Have you jettisoned your baggage?

[happyhoix]

May 8, 2013 19:06:07 GMT -5 trimommy said:

How funny to read this post today of all days after going to my first session with a psychologist. I've been very tired and feeling burned out for almost a year now, and I just wanted someone to talk things through with.

We quickly and unexpectedly (to me) got to the topic of how I discovered my mom was cheating on my dad while I was in high school. It became obvious that I have a lot of repressed anger and fear about this and the psychologist now wants to spend time working through it.

Honestly, I felt worse after I left than I did when I went in. I don't want to work through this. It will be incredibly painful and emotional and I already don't have the energy for any of it. I have a job and family to maintain and don't really want to start digging through these things at $150/session. What can we honestly do that is going to make me feel better about any of this? None of it will be undone and I'm already getting incredibly anxious just thinking about it.

So, no, I have not jettisoned my baggage. I don't know if I have the energy to throw it overboard.

Trimommy I'm not a psychologist, and I admit I'm with you in that I think if there are things that can't be changed from your past, there is not point dwelling on it. However, perhaps your psychologist thinks if you drag it out into the daylight you can finally remove it, like a dead tree stump, and it won't bother you anymore.

I might give this guy a couple more sessions, but if you still feel worse after you talk to him, he's not doing it right. There are plenty of psychologists and plenty of different approaches, it could be this guy and/or his technique just isn't a good fit for you. Maybe your work offers an employee assistance plan - those usually provide references to psychologists and often pay for some initial sessions - just a thought.

Good luck! I know that baggage can be a serious pain in the ass.

[Deleted]

I'm like the freakin' baggage claim!  Let's see: product of a mother whose approval I always wanted (and never seemed to get - the only emotions she expressed were negative) and the father who could be bothered to actually be a dad once they split.  Only child, overweight for most of my childhood and still saw myself as "fat" well after I lost the weight, had lofty goals for myself when I was younger and haven't even attained half of them....

That reminds me - I need to find a new therapist ASAP.  I stopped going to the old one.

[sheilaincali]

happyhoix- I have a sibling much like you've described your youngest sibling.  He is just so exhausting.  Giant bully but plays the victim card to our mother to get sympathy.  My parents are completely brainwashed by him.  He physically assulted my dad last year at my niece's b-day party.  Within 30 minutes my folks were justifying his actions like a battered spouse.  Sickening.  We spend very little time with my parents now because he is at their house 24/7.  I've told my dad repeatedly that once they are gone I'll have no relationship with my brother.  He keeps telling me I'm overreacting and that my brother will "need my support" when they are gone.  Not going to happen. 

I'm glad you've been able to finally tell your sibling off.  I can't wait for that day to happen for me.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

He keeps telling me I'm overreacting and that my brother will "need my support" when they are gone.

Thank God my parents don't ever say that to me. 

I didn't speak to my brother for a year.  My mom was really upset but I told her I was done being his scapegoat.  I can't crawl back up her uterus and change our birth order.  I'm done being treated like crap because I'm the oldest and I've been responsible in my life.

He's pulled his head at least half way out of his ass since then, but our relationship isn't ever going to be what it was before he took a wrong turn into loserville.

I know it hurts my mom but until he grows up I'm keeping him at arm's length.  I play nice during holidays and he's done nothing to deserve me cutting him off from Gwen, but until he stops blaming me for how much his life sucks our relationship is going to remain fairly formal.

[Bob Ross]

Anyone who thinks they have jettisoned their baggage is fooling themselves.

What they've really done is wadded that baggage up into a tight little ball and crammed it deep down inside them, to be released at the first opportune moment, like a child's sporting event, or a friend's wedding.

[sheilaincali]

DQ- I'm glad your brother is getting somewhat better.  My brother thinks the world should revolve around his children and his children only.  He has very little time for any of his nieces and nephews and gets very vocal if my parents spend time with their other grandkids.  He has always been rather disinterested in my son.  At 15 my son is old enough to realize that his uncle is an asshat and his cousins (my brother's kids) are complete brats. 

Favorite story- when my son was like 3 he was at the office with me one day coloring.  My brother comes and and says "Why don't you draw a picture of me".  my son looked up at him and said "Cuz I don't know how to draw a dumbass".  I'm assuming DS heard his dad say something to me about my "dumbass brother".

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

My brother comes and and says "Why don't you draw a picture of me". my son looked up at him and said "Cuz I don't know how to draw a dumbass"



I don't like the Hatfiled v McCoy type family feuding, he's great with Gwen so I see no reason to interfere with her relationship with him just because mine sucks.  Depending on what's going on when she gets old enough to understand I'm not going to bad mouth him, she can form her own opinions

I don't think my brother thinks he should be the center of the universe.  He just has a HUGE martyr/victim complex.  He doesn't grasp I busted my ass to have what I have in life.  It wasn't given to me because I was the first born child.  He could have what have and probably more if he'd just start taking responsbility for his life.