thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 14, 2013 14:50:33 GMT -5
I told my husband that when I died, I wanted him to rent the comedy club, and have an open bar and food served, and have everyone come in and go to the stage, with the microphone and have everyone tell the funniest story about me that they can remember. I can't think of anything more fitting for my "funeral" than that. Maybe you could hire a comedian to do a little roast or something for my eulogy.
I know it won't happen, because I can't imagine him going that far out on a limb, especially if anyone in my family are still alive. But, man, that would be fantastic. Best funeral ever.
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tractor
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Post by tractor on Jun 14, 2013 14:58:10 GMT -5
I've been to several sad funerals. I always planned to make mine a rather delightful afair with a loud band and plenty of booze. I want a funeral that makes the papers. Hell, if it turns out fun enough, they might turn it into an annual community event "Bobs 10 annual funeral party, bring your own beer and ashes..."
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Jun 14, 2013 15:02:02 GMT -5
My ISO is a Spiritualist and his parents were too. His dad insisted on cremation so the spirit wouldn't stay with the dead body. So my ISO agreed with his dad and has the same plan. He wants an urn with an eagle on it buried with his favorite dog by a river, dog has been there 20 some years waiting for him. He thinks his dad is keeping his dog for him.
I don't really care but like the cheapness of cremation. So I instructed my ISO to have my ashes taken to a hiking trail that goes up from a campground. The view is beautiful and the hike is just over a mile so not bad and scatter me over the other side of the mountain. I don't really care if it happens but I think it would be nice for him and pretty cheap. I don't have kids so when it is my time only a small group would even know. I will outlive my mom and probably my ISO and brothers so expect to be pretty alone except for a few nieces and nephews.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 14, 2013 15:04:22 GMT -5
I hear you aren't allowed to scatter ashes in any of the National Forest land without a permit. I know the answer is always "How would anyone know?" But there must be some reasoning behind that. Anyone know for sure what the regulations are for getting rid of ashes?
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jun 14, 2013 15:09:19 GMT -5
Thyme, I hope you get your wish!
My stepmom's father passed away earlier this week and in keeping with his personality, his funeral "after-party" will be held at a bar (no wake), and everyone is instructed to wear Hawaiian shirts. The info on the mortuary website said in big bold type "NO SUITS ALLOWED!"
I love the idea - funerals are for the living, and I'd rather stand around at a bar and tell funny stories than stand around a casket and cry.
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tractor
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Post by tractor on Jun 14, 2013 15:12:32 GMT -5
Thyme,
I believe it is illegal to dispose of remains on any property without the permission of the owner. In essence this keeps the neighbor from burying his wife in your back yard when you go away for the weekend. As strange as this seems, things like this actually happened in the past, especially when people were too poor to pay for a "proper burial" and so they would bury their lived ones under the cover of darkness in convenient locations (usually in an undeveloped portion of the local cemetery).
I think now with the recent surge in cremation, it's more of a don't ask don't tell scenario. Especially on public lands. Would you want to go hiking on top of someone's remains? I could care less, but for those that do, they complain loud enough that their are laws to prevent it.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Jun 14, 2013 15:28:53 GMT -5
Thyme- that's pretty much what DH wants. A big party- some southern BBQ, beer, fireworks, dirty jokes, etc. No weeping, no sad stories.
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Martivir
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Post by Martivir on Jun 14, 2013 15:44:55 GMT -5
My grandfather just passed last week and he was cremated. No idea what he wanted done with his ashes. But he didn't want anything fancy and they are just doing a small memorial.
My dad jokes he wants to die taking out the garbage so that the trash guys will take his body along with the garbage.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Jun 14, 2013 15:56:12 GMT -5
Thyme, I hope you get your wish! My stepmom's father passed away earlier this week and in keeping with his personality, his funeral "after-party" will be held at a bar (no wake), and everyone is instructed to wear Hawaiian shirts. The info on the mortuary website said in big bold type "NO SUITS ALLOWED!" I love the idea - funerals are for the living, and I'd rather stand around at a bar and tell funny stories than stand around a casket and cry. MidJD, I'd cry if you bought it.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jun 14, 2013 16:21:47 GMT -5
I think it's interesting that when I talk to people about this - anyone between age 20 and 60 - almost everyone expresses a desire to be cremated. Yet I have never been to a single funeral in which the deceased hasn't been lying there in his or her embalmed glory. (And I've been to a LOT of funerals). Maybe it's a generational thing? Or related to religion as Phoenix pointed out? Will cremation become more popular as the younger generations age? Or is it one of those things where after the person dies, everyone decides they need "closure" and opt for the traditional burial? I will haunt anyone who puts me in a box in the ground. I have been to several funerals where the body was displayed at the visitation/wake, and after the funeral, the body was cremated and the burial was private.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jun 14, 2013 16:33:47 GMT -5
Years ago and during winter time, a friend of mine's father passed away. After the funeral and burial, my friend worried that her dad may be cold lying in his grave and wished she could place a blanket over him. We both knew her thought was irrational and it was more emotional than realistic.
The nice thing with cremation is, at least in my mind, you don't have to worry about your loved one decomposing underground or any of those other thoughts that run through your head. Nothing can be more final with a loved one's remains than cremation. It's also over and done with.
Another thing about cremation, you don't have to immediately have everyone put their lives on hold and get to a funeral at all cost. With cremation, you can schedule services any time in the future and try to make it as convenient as possible for everyone who will be in attendance.
We didn't have services for my dad (who was cremated) until a month after his passing. This allowed folks coming from neighboring towns and out of state to make arrangements to be there and not be rushed. It worked out great. Instead of a sad event, it turned into a party that my dad most definitely would have wanted instead of everyone sad and falling apart. We his family also had time to adjust to the fact he was really gone during those 30 days before his services.
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plugginaway22
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Post by plugginaway22 on Jun 14, 2013 17:00:53 GMT -5
My DHs brother passed away last year, penniless. Since it was up to us, we paid for a basic cremation and had a small 'party' to celebrate his life. The funeral director told us to just be discreet when dispersing the ashes, but we found out that his girlfriend wanted to keep them, so it was not an issue.
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sesfw
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Post by sesfw on Jun 14, 2013 17:25:40 GMT -5
When DH passed almost 15 years ago we had him cremated ... and I kept his ashes for 6 years before committing them to the ocean. I choose the area 3 miles off Pt Fermin in San Pedro, CA. We spent a lot of courting time at that park, and this is where I'll be when it's my turn.
I chartered a boat and they required a permit from Calif so I paid the $12 to get it. I bought fresh roses from Costco and each of us kissed the roses and dropped them on the ashes as they dispersed.
I know his parents didn't believe in cremation and I'm sure if DH had any say about it he wouldn't have done it. But finances got in the way and this is what I could afford. I talked this over with DHs brother, who was a Baptist preacher, and he agreed with me. He said all cremation does is speed up the natural process.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Jun 14, 2013 17:32:22 GMT -5
I realize it's hard but I can't understand when people don't respect the deceased person's wishes. If I tell my family to cremate me and they don't I will spend eternity trying to haunt them.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jun 14, 2013 17:42:22 GMT -5
I realize it's hard but I can't understand when people don't respect the deceased person's wishes. If I tell my family to cremate me and they don't I will spend eternity trying to haunt them. Put some lead in that threat! You WILL haunt them.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2013 21:29:50 GMT -5
Presuming mom goes before me, I'm going to have some of her ashes crushed into a diamond that I will put into a ring.
My credit union (of all things) had a great article in their magazine about exotic things to do with your ashes: get put into a firework, get pressed into a diamond, go into space on a satellite.
I don't know where she wants her ashes to go, just where she doesn't want them . . . sigh
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 15, 2013 7:07:08 GMT -5
But it's only fairly recently as I understand it that cremation has become accepted within the catholic church. And it's a great fund-raiser (she said cynically). My parents already have their niches purchased in their church columbarium. My own church (Episcopal) is building one now. It's most likely that DH will predecease me. We agree on cremation, with most of his ashes in a columbarium but, like Sheilaincali, the rest will go into a baggie that I will scatter in various places in Europe. Oooh, we visited Pere Lachaise cemetery in Paris last month. Maybe a few near Jim Morrison's grave. I'd want the same treatment, with some scattered someplace I like. If DS inherits enough maybe I'll get scattered in Europe, too. When my Ex died penniless, DS had the sad task of deciding what to do with the remains. His Aunt (my Ex's sister) said she'd like to have him cremated and scatter the remains in the Atlantic. I was relieved; there was an empty plot next to his parents and my Ex had told me years ago he didn't want to be buried next to them. He wanted to be cremated and have his ashes scattered over the Atlantic. Not that it was my decision anymore, but the only place I ever saw my Ex serene was on the Atlantic behind a trolling rod. The family, including DS, gathered a couple of months later and scattered the ashes. I wasn't there but I went through all the old pictures and found a lot of good ones of my Ex. DH scanned them, improved them in PhotoShop, and sent CDs. They appreciated it so much that a couple of my Ex's aunts sent nice notes to DH thanking him. Some of you aren't thrilled at funerals; I like a good funeral. (I watched Princess Diana's and thought it was beautiful.) I know that sounds weird. I love good church music and the first thing I'd do if I had to plan DH's funeral is choose the music. How can you NOT listen to this and get tears in your eyes because it's so beautiful? Finally, one weird thought in what to do with your remains- how about a body farm? There's one in Tennessee; they leave bodies out in the open under various conditions to see how long it takes to go through various stages of decay. It helps forensic specialists estimate when someone died based on the appearance of the body. I've heard about this on a couple of podcasts. One woman was thrilled to use that option for her late mother; she said Mom loved true crime shows and would have been all for it.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jun 15, 2013 7:26:49 GMT -5
"Finally, one weird thought in what to do with your remains- how about a body farm? There's one in Tennessee; they leave bodies out in the open under various conditions to see how long it takes to go through various stages of decay. It helps forensic specialists estimate when someone died based on the appearance of the body. I've heard about this on a couple of podcasts. One woman was thrilled to use that option for her late mother; she said Mom loved true crime shows and would have been all for it."
That would be the university of Tennessee's Forensic Anthropology Center and program.
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on Jun 15, 2013 7:46:37 GMT -5
DH and I are going to be cremated. My mother (dad died years ago) knew I wanted to be cremated. She did NOT like it or agree with it AT ALL. And told me she would tell DH not to do it to me. But she's gone now. I told DH to make sure his parents knew what he wanted as I knew they would accuse me of being stingy and cheap. Well, I am but that's another story. But they are both deceased also. It is illegal, but DH will sprinkle my ashes on my parents grave since this is my hometown and I never left. But I had considered being put in a gallon of paint to be put on my bedroom ceiling so I could see who DH let 'sleep' in my bed. But I am donating my eyes so that won't work.
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plugginaway22
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Post by plugginaway22 on Jun 15, 2013 14:15:08 GMT -5
omg now that is FUNNY! put me in the paint!
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Jun 15, 2013 14:29:35 GMT -5
My late DH made it quite clear he wanted to be cremated. That wasn't a problem, as my whole family has requested cremation for their remains, as have I. The problem was, DH wanted his ashes flushed down the toilet. All our toilets are in separate, rather small rooms. The kids, and other family members wanted to be a part of those last moments. What to do? There wasn't enough room to gather everyone around the toilet. My brilliant son came up with an answer. DH was scattered not far from a campground loo in the forest. We could all gather there, and gather we did. DS took his dad to see the loo before we scattered his ashes. That way, he'd know we did the best we could. RIP, old love.
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deantrip
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Post by deantrip on Jun 15, 2013 15:56:54 GMT -5
I want a natural burial, no box, no chemicals, just my body in the ground, preferably on my family's farm in an out of the way corner, nothing fancy, just back to the earth, if for some reason that doesn't work out, cremation and spread on the farm. I have also been toying with the idea of cremation and high pressure compression to be made into bullets, check out myholysmoke.com/Our_Services.html
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 17, 2013 2:35:01 GMT -5
DH's father died when DH was 5. He wanted to be cremated and have the simple white Military veteran headstone. His parents overruled my MIL and refused to allow cremation and insisted on a huge gaudy headstone. MIL did make them agree to a second Military Veteran headstone next to the gaudy one.
Because of losing his father so young he is some what morbid and very upfront with his wishes and our 15 year old son is aware of them as well. I've laid down the lay with my parents and told them what we want too. My parents and all of my relatives are VERY Catholic and DH and I are atheists so I had to make my dad promise that he wouldn't ignore my wishes in order to adhere to his religious beliefs. I am surprised they were allowed to overrule the wife. I thought that the wife was the one who got to make the decision, not the parents. I just went to a Catholic funeral for my dear friend Pier. I realized that the only thing longer than a Catholic wedding is a Catholic funeral. The funeral was beautiful (as beautiful as a funeral can be), but it was several hours long. After the funeral Goose and I again discussed what we wanted when we died. We both agreed that we wanted to be cremated. I have always wanted to be cremated because I have a serious fear of being buried ....in a box...in the ground..... Plus I don't want to turn into a zombie. Anyway, we also agreed that we wanted our memorial to be a party. We want the music we loved played, food that we loved served...and laughter to celebrate our lives. I am like Sheila, I want my ashes spread all over the world. In life I have wanderlust. I have this overwhelming need to travel. In death I want my loved ones to continue to travel and spread my ashes in all the places I didn't get to see and also in places I loved.
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bookkeeper
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Post by bookkeeper on Jun 17, 2013 7:44:19 GMT -5
I vote for cremation. I have told my sons that I would like to be cremated and they can drive around with me for a while and when they find the most spectacular flower garden to walk up, admire it, and sprinkle a little in. They could do it in a day or make a vacation of it sprinkling me across America.
My DH would like to be cremated and released at his favorite fishing spot on the Missouri River. He would also like to be pushed overboard if he ever becomes permanently incapacitated.
Both parents of my DH have passed and been cremated. Father in law was an electric man all his life. His ashes were scattered in an airplane flying high voltage line patrol. He wasn't ready to go because his ashes kept flying back into the plane. Mother in law was Catholic and her ashes were buried next to her parents in a cemetery. The family purchased headstones for both parents at this cemetery.
My parents have mixed emotions about the subject. My father refuses to discuss any of it. He believes it is someone else's job to take care of his remains and service, as he has done for many of his family and friends. My mother would like to have a permanent resting place with a stone. I don't think she cares about the cremation/burial debate as much as she wants to have a marker somewhere.
I would like to bury their cremains at their farm, where they have lived for almost 60 years, but Mom didn't warm up to that idea when I suggested it. I told her we could buy any marker she would choose with the money we saved not buying a cemetery plot.
We will deal with it when the time comes, I suppose.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jun 17, 2013 8:11:19 GMT -5
DH's father died when DH was 5. He wanted to be cremated and have the simple white Military veteran headstone. His parents overruled my MIL and refused to allow cremation and insisted on a huge gaudy headstone. MIL did make them agree to a second Military Veteran headstone next to the gaudy one.
Because of losing his father so young he is some what morbid and very upfront with his wishes and our 15 year old son is aware of them as well. I've laid down the lay with my parents and told them what we want too. My parents and all of my relatives are VERY Catholic and DH and I are atheists so I had to make my dad promise that he wouldn't ignore my wishes in order to adhere to his religious beliefs. I am surprised they were allowed to overrule the wife. I thought that the wife was the one who got to make the decision, not the parents. I just went to a Catholic funeral for my dear friend Pier. I realized that the only thing longer than a Catholic wedding is a Catholic funeral. The funeral was beautiful (as beautiful as a funeral can be), but it was several hours long. After the funeral Goose and I again discussed what we wanted when we died. We both agreed that we wanted to be cremated. I have always wanted to be cremated because I have a serious fear of being buried ....in a box...in the ground..... Plus I don't want to turn into a zombie. Anyway, we also agreed that we wanted our memorial to be a party. We want the music we loved played, food that we loved served...and laughter to celebrate our lives. I am like Sheila, I want my ashes spread all over the world. In life I have wanderlust. I have this overwhelming need to travel. In death I want my loved ones to continue to travel and spread my ashes in all the places I didn't get to see and also in places I loved. Some of the folks wishing their cremains be scattered all across the world reminded me of the math puzzle of Caesar's Last Breath. In a nut shell, there is roughly a 98.2% chance that at least one or more of the molecules in your lungs came from Caesar's last breath. So in 2,050 or so years, if the molecules from your own last breath are evenly mixed throughout the atmosphere, you will still have an impact on mankind.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 17, 2013 8:18:43 GMT -5
I just went to a Catholic funeral for my dear friend Pier. I realized that the only thing longer than a Catholic wedding is a Catholic funeral. The funeral was beautiful (as beautiful as a funeral can be), but it was several hours long. Several HOURS? Was this one of those deals where everyone who ever had a conversation with the departed stood up and said a few words? That's not part of the liturgy and most priests won't allow it. I've been to many Roman Catholic and Episcopal funerals (rituals are similar) and none has gone much beyond and hour.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 17, 2013 11:01:18 GMT -5
Well there was the ceremony at the church, several people did get up to speak. They also played some of his music since he had just finished recording his first album. Then there was the ceremony by the tomb.
ETA: When I say played some of his music, I don't mean they played his whole album or even entire songs. They played bits and pieces throughout the ceremony.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jun 17, 2013 11:50:21 GMT -5
I'm an organ donor. So once my parts are dispersed, I'd like to be cremated and buried under a tree. I like trees.
DH does NOT want to be an organ donor.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 17, 2013 20:16:49 GMT -5
I'd like to do something a little out of the ordinary Out of the ordinary......How about this? After you die have them dress you in a superman suit & cape. They put you in a plan & take you up in the air. At 10,000 ft have them throw your body out.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jun 17, 2013 20:23:41 GMT -5
I'd like to do something a little out of the ordinary Out of the ordinary......How about this? After you die have them dress you in a superman suit & cape. They put you in a plane & take you up in the air. At 10,000 ft have them throw your body out. I suppose they couldn't charge you with murder if you landed on someone.
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