Who got that time for that sh*t!

[Deleted]

Based on the other thread where the teacher got fired... I have heard about psycho exes that will stalk you, hunt you down or whatever ... And I always wonder: who got time for that shit?

Maybe I am too lazy or really don't care but I really don't have time for that shit and as I told my wife already: I am way too handsome to go to jail.

I don't mean too offend my wife or ex girlfriends... But the moment it's over; it's over! Or is it I don't love my wife or didn't love my exes enough?

I just don't get the whole obsession past the breakup phase. Again: who got time for that shit? Don't those people have jobs? Bills to pay? Friends? Family?

Was that coochie/d*ck that good that you can't do without it? Were they really that special that you want to jump over fences, dodge police and risk jail to be near them or stalk them?

[Deleted]

Maybe it's anger?  As in "How dare that *** leave!"

Honestly, it strikes me as an anger management issue. 

But I agree that it must be terribly time-consuming.

[Deleted]

Jun 13, 2013 7:01:25 GMT -5 @southernsusana said:

But I agree that it must be terribly time-consuming.

That is my take to: where they went? What they did? When they got there? Time they left? Who were they with?

And worse you are following them... At least PI's are getting paid to do that shit!

I love my wife and I cannot be bothered to retain 1/10th of this stuff when she freely provides that information let alone be bothered to ask/question or follow her to get that information.

Again: who got time for that shit?

[zibazinski]

Crazy people who shouldn't be allowed to walk freely among us. But they have RIGHTS and you don't. If you're a celebrity, you can have them jailed it seems but then again, not always. They can afford body guards. We are on our own. More people should be able to defend themselves because the law cannot protect them until they are dead. 

[Queen of Interesting Nuts]

I ain't got time for that .

[wvugurl26]

I don't get those people. I heard a story about an acquaintance of my roommate the other day. I had two thoughts: 1) you can't fix stupid and 2) no guy is worth going to jail over.

This girl walked in a gas station in sight of the state police office and proceeded to pull the girl working the register across the counter and beat her ass. The story goes this girl slept with her man. So of course the police show up and they find weed and a pipe on her.

The genius trooper put the stuff on the hood of his cruiser while he was doing everything. The guy in this equation drove by and the girl says to the trooper, "there's the guy and that license plate isn't for that car". Trooper jumps in the car and takes off after the guy. Weed and pipe fly into the road and get run over repeatedly. She got lucky and skated on the possession charge.

[Deleted]

Jun 13, 2013 7:16:40 GMT -5 Queen of Interesting Nuts said:

I ain't got time for that .

Amen sista!

[Opti]

Its not love. Love is not about harming anyone. I think it has to do with believed possession and loss. These obsessive types never learned how to let go and move on so they don't. Someday we might find out it is some crazy chemical thing as well.

I agree with the time issue. However, if you believe your most important possession walked off and left you with a broken heart its possible you'd drop other things and focus on stalking. I watched the first season of Person of Interest recently. In one of the episodes a Federal Marshall trumped up charges against his wife so he could use the resources of the Marshalls to track her. One of the lines in the episode once he had caught her was "I can't do this anymore." He was on the verge of killing her by shooting a bullet up through her jaw. The other lines that really stuck with me after the series hero had let her go and punched out the guy was "Have you ever been in love? Then you know it will never be over."

These types don't know love but seem to get stuck in some sort of obsession stage which might be similar to the initial love/lust feeling many people have. IMO they are broken emotionally immature people. They project all their love and hate, perceived failings on to this person they claim to love. That's why they eventually destroy them. All the hate of themselves and their unhappiness of their real or perceived failings get so big they have to kill the object where they have put them - the supposed loved one. Of course the cycle restarts because the problem has always been with them and the inability to deal with their emotions and limitations.

[Queen of Interesting Nuts]

I hear you brother    !!!

[Deleted]

Insecure, control-freaks who have been hurt have all the time in the world it seems.

[NancysSummerSip]

Carl, until you realize that obsession cannot tell time and does not wear a watch, it's hard to comprehend why people do this to people they claim they love. As Opti said, love has nothing to do with it. It's about owning a possession, having a thing, maintaining power and authority. There is no sense, no reason, no "getting it" when it comes to this kind of situation. I've seen enough of it to know that it almost never ends well.

And it's not just about domestic violence. Abusers tend to hurt other people around them as well, in an effort to gain control over their world. Time does not matter to them, because however long it takes is all they have in their control. Well, that and whatever means necessary.

[goldensam]

My sister is going through this right now. She broke it off with her boyfriend a month ago and he is still emailing/FBing me, my mom, my sister's friends, and friends of the guy she just started seeing. Some of it is pathetic "I can't live without her" type stuff and some is mean and slanderous where he is telling us all these horrible things about the new guy he supposedly knows, and some is outright scary where he sends messages saying the new guy has to die.

He showed up in her house a couple weeks ago (I think he kept a copy of the key) and she found him when she got out of the shower. Her new boyfriend spent the night this week and they woke up to find dents in his truck.

He doesn't have a job (fired for multiple no shows) so no, he doesn't have anywhere else to be. He's a total loser, IMO.

Have some self respect and move on.

[Deleted]

To me if you truly love someone let them to be free of all abrogation. 

And let them make a their own choices in life. Wrong or right, everyone has to choose what's important to them. I for one I wouldn't never force anyone to act or think what's right in my eyes.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Carl. ..you're not bat shit crazy, that's why you don't understand it.  People who do stuff like this aren't wired the same way.  Their behavior is a perfectly logical solution to them.

[NancysSummerSip]

Jun 13, 2013 8:49:57 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Carl. ..you're not bat shit crazy, that's why you don't understand it.  People who do stuff like this aren't wired the same way.  Their behavior is a perfectly logical solution to them.

No, no, no....he is bat-shit crazy. Just in a good way.

[Bob Ross]

Jun 13, 2013 6:49:57 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

I don't mean too offend my wife or ex girlfriends... But the moment it's over; it's over!

You say that NOW, while everything's just hunky dory, but wait until your wife drops that zero and gets with a new hero after burning through all of your cash.

Then you'll be sitting in a rusty cargo van with a pair of high-powered binoculars like the rest of us...er...them.

[Deleted]

bitches be crazy.

[genericname]

Jun 13, 2013 9:20:19 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

bitches be crazy.

[thyme4change]

As people said - it is about possession, power, control and anger.  It isn't that the relationship/person was so perfect, it was that the relationship made that person feel like they were in control.  If someone is dominating me, and I pack my stuff and leave, they have lost power.  They no longer control me, and that is the loss they can't deal with.  

[justme]

The people that do this usually aren't productive members of society. In all likelihood they don't have anything "better" to do.

[formerroomate99]

This sort of thing is one reason I kept my dating to the church singles group.  I got to go on activities with guys and other people around, so more safety, and also was able to do my homework on the guy, find out how he treated his past girlfriends and dates, how he treats women in general.  The group had it's share of loons, but we all knew who they were. 

One thing I'll never understand is why so many women will date a guy who isn't gainfully employed or a full time student. 

[Phoenix84]

I know what you mean.  A lot about domestic violance confuses me. 

I can see how breaking up or getting a divorce would emotionally traumatic.  I've had people close to me betray me.  And yeah you get angry and sad and upset.  Usually all at once.  But eventually I let it go and move on.  Why stalk someone, sometimes for years? 

I also never understood why someone would put up with being abused.  Only reasons I can think of is they lack education, job skills, and/or work experience and would be destitute if they left, or they have kids and are concerned about their safety.  But even then, I assume shelters and organizations have ways to deal with that.

[Tennesseer]

Most times low to zero self-esteem their whole lives.





Barriers that Prevent Her from Leaving

The victim of domestic violence also faces many of the following barriers that prevent her from leaving her abuser.

www.mchenrycountyturningpoint.org/powerandcontrol.html

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Jun 13, 2013 13:26:43 GMT -5 justme said:

The people that do this usually aren't productive members of society. In all likelihood they don't have anything "better" to do.

There's no accounting for crazy, but unfortunately they can frequently be productive members of society.  That makes it a bit scarier because they are smart and have resources.

[NancysSummerSip]

Jun 13, 2013 14:16:05 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

I know what you mean.  A lot about domestic violance confuses me. 

I can see how breaking up or getting a divorce would emotionally traumatic.  I've had people close to me betray me.  And yeah you get angry and sad and upset.  Usually all at once.  But eventually I let it go and move on.  Why stalk someone, sometimes for years? 

I also never understood why someone would put up with being abused.  Only reasons I can think of is they lack education, job skills, and/or work experience and would be destitute if they left, or they have kids and are concerned about their safety.  But even then, I assume shelters and organizations have ways to deal with that.

Those are certainly some of the reasons abuse victims remain in relationships. Fear of worse things happening to them (damned if they stay, more damned if they go), fear of losing their children in a custody fight, and having no relatives or friends to help them is another. Shame is another motivator. Victims don't want anyone to know that this is what goes on behind their seemingly perfect closed doors.

And there has to be a shelter or domestic abuse organization available to help, and the victim has to be willing to make contact with it. Shelters have space limitations, and victims have to be willing to follow the rules. Often that means getting a restraining order. Yeah, I know. I'll get smacked by someone for even mentioning that. Not worth the paper it's printed on, people say. Truth is, it will not stop someone coming for you. But it gives you legal recourse to call the police if they do. And put them in jail for violating it.

Again, I'll get slammed for this, but I'll say it anyway: the abuse will stop when it's no longer acceptable for it to continue. All the law enforcement on earth will not end it. It has to start before the violence starts. That means everyone is on board with that:

1. Educating everyone at at early age that love and violence do not belong together. Love means never having to say, "I'm sorry (I hit you/Dragged you/Tried to strangle you)."

2. Making it clear that domestic abuse is not acceptable due to age/race/ethnic background/because he or she "was asking for it." It ends when we stop making excuses for it.

3. Making sure that one time is one time too many. There is no forgiving and going back into the same situation, thinking the abuser is not going to do it again or that somehow, the victim is at fault.

4. Knowing the early warning signs and having a plan of escape. Once it escalates, an exit may not be an option.

5. Understanding what got you into the abusive relationship in the first place, and working to make sure you don't travel the same path again.

[mmhmm]

It might be a little bit easier to understand, Carl, if you can imagine your wife as not your wife, the person, but YOUR wife, the possession of whom you have total control.  You are "the man".  Whatever you say goes, and your possession will meet your every demand.  If she doesn't meet your every demand, you'll beat her until she does.  One day, you wake up and your possession isn't there.  There's nobody to meet your demands.  You've had a virtual slave at your beck and call, and that slave has done broke out of her chains and fled the premises.  These control freaks are going to do everything in their power (and a lot of things that aren't) to get that slave back into bondage.  Their will must be served.

[doxieluvr]

When I was in high school, I dated this guy for awhile. (Forget how many months, way less than a year) He was crazy and I feared breaking up with him. Every time I started the talk he would threaten to kill himself. When I finally got the courage to break up, he was holding a gun to his head as I was walking out the door. I told him do what he had to do, I would call the police on the other side of the door.

He followed me everywhere, non stop for almost a year afterwards. When I went into school, his car was parked there. when I went to work, he was parked there. A few times he would just disappear with my car. He must have copied my keys at some point. when I delivered pizzas at night, he followed me on every run. It was there that someone realized I had a shadow. I explained he had been following me as part of his routine every day. 

It was very scary and I often said if I ended up dead, check him out. Too this day he is creepy. He has a new love interest. I have noticed he goes everywhere with her. I don't know to worry for her or just be thankful he no longer stalks me.

[doxieluvr]

Jun 13, 2013 14:16:05 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

I know what you mean.  A lot about domestic violance confuses me. 

I can see how breaking up or getting a divorce would emotionally traumatic.  I've had people close to me betray me.  And yeah you get angry and sad and upset.  Usually all at once.  But eventually I let it go and move on.  Why stalk someone, sometimes for years? 

I also never understood why someone would put up with being abused.  Only reasons I can think of is they lack education, job skills, and/or work experience and would be destitute if they left, or they have kids and are concerned about their safety.  But even then, I assume shelters and organizations have ways to deal with that.

For me, I had to just realize that the fear of him killing me was better than dealing with him. It was a risk I was willing to take when I finally walked out of his house. 

[doxieluvr]

Jun 13, 2013 14:47:38 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Jun 13, 2013 13:26:43 GMT -5 justme said:

The people that do this usually aren't productive members of society. In all likelihood they don't have anything "better" to do.

There's no accounting for crazy, but unfortunately they can frequently be productive members of society.  That makes it a bit scarier because they are smart and have resources.

So very true. This guy has a pilots license  . He flys aircraft for a living now.

[greeniis10]

Jun 13, 2013 15:20:11 GMT -5 doxieluvr said:

I don't know to worry for her or just be thankful he no longer stalks me.

That's the thing: it's not like if you successfully get away from these crazies that they learn and stop their behavior.  They just move on to someone else.  Sadly, that's one of the reasons it took me so long to divorce my first husband.  I felt guilty that he'd treat another unsuspecting woman the same way.  But, my safety came first.  I've now seem him put 2 other women through the same hell I went through and now he's onto his third...