When my kids have a friend over...

[Rocky Mtn Saver]

Sheesh, you just need to adopt that kid, so at least you can claim him on your taxes.

[Tennesseer]

I would say no you are not responsible...unless you have now become his legal guardian.

[Deleted]

My vote is that you are responsible for replacing and you can ask for the parent of the friend to refund you afterwards.

[Deleted]

I would consider myself responsible. I would not do it.

[Deleted]

Keep the kids at your house and let the neighbor's kid visit.

I personally don't think you are "responsible" for whatever, but I would feel responsible.  And the parents might say, "Well, I didn't know he/she was going to be roaming the neighborhood."  They aren't roaming, of course, but people have a way with words when they want to avoid paying.

My son and his friends used to loan video games all the time.  He borrowed one, and it broke.  I replaced it.  He loaned one, and the child and parent said, "Sorry."  I'm sure they thought that was the risk of loaning.  I would never let my son loan another video game again (or borrow one).

[zibazinski]

Are you still babysitting that kid?

[zibazinski]

Whew! In the meantime, keep him away from other kids who might be good kids for your kids to be friends with.

[Shooby]

  No, you are not responsible.  The homeowner is responsible to know who is in their home and what they are doing.  And if that child breaks something, they can call his parents and hash it out.

[zibazinski]

Sure but if you knowingly send a kid over who has no responsible parents and acts feral to boot, I think you are responsible.

[Deleted]

Wrong, if you don't mind, could you tell us what happened to make your family decide to distance themselves?

I don't have any good reason for asking, I guess I'm just curious. I found you SO incredibly welcoming and tolerant, so I guess I'm just curious what the proverbial "last straw" was. 

Also, I would NOT let the kid visit other homes from my home. I don't think you are legally or technically responsible, but since you know the kid has issues, I wouldn't do it, because it wouldn't be good for your / your kids' relationship with the person whose house they are going to. 

ETA: In my experience, with people like that, the "slowly distancing yourself" method doesn't work. I hope it does for you. 

[tloonya]

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DD is 18 now and her whole life there were kids in our house, visiting another houses with other kids and all we knew is IF kids are at my house - I am watching them until they deciding to go to another house - then those parents are in charge. Breaking something? What do you/they have XV Century vase or Faberge eggs? Really!


though cawai's idea sounds very correct, however in reality if parents will be callling each other for replacements and reimbursements - they would soon become enemies! So easier is the following: if you let kids in - you cover your losses.

[Deleted]

Loony, I think most of us would agree with you, but not in this case.

I guess you missed Wrongside's other (long) thread. The parents are very negligent and the kid just does whatever he wants, whenever he wants. He shows up at Wrong's house whenever he wants, at her parents' house whenever he wants, he always shows up hungry, he is very rude, when Wrong offers the kids money to do things he tells her she can spend more, and his mom doesn't seem to want to talk to Wrongside, despite her efforts at trying to be friendly with the mom. Oh, he also unplugged a gaming system when Wrong's DH was playing on it, telling Mr Wrong that he wasn't allowed because it didn't belong to him, it belonged to his son. He also announced he could skip school whenever he wanted, and proved it. 

Wrongside seems to be the only one around willing to raise this kid. We very often have a "house full of kids" too, but most of the other parents act just like we do, ie responsible. These parents don't.

That's the "short version". 

I really hope that Wrong posts to explain what changed.

[tloonya]

debt! No, I had missed that story.
What if one day he'll show up and be strong enough to harm her?
How is it even possible to deal with such kid?
Isn't it the same type of cituation when if woman had a boyfriend who would:
show up at the house whenever he wants, at her parents' house whenever he wants, he always shows up hungry, he is very rude, he asks for money...
Wouldn't we all yell 'get rid of him'?
What is different here? Age of the said person? Noops. Not buying it. Rid of him before too late!
Considering his background (mom) and personal qualities (rude, money extortion) - its a bad news all over! Please, Wrong needs to get rid of this 'relationship'!!!

After debt edited it about gaming system.
Its a psychotic child! No matter how cute he is - it screams 'trouble'.
Why are all these adults allowing this mess to be happening?

[Deleted]

For now he's too little to physically hurt Wrong, lol, I think he's 10. But we have basically all been telling her the same thing, this kid is bad news. Wrong obviously has a VERY good heart so she didn't want to, she wanted to help the kid instead. Now she does.

That's why I'm so curious as to what made her change her mind.

[tloonya]

May 3, 2013 21:00:58 GMT -5 @wrongsideof30 said:

May 3, 2013 19:17:21 GMT -5 @debthaven2 said:

For now he's too little to physically hurt Wrong, lol, I think he's 10. But we have basically all been telling her the same thing, this kid is bad news. Wrong obviously has a VERY good heart so she didn't want to, she wanted to help the kid instead. Now she does.

That's why I'm so curious as to what made her change her mind.

I didn't want to hover over them all the time and tell them who they can and can't be friends with

WHAT are you talking about?
You are a parents! You MUST hover over them and tell them not to be friends if friends seems to be a  bad influence!
By letting your kids be not told what to do at this age - you are opening them for Jordan to rule their brains instead of YOU - THE MOTHER!!!
What if at 15 Jordan will tell them to try drugs? Will you be not hovering over again and not telling them what NOT to do?
Toughen up! Soft heart is not good in this cituation. Pray for Jordan to move to another neighborhood. We had similar thing and we had prayed and they had moved. Good Luck!

[tloonya]

As long as you arent kidding yourself - its ok than.
Wait, if you have lots of good discussions - why do they like this rude controlling boy?
Do you know? What is possibly attractive in his atrocious behavior to your kids who are different from him in everything? Why Jordan? I hope you know.

[tloonya]

Sure. Have a good time.

[zibazinski]

I somewhat agree with Loony. Time to pull the plug and I would tell the kid why. You're doing him a favor. Next time he comes over, meet him on the porch, tell him why he is no longer welcome and stick to it.

[raeoflyte]

Parents don't have 100% control over their kids. Wrongside could have forbidden the kids from playing with Jordan which may have worked at this age but the kids would probably remember him as being the coolest kid ever. That same tactic when the kids are teens are doomed to fail.


This way she has given her kids the ability to define things they like and dislike in a friendship, and let the kids think for themselves.

Teaching them to have boundaries and still be nice to someone who while annoying appears to be in a difficult situation is an important skill too.

[Deleted]

Wrongside, thanks for the update. It's not that I think "distancing yourself slowly" is wrong, I just think that from how you have described this child, it's not going to work, because he either doesn't hear or doesn't want to hear "social cues". Try it, you have nothing to lose. But I wouldn't be surprised if you find that ultimately you have resort to harsher / blunter measures. 

[zibazinski]

[tloonya]

May 4, 2013 8:41:07 GMT -5 @wrongsideof30 said:

May 4, 2013 8:36:50 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

I somewhat agree with Loony. Time to pull the plug and I would tell the kid why. You're doing him a favor. Next time he comes over, meet him on the porch, tell him why he is no longer welcome and stick to it.

My kids decided on their own that they don't want to be his friend anymore, but they don't want to be mean or hurtful. I don't have it in me to be that way either.

Sometimes you have to be hurtfull. Pills for the most part are bitter in taste but they cure!

And please, do not overestimate kids memory. Once I told my DDs obnoxious friend off and what do yout think she remembered? No way! Obnoxious people are different somewhat.
They don't get hurt easily as regular folks/kids. They will be trying to get their way.
And how exactly you are going to make Jordan go away 'nice way' if he is a lil obnoxious creep is beyond my inderstanding.
Next time he comes over...you don't want to be hurtful...what do you say? Come in?
Because ANYTHING except that will be mean and hurtful. I think you gal is in fantasy world.
You gonna have to cut it. And there is NO nice way. Good luck and please tell how it went.