How independent are you ? What makes you independent ?

[Nazgul Girl]

     Virgil raised a good question when he challenged me to give examples of why I consider myself to be a pretty independent person.   

    I consider myself to be an independent person because I am not imprisoned by blind obedience to any one religion or belief system, but still have my own beliefs and ethics.

    I serve my employer at my will and don't expect to be taken care of by the employer on my job.  

    I have had to remake myself many times given some of the difficulties in my childhood and as an adult.  

    I aim to win, even when I know I will probably lose.   I always have a back-up plan in place.   

    I have made sure that I am fairly financially independent, and have supplies on hand in case of a disaster, including food and medicines.   

    I know I am very capable and tough, given the tragedies which I have overcome.  

    I can enjoy myself without a lot of humanity's ususal vices.  

    I believe in that I can learn from the wisdom of others rather than going through the same motions that they have done just to re-invent the wheel.

    I really, really enjoy the heck out of each and every day, and try to keep things that send other people up the wall in persepctive.  

    I keep what I take, if I have gone through effort, pain, or money to take it.   I fulfill my vows unto God, which are at present to fund two food banks.    

     I don't like to be alone for more than 48 hours, though.   So that way, I'm not very independent.

    What constitutes independence for others ?

[Deleted]

I consider myself independent because I refuse to depend anyone for financial or emotional security.  I enjoy my own company although DH and puppy dog are nice additions.  I have absolutely no fear of what I will "do" in retirement.  I am fully capable of amusing myself.

I had to be independent because of a really bad childhood . . . father, accused of embezzlement, committed suicide when I was five; mother, at the time on furlough from the state mental hospital, eventually was declared incompetent in three states.  We went to live with relatives when I was eight or nine.  Don't get me wrong; we were luckier than most children in similar situations because there was a trust fund plus SS/VA benefits. 

I recognized how independent I was last summer when my sister came to visit.  DH was in the hospital recovering from open AAA surgery, and I refused to let her take care of me.  I truly appreciated her help with taking care of the dog (I would have had to day-board Abby otherwise since I often wasn't home for 18 hours), but I didn't want her making my meals, washing my clothes, or cleaning my house. 

[steph08]

I would like to think I am fairly independent. I am not afraid to do things on my own, including traveling. I can take care of myself should something happen to DH. I prefer having him around, though.

May 5, 2013 17:19:09 GMT -5 @southernsusana said:

I recognized how independent I was last summer when my sister came to visit.  DH was in the hospital recovering from open AAA surgery, and I refused to let her take care of me.  I truly appreciated her help with taking care of the dog (I would have had to day-board Abby otherwise since I often wasn't home for 18 hours), but I didn't want her making my meals, washing my clothes, or cleaning my house. 

I wonder - is this being independent or is this being too proud to accept help?  Just a question that popped into my mind.   Or too particular about the way things are done? I can barely stand when DH feeds the dogs (though I do appreciate it) because he doesn't do it the way that I do.

[Tiny]

Despite being a Tiny Speck in a Ruthless Universe - I make conscious decisions about my behavior and my actions.  I'm the Boss of Me.   That makes me independent - that and all the stuff Nusgal said.   

[Deleted]

Well, I meet Beyonce's criteria for independence, so I'm saying I'm independent.

The shoe on my feet, I've bought it
The clothes I'm wearing, I've bought it
The rock I'm rockin', I've bought it
'Cause I depend on me

If I wanted the watch you're wearin', I'll buy it
The house I live in, I've bought it
The car I'm driving, I've bought it
I depend on me, I depend on me

Technically, the only diamond I ever wear was a family heirloom.  But if you interpret "rock" literally, then I'm still good.

[Nazgul Girl]

May 5, 2013 17:33:00 GMT -5 Tiny said:

Despite being a Tiny Speck in a Ruthless Universe - I make conscious decisions about my behavior and my actions.  I'm the Boss of Me.   That makes me independent - that and all the stuff Nusgal said.   

   Quit sticking out your tongue at me.    I helped you become more independent because I saved you time by typing all out for you  !   

[Deleted]

No, Steph, I wasn't too "proud" to accept help.  I also didn't want things done "my way."  I just didn't like the implications of "Big Sis" coming in to rescue "Lil Sis."  She never asked me what I wanted for supper.  She never asked me if I'd like her to vacuum or dust or whatever.  I had no input into the situation at all.

I married at 20 to a very passive/aggressive person who still managed to be controlling.  You simply had to "guess" what you were supposed to do, think, want, etc.  Example: he would ask me where I wanted to go out to eat.  I would say something, and he would say, "No, not there."

I don't do stuff like that any more,  My sister wasn't that bad, but she was taking away any choice I had.

It was sweet, but very annoying.

[Nazgul Girl]

    Yes, Susanna, I undderstand what you're writing.   It's about having the ability to make your own choices.   When you've been harmed as a child, or screwed over by others in adulthood, it comes down to being able to control your own environment by your own choices.   My sister is hyper-managerial, but due to our history, I completely understand why she's that way, and it doesn't bother me anymore.   I have my own ways of controlling my environment that are different than her methods, but they are for similar reasons.

[Tiny]

May 5, 2013 18:12:46 GMT -5 Nazgul Girl said:

May 5, 2013 17:33:00 GMT -5 Tiny said:

Despite being a Tiny Speck in a Ruthless Universe - I make conscious decisions about my behavior and my actions.  I'm the Boss of Me.   That makes me independent - that and all the stuff Nusgal said.   

   Quit sticking out your tongue at me.    I helped you become more independent because I saved you time by typing all out for you  !   

Darn.  you figured out my 'secret' to independence:  letting other people do the dirty work.   Does that make me evil?      

oh, and this is sticking out my tongue:         so there    

[Nazgul Girl]

      Oh gosh, I'm sitting here laughing.   So here's one    from Looney's store, and also a  and one stray  that just flew by.  

[motherto2]

According to both of my ex husbands, I'm way too independent.  But, I'd rather be that way than needing someone to do things for me.  Being on my own makes me independent, whether I want to be or not.  Luckily, I like it!  I don't have to feel like I'm torn between doing something with/for my children, and someone who should be old enough to not throw a temper tantrum. 

That's not to say I wouldn't mind having someone to go and do things with now and then.  But I have a feeling I wouldn't be happy giving up the reins again.  Old dog, new tricks kind of thing.  I think I need to find a group of ladies to hang with when I want company.  No pressure to worry about  and we can go shopping whenever we want

[Blonde Granny]

Being from the generation of " He's the man, I'm only the little woman", I am often surprised at the level of non-independence of the majority of women my age.  What's even more confusing is that these same women KNOW they will outlive their husbands and still, the idea that he is the man, knows best, handles everything as these women bounce along in life totally unaware of what life will be like without their daddy.

I was that person until about 12 years ago, and today, my Dh tells me that I'm the most capable woman he has ever known(this even goes back to his working days).

I handle all the money, i.e. investing, budgeting, I negotiate for cars when bought, do all the insurance decisions, make reservations and all plans for trips. I can change a flat tire, take the cars in for service, and like a few others have mentioned, I can entertain myself.

My 93 y/o Mother is constantly telling me that I shouldn't do all these things, but I see where her submissive decisions over the years have left her, and I refuse to be that person.

[skubikky]

May 5, 2013 17:19:09 GMT -5 @southernsusana said:

  I truly appreciated her help with taking care of the dog (I would have had to day-board Abby otherwise since I often wasn't home for 18 hours), but I didn't want her making my meals, washing my clothes, or cleaning my house. 

Sometimes, graciously allowing someone to help us is as much a gift to them as it is to you.

[Blonde Granny]

When I married at age 19, my DH was in the Air Force.  The first 4 years of our marriage he was gone for 3, including a vacation tour in Viet Nam.  I was forced to grow up in a hurry.  Over the years as his career took off, I complacently settled into the role of keeping the home fires burning.  When he was on projects of 6 months at times, I simply took the mail to his office and had his secretary FedEx it to him.  I had a household checking account and he put money into it each payday to keep the house running. he paid all other bills.  This was far earlier than even something called an ATM card, let alone cell phones or pagers.

How times change and what goes around eventually does come back.

Rukh and others here, I admire what you have accomplished and wish for only good things for your future.

[kittensaver]

Like others have said, I'm independent because I can take care of myself. If I were to lose DH I would be devastated emotionally, but I would survive physically and financially. I also have a personal support system (family, friends, neighbors) to call on in an emergency. And they know I would be there for them in a heartbeat if they needed it.

Being independent is not about pushing away the world, it's about embracing it and all its messiness. Because you can. Because you are strong and independent and you can handle it   even though it may sometimes break your heart .

[Bob Ross]

I serve my employer at my will and don't expect to be taken care of by the employer on my job.

Sorry, but you have an employer.  That makes you nothing more than a dependent wage-slave.

[Deleted]

I am an freethinker out of scope of being norm. Maybe wishful thinking on my part.

[Nazgul Girl]

May 6, 2013 13:31:38 GMT -5 Bob Ross said:

I serve my employer at my will and don't expect to be taken care of by the employer on my job.

Sorry, but you have an employer.  That makes you nothing more than a dependent wage-slave.

   Bob, I take your meaning, but I meant it in the sense that I don't expect my employer to be my parent or family or something.   I'm not a  *dependent*  wage-slave because I've developed other means of producing income, including rentals and an income stream from a note that we have with a doctor who is paying us for an office condo we sold him.   I can also get a job as an independent contractor if necessary doing coding with the certification that I hold.   So, I'm not altogether a helpless, hapless wage-slave. 

    I could leave tomorrow, and after my crummy employer-supplied laptop pooped out again today ( overheating issue that they can't seem to fix ), I was ready too do just that.   However, I'll show up tomorrow with the errant laptop and hope for better results.   I may be leaving by the end of the year if our second rental has a dependable tenant.  

[Nazgul Girl]

May 6, 2013 13:42:16 GMT -5 @snowbird said:

I am an freethinker out of scope of being norm. Maybe wishful thinking on my part.

   I think you really are a freethinker, snowbird.  You have a neat way of looking at the world.

[Nazgul Girl]

May 6, 2013 9:12:01 GMT -5 Blonde Granny said:

When I married at age 19, my DH was in the Air Force.  The first 4 years of our marriage he was gone for 3, including a vacation tour in Viet Nam.  I was forced to grow up in a hurry.  Over the years as his career took off, I complacently settled into the role of keeping the home fires burning.  When he was on projects of 6 months at times, I simply took the mail to his office and had his secretary FedEx it to him.  I had a household checking account and he put money into it each payday to keep the house running. he paid all other bills.  This was far earlier than even something called an ATM card, let alone cell phones or pagers.

How times change and what goes around eventually does come back.

Rukh and others here, I admire what you have accomplished and wish for only good things for your future.

   Thanks for your well-wishes, Blonde Granny.  I hope that you and your DH are doing well.   I know you have concerns right now.   I liked your story about how you had to become independent early on in your marriage.

[Deleted]

May 6, 2013 19:43:30 GMT -5 Nazgul Girl said:

May 6, 2013 13:42:16 GMT -5 @snowbird said:

I am an freethinker out of scope of being norm. Maybe wishful thinking on my part.

   I think you really are a freethinker, snowbird.  You have a neat way of looking at the world.

Thank you! NazgulGirl 

[Deleted]

All the best for you! NazgulGirl

You have a very kind heart...