me some wine. I am such a bitch! How dare I invite someone over. inviting someone to eat a taco means they should bring tequila and an invite for a swim means vodka. DUH. Would you like to come over for tacos in the pool?
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