Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Jun 3, 2013 17:19:15 GMT -5
A sex offender just moved into my neighborhood (about 3/4 mile from me). He has two convictions, the 2nd one kidnapping/raping a 12yo girl at knife point in 1987. He served 16 years and was in/out of treatment until 2010. He is considered Class III (likely to rape again). I googled his court records and he admitted to SIX rapes and is considered narcissistic personality disorder (along with a bunch of other issues). Basically smart and cocky. The house he bought was 300K and is very nice (granite/stainless/hardwoods/etc). I live in an upscale (for my city) neighborhood. The street he lives on is VERY upscale (homes in the 500-900K range where average homes are 180K). We are all wondering how he got the money for this. Who would hire a twice convicted rapist ?? Needless to say we are all a bit freaked. I'm trying to be rational - they need to live somewhere - but obviously this sucks balls. My question is this: what would you do in terms of warning your children? I have a 6yo girl and 8yo boy. I plan to tell them a horrible man who hurts kids lives on X street and that they need to be careful talking to strangers. Don't get close to cars, etc. I've done this before obviously, but I feel like I need to be more specific/graphic to communicate the danger. OTOH, I don't want to give them nightmares by pushing the envelope too much. And I don't want to be too emotional: for all I know my next door neighbor is a rapist and just hasn't been caught yet, KWIM? So specific and severe, yet broad and not too scary. How would you handle it? And yes, the Krav Maga classes I had already planned to do in the fall cannot start soon enough.
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MarleyKeezy78
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Post by MarleyKeezy78 on Jun 3, 2013 17:48:27 GMT -5
I know how you feel, we have a sex offender that lives in the apartment building that is behind our property The next door neighboor mentioned he was a pedophile I have a 4 year old boy so it freaks me out. What freaks me out even more is the fact I will be out cleaning the pool and someone from there will pop out the foresty area between our properties and start talking to me... Go away creeper!!! We want to put a fence up at the back of the property because we have had issues of the apartment people crossing through our yard and walking by our bedroom windows! I found the footprints in the snow Hope your creeper keeps to himself!
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jun 3, 2013 18:07:29 GMT -5
Wow, I didn't realize you could get such detailed data on offenders. That is scary (the offender moving in, not the data available on him). Was the girl he kidnapped a stranger or did he know her in some way? This might give you an indication of how worried you should be, although even if he knew her that doesn't mean he couldn't escalate to strangers. I would definitely err on the side of scaring my kids too much. I would also really limit how much they play out front or are walking/biking alone. It seems like kids generally get snatched when outside without adult supervision.
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constanz22
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Post by constanz22 on Jun 3, 2013 18:17:49 GMT -5
Did you get a mailing with his photo? If not you can usually look them up online. I would absolutely show a picture of him to your kids and tell them he's a bad person and to stay away from him. There is no effective/successful "treatment" for most pedophile's and sex offender's. I've been a social worker for 20 years so feel pretty comfortable making that statement. He will rape again, just a matter of time and when he'll get caught.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Jun 3, 2013 18:26:35 GMT -5
Nope...the 12yo was a stranger he picked up in his car. Yes, many court docs are public so you can read all sorts of things. We have all researched this guy pretty well just by googling him. I have his mug shot, but you never know what a haircut (or balding) and some dye would do. He does have three tattoos, but I'm in the PNW - it would be easy to cover them with clothes most of the year. Yeah, I'm thinking I'm going to err on the side of over-scaring them too. I don't let them out far at this point (8yo has autism) just maybe 3-4 houses away up/down the street. But it's not like the guy can't come over to my block. I'm home alone A LOT and thought about getting a gun, but it doesn't seem very helpful unless I carry it on me 24/7 and I'm not about to do that. For now just learning how beat up a guy with whatever muscles/brains I have seems more logical. But seriously...he's 200 and I'm 130...it's not likely I'll be successful if he decided to appear in my doorway some day. Sometimes I really HATE being a woman. Unfortunately his house is back away from the street so I can't see his car (I wonder if the cops would tell me?). I think I'm going to role play how close to get to cars with the kids this weekend. DD (6yo) is in karate so that helps, but frankly she's 37lbs...the guy could grab her by one arm and swing her inside if he wanted to.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Jun 3, 2013 18:33:11 GMT -5
We had a level 3 offender move into our community several years back. We got his mug shots & showed them to our kids, reminding them not to talk to anyone they don't know, but if they even see this guy they should immediately let me know. I've never really worried about someone breaking in, since Bad Boy Puppy is full of attitude, & wouldn't let that happen.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jun 3, 2013 19:38:52 GMT -5
Not much you can do other than what's been suggested about strangers and staying out of his neighborhood that's 3/4 of a mile away.
As for the cost of his house? His family may have money.
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milee
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Post by milee on Jun 3, 2013 20:34:11 GMT -5
Did you get a mailing with his photo? If not you can usually look them up online. I would absolutely show a picture of him to your kids and tell them he's a bad person and to stay away from him. There is no effective/successful "treatment" for most pedophile's and sex offender's. I've been a social worker for 20 years so feel pretty comfortable making that statement. He will rape again, just a matter of time and when he'll get caught. Totally agree. I'd - show them the mug shot and any other pictures you have, find out his car and make sure the kids know what that car looks like and also show them his house. Be very direct about how this is a person that kidnaps and hurts children, so they are not to talk to him at all. If you have polite kids, this will be a hard lesson to understand because they will be uncomfortable being "impolite" to an adult, but it's the right time to teach them. As for freaking out, getting a gun or anything else - that's over the top. Chances are that you already live within 3/4 of a mile of someone who is at least that dangerous and is completely unknown to you. If you think you're vulnerable in some way, go ahead and address that, but no reason to go over the top. Just make sure the kids know what this guy looks like and take your normal safety precautions.
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Sammy
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Post by Sammy on Jun 3, 2013 20:37:55 GMT -5
School I worked in has a bulletin board in the front foyer. The police came in and posted a mug shot sheet of a sex offender. Caused a bit of a hassle with someone in the building and the sheet disappeared. It was immediately replaced and for a darn good reason.... this guy was a habitual offender and the students (high school) needed to know what he looked like and why he could be a danger to them.
Each state have laws pertaining to sex offenders and that should be the guideline for communities. You can talk to your local law enforcement department for advice. As for kids being warned about individuals that are not nice.... they should know that they are not to talk to strangers and never to go into a home other than their own without mom and dad knowing first, never help anyone asking for directions, never let anyone touch you other than your parents, etc..
As I type this I think back to my mother and father warning us to be careful of what seemed like everything around us, but boy did it pertain completely with what this discussion is all about. We didn't have computers but what we had was a community of gossip that was the neighborhood internal warning system.
Sad but this is life and it happens every generation.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jun 4, 2013 0:37:35 GMT -5
I would be freaking out too. If I had kids I would show them where he lives, what he looks like so they could avoid him and his home. I'd also give them permission to scream bloody murder if he got too close to them when not supervised by an adult/parent if he tried to talk to them.
Florida passed a law that sex offenders can't live within 1,000 or 2,500 feet (depending on the jurisdiction) from schools, parks, school buss stops or day cares. Does your state have that kind of law and does he live near any of those things?
When we first moved here a sex offender was renting a few houses down from us. Somebody found out about it and went around posting flyers with his name and address at people's homes notifying them that he was here. He moved out shortly after that because a school was built in our complex but I'm sure the neighbors letting him know he wasn't welcome pushed him out even before that.
Educating your kids is the only thing I know that you can do. It sucks but why chance it?
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Jun 4, 2013 7:46:46 GMT -5
I'm sorry you are going through this! I wish I could give you some advice that would make it okay but I can't. Thruthfully you could scare you kids to the point where they can't sleep ever again and I still dont think it would accomplish what you want it to.
Kids don't think like adults. If it was a simple as saying "you could die if you do this so don't ever do it" then I wouldn't see or read about kids who died doing something that their parents told them to never do and I see those stories in the paper or tv news weekly it seems. How many times have people here seen a parent on TV crying saying that they have no idea why their kid went swimming alone and died because "they knew better"? It would be so much easier as a parent if I could just say "don't do something" and they did what I said every time but the reality is that they don't.
As far as stranger danger kids don't think like adults. So what they think when you say stranger is totally different than what they hear. And since he lives in your neighborhood he could not be a stranger for long unfortunately. What you really want is for them to never see this man and I don't think that is possible.
If I was you I would make sure that they were not outside "in the streets" so to speak without an adult you trust for a long while. Get together with your close neighbors and fellow moms and dads in the neighborhood to make sure the kids don't roam without an adult with them ever. A fenced in back yard is fine but riding bikes or playing in the front yard without an adult with them isn't. YOu are going to have to be vigilant for as long as he lives there or until you kids get older IMO. Sorry.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 4, 2013 9:52:31 GMT -5
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jun 4, 2013 9:53:15 GMT -5
I don't know if it is worse to know or not know sometimes. My kids are still little, but I hope to let them go down the street to the park or walk to and from school by about 8 or so.
I think I will also stress safety in numbers. I could always change my mind, but that is my thought for now.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jun 4, 2013 10:53:47 GMT -5
That's my reasoning lone. The idea that we are safe is basically false hope and security. I have a friend that wouldnt allow her 13 year old to ride his bike if she wasn't home. He basically wasn't allowed out the front door if she wasn't home. That environment encourages way too much tv and video games imo which I really want to avoid.
I don't want to prevent them from living in a misguided attempt to protect them.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Jun 4, 2013 11:11:31 GMT -5
I know families that are directly connected to his property (backyards touch) so while I feel somewhat nervous for myself and my kids, I feel MUCH worse for the others that I know. His very next door neighbor (30ft between houses) has two young kids.
The thing that really pisses me off is there is a neighborhood park maybe 1/4 mile from his house that is perfect for running in. It has a 1/3 mile loop around a playground, so my kids can play while I do laps. But, the way the layout is I don't feel safe being out of sight on a trail while they play on a playground 1/4 mile from the guy's house. We'll have to find a different park to play at.
It's funny I have mixed emotions about the knowledge. I definitely checked for this before we bought our house, and ruled out a couple places based on proximity to sex offenders. So in that sense it is good. And I'm glad I know about this guy who has just moved in. OTOH, he isn't the only bad guy around - far from it. And while I may go find a new park to exercise/play at, I wouldn't search for local sex offenders before playing there. I certainly haven't searched for sex offenders near my IL's house and we're over there often with the kids playing outside. So in some ways the benefits of the knowledge aren't as clear.
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sesfw
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Post by sesfw on Jun 4, 2013 11:43:53 GMT -5
'they should be banned to an island where they can molest, rape and beat each other.'
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Baby Fawkes
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Post by Baby Fawkes on Jun 4, 2013 11:43:56 GMT -5
But seriously...he's 200 and I'm 130...it's not likely I'll be successful if he decided to appear in my doorway some day. Sometimes I really HATE being a woman. With a bit of training I'm sure you could change that viewpoint:
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Jun 4, 2013 13:25:54 GMT -5
Formerly SKIt sounds like you got the worst of the worst. I'm sorry to hear that and it sucks that legally there is not much you can do. While I'm not defending these types of folks in any way, the truth is that the recividism rates for sex offenders are much lower than the general public perception. I agree the rates are too high but a majority of the offenders do not do so again. I'm not trying to minimize what the victims go through, but not everyone deserves a death sentence. www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=misunderstood-crimes
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2013 13:39:52 GMT -5
That sucks.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2013 13:40:13 GMT -5
Do you guys have a neighborhood watch or association?
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Jun 4, 2013 14:19:40 GMT -5
Not really a whole lot you can do about it. If there's photos you can show them to your kids and maybe pictures of his car if you can get them. And tell them that this is a bad man and to stay far away and call you or another trusted adult if they ever see him. If that isn't possible scream at the top of their lungs and run away if ever approached by him.
Him living in a fancy house is really irrelevent.
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sam
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Post by sam on Jun 4, 2013 15:00:54 GMT -5
Unfortunely, many of us are living next to sex offenders and don't know it. They may have not offended yet, or may have and just haven't been caught. One of our many jobs as parents is to teach our children, the best we can, how to stay safe. The sex offenders list in my neighborhood only tells me of the ones that have been caught and that have registered.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jun 4, 2013 15:44:08 GMT -5
Unfortunely, many of us are living next to sex offenders and don't know it. They may have not offended yet, or may have and just haven't been caught. One of our many jobs as parents is to teach our children, the best we can, how to stay safe. The sex offenders list in my neighborhood only tells me of the ones that have been caught and that have registered. I didn't want to say it but it's the ones that haven't got caught or registered that you need to worry about. But I still wouldn't chance it.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Jun 4, 2013 15:51:32 GMT -5
Well, I *am* a YMer. It's hard not to wonder how a man who was in jail/treatment from 1987-2010 could afford it (I agree probably family money). Even then did they buy him the whole house in cash, or is he working somewhere? And then I think, probably the sellers didn't know what he was (who checks sex offender registries when they receive offers on their house?). Then I wonder what my friends who live really close will do, because it's hard to sell a house when you live 50 ft from a violent offender. So do you foreclose and walk away? How will this affect property values? Why did he pick THIS neighborhood? I live in an urban/commuter area. If he doesn't have a job (he just moved here from 3 hours north) then why not live more in the country where he wouldn't get the stink eye from everyone around him? Even if he never re-offends, he's destined for hate/isolation so picking a family-oriented neighborhood seems strange. But, I think about financial matters a lot so this stuff interests me. And, the financial aspects distract me from the scarier aspects of the situation.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Jun 4, 2013 15:57:20 GMT -5
Based on your original post (cocky self-absorbed repeat offender) he picked the neighborhood exactly because it suited his needs and because he could.
He doesn't care about what others think, most naraccistic individuals don't.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 4, 2013 16:02:33 GMT -5
Unfortunely, many of us are living next to sex offenders and don't know it. They may have not offended yet, or may have and just haven't been caught
Our pediatrican is charged with allegedly assulting his 5 year old granddaughter. He's been a pediatrician for over 40 years and this has nothing to do with his patients. All this drove you never know who people are behind closed doors. No way I could screen for something like that. He'll never practice again after this but before that there's no way to know. Best I can do is educate my kid about the ones who have been caught and we're aware of and drill into her how to stay safe. A big one for me is I don't make her tolerate people touching her to be polite, especially strangers. Old fart church people have no business trying tp pick her up if she doesn't want to be. I don't want her to ever associate tolerating unwanted touching with good manners because a kid her age isn't going to understand the difference between unwanted hugging and bad touching. Of course as she gets older we'll make it clearer to her the difference. For right now I let her scream her head off when some stranger grabs at her, that's exactly how she should react.
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doxieluvr
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Post by doxieluvr on Jun 4, 2013 16:29:29 GMT -5
We have one in our neighborhood as well. He too lives in a not so cheap house that he bought a few years ago in the 500k range.
my kids are never left unattended in our neighborhood.
I think the only place they should live is 6 ft under, in prison or a mental facility.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Jun 4, 2013 16:37:06 GMT -5
::my kids are never left unattended in our neighborhood.::
Lol, can't. keep. story. straight.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2013 16:46:39 GMT -5
SK, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this! Although I agree that if you can you need to get info or a photo on the guy's car, I'm also thinking that if he can't control himself, and he knows he's going to go down for doing it again (because I think on some level they must know this, or at least know that it's a possibility), buying a new car would be easy-peasy. If you think family money got the guy into this expensive house, getting a new used car is easy.
I don't want to resurrect Swamp's thread about walking to the babysitter, but THIS is why I think very young kids shouldn't walk alone (or even together). We all have our own kids, they have different personalities, we all live in our own neighborhoods, etc. I let my kids cross the street to the local park to play, and walk to their local primary school when they turned nine. Is nine a magic number? Obviously not.
Good luck to you! And I think Anne's suggestion of a "neighborhood watch" association is great! Plus that would show this guy that EVERYBODY knows he's there, and they are wary of him.
They don't have that sort of thing here. And if 10% of the population is a sex offender (French stats) then I figure 10% of the people I know must be SOs too. Yet I don't know a single one! (that I know of).
It's scary, for sure.
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sam
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Post by sam on Jun 4, 2013 17:01:27 GMT -5
Being able to afford a more expensive house is irrelivent. As Drama said, her pidiatritian is charged with allegedly assulting. We'd like to think because we live in an upper class community, we are safe against these creeps, but we're not. Who's to say this sex offender wasn't a millionare prior to being caught? Inherited a large sum while incarcerated? We'd like to think they only live under bridges, but they are among us, no matter where we live.
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