"We think you should have gone to work for you father"

[muttleynfelix]

9 years after getting my degree, my Grandma tells me this weekend that she and her sister (who is like a grandma to me), STILL think that I should have gone to work for my dad.  Uh.... 1. Dad didn't offer me a job, 2. Dad didn't have a job opening, 3. Dad didn't want me working for him.

Basically, Grandma is mad I live "so far away" and she doesn't get to see my kids that often. Well Grandma, since I met my DH at work, if I had gone to work for my dad, those children you love so much wouldn't exist if I had gone to work for me dad.

While right now, working for my dad wouldn't be bad, out of college it would have been a disaster.  My dad had just re-opened his business after being closed for 5 years and taken on a partner. The economy in that area wasn't good. Plus I needed to make it on my own merits and not be so-and-so's daughter.  I worked for my dad a lot growing up. I had done everything from clean out the vehicles and clean the office, doing data entry for the books, and then doing some technical work for him when I got into college. I'm glad I had that experience, but I wouldn't want to have started my career working for him.

Did you ever take a job working for a parent?  Were you just starting out? How did it go? 


BTW this was the first phone conversation I had with my Grandma in a year that didn't imply I was an abusive parent.    

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Your grandmother sounds like such a lovely woman.
 
To answer your question I didn't work for my dad, but I worked for my great uncle starting at 19 and I did that off/on till a couple of years ago.

It was good money and it was, of course, easy to get hired.  What I didn't like is that they took for granted I am family and "family does what it needs to do".  So I was expected to run myself ragged and it was suggested at times by my grandmother I do it for FREE (I said hell no) while the non-family members constantly goofed off, took endless amounts of time off and nobody said anything.

And crap from work would follow me home and stuff from home would follow me to work.

I love my grandmother and great uncle but neither one can manage people worth a tink and it's been getting worse the older they get because they can't release control.  It would have driven me crazy even if they weren't family.  Being family just exaserbated the situation.  I quit several times and came back like an idiot.   Now I'll only work out there in an emergency.

I actually work great with my dad.  We were liked a well oiled machine whenever we worked together out there.  We're able to maintain a professional relationship and leave the personal at home.

[milee]

Your grandmother sounds like she gives the kind of "helpful" advice my MIL gives.  And, like my MIL, you do love her and want to avoid causing a war plus you have no possible change of ever changing her mind about anything - ever.

If it's at all helpful, here's what I do with my MIL.  Smile.  Nod.  Make "um" noise while smiling and nodding.  Proceed about your normal business.

Bless her heart.

[alabamagal]

My DH has a retail service business.  He has ~5 employees, most making just above minimum wage.  He has employed all 3 of my kids while they were in high school and college summers.  When my oldest graduated college and didn't have a "real" job, she lived at home and worked for DH.  She is now off on internship.  Employing the kids has always been a tempoarary job for them.  DH never envisioned having any of the kids work there as a permanent job, nor giving the business to any of the kids.  He is selling his business this week (hopefully).   Only downside is that my youngest will be out of a job for the rest of summer (not a huge deal, though).

Personaly, I  think it is better to have gone off and found your own way.  I know a lot of family conflicts have been caused by working together.

[thyme4change]

LOL - I'm always reminded of my Grandma who came out for my college graduation and asked what I was planning on doing.  I said "My degree is in Finance, which I really enjoy.  I would love to go into budgeting and corporate planning and reporting."  I then went into great detail on which types of companies I would most enjoy working for, and what my research showed for my career.  


And her answer (the day of my graduation) was "Why don't you become a nurse?"


Sometimes Grandmothers can be completely clueless.

[tskeeter]

I think that not taking advantage of the opportunity to succeed on your own would have been a mistake.  A great deal can be learned during those first few years on your own.  You get exposure to different ideas than if you had gone to work in the family business.  And, if you join the family business, it will be because you have skills that improve the business, not because you are the boss's kid.

[Sam_2.0]

I worked for my dad in HS when he owned a grocery store. Then I went to work at the same company he worked for once I graduated college. Not working for him directly, just at the same place. My sister worked here too. Then the company sold/merged and I stayed, sis went to the other utility in town, and dad went with the sold part of the company. So we all still work in the same field just now at different places.

I didn't like working for my dad. He was harder on my sister and I than he was on the other employees because he didn't want to play favorites. And since we were his kids, I think he held us up to a higher standard. And when your dad owns the store, he can tell you to go in to work at any time regardless of what plans you had made with your friends for that weekend. So not cool when you are in high school.

[muttleynfelix]

I try to avoid talking to my Grandma on the phone. It never ends well.  

Personaly, I think it is better to have gone off and found your own way. I know a lot of family conflicts have been caused by working together.

Which is exactly why my dad wanted both my brother and I not to work for him. Dad has a business partner who is about 10 years older than me and he is selling to him and the full time employee and will retire in the next 2 years.  Even though I have the same degree, the work I specialize in is completely different than what my dad's company does.  In fact, they have basically phased out the entire engineering side of the business.  I also would have been hard pressed to get my license working for him since other than my dad there isn't another licensed engineer.   Anyway, I really did like working for my dad in high school and college. It gave us some great one on one time and working for him paid for my education. But starting out my career?  There is only so much one on one time I need with my dad in my lifetime.

And her answer (the day of my graduation) was "Why don't you become a nurse?"

[Wisconsin Beth]

May 28, 2013 10:47:24 GMT -5 milee said:

Your grandmother sounds like she gives the kind of "helpful" advice my MIL gives.  And, like my MIL, you do love her and want to avoid causing a war plus you have no possible change of ever changing her mind about anything - ever.

If it's at all helpful, here's what I do with my MIL.  Smile.  Nod.  Make "um" noise while smiling and nodding.  Proceed about your normal business.

Bless her heart.

giggle, I watch Madagascar with my kids twice this weekend "Smile and wave boys.  Smile and wave."  I'd forgotten how awesome the penguins were.  

[raeoflyte]

Mutt-I was going to say that maybe you can switch to sending your grandmother a card once a week and cut way back on phone calls. If she emails you can send pictures of the kids.too.

My grandmother and I have always been very close, but the last year has been tough. She gets visibly upset that I won't feed the 5 month old m&m's and ice cream. we still visit once a week, but her and the kids use up all of my patience.

[muttleynfelix]

I only call her like twice a year - Mother's Day and her birthday. I see her probably 4 times a year on average. I called her 2 extra times last year - once to tell her I was pregnant (yeah, she never told me congrats - just bitched that I would miss Christmas again) and once to tell her that we were having a girl (that led to the you are being abusive because DS threw a fit while I was on the phone because DH told him to pick up his toys).  I'll talk to her on the phone when I make the group phone call on Christmas and THanksgiving. She actually called me yesterday and was pretty nice about it. She was calling to thank me for the Mother's day card that was really late (as in I mailed it the day after Mother's Day), but she didn't complain about that.   I just found it funny that she found something else to say I did wrong.  

[movingforward]

May 28, 2013 10:57:12 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

LOL - I'm always reminded of my Grandma who came out for my college graduation and asked what I was planning on doing.  I said "My degree is in Finance, which I really enjoy.  I would love to go into budgeting and corporate planning and reporting."  I then went into great detail on which types of companies I would most enjoy working for, and what my research showed for my career.  


And her answer (the day of my graduation) was "Why don't you become a nurse?"


Sometimes Grandmothers can be completely clueless.

When I was about to go away to college my aunt kept telling me I should be a teacher because it was a good job for a female .  My grandmother was actually pretty "with it."  I was her only grand daughter and she encouraged me a great deal. 

[thyme4change]

May 28, 2013 11:58:43 GMT -5 movingforward said:

May 28, 2013 10:57:12 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

And her answer (the day of my graduation) was "Why don't you become a nurse?"

When I was about to go away to college my aunt kept telling me I should be a teacher because it was a good job for a female .  My grandmother was actually pretty "with it."  I was her only grand daughter and she encouraged me a great deal. 

Yes, when I answered that I hated sick people and bodily fluids, and I'm not very good with people who are in pain, she responded "Why not a teacher?"  Instead of breaking it to her that I hate kids, and can't explain anything to anyone - I just said that I already had my finance degree, so maybe that would make the most sense.  

[greeniis10]

May 28, 2013 11:14:58 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

May 28, 2013 10:47:24 GMT -5 milee said:

Your grandmother sounds like she gives the kind of "helpful" advice my MIL gives.  And, like my MIL, you do love her and want to avoid causing a war plus you have no possible change of ever changing her mind about anything - ever.

If it's at all helpful, here's what I do with my MIL.  Smile.  Nod.  Make "um" noise while smiling and nodding.  Proceed about your normal business.

Bless her heart.

giggle, I watch Madagascar with my kids twice this weekend "Smile and wave boys.  Smile and wave."  I'd forgotten how awesome the penguins were.  

Haha!  That's what I did, too!  Except, I have no small children at home.  It was just me watching that movie (again) and still laughing out loud. 

On topic, my dad had a small janitorial business when I was a kid.  I cleaned offices with him on the weekends while in school to make my own money.  That was good experience plus I didn't have to work evenings after school.  Long term, however, I could not work with my dad.  Love him, but we just wouldn't mesh professionally.

[zibazinski]

DF owns a family business. He never wanted to but his father died leaving young children and their mother to be cared for so DF stepped up to the plate and did it. It wasn't his dream for his life. You don't want to be his age and sad that he didn't live his own dream. 

[Opti]

May 28, 2013 11:58:43 GMT -5 movingforward said:

May 28, 2013 10:57:12 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

LOL - I'm always reminded of my Grandma who came out for my college graduation and asked what I was planning on doing.  I said "My degree is in Finance, which I really enjoy.  I would love to go into budgeting and corporate planning and reporting."  I then went into great detail on which types of companies I would most enjoy working for, and what my research showed for my career.  


And her answer (the day of my graduation) was "Why don't you become a nurse?"


Sometimes Grandmothers can be completely clueless.

When I was about to go away to college my aunt kept telling me I should be a teacher because it was a good job for a female .  My grandmother was actually pretty "with it."  I was her only grand daughter and she encouraged me a great deal. 

I was going to comment earlier that years ago the only acceptable jobs for women were
teacher or nurse. Some Grandmas haven't gotten with the new world order and probably just hear blah blah blah blah when you talk about other professions hence the suggestions of teacher or nurse. I got the teacher suggestion for many years while growing up because my Mom was a teacher. I don't remember a single family friend or relative asking me whether I wanted to do a job like my Dad, but there were boatloads asking me if I wanted to be a teacher like Mom. 

[chiver78]

my Nana didn't seem to have any trouble with her two oldest granddaughters majoring in two different disciplines of engineering, while her oldest grandson went to a culinary college. we were born within 6 months of each other, and graduated HS in the same year.

[zibazinski]

Teaching is more of a family friendly profession. Even though I never made a lot of money, I still had pretty decent hours.

[thyme4change]

May 28, 2013 17:50:55 GMT -5 Opti said:

May 28, 2013 11:58:43 GMT -5 movingforward said:

I was going to comment earlier that years ago the only acceptable jobs for women were
teacher or nurse. Some Grandmas haven't gotten with the new world order and probably just hear blah blah blah blah when you talk about other professions hence the suggestions of teacher or nurse. I got the teacher suggestion for many years while growing up because my Mom was a teacher. I don't remember a single family friend or relative asking me whether I wanted to do a job like my Dad, but there were boatloads asking me if I wanted to be a teacher like Mom. 

That was my grandma's stance, too.  She was old-school, and I'm the youngest - so she didn't get on-board the world changing.  Her daughter is a teacher, and that whole family are nurses, doctors and veterinarians, so I can understand why it wouldn't occur to her that those professions aren't for everyone.  Both her sons were engineers.  So me being a regular business person was way out there.  Oddly enough, my job is more like my Grandfather's job than anyone else in the family.  Had I understood that at the time, I would have connected the two for her.  His job delivered a pretty comfy life for her.  

[taz157]

I work in a firm in where the boss' son does work for the company and has since college.  Needless to say, we see the preferential treatment he gets that we wouldn't get.  We know what to say and what not to say.  (DH helped me with that .)  Things changed a little recently based on other changes in the firm, but we think he was given a wake-up shortly before the changes.

FWIW, I always thought he should work for another firm to see how it works when you don't work for your father.

[Peace Of Mind]

May 28, 2013 17:30:21 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

DF owns a family business. He never wanted to but his father died leaving young children and their mother to be cared for so DF stepped up to the plate and did it. It wasn't his dream for his life. You don't want to be his age and sad that he didn't live his own dream. 

I thought you were his dream.  He's living it now. 

All the women in my family were like your grandma, Mutt.  You are damned if you do and damned if you don't.  My mom is now deceased and my grandma is about to turn 92 and on antidepressants over losing another child.  The good news is I'm FREEEEEEEE of those kinds of conversations!  


"We think you should have gone to work for you father" or she is talking to God. 

[Deleted]

Not the same situation, but my Mom use to piss me off when I first started my current blue collar job. She'd tell me I was too smart to be working there. I understood what she was saying, and it's true that my job is not intellectually stimulating. But it pissed me off when she would say that because she never encouraged me to go to college, when our mailbox use to be stuffed full of materials from colleges every day. Nor did she talk to me about life after high school, period. I did go to college for 1 year, but not at my Mom's urging. I didn't even know anything about grants and student loans until many years later.

Then in my mid 20's I get a blue collar job with a decent salary and she starts going on and on many times about how I'm too smart for that. She should've been talking to me about what I was smart enough to do, or too smart to do, while I was in school.

[zibazinski]

True that, Pink.  Thank you, POM. DF is okay with his life now, his working life anyway, but if he were still married to the ex and working at his dads company, he'd be as miserable as his secretary said he used to be.   She almost quit so many times because he was such a grump and now she says he's a happy man. 

[formerroomate99]

I find that when you're getting idiotic career advice from old people, the proper response is to smile and nod. 

[muttleynfelix]

Smiling and nodding isn't quite as effective over the phone as in person.

[Peace Of Mind]

May 29, 2013 16:17:39 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

Smiling and nodding isn't quite as effective over the phone as in person.

LOL!!  Just say what they want to hear and make faces and stick your tongue out. 

[swamp]

May 29, 2013 16:17:39 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

Smiling and nodding isn't quite as effective over the phone as in person.

That's where you go "uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh."

[cronewitch]

My grandmother asked me what I did and I told her accounting. She said my cousin did the same thing she works in an office too. Grandma worked in a saw mill and as a riveter so to her all office work was the same thing

[Deleted]

I come from that "women should be teachers or nurses" generation.  However, I will admit that my aunt was right.  I basically started really working in my mid-40's, and I was fortunate to have that teaching certificate.

My ex's brother worked for his father.  Now that both are dead, my ex-SIL is CEO of the company and my ex-MIL is chairperson of the board.  My niece works there as an account executive and several other relatives (brothers and nephews of my ex-FIL) run equipment.   Niece's husband was an account executive until he had an affair.  (Don't piss your MIL off when she is also your boss.)  My ex's wife was working there when they met and got married, but she decided to retire when my ex did.

I'm sure the other employees need a chart to keep up with who's related to who and how.  But it really didn't start out as the blatant nepotism that it is now. 

[thyme4change]

I'm sure the other employees need a chart to keep up with who's related to who and how. But it really didn't start out as the blatant nepotism that it is now.

My company has an office in a small town.  Everyone that works at that location has 1 of 3 last names, and many of them are related in multiple ways.  There are a handful of people in that location that are not very good at their jobs and/or are a total pain in the butt.  Do you think we will ever be able to clean house there?