alabamagal
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 11:30:29 GMT -5
Posts: 8,146
|
Post by alabamagal on Jun 5, 2013 10:51:08 GMT -5
My DS20 is soon to be engaged to his GF. My DS never dated in high school and met his GF first semester in college. They have been together 2 1/2 years. She has gone on vacation with us the last 2 years. She is a great girl, and the two of them have very compatable life goals and very compatable personalities. They are both seniors in college. The only thing that is odd to me is that this is the only girl he has ever dated.
My DS18 is on a similar path. Never dated in high school and met his current GF at college orientation. They have been together 1 year and say they are serious about each other - well as serious as an 18 year old can be. They will both be sophomores in college, so a little behind my other son.
Anyone every married thir first girlfriend/boyfriend? Regrets?
|
|
Martivir
Established Member
Joined: Jan 1, 2011 11:56:36 GMT -5
Posts: 303
|
Post by Martivir on Jun 5, 2013 10:55:19 GMT -5
I didn't but I was DH's first and only girlfriend. We met when we were 20 and started dating when we were 22. Our six year anniversary is in a couple of weeks.
|
|
muttleynfelix
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 15:32:52 GMT -5
Posts: 9,406
|
Post by muttleynfelix on Jun 5, 2013 10:59:29 GMT -5
I didn't, but my mom, sister, and brother all did. It worked out well for all of them. My sister (who I am closest to and have asked) has never expressed any regrets. My mom and dad have been married for 43 years in July. My sister 18 years in August and my brother 15 years in August. They all got married at 21 with one year of college left. I have a friend who started dating her now husband when they were 12. They got married at 22 after college graduation. They went to college in different towns. They've been married 7 years and seem pretty happy. She doesn't regret meeting her soul mate at 12. I don't know what her 30s and 40s will bring, but so far, so good.
|
|
mollyanna58
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 5, 2011 13:20:45 GMT -5
Posts: 6,717
|
Post by mollyanna58 on Jun 5, 2013 10:59:34 GMT -5
My sister married her first boyfriend. He is 15 years older, and she is his third wife (or possibly fourth; the family really isn't sure). They've been married for over 18 years now, and she seems happy.
|
|
thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,762
|
Post by thyme4change on Jun 5, 2013 11:05:32 GMT -5
I'm against it. My sister did, and they are very happy - but I just think that statistically, those young marriages can be problematic. I don't think you really know yourself all that well at 20.
I have said often that I want my kids to date in high school. I want them both to get their heart broken, and meet different types of people, and try several types of relationships before deciding which is a perfect fit. I'm not much of a shopper, but I rarely buy the first sweater I see in the first store I enter.
|
|
Formerly SK
Senior Member
Joined: Feb 27, 2011 14:23:13 GMT -5
Posts: 3,255
|
Post by Formerly SK on Jun 5, 2013 11:06:52 GMT -5
I was DH's first girlfriend (other than a couple first dates). He was a late bloomer - we met when he was 25 (I was 26). We've been together 14 years (married for almost 10). I've asked him about it and he doesn't regret marrying me, but he regrets not "putting himself out there" before we met. He was just too shy/awkward at the time, poor guy.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 6, 2024 6:28:25 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 5, 2013 11:07:46 GMT -5
DF and I are engaged, and we're both each other's first girlfriend/boyfriend. We're finally getting married on Halloween this year (memorable + lots of dress up potential) after 8 years of dating/teamwork. Everyone, even very conservative christian coworkers of DF's count us as married already; we've committed YM sin and are joint on bank accounts, are beneficiaries on investment accounts, and bought a house together already. Our parents just had very specific, conflicting marriage requests, so we're finally saying screw it, and eloping at the county clerk's. I'd rather not pay for 250+ people like his sister did, organize an event like that, and stand up in front of a crowd like that. It'd be my perfect hell. Everyone can be mildly indignant instead DF is my opposite in many ways and is traditionally romantic, so he sort of did expect a big formal wedding where he'd be wearing a tux, but I'm making it up to him with cake and a honeymoon trip to anywhere he wants. Compromise
|
|
Phoenix84
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 17, 2011 21:42:35 GMT -5
Posts: 10,056
|
Post by Phoenix84 on Jun 5, 2013 11:15:46 GMT -5
Well, my dating experience is pretty limited, and I'm not married so I can't help you there.
But I would be concerned about your son getting married so young. You go through a LOT of changes in your 20's. It is quite feasable that your son and his GF will grow in different directions. Personally I'd advise them to wait a few more years before getting married. Wait until they get careers and some "real world" experience under their belt first.
It's not just me saying this though. Statistically people who get married that young have a much higher rate of divorce. Once they get married, they'll be married for the rest of their lives (at least that's the idea). So why rush it?
|
|
souldoubt
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 11:57:14 GMT -5
Posts: 2,756
|
Post by souldoubt on Jun 5, 2013 11:19:33 GMT -5
Honestly I'd be less concerned about being with only one person than I would be with someone getting engaged/married when they're young. Every person and relationship is different but from what I've seen it's better to hold off on that final step until you've stood on your own two feet for a while. Engaged is one thing but getting married can have financial and legal repercussions later.
|
|
muttleynfelix
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 15:32:52 GMT -5
Posts: 9,406
|
Post by muttleynfelix on Jun 5, 2013 11:24:39 GMT -5
I think this really depends on the "kids". Yes my brother and his wife were crazy young (SIL didn't turn 20 until 2 months after the wedding). But they were also very mature. They had jobs, they worked hard, they went to school. If anything, the "real world" was a lot easier than life before the "real world". Sure my SIL went from living in her parent's house to being married, but her parent's adopted a new special needs child every year. She was the oldest of their 3 biological children. She worked her butt off (and for certain hrs of the day was a paid caretaker by the state for the children that were still in foster care). She had to pay everything but rent and food at home when she graduated high school. She was more mature at 19 then I am at 31 - married with 2 kids. The first 18 months of their marriage my brother and her lived in crappy apartments in a tiny college town in the middle of NOWHERE (and I do mean nowhere) 500 miles from the nearest family members. It starts to snow in that town in October and doesn't quit until April. They had one car and my SIL worked at the grocery store. My brother usually drove her to the grocery store then picked her up when her shift was over. So, yeah life improved DRAMATICALLY when my brother graduated and got a job an hr from family members.
|
|
swasat
Senior Member
Joined: Apr 13, 2011 9:34:28 GMT -5
Posts: 3,735
|
Post by swasat on Jun 5, 2013 11:27:12 GMT -5
I wasn't even ready for a full time job at 20, let alone marriage.
Honestly, the thought of marriage didn't even cross my mind at 20. I was too focused to making something of myself at that point. I had a BF since I was 18 but whether or not I would have married him, only time would have told me. Certainly not at 20 or 21.
As it stands I met DH when I was 23 and married him at 25. I was fully established in my career by that time.
|
|
steph08
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 3, 2011 13:06:01 GMT -5
Posts: 5,503
|
Post by steph08 on Jun 5, 2013 11:28:32 GMT -5
DH was my first boyfriend, but I wasn't his first girlfriend. I was 19 when we started dating and he was 26. We have been together for 8 years - dated for 4 years, and we have been married for 4 years. I am glad that we didn't get engaged/get married right after I graduated from college, like a lot of other people did. We didn't get engaged until two years after I graduated and then married a year later. I don't regret marrying him because he is my best friend, though I do wish I had gone out with some other guys (went on some dates but never evolved into anything). But I am perfectly happy where I'm at.
|
|
swasat
Senior Member
Joined: Apr 13, 2011 9:34:28 GMT -5
Posts: 3,735
|
Post by swasat on Jun 5, 2013 11:38:25 GMT -5
I tend to believe not marrying too young saves a lot of issues. Like crappy apartments, money shortage, no money to pay bills etc.
Sure, those things can happen even when you marry at a later age. But the chances are diminished because the chances of the couple having a more stable income increases. Many marriages break up under the strain of money matters.
It totally depends on the couple though. I wasn't ready to take that chance.
|
|
Queen of Interesting Nuts
Familiar Member
"In the end, we remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends"
Joined: Feb 14, 2013 11:05:35 GMT -5
Posts: 700
|
Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on Jun 5, 2013 11:46:27 GMT -5
Dh wasn't my first LOVE, but I was married at 18 and DH was 20. I love him so much, I cannot imagine being without him. We have had lots of trials and tribulations but I don't look back and say to myself what if. It really depends on the person.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 6, 2024 6:28:25 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 5, 2013 11:46:45 GMT -5
I met my husband at 20 and married him at 21....but he was far from being my first anything. I hope my kids don't marry their first GF/BFs.
|
|
whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
|
Post by whoisjohngalt on Jun 5, 2013 11:48:52 GMT -5
"I" couldn't get married that young, but I do know a few couples that did and it worked out really well.
Then there is my ex-coworker who started dating her husband at 15, got married, had a kid. By 30, she was divorced and was whoring around like there is no tomorrow. 13 yrs later she is still doing it. Just can't get it out of her system, I guess
|
|
Bob Ross
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 14:48:03 GMT -5
Posts: 5,883
|
Post by Bob Ross on Jun 5, 2013 11:51:02 GMT -5
Anyone every married thir first girlfriend/boyfriend? Regrets? I didn't. I probably would have if she had wanted to. On the plus side, marrying your first girlfriend/boyfriend would allow you to naively skip through life, completely free of the soul-crushing pain, baggage, and myriad of stupid decisions which follow a bad breakup. However, the risk is that if one gets divorced say, 30 years later, they'll have no experience in handling this situation and have fewer future options at that age. On the minus side, they'd have no other relationship experience, take certain things for granted, and might start wondering if the grass is greener on the other side, as in, they might never have gotten certain things "out of their system" first. This could lead to a clandestine account at AshleyMadison.com or something similar. Personally, I don't trust relationship advice from anyone who's married (and is still with) their first love, because WTF do they know? Great. You took a single roll of the dice and everything came up roses. I'm really happy for you. Now die already.
|
|
raeoflyte
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 15:43:53 GMT -5
Posts: 14,996
|
Post by raeoflyte on Jun 5, 2013 11:55:33 GMT -5
I am married to my first real gf/bf. I dated a bit in highschool, but he was the only serious one.
I don't regret it, but I do wish we had lived apart at some point. I'm still shocked that for being as indepedent as I am, that I went from my parents house to "my husband's" house. (I actually moved him in to my parents house, until I graduated high school).
Yes, you grow and change and might grow apart, but I don't see how that is different in your 30's or 40's.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 48,069
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 5, 2013 11:58:16 GMT -5
DH was only my second serious boyfriend. We started dating when I was 19 and we got married when I was 25. We'll have been married 5 years in August<BR><BR>It depends on the person. I'm not really all that into the dating scene and have always had a fairly good idea of what I want. I hated people telling me I had to sow my oats and assuring me that I'd be divorced if I didn't.<BR><BR>We did wait till I was done with school and had a full time job of my own so I could be an equal contributor to the household. <BR><BR>I did live on my own because I was scared of becoming my grandmother. She was completley dependent on my grandfather and when he died expected my mom to take over. My parents did a lot for her till she passed.<BR><BR>20/20 hindsight I'm not the co-dependent person my grandmother was. I was miles ahead just by knowing how to drive! I'd already held a part time and was responsible for several bills, managing my student loans etc. I liked having that peace of mind at the time but looking back I don't think it would have destroyed our marriage if I hadn't done so.
|
|
milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
|
Post by milee on Jun 5, 2013 12:01:07 GMT -5
I agree with Thyme and Phoenix. Most people change and develop so much in their 20s and early 30s, that it's very tough to know who you will be much less who that other person is likely to be.
|
|
sheilaincali
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 17:55:24 GMT -5
Posts: 4,131
|
Post by sheilaincali on Jun 5, 2013 12:04:07 GMT -5
DH wasn't my first BF, hell he wasn't even my first husband. We got married on my 21st b-day (he was 23). That was WAY too young to get married in my opinion. Add to that the fact that we had known each other for 4 months before we eloped.
I love him and our son and we have been married for nearly 17 years now but I do sometimes regret getting married so young. I would caution my son to be done with college and moving towards having a real grown up job before even considering proposing to a girl.
In the military it seems that a lot of the airmen married young. Of all the couples that I were in our circle of friends (say 10 couples) only 2 of those couples (plus DH and I) are still married now.
Nothing wrong with marrying your first love but give it enough time some life experiences under your belt before you commit to a lifetime together. Please change, especially when they are that young.
The person I was at 21 isn't the person I was at 18. The person I was at 25 isn't even the person I was at 21. DH and I were lucky in that we grew up in the same basic direction but that doesn't mean we didn't have a few rough years there.
|
|
alabamagal
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 11:30:29 GMT -5
Posts: 8,146
|
Post by alabamagal on Jun 5, 2013 13:58:54 GMT -5
Lots of good stories. I didn't see any "I wish I had dated more before becoming serious"
On getting married young, DS20 is actually almost 21 and GF is 21. They will not get married before college graduation. My DS will need 1 1/2 more years of college. His GF borrowed my DD GRE book, so I think grad school may be in the works. They mentioned some friends getting married right after college, but that would still put them at 22/23.
My advice is to definitely wait until graduation and first job. My DS has very specific career goals that will require him to move somewhere specific for a job. GF is planning on teaching.
|
|
midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
Posts: 17,720
|
Post by midjd on Jun 5, 2013 14:13:06 GMT -5
<<waves hand>> DH and I started dating in 7th grade, were together two years, broke up, got back together in 10th-11th grade, broke up again, I went to college, he married and quickly divorced someone else, and we got back together for good about two weeks before my college graduation. I did get plenty of "dating experience" while we were apart and had my heart broken a few times. I'm not particularly proud of those years. OTOH, it was probably a valuable experience as I had tended to take DH for granted when we were together. After seeing what else was out there, I realized I had thrown away something really special. We've been together 7 years and married almost 4, and I don't regret a thing. DH's oldest sister is married to the guy she started dating in 7th grade. ILs started dating each other around that age, too (happily married 35 years now). Ironically, my mom - who didn't meet my dad until after college, and had a terrible marriage - told me I'd always regret it if I didn't break up with DH and date other people. I guess she saw how well that worked out, because my sister (who has dated the same guy since she was 13, 8 years ago) never got that speech.
|
|
Cookies Galore
Senior Associate
I don't need no instructions to know how to rock
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 18:08:13 GMT -5
Posts: 10,891
|
Post by Cookies Galore on Jun 5, 2013 14:13:14 GMT -5
My parents have been together since they were 13. So were DF's grandparents. They're 85 now. It's cute. I would have married a gay guy if I stuck with my first boyfriend.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 6, 2024 6:28:25 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 5, 2013 14:22:53 GMT -5
I am my wife first boyfriend, lover and husband.
We've been together for 10 years and married for 5.
If I can say so myself it has been a pretty good ride and no regrets so far.
*knock on wood*
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 6, 2024 6:28:25 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 5, 2013 14:35:31 GMT -5
On getting married young; I started dating my wife on her 18th birthday.
One aunt told her all through out college that she should me and date around. My biological father said the same.
When we got engaged at 21 my father told me I was making the biggest mistake of mistake of my life (from the guy that has been divorced 3 times).
Before we got married at 23 her uncle sat her down and told her to call of the wedding, that she was going to ruin her life, get pregnant and never amount to anything. Some aunts said the same thing.
5 years later we are still not pregnant, I have been her biggest supporter, still happily married and going through life hoops together. I won't lie : it was not all fairy tales and an easier road, but I also don't think it would have been easier because I waited another decade or so.
I don't regret my choice for a second and I would do it all over again if I could.
|
|
midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
Posts: 17,720
|
Post by midjd on Jun 5, 2013 14:43:20 GMT -5
Don't you love that? Misery loves company, I suppose...
I did find it funny that DH's family - who should have hated me, I broke up with the poor guy on his 17th birthday! - was always 100% supportive of our relationship. My family, in which everyone over the age of 30 has at least one divorce under their belt, all thought it was a terrible idea.
|
|
cael
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 9:12:36 GMT -5
Posts: 5,745
|
Post by cael on Jun 5, 2013 14:44:59 GMT -5
We met/started dating at 18, are now 30 and got married 2 years ago. We (well, he... lol) had a lot to work through when we were younger, and I feel we're better together now than we ever have been. For us, so far so good
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 6, 2024 6:28:25 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 5, 2013 15:09:18 GMT -5
What else would he say to you? I think dating around is over rated. There aren't that many people you are going to be really compatible with, it's a shame to waste one just to get more "experience".
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 6, 2024 6:28:25 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 5, 2013 15:12:21 GMT -5
Don't you love that? Misery loves company, I suppose... Indeed!!! My relationship with my wife (dating and marriage) is longer than any relationship my dad ever had in his life yet he still thinks he can lecture me about it. Dude, go scratch!
|
|