How do you feel when people don't follow through as agreed?

[Opti]

I'm working on getting rid of stuff via Freecycle instead of throwing it out, however
sometimes it is annoying. I posted a few things yesterday stating I preferred pickup after 3PM. Well ... when I briefly checked my email at work a person emailed stating her DH was there and couldn't find it. I thought she agreed to the after 3PM pickup today but
truthfully in one of her emails she just put 3:00 not AM or PM. I had a feeling she might flake but I admit I didn't expect that.


How do you feel when people do stuff like this to you?

[zibazinski]

It pisses me off but it shouldn't. Manners are a thing of the past.

[Iggy aka IG]

Opt, it took me a lot of years, but I realized, unfortunately, we can't rely on others a majority of the time.    How I handle it is if it's something I want done, and I really care about, I do it myself.

[Mardi Gras Audrey]

It depends upon who the person is and how much I was depending on them.  If it something like I asked my flaky friend to pick me up a drink when she was at 7-11 and she forgot, well, c'est la vie!  More serious situations warrant a bigger reaction IMHO.

I've done the freecycle thing before and it was irritating.  It pissed me off when those people flaked because they were getting something for free and should be grateful enough to be responsible and take care of business.  In my case, I was moving and needed to get everything out of the house.  I put some stuff on freecycle and people were totally stupid about picking it up.  The movers offered to take some of the stuff and I felt like I couldn't give it to them because I promised the freecycle person first (and I didn't want to be the flake).  People seem to be less responsible when they are getting something for free 

[Jaguar]

I gave up on my expectations of control, my life is relatively peaceful now.

[tallguy]

Apr 13, 2013 14:33:59 GMT -5 Opti said:

I'm working on getting rid of stuff via Freecycle instead of throwing it out, however
sometimes it is annoying. I posted a few things yesterday stating I preferred pickup after 3PM. Well ... when I briefly checked my email at work a person emailed stating her DH was there and couldn't find it. I thought she agreed to the after 3PM pickup today but
truthfully in one of her emails she just put 3:00 not AM or PM. I had a feeling she might flake but I admit I didn't expect that.


How do you feel when people do stuff like this to you?

The American public is generally a bunch of morons.  When dealing with them, you can't give them excuses to mess you up.  If you in fact stated that you PREFERRED pickup after 3:00 p.m. that gave them the excuse to ignore your request.  Take heart.  Many people will be morons over MUCH less....  

[Tennesseer]

I had the inside of my home painted. One of the painters had recently divorced and had little furniture. I wanted to get rid of my dining table and chairs. I offered him the furniture in exchange for a couple cosmetic handyman tasks he could do. He agreed and took the furniture when the house was completed but never called or returned to complete the tasks as promised.

I didn't bother chasing him down. He knows what he promised to do.

[mmhmm]

I had some guys come to the house to rearrange some heavy furniture (one piece is VERY heavy).  When all was done, there was a living room set I'd asked them to take to Goodwill for me.  Turned out one of the guys was newly married and they were trying to furnish on a very small budget.  He asked if he could have the set, and I was glad to have him take it.  He was supposed to come back for a table and chairs from the deck, but he never did.  Sometimes, you've just got to go with the flow.  The more expectations you have, particularly of people you don't know, the more frustration you'll subject yourself to.

[Deleted]

Did you post it on freecycle with your address?  Or did the person contact you & you separately agreed to put it out after 3pm?

[zibazinski]

DF was talking about this today. When his dad was in business a handshake was enough. Now you practically have to threaten to sue to get people to perform what their written contract states. But think Tiger Woods. I don't know if anyone is watching the Masters but basically he cheated. Because he's a name and its all about money and sponsors now, the committee let him get away with it. If he had any class at all, he'd have disqualified himself and been a hero for once. Now he will always be known as the guy who cheated at the Masters.

[Opti]

Apr 13, 2013 17:35:27 GMT -5 @rockit said:

Did you post it on freecycle with your address?  Or did the person contact you & you separately agreed to put it out after 3pm?

The person emailed me she would take them and after 3 was fine. I waited a bit for
saying yes hoping for another offer as I just had this feeling about the person. I've actually received 4 or 5 emails thus far since Friday but nothing since 11AM today.

I have another one for something small that I will just toss if it isn't picked up by the person tomorrow. This other stuff is plastic bins, etc. which I'd prefer not to toss in the landfill. But maybe I'll put it in the plastic recyclables container and maybe someone else in the complex will decide to use them.

Yep Freecycle can be a pain.

ETA: Oops forget to actually answer the question. She didn't get my address and directions until I emailed back. Since its not a house nor townhouse with a separate entryway its a pain leaving stuff out for people. Four apartments share a landing/porch and each set of two doors is placed such that only one door can be opened to let people out at one time. Not convenient for leaving stuff out at all.

[Deleted]

So, write back to one of the others and say first taker is a no show.

[Opti]

No one else has asked for it yet.

I've learned my Freecycle lesson that in general the first responder is a flake and the second or third person in general in my area will be more reliable. I like the emails that say I would like the item and I will pickup it up between 3 and 6PM Saturday. The ones that say is it still available? and nothing else will usually send lots of short emails and if they do follow through it will be painful.

No smart phone and old laptop so I'm not in email constantly like some smartphone folks.

[Deleted]

this is why I just send everything to goodwill

[tallguy]

Apr 13, 2013 17:49:09 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

But think Tiger Woods. I don't know if anyone is watching the Masters but basically he cheated. Because he's a name and its all about money and sponsors now, the committee let him get away with it. If he had any class at all, he'd have disqualified himself and been a hero for once. Now he will always be known as the guy who cheated at the Masters.

I don't want to hijack the thread, but that is not at all the account I heard.  It was a freak circumstance with a different application of the rule than normal.  Tiger applied the usual application of the rule.  Tournament and rules officials discussed the matter yesterday, while Woods was still on the course, and dismissed it.  If they had approached Tiger yesterday during his round, he would not have signed what turned out to be an incorrect scorecard.  Because of their own screw-up in not doing that, they did not disqualify him.  He still had to take the two-stroke penalty for the inadvertent infraction, but there would not have been even a question of disqualification if they had done their job properly.

[Deleted]

I would give a deadline such as if it's not picked up by 3pm it goes to the next person (your movers, goodwill, etc).

[Shooby]

  If i am giving something away, i will no longer rearrange my schedule for someone to come get something for free.  If you want it, you will be there at such and such time.  If not, then you dont' get it and it will go to someone else.  I just don't tolerate that.  In fact, i no longer Freecyle and rarely give things away anymore.  I found that that people getting a Freebie, expect you to hand to deliver it to THEM based on their agenda.  No thanks, i will just toss it the trash.

[Cass]

I freecycle.  Sometimes the set of moderators for my group are control crazy high school girls that set everyone else in a "tit for tat" mentality.
My offers are so and so at the front porch or in the backyard at xyz.  Come and get it off my hands.  Screw the endless emails.

ETA:  Sorry Opti, that probably wasn't helpful to you. 

[Deleted]

Do you live in an apartment complex?  If they are good condition items, can you put them next to the dumpster with a sign that says "free"?

If my DD doesn't CraigsList her stuff for $s then she puts it out by the dumpster so people will see it.  If its not gone that day, then in the dumpster it would go, but so far stuff has always disappeared same day. 

[Peace Of Mind]

We either donate to the Vietnam Veterans who come around once a month or set it by the road.  It's picked up before we even go to bed.  There is a truck or two that also comes through the night before garbage day and if we don't want something we set it out next to the can.  It's always picked up by one of those trucks that come through the neighborhood. 

As far as people not following through - I only get upset if it's something important or big.  But many times I'm relieved when something gets canceled.  Sometimes I accept an invitation that I'm not really wanting to do so if they cancel I'm ok with that. 

[zibazinski]

If you're a PRO, it's your job to know the rules. If you're unsure, you can call for a ruling. He cheated to make a better shot, period. He admitted as such. Just not the cheating part. Now golf, the so-called Gentlemens sport, it's okay for cheaters as long as you don't get caught or you bring in lots of revenue. He could have redeemed somewhat his tainted character, now, good luck with that.

[8 Bit WWBG]

As was said, firstly it depends entirely on WHO has not followed through on the agreement, as well as what said flaking has done to me.

I really really try to not be the one paying up front, and to never exchange a certainty for an uncertainty (ex. I give you <x> thing, and you help me with <y> job later).

And yes, it is important to set expectations from the get go.  Shooby articulated it well: "if you want it, here is when I'm available to give it to you, otherwise its going to goodwill".

...:::"When dealing with them, you can't give them excuses to mess you up.":::...

Very true!  It is a challenge to make sure you speak precisely and carefully because people interpret words differently.  I have never done freecycle, but as a requirements writer it is very important to minimize ambiguity in written communication.

[Shooby]

  I have literally given away a LOT of valuable stuff.  Furniture, bedroom sets, exercise equipment, household items.  I had a portable dishwasher that was less than 2 yrs old in great condition that i had in our first home (which didn't have a built in and no place to put one unless i rennovated) and i gave that to a friend.  And, they used it for years and it worked great.  I was happy to give that to them.  I am happy to pass on something to other people and let them enjoy it.
  But, there are some people who get something for free and have kind of an entitled attitude about it.  I have have offered things and then people say that would be great and but they aren't sure if they can clear their "busy" schedule to come pick it up and can i hold it for them or can i bring it over to THEIR home at such and such a time, blah, blah, blah.   

[zibazinski]

That's the "entitlement" mentality at its finest.

[Shooby]

  As for people "following through", life becomes much easier if you just do your thing and people either come along for the ride or not.  If there are no shows, so what?  You keep doing whatever it is you planned to do.  I don't live my life around the no shows.  If they promise to come , do something or whatever and then don't, i don't worry about it.

[tskeeter]

Optomist, when I registered with Freecycle I thought it would be kind of like opening a box of Wheaties.  A bunch of flakes and a few crumbs.  My expectations were pretty much confirmed.  The people looking for free stuff are often quite low income.  And their low income creates a host of challenges.  Things like they can't afford a car, so to come to your house and pick stuff up means that they need to arrange for someone else to provide the transportation.  The lack of reliable transportation causes an unpredicable response.  They might not be able to find someone to bring them to your house, so they never show up.  Or the person they are getting transportation from may not be available when you want stuff picked up.  So the behavior you see appears to be pretty flakey.  In some cases, the behavior is really flakey.  Some folks are very low income because they are not capable of demonstrating the level of discipline and accountability we commonly expect.    

[thyme4change]

I called a plumber - they said they would be here on Wednesday.  Wednesday came and went, and I called them back.  The guy was horrified that he didn't get me onto the calendar, and agreed to come later that week.  As usual, he showed up, did a great job and charged me a fair price.  I'm glad I gave him another chance.

Last week, I called my window guy because of a broken window.  Whoever answered the phone said she would have the window technician call me back to schedule a time.  A week went by and no one called.  I called back the same company, and the guy was horrified that he didn't get the message.  He will come tomorrow.

Am I so forgettable?  No one seems to want my business.  

[Opti]

Tskeeter, I think you are right about the income/transportion issues in some cases.
Unfortunately because of where I live whatever I put out is somewhat in the way of one or more neighbors on my side of the building. That's why I want small pickup windows because my best place to place something is where a longtime resident keeps a couple small wooden
tables/benches smack in the middle of our landing. So ... if it doesn't fit in a small plastic bag hanging from my doorknob that's really where I need to put it ... and even management will toss it in the garbage if it is out too long.

The longtime resident I believe is retired and definitely watches everything like a busybody.
Oh well. I will probably post the unpicked up stuff in the Craigslist free section as a last shot.
The one thing I would be OK tossing hopefully will be picked up today.



I do wish people would put the day they are coming in the email instead of tomorrow, today, etc. I think everyone practically has better phones than me and sometimes reading a message
I read it a day later not realizing initially it was emailed at 8 to 11PM at night ... so I think in
one case I probably missed their intention.

[Opti]

Thyme, maybe its the phase of the moon.
Recently I've forgotten a couple appointments, so I need to get better at putting them on the calendar ...


It happens.
I did have one person who forgot to put stuff out whan agreed. (When I did a pickup.) In retrospect I wish I hadn't agreed to come back as it wasted more gas than intended and wasn't as useful as I had hoped.

[thyme4change]

Apr 15, 2013 13:29:47 GMT -5 Opti said:

Thyme, maybe its the phase of the moon.
Recently I've forgotten a couple appointments, so I need to get better at putting them on the calendar ...

Yes - people aren't perfect - that is why I gave them both a second chance.  I really liked both of these companies the first time I used them, and I don't have a rolodex full of plumber recommendations - so I would rather lump a missed appointment than roll the dice with someone untrusted.