thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 17, 2013 16:51:03 GMT -5
The divorce rate is 50%, according to statistics.
My friend said she didn't know ANYONE who was divorced growing up. So, she has a hard time understand who those 50% are. I don't think she believes that statistic.
I'm now going through a stage where my friend's marriages are breaking up at an alarming rate, so that 50% number is getting close to a reality for me.
What is your perceived rate of divorce in your group? If you think about all the adults you know, what percentage of them are divorced? If you didn't know the rate was 50%, what would you guess it to be?
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jun 17, 2013 16:56:41 GMT -5
Well most of my friends my age are just getting married/married less than 5 years. I was the first of my group of close college/high school friends to tie the knot. One set of friends from high school are divorced and have been for a relatively long time - 4+ years, only married 7.5 years ago and have a little girl together. But they are the only ones my age Of my side of the family, only my cousin is divorced. One BIL, one SIL, and my Aunt-in-law are all divorced, but I would say the divorce rate among those I hang out with/know is like 10%. Maybe add in acquaintances and we are are looking at 25%, but nowhere near 50%.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 17, 2013 17:00:08 GMT -5
Thanks for putting in your general age group. That helps a lot.
When I was in high school, so many of my friends had divorced parents. But when I was 20-something, I probably would have said that I really didn't know anyone who was divorced.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Jun 17, 2013 17:00:18 GMT -5
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 17, 2013 17:08:25 GMT -5
My father has been divorced 5 times. You get 5 stable marriages for him alone.
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vonna
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Post by vonna on Jun 17, 2013 18:55:25 GMT -5
Well, I'm the only one of my high school and college friends to get divorced, so I would estimate pretty low from personal experience. I am now happily remarried (almost 10 years now), and don't know anyone (well) locally that has been divorced.
My son, from my first marriage, just graduated high school, and has only had a handful of friends over the years (and we moved often due to my military career) that have divorced parents.
We have an 8 year old daughter as well -- none of her friends have divorced parents.
So, compared to my friends, I was a failure in the marriage dept.. on the first go, but I REALLY got it right the second time around. And my kids have dealt with some prejudice from a few of their friend's parents when they discover I have been divorced.
My son just recently shared with me that he has been insulted several times over the years by well-meaning people trying to offer sympathy that his parents are divorced. His words : "I don't want their sympathy, and I don't want to have to explain anything to them. But, I think they come across as pompous when they think my life would have been better if you would have stayed married to my dad. They don't know anything about him."
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Jun 18, 2013 9:29:05 GMT -5
Well, I'm on marriage #2 so I guess my experience is 50%. We don't have too many divorces in our circle of friends (8-15 years of marriage). I'd put the divorce rate amongst our social circle at <10%. I agree that serial divorcers can really skew the stats.
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doxieluvr
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Post by doxieluvr on Jun 18, 2013 9:42:08 GMT -5
The divorce rate is 50%, according to statistics. My friend said she didn't know ANYONE who was divorced growing up. So, she has a hard time understand who those 50% are. I don't think she believes that statistic. I'm now going through a stage where my friend's marriages are breaking up at an alarming rate, so that 50% number is getting close to a reality for me. What is your perceived rate of divorce in your group? If you think about all the adults you know, what percentage of them are divorced? If you didn't know the rate was 50%, what would you guess it to be? Divorce rates are actually around 40% now.
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jeffreymo
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Post by jeffreymo on Jun 18, 2013 9:48:19 GMT -5
I'd guess 10%. I know 2 friends/family that have divorced, but alot of people I work with have been. I've been sheltered most of my life from divorce because most of my friends/family are Catholic. Many, many of my friends are mid to late 30's and have trouble with commitment so they have no interest in getting married.
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Jun 18, 2013 9:48:26 GMT -5
I knew of 2 people that I worked with that were divorced 7 times each. Current job I have coworker that is on marriage 5 (and to here him talk probably heading for divorce 5)
I understand that people make mistakes. But at some point don't you have to think that the problem is you (maybe on marriage 4 or 5).
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doxieluvr
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Post by doxieluvr on Jun 18, 2013 9:50:02 GMT -5
Most of my friends are not from divorced homes. I am the only divorcee in my family. I was the first of friends to divorce, but several have followed suit. These would be couples that got married in early twenties and divorced by mid thirties.
My dh is from a broken home. He has lots of issues pent up from his parents divorce. He has many more, because his parents just happen to be idiots. Divorced idiots. Not a great combination.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Jun 18, 2013 9:52:18 GMT -5
I'm 39 and among my friends and aquaintances I know of 3 people who have divorced, all without children. In my daughter's pre-K class, I believe there was only one young unmarried mother; she was probably 25 with a 5 year old daughter. Everyone else was married (with the exception of the gay couple). My MIL ran a home daycare for many years and she commented once about how sad it is that all those children were living in such dysfunctional situations and she was concerned that my daughters were being exposed to these lifestyles. She was very shocked when I told her that the parents were married, college-educated and in their 30s and 40s. We were visiting my in-laws last week and my almost 5 year old was for the first time exposed to two children whose parents are no longer married and don't live together. She was clearly confused and kept asking why.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2013 9:57:38 GMT -5
None of my close friends growing up had parents that were divorced, none of parents friends were ever divorced, and there is only 1 person in my extended family that is divorced (Uncle that had 2 divorces).
I’ve been married 10 years and I’m 35, but most of my friends are right around 5-8 years of marriage and none of my friends that I see regularly are divorced. Also, none of my wife’s close friends are divorced either. And nobody in my wife’s extended family is divorced.
My wife is also a 4th grade teacher and she says that, out of a class of 20-25, there is maybe 1 kid in the class whose parents are divorced.
So I’m kinda with your friend in that I do find that number hard to believe. However, like others have said, I’m sure it’s dependent on the area and the numbers are skewed due to people divorcing a few times. My town is kinda mayberry-esque.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Jun 18, 2013 9:58:31 GMT -5
I'm 28 and my parents divorced when I was 5. My dad and stepmom divorced when I was 20. My dad is 53 and most of my family his age have all been divorced at least once and some more than that.
My mom and her two siblings are all on their second marriage. Aunt/uncle have good, happy marriages this time around, my mom not so much.
A handful of good friends around my age are divorced.
My grandparents on my dad's side were married for 60 years. My grandpa died 3 months before their 61st anniversary. All of their siblings were married once and death did them part or they are still married.
My oldest stepbrother has been married for 30 years.
I think everyone in my office is still on their first marriage.
When I was growing up, a lot of kids didn't have divorced parents. When I hit junior high, the divorces started piling up and they were ugly.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jun 18, 2013 10:08:12 GMT -5
We had 5 people stand up at our wedding. Two of the five were married, and they are now divorced. But there were issues-one chose to marry an alcoholic that was not interested in recovery. The other ended up marrying some one with mental illness that negatively affected the marriage.
Our sitter is the same age as us, and she divorced a few years ago.
My oldest is 9. I think last year, one of his class mate's parents divorced.
There's a chance DH and I can end up divorced.
We're not even 40 yet.
I would say half of the people I work closely with that are older (50-60s) are divorced. One of my superiors just got divorced a few years ago, right as he was turning 60.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 18, 2013 10:13:59 GMT -5
I seemed to be the only kid who didn't come from a divorced home in middle school and high school based on comments I'd get from other students. I'd guess the rate to be way higher than 50% back then.
Most people my age I know aren't married yet and a lot don't plan to be at the moment. My friend is a divorcee, she divorced her HS sweetheart and is now "engaged" to her baby daddy. I know one former friend who is divorced.
Out of people I know that are DH's age the only person I know who has been divorced is my BIL.
Several of my mom's cousins have been divorced several times over, they're in their mid-late 50's.
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steph08
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Post by steph08 on Jun 18, 2013 10:22:10 GMT -5
From my high school days, I can only recall 3 kids who had divorced parents.
Now - I only know of one person my age (27) who has been divorced. And that happened about 6 months after the wedding. I guess for the 10 years before that, she didn't know he had cheated on her multiple times.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 18, 2013 10:31:05 GMT -5
We had 5 people stand up at our wedding. Two of the five were married, and they are now divorced. We had 6 people stand up at our wedding. Only one of them is married to their first spouse. But, to be fair, two of them were already divorced when they came to our wedding. One of the previously divorced gals got remarried and divorced again. The other one is happily married to her second husband. Two of our wedding party were married to each other, so I don't know if I can count that divorce twice. One is married to first wife (and I have no idea why.) And the last one is a terminal bachelor.
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Queen of Interesting Nuts
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on Jun 18, 2013 10:37:40 GMT -5
My DD in elementary school found all the divorced children. So many times they would be sad because they wanted mommy. I became a substitute mommy for them.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 18, 2013 10:54:49 GMT -5
All the kids I know that have divorced parents still have a mommy. I'm surprised to hear that so many were totally abandoned by their mother and you have so many single fathers.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2013 11:04:40 GMT -5
I graduated high school in 2000. Seemed to be a pretty even 50/50 split among my friends' parents growing up.
Somtimes, you just don't know a person was married before. We (the grandkids) did not know that our grandmother was married previously until after she died. Going through her photographs, I came across once of a young man in military uniform (Air Force; my grandfather was in the Navy). I asked my aunt about it and she thought that it must be Jack, my grandmother's first husband. Apparently he thought it was ok to beat her up; she kicked his ass to the curb and requested a transfer overseas (she was in the Air Force, too). She was transferred to France, where she met and married my grandfather. Their kids didn't know about it until they were in their 40s.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jun 18, 2013 11:19:37 GMT -5
Growing up, I was one of only a handful of kids I knew whose parents were divorced (this was around 1998). As an adult, if I had no idea of the actual divorce stats, and was just basing it on my peer group and people I know, I'd guess 60-70%. Most of my friends are in their late twenties and early thirties. About half are either on their second marriage (or single after a divorce) or married to someone who has been married before. I fall into the latter category. The divorce rate among acquaintances from high school/college seems much higher. It was almost funny the way everyone did things at the same time - around age 22-23, a huge number of my FB friends started posting wedding pics... a year or two later, they all started posting their ultrasound/baby pictures... and about three years after that, they were all divorced. I do seem to find that the lower-income people with whom I associate seem to have racked up more divorces than my middle-to-upper-middle class coworkers and business associates. It would be interesting to know why. Cheaper to keep her?
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Jun 18, 2013 11:48:36 GMT -5
My parents are still married and most of my friend's parents were married while I was growing up. There were a handful of kids whose parent's were divorced, but it was a pretty mixed bag and common enough that it wasn't a shock or surprise either way.
This is the second marriage for both DH and I and we plan on keeping it that way, but it is hard work! Of our acquaintances, many have divorced, sometimes their 2nd or 3rd spouse. I think it's sad that so many people just give up and don't put in the hard work. Unfortunately, most of them reproduce with each spouse and the result is kids everywhere in multiple mixed, blended families. I'm not saying that's all bad, but it does make it harder on the kids.
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goldensam
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Post by goldensam on Jun 18, 2013 13:09:38 GMT -5
In my family, I know far more divorced people than not. I have friends whose parents are still married and it is always so strange to me, even though I think that's the way it's supposed to be <img src="http://images.proboards.com/new/wink.png" alt=" " text=" "><br><br>I'm 28 and have friends from HS who are on their second marriages, as well as those who are happily married, and the perpetual bachelors. I have a DF of 3+ years but there are no plans to make it legal anytime soon. We're both happy with the current setup. <br>
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Jun 18, 2013 13:47:38 GMT -5
Well, most everyone I know who has been married is now divorced. A few are on their 2nd marriage, and I know a surprisingly large number of people who have never married at all. I do think the divorce rate might drop a little due to the fact that people are getting married later in life now or never at all. I just heard a few months ago that for the first time ever there are more single people than married people. Many women don't have the NEED to get married and hopefully are marrying more for love than for financial reasons. Though I guess you could also say that could have been a common factor in the reason why the divorce rate started to rise in the first place ETA: Why is this thread making me think of Mad Men
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Jun 18, 2013 13:55:27 GMT -5
I think we really just often aren't aware that people are divorced. Like if you have a coworker who is happily married it never occurs to you to ask if they were previously married and divorced. I married when I was 22 and divorced a few years later so there are a lot of people who know me now that would not necessarily count me among divorced people they knew - it doesn't generally come up in conversation. And quite frankly, I often almost forget I was married.
Of the people I am close with or have known for a very long time, divorce is very common. In my family it's over 50%. I am divorced, my brother is divorced, my two cousins are divorced, my parents divorced (my father has two divorces). Only my grandparents and my aunt & uncle did not divorce. But my grandmother was widowed in her 60s (and remarried) and my aunt was widowed in her mid 50s.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jun 18, 2013 13:58:27 GMT -5
It's weird. When I was a kid my parents were the only ones that were divorced and remarried (that we knew about) in my circle of friends and we were the only one's that had a step parent. They stayed married until step dad's death (25 years). After I grew up many of their parents then divorced. I guess they were waiting for the kids to leave home? In my family just with my bio parents and bio sibs there have been 13 marriages and I only have 2 brothers! I'm only on #2 (26 years together so far). Dad - 2 marriages - 2nd lasted until death Mom - 2 marriages - 2nd lasted until death Me - 2 marriages - probably same as parents but nobody has died yet. Hopefully no murders will occur. Brother 1 - 3 marriages all ended in divorce and now lives with #4 but I don't know if he'll ever marry her. He says he won't. Brother 2 - 4 marriages all ended in divorce and many broken engagements, shack ups, etc. We have issues in my family.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Jun 18, 2013 14:08:12 GMT -5
Going by our families DH's has a near 100% divorce ratefor everyone under 80 and a few of the over 80 crowd also are divorced. My family is all still wroking on their first's. It could be that we are just more stubborn. The kids group of friend's families I really don't know. I know most of the parents, but with few exception I don't really know them well enough to know if they are the kids bio mom and dad or step parents. My kids are spaces 8 years apart. For all I know people think I am the second Mrs DH.
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sunshinegal1981
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Post by sunshinegal1981 on Jun 18, 2013 15:07:45 GMT -5
When I was moving in with now-DH (before he had proposed), I read a book about how to make the best of a co-habitation situation. (Cohabiting was his choice, not mine, and though we were on the marriage track, he refused to get married before living together. I was less-than-comfy with the idea.)
It said that for couples where both members have at least a college education, and enter into their first marriage after age 26 (which was the case for us), the divorce rate was actually under 20 or 25%.
Reassuring, definitely.
So yeah.. it does depend on demographic factors like age, education, culture, religious upbringing, etc.
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Bob Ross
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Post by Bob Ross on Jun 18, 2013 16:04:57 GMT -5
I'm not sure if my observational statistical sample of everyone I know (i.e. 3 people) is a large enough sample size to make an accurate representation of society as a whole, but I'm gonna do it anyway. They smell, therefore you all smell.
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