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Post by robbase on Feb 12, 2011 14:09:06 GMT -5
why does the husband have to "come around"? I am sure the husband did not just mysteriously suddenly adapt these ways. He was probably like this before they married, so perhaps she should have known better before she married the dude? Sounds like a good problem to have-$3.5 M and a tightwad husband, especially considering the typical person lives paycheck to paycheck. And god forbid if soemthing happens and they each lose a job or health problem, etc. that $3.5 M may not last them as long as you think
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Post by ca on Feb 12, 2011 14:19:24 GMT -5
Yah, I'm sure it would only last them about ~15 years without every finding new work or unemployment. Won't last them as long as they think?? What are you talking about? This is not some $10,000 emergency fund, it's 3.5 million dollars. Good lord some of the posters on here...
Also they live in Canada where health care is free (paid for by tax dollars not free I guess) for citizens which they are. Medical bills would be zero. I'm sure they have adequate disability insurance since they are frugal and he is a financial advisor. If not, they could easily buy some and should buy some I agree. But that's not the point of the post.
She's not happy and wants to travel a little, so it's not a 'good problem to have' if she's unhappy. He has to come around because he's unreasonably insecure about finances due to his going hungry as a poor child.
She is not asking to become Carrie Bradshaw, she just wants to travel a little and buy some new clothes. Given their being in the top 1% of Canadian Household net worth at a very young age due to saving and earning well, she deserves it.
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Post by robbase on Feb 12, 2011 15:02:56 GMT -5
Greece and Scotland is only - "travel a little"?
"she deserves it."--really? based on what?
Again- this dude did not just "suddenly" become this way, she knew what she was getting into when she married him..she just divorce him if she feels that strongly about it
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stats45
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Post by stats45 on Feb 12, 2011 15:42:42 GMT -5
She works and contributes to the household finances, so she should also have an equal say about what the household expenses are. He does not get to make all of the decisions about savings and expenses just because he grew up in more difficult financial circumstances.
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Post by robbase on Feb 12, 2011 16:04:37 GMT -5
where in the article did it say she does not have an equal say? I guess I missed that part. It says he prefers short trips (like Mexico) and she wants to go to Greece and stuff. He doesn't want to go. That's all it said. Is he required to go because she wants to? Where in the article did it say he was stopping her from going? Maybe I missed something?
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Post by money100 on Feb 12, 2011 17:15:20 GMT -5
I miss the old boards. There, Phil & Savoir Faire & Windy City Paul would rule supreme and strange people like CA in Canada would be shunned or shamed into shutting up.
The new board has a distinct and different personality from the old one: balance is important but the definition of balance is bossing your SO into something they don't want to do because "you must spend money" to "truly live life" or buying new TVs and PSPs even though the old ones work fine.
If it feels good, do it! As long as you have the money now, do it! Never mind that life throws curveballs, do it!
Disclaimer: I strongly dislike CA in Canada and feel incredibly biased against the things he says. He's particularly guilty of one horrendous offence: "Well, that's not in case in Canada/Toronto." I remember you, sweetie, from the old boards. All "it's cheaper to eat out than to buy groceries" and now this trip. I live in downtown Toronto (King & Yonge -- financial district) and my experience is totally different from yours. Stop justifying ludricous, poverty-inducing behaviour and when these good people call you on it, defending yourself with the "you don't know Toronto/Canada."
As for my opinion regarding the couple in the OP, I feel that the fellow is a workaholic, which is something that was brought about by his humble and perhaps stressful beginnings. He needs a supportive wife to rework this mindset. My sweet husband is also a workaholic and I generally ask him to request vacation days for some downtime and just book the trip. Everything's paid for and he hasn't really got a choice. It doesn't change his stress about money (he also had a crappy childhood, moneywise) but for a week, he relaxes, throws himself into different activities and excursions and returns revitalized.
Finally, I don't know what everyone's in a snit about re: the women comment. My sister is the ONLY woman I know who doesn't piss away money like a drunken sailor (this shameful group includes me). I read the comment and thought "damn straight."
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stats45
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Post by stats45 on Feb 12, 2011 17:24:24 GMT -5
It doesn't say he prefers 'short trips like to Mexico', it says that he prefers short trips and two years ago they took their largest winter vacation to Mexico. It would be more accurate to interpret that he likes taking short trips in Canada.
I don't think that this is the end of the world for the relationship, and it certainly didn't seem like that was the tone of their letters. They just have a disagreement, perfectly normal. I just think it is also perfectly normal for both people to give a little. A trip every year to Europe for two weeks might be unreasonable, but not making time for a trip overseas (even if it is a 'once in a lifetime trip') also seems unreasonable.
If it is just because he doesn't want to go, I don't think that is best, but maybe she would be happy travelling with friends or relatives. If that is good for both of them, that could be another option. Of course, the advice would be very different if they didn't have their finances in order.
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schildi
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Post by schildi on Feb 12, 2011 17:24:37 GMT -5
Mr grandmother died with a sizeable estate, yet she walked around her house at night with a flashlight in order to save money on electricity.. That seems counterproductive - using a flash light to save money on electricity.
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stats45
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Post by stats45 on Feb 12, 2011 17:27:45 GMT -5
She would definitely need a spreadsheet to determine the difference in money spent on lights and batteries.
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schildi
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Post by schildi on Feb 12, 2011 17:29:20 GMT -5
She would definitely need a spreadsheet to determine the difference in money spent on lights and batteries. yep, and it's not going to be an easy one.
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ameiko
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Post by ameiko on Feb 13, 2011 13:36:43 GMT -5
Holy hell, if I were the woman in this article I would divorce the asshole and take half the money and do what I wanted. Unless I really really loved him and then I would insist he get therapy to treat his insecurity from growing up poor that doesn't allow him to live.
This is why I am not married and probably never will.
Yes, he may have some issues he needs to work out but being frugal and wanting a secure future does not make him an "asshole." Also, those marriage vows are for richer or poorer, better or worse, etc... no out is given for if he's tight with a buck.
Also, why do you get half? If you are in the wife's role, well her salary may be comprable to his but given his excessive frugality and higher age, I would bet that more than half of that nest egg was generated by him.
This isn't a case for divorce, few cases are. It's about two people learning to compromise.
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Post by bobbysgirl on Feb 13, 2011 14:35:10 GMT -5
(King & Yonge -- financial district
MONEY: We went there for our honeymoon. Such a vibrant energy. I hope it's still like that.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Feb 14, 2011 9:55:52 GMT -5
Marrying a broke tightwad isn't always an automatic indicator that you are going to one day be married to a wealthy tightwad. Some people loosen up when their net worth increases to the point of "comfort."
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Post by illinicheme on Feb 14, 2011 16:46:51 GMT -5
The guy sounds kind of like my parents, except that he is younger. My parents have built a fairly impressive pile of wealth through frugality and investing (I don't know their exact net worth, but it's at least a few million dollars. They are 60 and 62.) Fortunately, they do take time to enjoy some of their wealth, but they're still frugal to the point of insanity that makes me shake my head sometimes. It's gotten worse since my dad retired in May 2010. Now that he has time to come shopping with my mom, spending has gotten to the point that frugal has become cheap. They now buy Great Value brand for almost everything. It bothers me that my mom now has to use scratchy tissues just because my dad is too cheap to buy Kleenex brand. (She shrugs as says "you get used to it.") My dad has said things like "if we're frugal, I think we can live 100% off my pension and not even touch the 401(k)." In a moment of frustration late last year, I told my mom "he's going to die someday and fall into his pile of money" and she responded "Yep - I think that's his plan."
I understand that it's important to preserve wealth as a hedge against future uncertainty, but there's got to be a point where you don't need to watch every single penny. Or treat yourself to an iPhone because you want one instead of thinking of all the reasons that you don't need one. It's just frustrating to watch.
In the case of the couple in the OP, I can see where both are coming from, but have to side more closely with the wife. They look secure enough that they could easily afford to take a good vacation (or two or three), buy a few new clothes, and go golfing from time to time without side-tracking their long-term goals.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 15, 2011 5:49:33 GMT -5
Illinicheme, I loved your RL example! Your dad and I have a lot in commone . Seriously, he's probably really frugal right now because this is his first year in retirement. You can do spreadsheets all you want but RL can throw you some curve balls. He may loosen up once he finds a comfortable budget. If he doesn't, feel free to use one of my favorite sayings on him "There are no pockets in a shroud". BTW-you do know that many of those store brands are made by the same company that makes the brand names, right? I'll usually go for the generic brands 90% of the time and have been buying them since the mid 70s when I started shopping for the family. But don't you dare take away my lotion tissues, LOL!
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Post by illinicheme on Feb 15, 2011 11:37:37 GMT -5
BTW-you do know that many of those store brands are made by the same company that makes the brand names, right? I'll usually go for the generic brands 90% of the time and have been buying them since the mid 70s when I started shopping for the family. Oh absolutely. I buy all sorts of things generic. There's even some "generic" brands that I prefer to non-generics ("Safeway Select" stuff may be a supermarket brand, but a lot of it is really good!). However, there are certain times when I have a strong brand preference for some reason or another (like Kleenex!). I also try to buy as much of the brand stuff I have preferences for at places like Target, where it tends to be cheaper than the grocery store. In the case of my parents, what bothers me is that my mom has long been responsible for the shopping. She could never be described as anything but frugal, but she did develop loyalties over the years to certain brands (quality, family preference, terrible experience with certain generic products like generic velveeta). Now that my dad is coming along to the store, they can no longer get Kleenex or KC Masterpiece BBQ sauce or whatever, because my dad sees a generic version that is 10 cents cheaper. That's insanity to me. Buy generic if you can't tell the difference. Don't buy BBQ sauce you don't like as well to save 10 cents when you have millions in the bank. ETA: The last time my parents were visiting, he got really upset because the grocery store wouldn't let him buy a bunch of packages of bacon on clearance. The cashier realized that they were expired and wouldn't put the transaction through. My dad wanted her to ignore the law and give him the bacon.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Feb 15, 2011 12:43:28 GMT -5
We are a manufacturer that makes private label as well as name brand items. Often we do not use the same formula. Because the margin is so much lower on the private labels, we use a lower-cost formula. It doesn't mean the product is bad - but in some cases the product is inferior in some way. The times we are least likely to do this is a regulated product. But, if it isn't regulated, we make up the shortfall in revenue.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Feb 15, 2011 15:09:31 GMT -5
I keep picturing Scrooge McDuck swimming in his coin pool.
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Feb 15, 2011 15:19:50 GMT -5
I keep picturing Scrooge McDuck swimming in his coin pool. Same here! And I have the Duck Tales theme in my head! Since this is an anonymous message board and all, I'm safe admitting my life's goal is to swim in a large vault full of coins, right? Right?!
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Feb 15, 2011 15:19:45 GMT -5
I keep picturing Scrooge McDuck swimming in his coin pool. Same here! Since this is an anonymous message board and all, I'm safe admitting my life's goal is to swim in a large vault full of coins, right? Right?! My goal is to be able to roll naked on a pile of $100's. Dream big.
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Post by money100 on Mar 13, 2011 2:10:02 GMT -5
bobbysgirl, I'm sorry I only just followed up on this thread. Decided to bump it for a tourist pitch I love living in Toronto. There is so much to do -- Hot Docs film festival is coming up shortly but probably more well-known is TIFF. I think it would be a lovely vacay for most people. There is the great Zoo, just a short drive away, Distillery District (which is so very nice on a summer evening) or the Toronto Islands a short and beautiful ferry ride away. The Canadian Opera Company is very close to where we live (they did the Nutcracker a few years ago and we loved it; Wagner as well but we missed out), as are the Art Gallery of Ontario and the Royal Ontario Museum. Tons of great yummy restaurants and tons of live theatres. Sometimes you see celebs too, if this is your thing. I saw Rachel McAdams and Eva Mendes. Also a few Canadians who are local celebs. But this is just by chance. If you really wanted to, probably you would meet a lot more because I've heard they frequent certain hotels/restos. I'm glad you enjoyed your time here, bobbysgirl! You'd be welcomed back right quick!
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Post by ca on Mar 14, 2011 10:02:25 GMT -5
Thank you for your personal attacks on me, "sweetie". I live close to you, and these are my experiences living here. If you disagree that this husband is being unreasonable, that is your opinion; there is no reason to attack me for it.
Someone posting that a "medical expense" could cause this family financial problems is probably thinking they don't have adequate health insurance, to which I pointed out that Canadian residents/citizens are covered by universal health insurance in case they thought it was an American article. I don't think that is a "horrendous offense" to make.
That you call this a "horrendous offense" do speaks VOLUMES about yourself and your personality. How about since you dislike me so much, don't feel the need to read my threads or comment on them. This will keep your admitted "bias" in check?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 15, 2011 10:10:59 GMT -5
I have 2 girlfriends who are married to guys who hate to travel. They travel together and have a ball. The wife needs to do this or tell her DH she wants to go, she is GOING to go and would like him to come but regardless, she is GOING to go. The day ANYONE tells me I can't do something ended when I was 22 and self supporting. If she wants to travel, she should travel. If her husband comes along and whines, she just needs to let him do his own thing. We used to travel with a couple whose husband was like that and the 3 of us left him alone in the condo with his take out meal and went to the dinner we wanted to go to. THAT was the end of his whining and he went along and enjoyed himself after that. I am sure if the wife just said she was going as opposed to "discussing" it with him, he may sit home the first time (and in shock because she actually went without him ) and will go along the next time.
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Post by money100 on Mar 19, 2011 18:01:49 GMT -5
CA in Canada, you're right: my experience is vastly different from yours. I'm deeply in debt ($30K) and you make enough to live well on AND take care of your financial house. The reason I dislike your posts is because in the past, you've given reasons why other posters' suggestions won't work and your reasoning was typically "it's not that way in Toronto/Canada." This simply isn't true and people would back off right away because they didn't know that it wasn't true. In my attempt to be the fresh blood on these boards, I thought I'd better step up and post about my own experiences so people would get the full spectrum of what Torontonians/Canadians can and can't do. Using that sober second thought that we seem to prize here in Canada, I am so ashamed to see that you're right: it was a personal attack. I should have said I disliked what you said, not YOU. I am truly sorry for the personal attack, CA. Please accept my apologies! I'm also ashamed that I spelled ludicrous incorrectly and of course, you choose that portion to quote! For a person in my field of work, blasphemy! As for the universal health care reason for not having to save, I disagree. While I love living in Canada, I'm not happy with the quality of care I've received here (compared to south of the border). My mom works in the health care profession and has referred patients requiring invasive heart procedures, only to be told the wait is approximately 6 months. One of her clinic's patients (not hers, thank goodness) actually died while on the waitlist. Other patients (not many) had the means to go to the US and have their surgeries earlier. I think I would prefer this option. But this is for lots of things. My birth control pills used to cost $6 on the health insurance plan we've got at work. Birth control was reclassified as "lifestyle" and totally dropped. Now, I pay $72. My SIL recently got braces. My inlaws have great insurance (too much IMHO) but they still paid $4K OOP. I don't think universal health care covers many mundane things, nevermind the more out of the blue stuff, especially if you would like quick treatment. So the guy's right to sock away some money for that sort of thing.
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