cronewitch
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I identify as a post-menopausal childless cat lady and I vote.
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Post by cronewitch on Jun 7, 2013 0:30:59 GMT -5
My mom was told she probably has pancreatic cancer today. She is 86 and has a huge belly but losing weight everywhere else. Today they drained a lot of fluid from her belly and are going to test it to see if it has cancer cells. If they find cancer she goes to an oncologist but if no cancer they will do a biopsy to see if the mass on her pancreas is cancer. If she has cancer it looks like the prognosis is really bad one site said 3-6 months but mom has been sick almost a year.
They shouldn't have told mom this while she didn't have family with her. She called my brother crying saying the doctor said she was going to die. She thinks she was in the hospital two days but just went last night. Everyone is calling her and promising to come visit so she is looking forward to that. She already had two kids, two grandkids and one great grand visit her with assorted spouses. Her sister is going to come when she gets home and my brother and his wife from Mexico.
We don't plan to try to talk her into Chemo if she doesn't want it. It seems to be a choice if she accepts it and just get pain meds or fights it they tell her most families try to make the patient die slower. The pain and side effects of treatment don't seem with it to live a little longer but it is her choice.
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MarleyKeezy78
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Post by MarleyKeezy78 on Jun 7, 2013 1:00:18 GMT -5
I'm sorry Crone Finding out stuff like this sucks I wish your mother would have had someone with her when she was told this because I know it can be confusing and scary. I hope they find no cancer I know someone who had this so I know your feelings.
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tallguy
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Post by tallguy on Jun 7, 2013 1:09:06 GMT -5
You have my sympathies. Pancreatic cancer is a bad one. That was what took my mother. The problem is that by the time it can be diagnosed it is usually too late to do anything. In her case it was seven weeks and about four of those were in the hospital. Hope it goes better for you and yours.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 7, 2013 1:13:39 GMT -5
cronewitch ,
I'm very sorry. My mother passed away from pancreatic cancer five years ago It's a bad cancer to have.
I totally agree with your position to not press for chemo. In my mother's case I believe it would have just meant 5 months of tortue spending 8 hours in the doctor's offices every day.
Also in my mother's case the huge belly was due to the tumors which had metastized. The trouble with Pancreatic cancer is that by the time they diagnose it it's usually too late.
PM me if you have questions.
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mrsdutt
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Post by mrsdutt on Jun 7, 2013 5:46:33 GMT -5
I'm so sorry to hear this. With your permission, I'd like to say a few prayers for her comfort. I'll wait for your response. It's also good to hear that her family will abide by her decisions. What quality of life is there for her most likely is important to her.
Pooh on the doctor who told her without family being there. Crappy bedside manner.
I'm also surprised that so many posters have revealed their parent had the same cancer.
Whatever I can do to help, please let me know.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 7, 2013 7:27:29 GMT -5
I'm sorry, Crone. I hope you and your family share nice memories with her in the coming weeks and months.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 7, 2013 7:38:18 GMT -5
I am so sorry, crone.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Jun 7, 2013 7:56:33 GMT -5
I am so sorry, crone. I hope for comfort and peace for you, your mother and your family during this time.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jun 7, 2013 8:18:52 GMT -5
I am so sorry to hear this crone.
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Jun 7, 2013 8:30:37 GMT -5
Crone, I am so very sorry.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jun 7, 2013 8:53:29 GMT -5
I'm sorry Crone. And yes, a pox on whoever was lacking in bedside manner for not waiting, or at least checking, to see if someone could be with your mother before such news was delivered. It would have been the humane and kind thing to do. They did not have to do it, but it would have been the right thing to do.
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cronewitch
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I identify as a post-menopausal childless cat lady and I vote.
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Post by cronewitch on Jun 7, 2013 8:58:57 GMT -5
Thanks for all the good wishes and if you want to pray for her that is fine but we don't pray. I don't know what we can do when she gets home. She lives with my brother and his wife but the condition of living with them is she has to take care of herself. They do the cooking, laundry and that sort of thing but have said they won't change her diapers so when she can't take care of her body they won't let her live with them. I think since this might be short term we might be able to handle her at home. My brother is a loving son and I know he wouldn't want to put mom in a nursing home so if they do I will know it was needed. I live about 20 minutes from them so I could take care of her on weekends or a couple of hours after work. She can't walk without a walker before she got sicker now they need to help her out of bed and back in bed to prevent falls.
Mom has always been the best mom she knew how to be. Not perfect but she did her best and you can't ask for more than that. So my brothers and I and all the grand children and great grand children will do the best we can for her now. Her great grand daughter that has down syndrome wants to bring her friends to the hospital to see her. One grand daughter who is always too busy to see mom or call her has said she will come to see her tomorrow, she is raising 5-6 kids and not very local and ignores most of us. She just had to give a foster child to the birth mother after 8 months and is adopting another besides the 4 that are already her kids so really is busy with her mother's side of the family and her church and family.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Jun 7, 2013 9:04:39 GMT -5
Crone, I'm truly sorry for this bad news, and sorry your mother had to learn of it without her family there to help her cope. I hope it turns out not to be pancreatic cancer; however, if the opposite is true, it's good you understand the decision as to what course to take must be hers.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jun 7, 2013 9:17:51 GMT -5
I am so sorry, crone. I hope for comfort and peace for you, your mother and your family during this time. Hugs Crone.
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Jun 7, 2013 9:24:21 GMT -5
I am so sorry, crone. I hope for comfort and peace for you, your mother and your family during this time. I agree with bsbound and Beth. [img]http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/yeahthat.gif[/img]
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redkitty
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Post by redkitty on Jun 7, 2013 9:24:46 GMT -5
I'm sorry to hear that, best wishes.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 7, 2013 10:32:42 GMT -5
I'm so sorry Crone
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kent
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Post by kent on Jun 7, 2013 11:46:04 GMT -5
I'm so sorry Crone May I add
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 7, 2013 12:34:20 GMT -5
Im so sorry crone....you're in my thoughts...
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Anne_in_VA
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Post by Anne_in_VA on Jun 7, 2013 14:32:52 GMT -5
So sorry to hear about your mom Crone. Best wishes for her and your family.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Jun 7, 2013 15:33:10 GMT -5
So deeply sorry to hear about your mum.
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Blonde Granny
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Post by Blonde Granny on Jun 7, 2013 15:36:55 GMT -5
It is extremely difficult at times for family members to take care of parents in their last months of life. Please, call your local Hospice and try to make arrangement for their help. The cost is usually free and will provide help either at home or a special hospice location.
This will take the physical and emotional burden off the children and will be a great help to your Mom.
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cronewitch
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I identify as a post-menopausal childless cat lady and I vote.
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Post by cronewitch on Jun 7, 2013 15:42:29 GMT -5
It is extremely difficult at times for family members to take care of parents in their last months of life. Please, call your local Hospice and try to make arrangement for their help. The cost is usually free and will provide help either at home or a special hospice location. This will take the physical and emotional burden off the children and will be a great help to your Mom. Wonderful idea thanks. Mom asked for help with dad but they didn't start yet when he died and she knows others who had hospice so knows what they do.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 7, 2013 16:35:36 GMT -5
It is extremely difficult at times for family members to take care of parents in their last months of life. Please, call your local Hospice and try to make arrangement for their help. The cost is usually free and will provide help either at home or a special hospice location. This will take the physical and emotional burden off the children and will be a great help to your Mom. Agree. We barely got my mom in Hospice before she died. They are trained social workers and were very helpful with helping deal with the suddeness of it all. They were wonderful and could access resources like a hospital bed, etc. If your bro and sis-in-law need a caretaker, Hospice can help. When Mom did finally pass, they contacted the the coronor, funeral home and helped me with the paperwork.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 7, 2013 16:53:51 GMT -5
Oh Crone I am so so sorry. It is never easy to see one's parent go, even if they are in their 80s.
I really second the hospice suggestion.
My dad was diagnosed with liver cancer and died 7 weeks later. He was supposed to get chemo but was never well enough (in retrospect my sis and I realized that was probably a blessing in disguise). First my sis took care of him at home, then she hired a nurse's aide, but at the end he went to hospice. He spent less than a week there but he was SO happy and relieved to be there! I flew into NY to see him every 10 days. I missed his passing by 15 min, because my plane was late. It is still my greatest regret.
I'm thinking that you have all that vacation time saved ... seems like now is the perfect time to use it?! Which (IMO) does NOT mean you shouldn't call hospice anyway. You can take some time off, do the "extras", be there when you can, and just enjoy your mom.
Hugs and strength to you and your family. From your posts you are visibly a VERY close family. You will get through this, but obviously, it is be hard. Don't be scared or shy to ask for help (ie hospice).
PS Crone, I am 53. My dad died 13 years ago. To this day, when something particularly good or bad happens, I STILL think, "Oh I need to call Dad and tell him!" And then I think, "Wow, why haven't I spoken to Dad in so long?!" And then I remember that he's gone. All of this takes just a second or two. It's weird. And it STILL happens (albeit less often now) 13 years later.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, even when she's gone, she will ALWAYS be a part of you, and your loved ones.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Jun 7, 2013 18:28:23 GMT -5
Crone, I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. I know you two love each other very much. I know that hospice will be very helpful in this situation. I hope that you and your family find comfort in having her with you for 86 years. She produced a very good daughter.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jun 7, 2013 19:02:34 GMT -5
Thinking of you, and yours ♥ All my best~
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jun 7, 2013 19:03:04 GMT -5
PS Crone, I am 53. My dad died 13 years ago. To this day, when something particularly good or bad happens, I STILL think, "Oh I need to call Dad and tell him!" And then I think, "Wow, why haven't I spoken to Dad in so long?!" And then I remember that he's gone. All of this takes just a second or two. It's weird. And it STILL happens (albeit less often now) 13 years later.
I know this well, my mom died 15 years ago and I still occasionally grab the phone to call her and tell her something.
Glad to know I'm not the only one this happens to.
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dannylion
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Post by dannylion on Jun 7, 2013 19:41:39 GMT -5
I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom, cronewitch. I hope you will be able to get hospice set up as soon as your Mom wants it. It was a big help at the end of my Dad's life, and I was so grateful they were there as I had no family to help me.
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Sharon
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Post by Sharon on Jun 7, 2013 20:47:43 GMT -5
Crone for you and your family.
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