Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 6, 2013 19:26:14 GMT -5
My only concern would be in 1) how it would be received.... Any chance it might shame or offend them? 2) future expectations... Any chance this would open the door? ...
Not sure of his family dynamics?
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on May 6, 2013 19:31:41 GMT -5
I agree with Oped.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 6, 2013 19:32:20 GMT -5
If you don't want to be involved, don't give them $300.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on May 6, 2013 19:41:33 GMT -5
My folks before they passed away used to go to Florida for the winter. My brother would check their house periodically to make sure all was well. One winter while they were gone, my brother hired a cleaning company to come in a clean up the place prior to them coming home.
My parents were so angry at my brother for embarrassing them by bringing in strangers to clean their house. When they moved into senior housing, I offered to have a cleaning person come in every other week to clean it for them but they refused. They had their pride.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 6, 2013 20:34:04 GMT -5
Is there anyone they might take money from more easily? Are you close enough to ask outright about it? Or maybe ask what you can bring to open up the conversation.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on May 6, 2013 20:37:30 GMT -5
Could you offer to "cater" the party? Same end result but without giving the money.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 6, 2013 20:41:10 GMT -5
I've been known to 'find' good deals I have to share... "Oh, I found this bag of party decorations at a yard sale for a buck, could you use them?"... Or, " a friend of mine thought she cold make money reselling new toys on eBay, but it didn't work... She's selling stuff off cheap and id like to help her out... There are these great things I think niece would like...." ( true story that last one...)
im flighty/blond enough I think I pull it off most of the time....
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Works4me
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Someone responded to your personal ad - a German Shepherd named Tara wants to have you for dinner...
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Post by Works4me on May 6, 2013 22:36:55 GMT -5
I would leave the parents out of it. Simply call and ask "what can I do to help"
With regard to disability, it can be very hard to accept that one is disabled and that it won't go away. Not excusing him for neglecting his family in this way but it can be a very hard thing to do. Does he qualify for unemployment? Does his state have short-term disability?
Sometimes all we can do is stand by and watch the people we care about as they struggle to learn important life lessons. Seems like you care about them and that is the best thing they can have - people in their lives who want the best for them.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 6, 2013 23:17:21 GMT -5
If you gift them the money & they don't use it for the party, how will you feel?
I imagine they have bigger worries than the bbq/birthday when suddenly unemployed and disabled.
Are you in their area? Can you just offer to host the party for them (thereby providing all the food/drink & some gifts? This takes the burden of being hosts off of them (if BIL is not well) plus artfully covers the cost without directly offering them money.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 7, 2013 7:21:02 GMT -5
He should still be in the cobra window... Maybe he can still get the surgery?
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nogooddeed
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Post by nogooddeed on May 7, 2013 7:43:44 GMT -5
Could SIL find a better job or one with benefits? I know they don't need more stress, but the family needs coverage for everyone.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 7, 2013 8:15:33 GMT -5
I'd be having a hard talk and offering up money for Cobra then, rather than a party... In the long run it would do the most good...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 7, 2013 8:27:33 GMT -5
My BIL was laid off a couple of days ago. This family has had a lot of unfortunate things happen to them. I don't think my BIL will ever be able to work again. He's in bad shape with a bad back. I don't really want to be too involved in their situation. I had tried to talk to them about applying for Social Security Disability awhile ago, but for whatever reason they didn't. They have one child, a 9yo girl. Her birthday is next month. I was thinking about gifting my SIL $300 to help with the birthday party (it's usually just a bbq with a small gathering of our family) and presents. Does this sound reasonable? Bad idea? We have the money to give. 30, I thinks so. Just explain to them gently of the reason of giving and let them know that there's no attachment attached with your giving. Explain to them how much you do care and it matters to you that you can able to do that.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 7, 2013 8:27:37 GMT -5
It depends on what plan he had. It's cost of the plan plus 10% I think. If he had an individual policy?
800 a month for 3-4 months isn't nearly as much as surgery will cost, I'm guessing...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 7, 2013 9:39:15 GMT -5
Cobra isn't a set cost. The employee pays 100% of the cost of the coverage. The company no longer pays part of the cost.
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Rocky Mtn Saver
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Post by Rocky Mtn Saver on May 7, 2013 9:49:07 GMT -5
I'd be more worried about kids being homeless rather than missing a few presents. But that's just me.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 7, 2013 9:49:19 GMT -5
Don't feel so bad. They will look back and wish they had it so good when they were just without presents, when they are circling the drain.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on May 7, 2013 9:49:25 GMT -5
He had a family policy. I'm almost positive they won't be able to afford Cobra. I know there is nothing I can do to significantly help them. I think once his unemployment runs out there is a good chance they will really start circling the drain. I just wanted to help out in this one, small way because it bothers me to think about kids going without birthday and Christmas presents. Wrongside-instead of a cookout at either of your homes, is there a nearby park where you could hold the cookout?
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on May 7, 2013 9:49:37 GMT -5
Cobra isn't a set cost. The employee pays 100% of the cost of the coverage. The company no longer pays part of the cost. Mine was $1300 almost. I was like...thanks! O'shit, no thanks! Wrong, if you are rolling in a dough - you might consider do whatever you want with your money and support your brother all the way. If you are having just little better than they have now (for a few DAYS you said) - lay low and wait. You had talked to them about SSI and they don't listen. Only one child. Stop worrying too much! There are tons in worse cituation. When UC had ended and tons of kids running around. I think you are dramatizing everything for no reason! He is only A FEW DAYS is UNEMPLOED! Let THEM do figuring out. With $300 just tell them you want to throw party for the girl as an aunt! Not supposed to be difficult to say!
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on May 7, 2013 9:55:10 GMT -5
He had a family policy. I'm almost positive they won't be able to afford Cobra. I know there is nothing I can do to significantly help them. I think once his unemployment runs out there is a good chance they will really start circling the drain. I just wanted to help out in this one, small way because it bothers me to think about kids going without birthday and Christmas presents. I know there is nothing I can do to significantly help them...
BUT you are much better of you stated earlier! I think once his unemployment runs out there is a good chance they will really start circling the drain.
NOTHING HAPPENED YET! Wrong, are you really LOOKING for things to worry about? Because it sounds almost ridiculous from here. What Christmas Presents? ITS MAY!!!!!
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Rocky Mtn Saver
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Post by Rocky Mtn Saver on May 7, 2013 9:56:01 GMT -5
Good to know. I was worried there for a bit. I guess I just don't see how there isn't something more useful to help them out than partying while the Titanic sinks. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/tongue.png) But that's your call.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 7, 2013 10:04:08 GMT -5
a couple of things:
1. you could have the party catered and your family can pay for it all.
2. like others, I'd be more worried about other things than the party, so maybe you could give them like $300 worth of supermarket gift certificates, put that in an unsigned card addressed to them and shove it under their door.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 7, 2013 11:01:58 GMT -5
I just did similar for my step brother.
I sent my nephew a "Happy Birthday" card with $200 inside. They can do with it as they see fit but it was a gift for him.
I don't care what they use it for nor am I going to ask, it was my way of helping.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on May 7, 2013 11:11:02 GMT -5
OK, usually I am much more "cold" about things like that - but for some reason, I can COMPLETELY understand where your heart is
So, I don't think I would me mailing an anonymous gift card - I would just tell your SIL that you know how overwhelmed she must be with everything, so you would like to throw your niece a B-day party, but since you don't have a big enough place, would she mind if you did it at her house.
I don't see anything weird or "charitable' about family members having b-day party for others.
ETA: I don't know how close you are to your BIL/SIL - but would it be better if your DH talked to her and said that?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 7, 2013 19:31:29 GMT -5
I understand too about a kids party being important, especially in troubled times. Ill mail anything you want ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/smiley.png) , but myself I'd probably go with whoisjohngalt's approach...
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on May 8, 2013 6:59:51 GMT -5
Too much drama over nothing. I take Xanax every day! And how does making everyone's problem your own makes it great? Idk...
P.S. I CAN'T believe that same people who butchered me for running for the formula for the starving infant having SO MUCH HEART for the person who lost job 2 days (with tousands of other people over the country) ago and his wife took a xanax!!!
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Rocky Mtn Saver
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Post by Rocky Mtn Saver on May 8, 2013 8:07:57 GMT -5
I believe that the 'butchering' in question was over your questionable business practices, unless you decided not to charge that mother for said formula and instead give it to her as a gift like wrongside wants to do for a family member. Apples and oranges, dude.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on May 8, 2013 19:27:13 GMT -5
I believe that the 'butchering' in question was over your questionable business practices, unless you decided not to charge that mother for said formula and instead give it to her as a gift like wrongside wants to do for a family member. Apples and oranges, dude. No! It is sensitivity issue. My business so far is not asking you for sympathy. |I am just stating the facts. Negative or positive...whatever. I went to get formula because of my sweet heart. Nobody noticed that. Wrongs giving her 2 days unemployed bro $300 is a heroine act! WHY? weren't those people saving and living below their means to meet unemployment with open arms? As an opportunity to get UC benefits and work for someone for pay 'under the table'? and get MORE then they had ever gotten when he was employed? Common! Its not a secret anymore. People do that and successfully! And BTW dollar dtores have so much to offer for small kids to be happy about! Get real! ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/yeahthat.gif)
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on May 8, 2013 19:28:36 GMT -5
BTW if you get UC benefits and work for someone for cash - there is your apples AND your oranges and some whip cream for your strawberries!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 8, 2013 19:37:31 GMT -5
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