One of my problems

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Do you want to be his caretaker till he passes?

I'd call your local Elder Advocacy Center and explain the situation.  If you want him gone then they can give you information to figure it out.

[Rocky Mtn Saver]

Contact the daughter and let her know that she needs to make some new arrangements for her dad. 

[The Captain]

Steve - Drama had some good suggestions.

As for me - I applaud what you're doing.  However, at least to me, it appears to be a classic roommate situation. 

You have the right to determine limits and boundaries.  Your "guest" has the right to either follow them or move out. 

Do not allow your guest to play the pity or age card - you are doing him a huge favor and have the right to set limits.

[thyme4change]

About the TV - there are a few things you could do...

You could get a Roku and Netflix, and try and watch movies or TV shows that work for you.  No commercials, no being held hijacked by whatever is on.  You pick it.  Granted, it is a little harder to do that, but you could chose some time per day when you are going to rule the remote, and then you would at least get some enjoyment from that time.

The other thing you can do is get an iPad and you can stream what you like to watch while wearing headphones, but you can still sit in the same room with him.  Our cable provider also lets us stream certain channels onto the iPad, so my husband will have 2 different sporting events on at the same time, until I complain that I should at least rule one or the other device.  

[Sam_2.0]

You are a good person, Steve, for taking care of this guy. Situations like that can understandably become frustrating at times. Hopefully you find a way for both of you to live in peace.

[resolution]

It sounds like a tough situation and I feel for you. We used to help out an elderly neighbor until he passed away, and it ended up being a lot more work and stress than we expected, but when someone doesn't have any other good options it can be impossible to step away.


I think drama had a good idea contacting your local elder care agency and seeing if there are any resources available to help him. You might ask if there are any adult day programs that will pick him up for a day and give you some time alone for a break. Another option might be to contact his daughter and see if she will arrange travel for him to visit her on a regular schedule.

I think you called it right on the outbuilding. If he wanted to live alone he would have moved into the trailer, so if you build him a new outbuilding there is a good chance he won't want to move into it.

[garion2003]

Just curious, why does the old man live with you?

[Gardening Grandma]

Apr 15, 2013 13:27:46 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

You are a good person, Steve, for taking care of this guy. Situations like that can understandably become frustrating at times. Hopefully you find a way for both of you to live in peace.

Suggestion (if you want one).  Google eldercare or senior services for your county.  You may find that he is eligible for aid/benefits that might make his (and your) life easier...

[Deleted]

Apr 15, 2013 16:04:04 GMT -5 Gardening Grandma said:

Apr 15, 2013 13:27:46 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

You are a good person, Steve, for taking care of this guy. Situations like that can understandably become frustrating at times. Hopefully you find a way for both of you to live in peace.

Suggestion (if you want one).  Google eldercare or senior services for your county.  You may find that he is eligible for aid/benefits that might make his (and your) life easier...

[Otto the Orange]

I say as long as the dude doesn't try to squoosh you, live and let live

[tloonya]

steve,
do you hunt?

[Deleted]

Are you looking to sell venison now, Loony? 

[tloonya]

No, I am looking for my old hunter friend from YM waaay back who had a house in praries and loved quiet...

[motherto2]

Steve, you are a good guy to let him live with you.  I don't think I could do it.  Maybe you can sit him down and set some ground rules.  Tell him you are happy to have him there (if it's true), but that you need some changes.  Maybe admit to him you aren't the neatest person, but want to work harder at keeping some order.  You get one night with the remote, he gets the next night.  Find some day activities for him to get involved in.  He needs some outside stimulation.  He isn't a hoarder is he?

[toomuchreality]

If things were going really well, I might last a week doing something like this. Maybe.



I think it's great that you have done this for so long, and that you still want to, on some level.

Venting helps. Glad you did.

[8 Bit WWBG]

If you just want more quiet time, and can tolerate the other things, then hopefully a simple talk (ie, telling him what you expect) will be enough.  If you are asking for any more than that, odds are you'll have to deal with the self-pity and sulking and all that.  It did sound like you just wanted to vent, so hopefully that helped for a while.

I'm curious what the plan is if this person were to pass away in your house.  Do you have contact with his actual family?  Do you want to be the one dealing with his arrangements?

FWIW I completely understand being picky about what people do/act when they are on your property.  If anything were to happen, the facts won't matter (initially, or at all) as a victim is going to go after whomever he/she believes he/she has the best chance of scoring the most from.  Will that be the old lady with nothing who gets drunk as all hell, or the dude with the nice house that let her leave his property when she clearly couldn't?

Good luck.

[Bob Ross]

Here's what you do:

1) Watch the movie "Pulp Fiction" and focus on the part where Quentin Tarantino's character (Jimmy) goes off about "Dead N_____ Storage". 

2)  Memorize this tirade, but replace the term "Dead N_____" with "Old Guy".  Repeat this verbatim to the old guy the next time you see him.

3) Profit.