NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 8, 2013 12:17:21 GMT -5
I suppose it would depend on how the parents' handled it. If they laugh it off and he's not expected to listen to them I wouldn't count on him listening to me. If this is being dealt with and everyone is on the same page that's different.
DH's youngest nephew never gets in trouble for anything, the kid is an obnoxious brat. Last time we were over he started kicking DH because DH had something he wanted and wouldn't give it to him right that second.
MIL limits how many times he can spend the night. She's over 70 and just can't deal with a kid that never behaves. He knows he's not answerable to his parents so he doesn't answer to anyone else either.
I don't expect kids to be perfect but I do expect that a 7 year old knows it's not acceptable to start kicking someone who doesn't give you what you want right that minute. If they don't and parents don't teach them that then I don't want that kid at my house.
Doesn't stop me from visiting them at their home, but I'm not going to be in charge of DH's nephew till his parents get him under control.
So if boxcutter grandkid was being dealt with and between everyone there is a system for discipling him should he take a box cutter to MY couch, then I'd let him stay. If he's like DH's nephew, no because I'm not going to be responsible for what he does under my roof.
I don't think that's unreasonable but maybe I am just a cold hearted person.
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michelyn8
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Post by michelyn8 on Apr 8, 2013 12:42:08 GMT -5
I found the description of ODD very interesting. Fortunately, I've never had to deal with anything like that in my children, nieces or nephews.
Have you considered having just this grandson visit alone and working from there? That way, he is getting some alone time with his grandmother like he had before there were other grandkids and you can work with him to help him understand what is and is not acceptable at your house and in other areas of his life.
I disagree with the poster who stated that just because the parents won't do anything (not that your son and DIL are doing nothing), no one else should try. There is no reason that you can't set boundaries within your own home and expect your children, grandchildren, and other family members to follow them. Its your house, your rules and I think you'd be doing your grandson (and other grandchildren) a disservice not to set boundaries for when they visit.
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amishgal
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Post by amishgal on Apr 8, 2013 12:54:27 GMT -5
I may sound crazy, but I've been doing more and more research on food coloring and it's effect on children's behavior. My sitter's daughter is absolutely uncontrollable when she has any artificial food coloring, when they made that one change in her diet her behavior improved very quickly. Think about what kids are eating that we didn't eat 40 years ago, food is full of artificial junk and additives. I'm certainly not saying that one's diet is the root of all problems, but I do think it's worth exploring.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2013 13:13:26 GMT -5
Phoenix, I teach English to eighteen-year-olds. They have their own challenges, but it is very different from working with small children.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Apr 8, 2013 13:34:47 GMT -5
I may sound crazy, but I've been doing more and more research on food coloring and it's effect on children's behavior. My sitter's daughter is absolutely uncontrollable when she has any artificial food coloring, when they made that one change in her diet her behavior improved very quickly. Think about what kids are eating that we didn't eat 40 years ago, food is full of artificial junk and additives. I'm certainly not saying that one's diet is the root of all problems, but I do think it's worth exploring. I don't think you are crazy at all. Two or three months ago NPR was interviewing a doctor who dealt with ADHD children (and others) at the worst end of the spectrum. He said the first thing he does is examine the child's diet and instruct the parents to remove all foods with additives. I can't remember the exact percentage but I want to say it was in the 90% range of children whose ADHD symptoms disappeared. After that came family counseling/parenting techniques and finally drugs. The saddest part of the story was when he stated that unfortunately, there are parents who just keep insisting that the child needs medication and refuse to implement the dietary restrictions. I understand that trying to find additive-free food can be difficult but I know I would try all options before drugging my child.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2013 22:08:53 GMT -5
I apologize to the OP in advance, but feel the need to defend myself against a poster who will remain nameless.....
Since I'm the only poster who mentioned a specific "activity" I do when have my g'kids and "someone" felt the need to make a passive-agressive remark in the closing of her post stating that since her parents live close to her children and see them often, they therefore don't "need to entertain" her kids. Well, excuse me for hitting a nerve...
For your information, I live 25 minutes from my g'kids, a distance I consider close. I'm over their home on an almost weekly basis, see my grandaughter's report card every quarter, in fact she can't wait to show me it. (1st grade) We discuss school, her teacher, her classmates, friends AND FRENEMIES at length, among very many other topics when we spend time together. Yes, I do MANY activities with my g'kids for many reasons, none of which you'd comprehend the merits of. If you want to call me entertaining, and skew it somehow as a negative...might I suggest some therapy or perhaps just a talk with your own Mother. You had an opportunity after reading (and forming an opinion of my post) to keep your jealous comments to yourself but instead chose to criticize a grandmother describing ONE activity she shares with her grandkids...because you're jealous your parents perhaps don't do activities with your own children. And let me guess, didn't with you either, right?
Some people have serious issues when they would criticize a grandmother taking the effort (despite ongoing medical issues, OR PRECISELY BECAUSE OF THEM ?? hmmm...) to make impressionable and lasting experiences and memories with their grandchildren.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2013 9:31:07 GMT -5
Lena also stated that they were very young. He was 2.5, he slammed a door too hard and broke a floor lamp - what do you suggest I should have done? And while I don't do spanking, I did offer to buy a lamp for my parents - they looked at me like I had 3 heads. I very much respect other people's property, I just haven't figured out how to teach a toddler to do the same But then again, my IL's constantly break things in my house....so it doesn't stop with children.... 2 year old little boys are destructive little creatures...so far in the last 12 hours, 8 of them he was asleep, mine has broke a large picture on the wall by throwing a ball. glass shattered everywhere. He has also sparked an electrical outlet in the kitchen island, causing a slight fire and frying the electric to half the kitchen. He has been one of the worst toddlers you could imagine. He is not the relaxed little boy that my friends have. You literally have to have a hand on him at all times. He has been able to take tv remotes apart and put them back together since he was less than a year old. At 2 he will unscrew the seat on his power wheels to plug the battery in if we forget. Toddlers are just not the same creatures they were years ago. They do things faster then babies of yesteryear. I have an almost 3 year old and a 10 year old. Neither one of them was/is destructive at all. The younger one is a lot more active as far as sports related activates than the older one, but neither one ever broke things, wrote on walls, or terrorized the house in any way (I'm sure there was the occasional accident I'm overlooking, but it was definitely not a daily or even weekly occurrence). Older son preferred books to anything and the only issue with younger son is he likes to play WITH people all the time, so sometimes getting him to occupy himself can be a challenge, but he's getting a lot better with that.
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Wisconsin Beth
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No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Apr 9, 2013 10:07:00 GMT -5
My 3.5 DS isn't particularly destructive but he is physical, if that makes sense. But he doesn't listen worth a damn. Although I think the "no hitting, spitting, punching, kicking, hair-pulling, pinching or biting. We use gentle touches" litany is starting to help, maybe 2% of the time. And he does NOT do this in school/dcp because we talked about it last week when I picked him up. The director also clued me in on which kid is bringing this in and to tell DS that "you are not X."
And the not listening means enrolling him in anything is off the books because he just runs around the gym/area like a maniac and doesn't do whatever the activity is. I suspect a jungle gym in our yard will help with some of his energy.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Apr 9, 2013 10:17:47 GMT -5
I apologize to the OP in advance, but feel the need to defend myself against a poster who will remain nameless.....
Since I'm the only poster who mentioned a specific "activity" I do when have my g'kids and "someone" felt the need to make a passive-agressive remark in the closing of her post stating that since her parents live close to her children and see them often, they therefore don't "need to entertain" her kids. Well, excuse me for hitting a nerve...
For your information, I live 25 minutes from my g'kids, a distance I consider close. I'm over their home on an almost weekly basis, see my grandaughter's report card every quarter, in fact she can't wait to show me it. (1st grade) We discuss school, her teacher, her classmates, friends AND FRENEMIES at length, among very many other topics when we spend time together. Yes, I do MANY activities with my g'kids for many reasons, none of which you'd comprehend the merits of. If you want to call me entertaining, and skew it somehow as a negative...might I suggest some therapy or perhaps just a talk with your own Mother. You had an opportunity after reading (and forming an opinion of my post) to keep your jealous comments to yourself but instead chose to criticize a grandmother describing ONE activity she shares with her grandkids...because you're jealous your parents perhaps don't do activities with your own children. And let me guess, didn't with you either, right?
Some people have serious issues when they would criticize a grandmother taking the effort (despite ongoing medical issues, OR PRECISELY BECAUSE OF THEM ?? hmmm...) to make impressionable and lasting experiences and memories with their grandchildren.
Sorry, I wasn't trying to be passive aggressive....The grands do activities with our kids as well. I'm not knocking it. We like ours to be involved, and there's good respectful boundaries, which I am very thankful of. (They are coming to #1's first little league game. They go to school plays, etc. They've even taken the kids so we could go on an anniversary trip. The kids sleep over night about once every other month or so...We even had a girly lunch a few weeks ago to celebrate my middle child getting pierced ears.) Perhaps I should have said that my older kids don't need to be watched/monitored/spent time with every single moment. IMVHO, it's different watching/entertaining/whatever you want a call it a 1 year old vs a 9 yo. If you give my middle child markers and paper, she's good for an hour. Give my oldest Legos or GiJoes, and he's good for a while too. The question at hand is the supervision of a child. All I'm trying to say is that my 1 yo needs constant entertainment/watching/monitoring/what ever you want to call it. My older 2 don't have to be interacted with on a continual basis. So, if they are at grandma's all day long, grandma can get a few things done that she needs to get done as well...Thus, watching them is not as hard/taxing/tiring/as it is watching a 1 yo.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2013 21:35:15 GMT -5
I'm sorry, too...I was harsh and defensive and I took it too personally.
I'm glad that your children have what sounds like a wonderful relationship with their grandparents. They're involved and that's so nice..I get as much enjoyment or more as my g'kids do when we're together. I didn't mean to infer that I spend ALL of the time I have w/my g'kids in an activity that revolves us being away from my home, either... but I do try to have experiences with them that introduce them to something they have never seen/done/tried before sometimes, too. I don't want to get too personal, but I do have medical issues so I want to get as much activity in as possible....while I still can. We do have normal time at g'ma's as well where they help make a batch of cookies with me, (they're 7 and 5) we color, read books, play games and cards (Go Fish and Old Maid are fun!) Heck who am I kidding, anything is fun with grandkids! Sometimes we watch funnies via youtube (they love animals; cats and dogs doing funny things on youtube always makes us all laugh....there's some hilarious cat videos..)
Thank You for clarifying...Enjoy your kids and have a good evening.
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