Deleted
Joined: Jun 26, 2024 10:36:04 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 27, 2013 13:25:24 GMT -5
I sometimes take mom and the kids. Occasionally an overnight with the girls. Kids and I or husband and kids will do a weekend sometimes. Rarely husband and I get an overnight somewhere alone. Sometimes when he takes the kids camping I go with mom to my sisters....
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Jun 26, 2024 10:36:04 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 27, 2013 13:27:51 GMT -5
Out of curiosity- why is that weird to you?? You get such little time to be able to spend on extended vacations, who else would you want to spend those unique moments with, if not your most loved one? I hate fishing. And he loves his brother's too. With everyone having their own families now they don't get to spend a lot of time together outside of their annual fishing trip. My husband hates trips involving going to places like museums and on tours. He'd rather stay home and work. Now, if I said my Mom and I were packing the kids up and going camping in Glacier Park this summer he would be really upset and want to go with.
|
|
kittensaver
Junior Associate
We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
Joined: Nov 22, 2011 16:16:36 GMT -5
Posts: 7,983
|
Post by kittensaver on Feb 27, 2013 13:28:06 GMT -5
I think asking anyone to take on 4 dogs is a lot, and I don't particularly trust anyone besides my parents or in-laws with them, and even then I worry when we are away. I am more than happy to send them to a kennel, but DH won't hear of it. They get paid to watch your dogs, they really don't mind. Exactly! Until last year we had 4 cats, and there was no way in h*ll they were going to a kennel. When we travel, we have a live-in housesitter. She works during the day, but stays in the house at night and on weekends (so in effect she keeps our same schedule). The cats get care in their regular routine, and the house does not site empty for days on end. A win-win. Plus DH feels much better with someone physically being there. Before we found her, we used a series of young people we knew from various parts of our lives - from work, children of friends, friends of friends - and it also worked well. Young working adults who still live at home will jump at the chance to housesit for a week and have some freedom from mom & dad . [She charges us $75 per day, less than the cost of a kennel for 4 cats. We plan for this when budgeting and saving for vacation]. As far as vacationing alone goes: I take one vacation per year by myself - to a juice fasting/detox/spiritual retreat/spa in the desert. It's my once a year chance to completely relax and unplug from the world. I'd be more than happy to take hubby along, but fasting, meditating and doing yoga is his idea of hell on earth .
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Jun 26, 2024 10:36:04 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 27, 2013 13:29:15 GMT -5
My husband normally takes two or three trips a year without me. A couple long weekends hiking or kayaking in the boundary waters with a buddy of his and usually once a year f DS travels a lot without either of us as well. He goes with Grandma and Grandpa, the scouts and his Dad. This year he started saving his money for a trip to Key West with the scouts. He won't be old enough for a couple years, but it costs $1300. You should try to get your DS to Philmont. My H took 2 groups of scouts there. He loves it. It's on the list. My Dad has been a scout leader for 30 some years now and says he needs to do that sometime. He's first going to be 11 this summer though and I think you need to be 14.
|
|
sarcasticgirl
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 14:39:51 GMT -5
Posts: 5,155
Location: Chicago
|
Post by sarcasticgirl on Feb 27, 2013 13:29:59 GMT -5
Out of curiosity- why is that weird to you?? You get such little time to be able to spend on extended vacations, who else would you want to spend those unique moments with, if not your most loved one? My family (e.i. mother/father/sisters/niece/nephew) My best friends (most I have know exponentially longer than DH) What if a couple simply have different interests? isn't it weird to give that up just so you can spend all your time with your SO? For me, spending all my "unique moments" with one person would be kind of unfulfilling.
|
|
giramomma
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 11:25:27 GMT -5
Posts: 21,566
|
Post by giramomma on Feb 27, 2013 13:30:45 GMT -5
I take one weekend off a year to recharge. I'm a bear if I don't get that time.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Jun 26, 2024 10:36:04 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 27, 2013 13:32:05 GMT -5
What if a couple simply have different interests? isn't it weird to give that up just so you can spend all your time with your SO?
I would ruin my husband's week fishing because I'd be bitching about how much it sucks the entire time and how I wish I was home.
|
|
sarcasticgirl
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 14:39:51 GMT -5
Posts: 5,155
Location: Chicago
|
Post by sarcasticgirl on Feb 27, 2013 13:34:28 GMT -5
What if a couple simply have different interests? isn't it weird to give that up just so you can spend all your time with your SO?
I would ruin my husband's week fishing because I'd be bitching about how much it sucks the entire time and how I wish I was home. EXACTLY! The idea of going to Minnesota in March and getting up at 4am every morning and sitting on a boat freezing my a$$ off makes me recoil in horror. Oh and did I mention the gross/primitive cabin? and how they will go 2 days without showering? If I had to go on that trip- we'd be in divorce court!
|
|
thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,489
Member is Online
|
Post by thyme4change on Feb 27, 2013 13:34:55 GMT -5
Why would he be so annoyed that you would point out an indisputable truth?
|
|
ihearyou2
Well-Known Member
I smell better then I look
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 13:05:34 GMT -5
Posts: 1,857
|
Post by ihearyou2 on Feb 27, 2013 13:35:32 GMT -5
You get such little time to be able to spend on extended vacations, who else would you want to spend those unique moments with, if not your most loved one? My family (e.i. mother/father/sisters/niece/nephew) My best friends (most I have know exponentially longer than DH) What if a couple simply have different interests? isn't it weird to give that up just so you can spend all your time with your SO? For me, spending all my "unique moments" with one person would be kind of unfulfilling. There is give and take in the relationship, we have tried to find vacations that suit both of our interests as well as our family to enrich our experiences. We do day trips or weekends for our unique interests. Everyone needs to make the call between what is compromise and what is simply being selfish in their actions.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Jun 26, 2024 10:36:04 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 27, 2013 13:42:28 GMT -5
Everyone needs to make the call between what is compromise and what is simply being selfish in their actions.To me it's a win-win when he goes off for a week. I don't want to be with anyone 24/7 365 days a year and really enjoy alone time. He's all refreshed and happy when he gets back and I act like I'm exhausted and had a hell week doing EVERYTHING by myself (like I don't normally anyhow), and I get foot rubs every night for at least a week or so.
|
|
flamingo
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 17, 2012 10:38:09 GMT -5
Posts: 1,932
Mini-Profile Name Color: 7c65d4
|
Post by flamingo on Feb 27, 2013 13:46:09 GMT -5
I travel without my DH a lot. He doesn't enjoy going to see my family with me (he's not into our type of fun, better known as shopping!) and he's allergic to my parents cats and he is too cheap to pay for a hotel, so he rarely comes with me. I'm good with that. He travels without me for work or to visit his family. I like that best-when he leaves me alone for a few days at the house. I can catch up on my DVR'd shows, eat whatever I want, not have to talk to anyone before 9am. It's heaven!
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Jun 26, 2024 10:36:04 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 27, 2013 13:46:26 GMT -5
My family (e.i. mother/father/sisters/niece/nephew) My best friends (most I have know exponentially longer than DH) What if a couple simply have different interests? isn't it weird to give that up just so you can spend all your time with your SO? For me, spending all my "unique moments" with one person would be kind of unfulfilling. There is give and take in the relationship, we have tried to find vacations that suit both of our interests as well as our family to enrich our experiences. We do day trips or weekends for our unique interests. Everyone needs to make the call between what is compromise and what is simply being selfish in their actions. yes yes, there is give and take. You make compromises so that you can do things as a couple/family. But what about those times when you are so far apart that there is no compromise? What if you want to go on a two-week tour through Europe and your partner wants to stay on the couch and watch Shark Week?
|
|
ihearyou2
Well-Known Member
I smell better then I look
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 13:05:34 GMT -5
Posts: 1,857
|
Post by ihearyou2 on Feb 27, 2013 13:48:14 GMT -5
Everyone needs to make the call between what is compromise and what is simply being selfish in their actions.To me it's a win-win when he goes off for a week. I don't want to be with anyone 24/7 365 days a year and really enjoy alone time. He's all refreshed and happy when he gets back and I act like I'm exhausted and had a hell week doing EVERYTHING by myself (like I don't normally anyhow), and I get foot rubs every night for at least a week or so. We had friends over the weekend at our house and I asked them how often they speak to their spouses each day during work and they said never. My wife and I talk typically at least twice a day. Every family has their own dynamics as far as how connected they want to be, there is no right answer. I do get concerned when I see significant detachment in a relationship and more of a "me" versus a "we" mentality in a relationship, those are usually heading to rocky shoals.
|
|
ihearyou2
Well-Known Member
I smell better then I look
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 13:05:34 GMT -5
Posts: 1,857
|
Post by ihearyou2 on Feb 27, 2013 13:50:56 GMT -5
There is give and take in the relationship, we have tried to find vacations that suit both of our interests as well as our family to enrich our experiences. We do day trips or weekends for our unique interests. Everyone needs to make the call between what is compromise and what is simply being selfish in their actions. yes yes, there is give and take. You make compromises so that you can do things as a couple/family. But what about those times when you are so far apart that there is no compromise? What if you want to go on a two-week tour through Europe and your partner wants to stay on the couch and watch Shark Week? Then you go for one week to Hawaii, if it is an either/or then that is the definition of a problem. I am not talking about one time exceptions but when it continually comes up then there is an underlying issue.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Jun 26, 2024 10:36:04 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 27, 2013 14:00:35 GMT -5
DS and I are starting to take vacations without DH. I grew up in CA and still have lots of family and friends there. Last year I took DS by myself to CA for a week because DH didn't want to spend a week of his vacation time hanging out with my girlfriends and my mom. He'd rather spend his vacation time on something where we can all spend time together as opposed to him fiddling on his phone while I gossip with my GF's. For the same reason I took DS by myself to meet a friend of mine and her kids for a weekend. I had a girl's weekend in December and this weekend I'm going to the beach for a night with some of my other girlfriends. It's nice to take that time to connect with girlfriends and chat about stuff. DH likes these weekends because he can take DS to go play video games for hours and hook up with his guy friends. If I'm home he'd rather hang out with me. I miss DH and DS a lot when I'm gone and love coming home to them. So for us DS and I do the type of vacations that DH doesn't like without him so we can save his vacation time for trips DH does want to do.
|
|
daisylu
Junior Associate
Enter your message here...
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 6:04:42 GMT -5
Posts: 7,066
|
Post by daisylu on Feb 27, 2013 14:10:38 GMT -5
I have no desire to vacation without DH, but we do go on short trips without the kids occassionally. Just because we need "grown-up" time.
I do wish that he would take some short trips without me sometimes, though. I enjoy the very rare times that I am able to be home alone.
|
|
sheilaincali
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 17:55:24 GMT -5
Posts: 4,131
|
Post by sheilaincali on Feb 27, 2013 14:14:50 GMT -5
In November I went to my folks' house in Palm Springs with my mom and my sister for 5 days. In January DH went on to a tournament with his friend. They are going again in March and then to Chicago in April. Also in April I'm going on a girls weekend with some friends.
DS used to spend the summer's traveling with his grandparents. The In Laws would pick him up on the last day of school in June and bring him back 8 weeks later. He has flown from CA to MN many times and made flights back out to CA to hang with my parents at their vacation house. Last year he flew in to Las Vegas to meet up with them, spent a couple days there and then they all drove to Palm Springs. He is signed up to spend a month in Germany next summer too.
We do tons of stuff together and really enjoy spending time in any combination of people- all three of us, just DH and I, DH and DS, Me and DS. We like other people too and enjoy doing things with them.
DS and I love it when DH is out of town. It's nice to get to hang out with the Boy and catch up with whats going on in his world.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Jun 26, 2024 10:36:04 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 27, 2013 14:22:48 GMT -5
We have done shorter trips apart for different interests, but anything more than a few days we choose to spend the time together. It depends on the couple, obviously, but my husband has done a lot of traveling for work in the past and neither one enjoys being apart for an extended period time.
|
|
steph08
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 3, 2011 13:06:01 GMT -5
Posts: 5,469
|
Post by steph08 on Feb 27, 2013 14:37:20 GMT -5
There is give and take in the relationship, we have tried to find vacations that suit both of our interests as well as our family to enrich our experiences. We do day trips or weekends for our unique interests. Everyone needs to make the call between what is compromise and what is simply being selfish in their actions. yes yes, there is give and take. You make compromises so that you can do things as a couple/family. But what about those times when you are so far apart that there is no compromise? What if you want to go on a two-week tour through Europe and your partner wants to stay on the couch and watch Shark Week? Jenny - that is how it is between my DH and me. I go and he stays home. Last year I went to Europe for 2.5 weeks with my brother. If you don't have anyone to go with, go with a tour group. Of course, my DH encourages me to go on trips. If your DH isn't supportive but also won't go with you, then that is definitely a challenge.
|
|
sarcasticgirl
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 14:39:51 GMT -5
Posts: 5,155
Location: Chicago
|
Post by sarcasticgirl on Feb 27, 2013 14:50:23 GMT -5
yes yes, there is give and take. You make compromises so that you can do things as a couple/family. But what about those times when you are so far apart that there is no compromise? What if you want to go on a two-week tour through Europe and your partner wants to stay on the couch and watch Shark Week? Then you go for one week to Hawaii, if it is an either/or then that is the definition of a problem. I am not talking about one time exceptions but when it continually comes up then there is an underlying issue. Or you just don't marry a person that would find it "selfish" that you would want to take a trip away from them for longer than a weekend. I'd have happily stayed single before getting into a relationship like that. edit: how is Hawaii a compromise on europe?!?!?! lol
|
|
formerroomate99
Junior Associate
Joined: Sept 12, 2011 13:33:12 GMT -5
Posts: 7,381
|
Post by formerroomate99 on Feb 27, 2013 14:52:40 GMT -5
Since DH and I have 3 preschool aged children and nobody we can leave them with overnight, the only way either of us would get to do anything other than kids activities is to vacation separately. And since DH and I are fairly independent people with different interests, I can see us occasionally vacationing separately even after the kids are older.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Jun 26, 2024 10:36:04 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 27, 2013 14:54:52 GMT -5
I talk to husband several times a day, even when only one of us is on vacation/ we are on separate vacations. i don't go to his indoor soccer games either, and he generally skips my yoga and book club meeting. Why would I go to fish or hunt... ?
|
|
sarcasticgirl
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 14:39:51 GMT -5
Posts: 5,155
Location: Chicago
|
Post by sarcasticgirl on Feb 27, 2013 15:07:01 GMT -5
Everyone needs to make the call between what is compromise and what is simply being selfish in their actions.To me it's a win-win when he goes off for a week. I don't want to be with anyone 24/7 365 days a year and really enjoy alone time. He's all refreshed and happy when he gets back and I act like I'm exhausted and had a hell week doing EVERYTHING by myself (like I don't normally anyhow), and I get foot rubs every night for at least a week or so. We had friends over the weekend at our house and I asked them how often they speak to their spouses each day during work and they said never. My wife and I talk typically at least twice a day. Every family has their own dynamics as far as how connected they want to be, there is no right answer. I do get concerned when I see significant detachment in a relationship and more of a "me" versus a "we" mentality in a relationship, those are usually heading to rocky shoals. You may not mean it this way, but that comes off a bit judgmental. I've had friends who talked to the SO multiple times a day and spent most of their free time together and it ended in divorce. I don't "Speak" to my DH every day during work. we're both often much too busy for that. we may shoot off an email here and there but sometimes days pass without that and I never feel disconnected from my husband. it may very well be my own personality- but i just don't understand the concept of making my DH my whole world. I had my own life for 30 years and when I get married everything is supposed to be WE and ME just falls by the wayside. That is a concept I just don't understand. DH won't live forever and neither will I. Something could happen to either of us at anytime. And if, god forbid, something does. Each of us needs to have a life that will help get us through the bad. I would need my friends and family to get me through things. And there would likely be less friends around for me to lean on if during my marriage I ditched big plans with them and spent all my time with my husband instead being WE.
|
|
greeniis10
Well-Known Member
Joined: May 9, 2012 12:27:09 GMT -5
Posts: 1,833
Member is Online
|
Post by greeniis10 on Feb 27, 2013 15:24:27 GMT -5
I'm not much of a traveler, as someone else mentioned: don't really like airports, travel restrictions, long car rides, etc. Thankfully I live in an area where a 2 - 3 hour drive will take you either to a large city where you can stay downtown and enjoy the nightlife or the same distance another direction will take you to the mountains, lakes, and cabins. Those types of trips I enjoy with my husband.
However, he retired 2 years ago when the kids moved out, so I never have experienced the "empty nest" as he seems to have fallen into their teenager roles: calls me at work because he "can't find" something in the freezer or where we keep the extra toilet paper. Sigh... I would LOVE to have the house to myself! It's been a huge transition and two years later we're still working on it...
Rambling, sorry, but as far as the OP: in theory traveling together sounds great, but I wouldn't mind a bit if my husband took a few short trips without me here and there.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Jun 26, 2024 10:36:04 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 27, 2013 15:28:55 GMT -5
Everyone needs to make the call between what is compromise and what is simply being selfish in their actions.To me it's a win-win when he goes off for a week. I don't want to be with anyone 24/7 365 days a year and really enjoy alone time. He's all refreshed and happy when he gets back and I act like I'm exhausted and had a hell week doing EVERYTHING by myself (like I don't normally anyhow), and I get foot rubs every night for at least a week or so. We had friends over the weekend at our house and I asked them how often they speak to their spouses each day during work and they said never. My wife and I talk typically at least twice a day. Every family has their own dynamics as far as how connected they want to be, there is no right answer. I do get concerned when I see significant detachment in a relationship and more of a "me" versus a "we" mentality in a relationship, those are usually heading to rocky shoals. I don't talk to my husband during the work day at all most of the time. He works a job that doesn't really allow that, and even if he did, he works in a little valley town that has zero cell reception so even my texts don't get through. I find it more annoying than anything because if I want him to pick up the kids or stop at the grocery store I have to catch him between work and home. We're together pretty much non-stop from 4:30PM to 6AM the next day though. My ex and I were very connected during the day. Nine years after our separation I can still send him a text or email and expect to hear back from him within minutes. But we're still divorced too.
|
|
midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
Posts: 17,719
|
Post by midjd on Feb 27, 2013 15:36:29 GMT -5
Yeah, I love the comments that go, "Everyone should do whatever makes them happy... but since what you do is different from what I do, it is probably wrong, and I feel sorry for you."
|
|
thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,489
Member is Online
|
Post by thyme4change on Feb 27, 2013 15:46:19 GMT -5
I don't think anyone should do what makes them happy. If I can't sit around and watch TV while eating poorly, all of you should suffer too.
|
|
sarcasticgirl
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 14:39:51 GMT -5
Posts: 5,155
Location: Chicago
|
Post by sarcasticgirl on Feb 27, 2013 15:51:09 GMT -5
Yeah, I love the comments that go, "Everyone should do whatever makes them happy... but since what you do is different from what I do, it is probably wrong, and I feel sorry for you." so far in this thread I've learned that I'm weird, selfish and my marriage is rocky and totally doomed!
|
|
Peace Of Mind
Senior Associate
[font color="#8f2520"]~ Drinks Well With Others ~[/font]
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:53:02 GMT -5
Posts: 15,554
Location: Paradise
|
Post by Peace Of Mind on Feb 27, 2013 15:58:02 GMT -5
Yeah, I love the comments that go, "Everyone should do whatever makes them happy... but since what you do is different from what I do, it is probably wrong, and I feel sorry for you." so far in this thread I've learned that I'm weird, selfish and my marriage is rocky and totally doomed! That's all you've learned here? You need to read more! DH and I used to take vacations (always together) but now we just don't care to. My SIL will watch our babies since we have so many and we also feed the birds, ducks, deer, etc. so they would need to do that too. She said she'd love to just move in here and take over. I sometimes worry that she would have the locks changed she loves our place so much. LOL!! But we just take day trips now or one night away max and we can't wait to get home! So now we prefer staycations.
|
|