Taking money from strangers ......

[Honeylioness]

I rarely wander away from my one little thread but I think I could use a wider range of responses for my question. Which I will get to in a moment - but I think a little background would be helpful. (With my apologies to the seven people who already heard this via FaceBook)

In August of 2012 I stepped in to help a woman I met in an online group dedicated to an organization working with Service Dogs and veterans. At that time she had been in a rehab/nursing home facility with no return home date in sight. Because of this her cats were at risk of being turned over to the local city's animal shelter or pound. So I fostered her two cats for several months before she was able to return home in mid-November 2012. While they were with me she did regularly re-imburse me for my out of pocket for the medications her older cat needed - I never charged her for food or cat litter as I already had three cats and had to buy for them anyways.

After she was home again we came to an arrangement where every other weekend I would go down to her home (about 30 miles away) and deliver 10-14 home cooked meals for her eat - some of which would be frozen. She preferred them to doing take out with all the preservatives and higher cost. She paid me for ingredients and travel and I would add just a little extra for time since often I was cooking anyways and just set aside some servings for her. The girls and I were just there on Sunday with the recent batch of meals.

I received a phone call Tuesday afternoon from her friend/landlord that she died Monday night. I will be going to her apartment this Saturday to collect her two elderly cats (13 and 15). One of the things I promised her was that if/when something happened to her I would take care of her " babies".

This lady had multiple health issues and was basically bed ridden even though she was only 60 as of December. I knew she had been on disability for several years and did not have a lot of money.

Since posting the news of her passing onto two separate groups we belonged to on FaceBook the support and kind words have been wonderful.

And this brings me to my monetary dilemna.

Several people have said, in all seriousness, that they would like to send me some money to help pay to take care of these senior cats.

My question is this? Do I accept?

On one hand it feels odd to take money from strangers, at least relative strangers. I worry that if I take it people will think badly of me .. as though I am trying to profit somehow by her death.

Yet on the other side is this question. I know how much I receive emotionally and spiritually from being able to help Amy in the past and in this way. Is it right that I deprive others of the chance to feel useful as well?

What would YOU do?

[Rocky Mtn Saver]

If people would like to donate to this worthy cause, I wouldn't feel bad about it at all.  You'd feel the same way, I'm sure.  Put any donated money aside, let them know you are doing so, and use it for what they wish it to be used for.  It's a lovely gesture!  As is taking in the cats. 

[Deleted]

This is always weird for me because while I love to give and know it makes me feel good to give to help people, I also know I find it hardto take $, even for legitimate things. 

I would probably either 1) if the $ is helpful for the stated purpose, accept, keep tabs on what I spent and donate any excess 2) if I don't need the $, ask someone to donate to a charity which does a similar  service instead, 3) maybe 'register' or list supplies you need, and let people send the to you directly, rather than $... 

[The Captain]

In this situation, what ever you are comfortable with.  Karma goes with you either way.

Senior pets can be expensive.  Even if you don't need the money now you can take it good faith knowing that there will likely be medical expenses in the future.  Keep it in a separate fund/account if that makes you feel better and if there is any left over either keep it or donate it to a shelter.

If funds are absolutely not an issue simply thank the folks for their kind wishes and ask them to support their local shelter (which never have enough support) since you can cover this one.

Personally - I am lucky funds are not an issue.  I've adopted senior kitties from the shelter knowing they had health issues and even had one great old fellow on subcutaneous IV's for about two years.  Not a big deal so I would not take the money but would try to get some of it funneled to shelters if people really want to help out in some way.

[kittensaver]

I would take the money. And I would use it to support and feed the babies you are inheriting. And I would bless those who are moved to join you in caring for the orphaned fur babies.

[Pants]

Honey - I'm sorry for your loss.

I think if I had the money to support these pets, I would take care of it myself. But, for those who wish to do something, I would find a cat charity and say "I really appreciate you wanting to help me support Beep and Boop, and although I don't need the help to care for them, I know it would have meant a lot to Amy that you offered. Instead maybe you could donate a few dollars to XYZ Cat Charity in her name, to help cats who don't have a home. I know she would have loved that."

Alternately, if you think people would take that amiss, I would accept the funds, donate them, and maybe later say something along the lines of "I was so overwhelmed by everyone's generosity, and I know Amy would have been as well. To help spread the love, I made a donation in Amy's and Beep and Boop's names to XYZ Cat Charity."

[grits]

 

[The Captain]

Mar 13, 2013 12:49:45 GMT -5 grits said:

I am about to take money from strangers.  My brother and sister have little contact with me unless they need something.  Our dad died Monday night.  When the will is probated, I'm taking my share, and it will be taking money from strangers.

Grits - I don't know what kind of relationship you had with your dad, but I'm sorry for your loss.

[Deleted]

Accept the money gratefully. I have given money to people I have only met online. The person giving the money wants you to have it and use it joyfully.

[Peace77]

I would accept the funds to use for future medical expenses.  

My friend has probably spent over $1,000 in the past several months taking care of her elderly cats.  

[Peace Of Mind]

Honey - I just want to tell you that you are such a wonderful person for doing all that you did for Amy and her kitties.  Amy was so blessed and lucky to have you there for her and I've just totally fallen in love with you. 

If people want to help I think you should let them.  You may need the money for vet bills that may arise with senior cats.  You've certainly earned it even though I'm sure that wasn't your intentions.  Sometimes good things come to good people and it's nice to hear about it when it does as it seems so rare these days.  Thank you for sharing your story with us. 

[❤ mollymouser ❤]

Thank you for helping her and thank you for taking in her cats. Heck, I want to send you money now for their care and feeding!

I see nothing wrong with letting others graciously share in your good deeds by letting them donate funds toward the care/future expenses of these cats. People like to feel needed and appreciated and they like to help ... sometimes they've just been waiting for the right opportunity or opening TO help.

If you feel weird about cash, you could always request gift cards from the pet store of your choice. But I think accepting cash would be fine, too ... whatever you're comfortable with.

[HappyCat]

Honey: You are my hero! Accept the $$ and let me know where I can go to donate as well. Your friend died with peace of mind that her elderly cats would not go hungry or be put out in the cold and that is PRICELESS! Your generosity is an example to others and good people react to that...they want to help and say "I can't do much but I can do THIS! I can donate and make it easier on Honey who could and did help!" Thank you for taking the kitties!

[3catslady]

Honey, you are not taking money from strangers.  The people who offer are cat lovers or animal lovers and would like to have someone around like you when their time comes.  Put the money in a cat care account and use it for them.  If there is money left over when they cross the Rainbow Bridge, offer it to another charity for animal care.  You are really loved so take care.
ps:  I have 2 cats in their teens, 13 and 16, so I don't have any extra I could send you but you have lots of love coming your way. 

[sheilaincali]

Honey-  Accept the money and put it aside for the cats' future needs.  Like others have mentioned the care of elderly cats can get expensive.  If you are truly not comfortable accepting the money than I would do what BSBound suggested and encourage people to donate to a cat charity or animal shelter. 

Your friend Amy was fortunate to have someone as caring as you in her life.  I'm sorry for your loss.

Grits-  I'm sorry for your loss as well. 

[Deleted]

I wouldn't. It would just be so odd. The cats are your pets now, why would other people pay to take care of your pets? You aren't fostering them anymore, you have adopted them.

[mmhmm]

Your last sentence says it all, Honey.  Sometimes, taking a gift is really giving a gift.  This may be a way for those who cared about this woman to feel they're still connected to her and helping to do what she wished done.  Give them that opportunity.  It can offer them peace and a feeling of belonging to something that was important to someone they loved.

[MittenKitten]

If I may make a suggestion should you decide to take the money.  Open a PO Box or have the funds sent your work for the people you don't know very well.  Then you don't have to give out your home address.  

I agree with the others to set up a fund and put the money in there.  You don't know what those cats may need in the future so that money may come in handy if you need to make difficult decisions for their health.  

If you have money left over after the kitties have passed I would either donate the rest to a charity that takes elderly cats and rehomes them or adopt another elderly cat and use it for their medical care.

BTW you rock!

[Honeylioness]

Thank you to those who chimed in thus far. I really do appreciate getting a perspective that is a bit more detached than mine at the moment. Since I am still trying to process my own feelings about Amy's death.

There is an idealized part of my brain that would love to be able to tell people "Thanks, but I am just rolling in cash at the moment and expenses are not even a consideration so please send the money to your local animal shelter or rescue group."

And then I wake up.

I just came off a period of unemployment (November 2011-January 2013), in fact just started working as a contractor the first week of January so right now money is still tight though a bit easier than when I was on unemployment. And having purchased cat meds before for Ben Nevis (the older cat's name) I know what they cost.

I am leaning towards accepting whatever people wish to offer but not asking for anything. I really cannot see myself holding out my hand anyways - really not my style.

I am going to set up a separate line item on my Savings and Budget spreadsheets for these funds and then expenditures. Then let anyone who donates know that once the kitties have passed any monies left over will be donated to my local cat rescue group.

******************************************************

Peace of Mind - Thank you for your very kind words. You certainly made me blush this afternoon (and not just from the wine :-)  )

mollymouser - LOVE your gif. Looks like one of my boys trying to get to the pigeon that likes to sit on the sky light.

HappyCat - ahhhh, aren't you sweet. And yes, Amy's biggest fear was being stuck in a hospital to wither away and have her cats turned over to animal control where they most likely would be separated and not adopted due to their ages. I will send you a separate message in a bit.

3cats - How are you my dearest friend? I would not take money from you in any case as I know what you have been facing lately. You are still in my prayers and I hope you are feeling better.

Mitten - Ahhhh ...*blushing again* ...thanks. And thank you for the idea of having mail come to my work address. DUH .. but I had been out for so long I spaced on the concept that I once again HAVE a work address.

[ses]

Honey, take the money in the spirit it is being offered.  This is a way for people to honor Amy and your compassion for her "babies."  Your actions have given Amy and her friends a great deal of comfort, their gifts to help her "family" is no different than a gift to the American Heart Association or Diabetes Association or her church at a funeral or memorial.  Perhaps just a bit more practical and personal.  Allow her other friends and friends of cats to have the joy of giving.  

[skubikky]

You've done someone a kindness and now, circumstance is allowing you to get some support for this.  Take it graciously.  As you noted, it's a kindness as well to the people who are giving it.   You're a mensch kiddo and this is one way that it's being paid forward to you. 

[Works4me]

Honey - I think I was one of the ones who suggested it and thought you might want to know why - because that is the way life is supposed to be. We help each other in life where and when we can, in the ways that we can. Just like you helped by adopting her cats, I would like to help by chipping in for a bit of cat food or whatever. I have the belief that if we all do things to help each other the world is a much better place to live. Maybe it is just some of my left-over youthful idealism but I happen to believe if I put $20 or so into things that make the world better for others, that is money well spent. Am I making any sense or have I fallen into an abyss?

[Deleted]

if you don't need the money, I would request that those wishing to donate instead donate to a local cat rescue group in the cats' or the woman's name.  that way even more animals could be helped.

[Honeylioness]

Just a quick update - in the end I did decide that accepting some help for upcoming medical expenses would be okay and I have been overwhelmed by people's generous response. To date I have received just over $520 in gift cards, cash and checks.

[skubikky]

Mar 26, 2013 21:33:30 GMT -5 Honeylioness said:

Just a quick update - in the end I did decide that accepting some help for upcoming medical expenses would be okay and I have been overwhelmed by people's generous response. To date I have received just over $520 in gift cards, cash and checks.

That's really great.  Should be enough to keep the kitty in litter and kibble for awhile.

NRG:  DD is in London visiting....she sent a pic of herself at a pub with a cat on the bar.  She said they seem to welcome kitties at the pubs.  Now that's what I'm talkin'  'bout!