I want to quit my job.

[mcmommy]

This may be the most incoherant post ever, and, for that, I apologize in advance.

I hate my job - however, that's neither here nor there as that would be an absurd reason to quit a job. I know that it's a paycheck and would, therefore, suffer through it indefinitely until I found something better.

DH and I have a 7 month old baby. The one good about my job (by the way, I love what I do, I just don't like the specific place of employment) is that I have been able to drop down to part-time (30 hours/week) to stay at home part time with her. For the 3 days that I work, she stays with the in-laws 1 day, and daycare 2 days (daycare = $128/week). DH makes about $2500/month + whatever he earns with his freelance work (which we never count as part of the budget since it fluctuates). As a 30 hour/week employee, I bring in about $775 every other week.

I want so badly to stay at home fulltime with my daughter. When we decided to start having kids, I knew I would go back to work - that's what I wanted. This desire to SAH is completely out of left field for me. We could totally swing it; I'm just not sure how much sense it makes.

For me to quit, I would lose the approx. $1600 a month that I bring in. At the same time, we would gain the $550+ we spend in daycare. It would also cost $100/month to add me on DH's health insurance.

I'm just not sure where to go from here. I could probably find another job, but that would probably require me to work FT, and we're not ready for her to be in fulltime daycare.

I could quit now and we could just suck it up and be incredibly frugal for a few months, but that might be stupid. DH is supposed to get a huge raise in June, but I don't want to bank on that at all.

I don't know if I'm really looking for opinions or if I just need to vent. Sorry!

[zibazinski]

The usual questions are to put out a list of your income and outgo and can you easily re-enter the workforce when you want to?

[mcmommy]

I know for a fact that we could swing one income - especially since DH has "extra" income from freelance that we don't count on. This past year it was around $6000. I do our budget and handle all our finances.

I do think it would be fairly easy for me to re-enter the workforce. I do medical billing right now but also have an MBA. I'm pretty much done at my current job - there's no room for me to grow, so I will have to leave eventually anyway.

[8 Bit WWBG]

...and don't be swayed when the man-haters come on and tell you that if you become a SAHM, you are screwed when your husband dumps you.

Mathematically, you calculate that you'd give up $1,600 in take home. However that number does not take taxes into account. If you are no longer working, you will not pay taxes on your income. The $550+ on day care is already after tax money. The $100 on DH's insurance is probably pre-tax.

What about other costs like work clothes, commuting, work food...?

What field are you in? If you are in a field like IT or accounting where a year off means your skills become obsolete, re-entering the workforce is a very different proposition.

[Frappuccino]

If it turns out that you and your family can manage with one income - that will be great. If you can't then get a new job ASAP. Working at a place that you hate is bad for your health. You may be able to find a place to hire you at 30 hours a week, you never know until you try!! Good luck! I was finally able to change jobs last summer and it was the best decision ever!!

[NancysSummerSip]

OP, I don't have kids, but I get the part about wanting to leave a place you hate. I'm there, too.

Can you do medical billing from home? Sorry if it's a dumb question, but I wondered if you could do that and still SAH?

[telephus44]

I would just ask yourself if you really want to be a SAHM or you really just don't like your employer. If you truly want to stay home, then I would work on a plan - like maybe you can plan to stay home starting in June and get your finances prepared for that. I know that personally there have been times when I've been really frustrated at work and the "I could quit and be a SAHM" idea comes to mind, but I've also done enough soul searching to know that it usually means it's time for me to change my work environment, not quit. So that's pretty much my advice, just make sure that it's because you truly want to stay at home, not because you hate your job.

[zibazinski]

Um, don't listen to the man telling you we are all man haters here.

[mcmommy]

Feb 7, 2011 14:02:38 GMT -5 telephus44 said:

I would just ask yourself if you really want to be a SAHM or you really just don't like your employer. If you truly want to stay home, then I would work on a plan - like maybe you can plan to stay home starting in June and get your finances prepared for that. I know that personally there have been times when I've been really frustrated at work and the "I could quit and be a SAHM" idea comes to mind, but I've also done enough soul searching to know that it usually means it's time for me to change my work environment, not quit. So that's pretty much my advice, just make sure that it's because you truly want to stay at home, not because you hate your job.

It's truly a bit of both ---- and I'll explain that.

I would give anything to SAH with my baby. I love her more than anything and the two days during the week that I stay home with her are the most precious days ever. I look forward to those day and am so sad when they are gone.

However, I do enjoy working as well --- I think it would be easier for me to leave her if I did work in an environment I enjoyed.

To the PP that asked about other costs --- I have no expense for work clothes. I am provided clothes (that never get replaced, but that's another issue). Our transportation costs would substantially decrease. We would probably save $100 (roughly 50%) a month in gas.

I have recently talked with a couple companies we do business with as far as bills go - I have reduced our monthly outgo by about $100.

I should also note that we have no debt outside our mortgage. The mortgage is well within our comfort zone for either one income or two and we should have that paid off well before I am 40 (I'm 25 now).

[NancysSummerSip]

What about a work environment where you could take her along? I know some large hospitals and medical centers have child care for employees. Are you near anything like that?

Would you consider a position where "part-time" meant working a few hours every day, instead of three full days each week? Granted, you would be leaving the house every day, but you would still come home to your baby for the bulk of the day.

[shanendoah]

I would definitely check in to doing medical billing from home. Its a pretty common work from home occupation and there are a number of reputable companies that you can work for. (Sorry I can't name them; I haven't worked in a provider's office in 10+ years and just don't remember.)

The other thing I would caution (and this may or may not happen to you) but when you go from doing something (like being home with the baby) part time to full time, the magic can wear off, especially when you're used to getting out of the house and being around adults.
I might suggest you check to see if the relatives could still watch the baby 1 day a week for 4 or 5 hours and volunteer somewhere where you would keep your skills up and get the adult interaction.
At the same time, I know people who appear to have been born to be SAH spouses/parents and adjust fine. But since you say you enjoy working, I heavily suggest the volunteer a few hours a week route.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

I would definitely check in to doing medical billing from home. Its a pretty common work from home occupation

I think that many work from home jobs require that you have adequate child care while you're working. So the OP may be staying home, but she won't be taking care of her child, she'd still be paying for childcare.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I looked into doing a four day work week for awhile, but when I really thought about it four ten hour days would be a lot of hours crammed into a short amount of time. Plus I'd be getting home when DD is asleep, so for four days I'd miss out on time with her. Sure I'd get one full day a week plus weekends, but that doesn't feel like enough for me.

So strange as it sounds working 5 full time days is a lot better for me because I know at 4pm I can pack up and head home. I can feed her, change her, play with her and read to her all before bed every day of the week and spend all day with her on weekends.

Your work schedule is something to consider when deciding to quit. Part time is great but while looking you might find a full time job that while it is 40 hours a week affords you more time with your daughter during those work days (like maybe it'll be a job close to home that would allow you to return home for lunch).

[kristi28]

I quit a full time job (that I largely enjoyed) to stay home with my daughter and help out with ailing relatives. I now work part time (evenings) and am very happy with this situation. Some things that you may wish to consider/look into when considering your future.

Take a look at the difference in your tax situation. I did this before I quit and the difference can be quite striking. Work up your taxes for this year again but leave off your income and any daycare credits (this is easy to do if you have tax software). The difference between what you owe this year and your calculation is the part of your income that goes to taxes. In my case, almost the first 40% of my income went to state and federal taxes.

Will you be more frugal if you are home all the time? I can be hard to be realistic, but if you go out to eat a lot more than you used to due to lack of time, this would be something to consider.

Will you get a feeling of satisfaction from being home all day? Some women derive a great deal of satisfaction from having a well run home; others go crazy and don't feel like they are doing anything useful. I have gone back to doing some unpaid research projects to keep my mind busy - and I am still a mediocre housekeeper.

And finally, what does your DH think?

Best of luck and don't worry too much about what the rest of us do - this is about what's best for your family!

[cronewitch]

Consider an entirely different line of work like waitress that you can do part time when your husband is home like weekends. Watching another infant for 128 a day would replace your income entirely but tie you down. Watching two more would tie you down, make you tired but double your income. Do that for 2 years and you could finance 4 years off.

[Urban Chicago]

I currently work part time (2 days per week) and I also think it's the best of both worlds. Don't be so quick to assume that any other job you got would require you to go full-time. Not just because of the economy, but because of the increasing costs of benefits and even desire to keep the company "Green" by having people commute less, plenty of places are looking for part-timers.

[mcmommy]

Wow! Lots of replies - lots of great conversation/points! Thanks, everyone!

I'll try to address some things - sorry if I miss something.

I have tried multiple times to work out a WAHM type situation with my current employer. It's a no-go. My boss is a very paranoid, controlling, micro-managing person. I have also searched and searched for a way to do what I do from home - I keep coming up empty-handed.

I cannot work any less hours and still keep my heath insurance (which is the same type plan DH and DD have, but my employer covers 100% of my cost as their employee). Maintaining 30 hours/week saves us an additional $100/month.

I wouldn't be opposed to working PT throughout 5 days as opposed to doing it all in 3, except that it would mean I would have to pay for FT daycare and that is not cost effective for us. FT daycare at a reputable place is nearly 40% MORE than our mortgage payment.

I think I would feel very fulfilled as a SAHM. I love cooking and baking and having everything clean and in order whenever DH comes home on my days off. I do worry about the magic wearing off, as someone else worded it.

DH is very supportive of my desires. He knows it's not something I'm saying flippantly. We're both just trying to look at the bigger picture and do what's best all around for our family. For example, I don't want to be a SAHM at the expense of my daughter never being able to do anything, you know? Or if it would mean we couldn't save money for her future (or ours).

I guess the other thing is - my job just pays the bills. I do enjoy what I do, but I'm just not passionate about it. I want to own a bakery (I know, a complete 180). I'm great at baking - it's my passion. It's what I want to do. Someday, I will own a bakery. I suppose I've just been daydreaming about it more.

I don't know. Thanks for listening to my rambling. I've just been at this job for 4 years now and it's the same mess ---- the same complaints, the same crap every day.

[sbcalimom]

I have a 22 month old and am currently expecting #2 in June. I have an ideal situation for us in that I work mostly part-time but my schedule is completely flexible so I work around DH's schedule. I stay home with DD all day and then work on the evenings and weekends. I started working out of necessity because DH is a grad student but I've found it is a nice balance to work. On average, I work about 20-25 hours a week during the bulk of the year and 40+ in the Summer. It does mean DH and I don't get a lot of time together but for now, it allows me to be with DD a lot and it minimizes childcare costs which is also nice.

Perhaps you can find something in your field that allows flexible hours and then build up a freelance baking career until that can replace the billing stuff.

[zibazinski]

Maybe you can get a part-time job at a bakery nights and weekends?

[yogiii]

mcmommy - Do you plan on having more kids? I have an 8 month old DS and sometimes I feel the same way. I work FT right now but I took the first 5.5 months off. I do think that working is good for me but I wish it could be part time. Right now I don't see that in my future. I hope to have #2 in a couple years and then perhaps re-evaluate and go down to part time. I guess I'm just saying maybe you can trudge along for a little time and do the SAHM thing when you have more kids?

[Firebird]

Feb 7, 2011 14:32:30 GMT -5 shanendoah said:

I would definitely check in to doing medical billing from home. Its a pretty common work from home occupation and there are a number of reputable companies that you can work for. (Sorry I can't name them; I haven't worked in a provider's office in 10+ years and just don't remember.)

The other thing I would caution (and this may or may not happen to you) but when you go from doing something (like being home with the baby) part time to full time, the magic can wear off, especially when you're used to getting out of the house and being around adults.
I might suggest you check to see if the relatives could still watch the baby 1 day a week for 4 or 5 hours and volunteer somewhere where you would keep your skills up and get the adult interaction.
At the same time, I know people who appear to have been born to be SAH spouses/parents and adjust fine. But since you say you enjoy working, I heavily suggest the volunteer a few hours a week route.

Awesome suggestions from shanendoah, who has excellent instincts and is spot on much of the time. I'd pay a lot of attention to this post.

Never having been in this situation, the only thing that really comes to mind for me is the idea that your baby girl needs Mommy to be happy and healthy. Working at a job you hate (or at a company you hate) can be soul-killing after awhile, even if it's not that bad at first. So look down the road a couple of years. Do you already feel resentful of the time you lost with your daughter? Do you already feel like it's not worth it? If so, I'd say you have your answer. Create an exit plan and get the hell out of there.

You are very fortunate to be in a position to make such a choice-- many are not. I say this not to make you feel guilty by any means, but to encourage you to take advantage of your good fortune and do what you feel is right! She won't be young forever, and you do sound very employable so I doubt it would impact your career much to take a few years off.

[Clifford]

Since Gowron is the only male to post so far, I'll chime in. My wife stopped working when our first child was 6 months old for the same reasons. Best decision ever. If you have some housekeeping skills (don't take that the wrong way), the entire family will benefit from the decreased stress in the home thanks to a clean area, no rushing for meals, and other such things. Since you can bake, I am sure that you can save money preparing dinner and lunches/leftovers.
Also, baking is a skill. Sell it even without a bakery. I have a SAHM friend who makes delicious cheesecakes at home. $20 each yields $15 in profit. Sell 7 and make up the loss to insurance. 20 covers insurance and his gasoline to work. Make some pastries and breads and take your child to the farmer's market once a week. You can get quality time and socialize while contributing to the bottom line. Staying at home is not the end of potential income streams.

[Deleted]

My friend is a SAHM who used to work as a pastry chef. She sells goodies to her friends and people she's met through playgroups and by leaving her card at kid friendly places. She also watches a child the same age as her son in the afternoons. She found the babysitting gig through craigslist.

I second Firebird in saying shanendoah's post is spot on. I have one morning a week where I get out without DS and pursue a hobby. It's good for both of us.

[debtheaven]

As an older mom of four kids, I'd like to point something out from my experience. Remember my advice is worth exactly what you paid for it.

Your kids will always benefit from having you around. I may get a lot of flak for this, but IMO, anybody competent and affectionate can take care of a healthy baby. YOU may not want that, and I TOTALLY understand that. But, when your kids are older, then they will need or want YOU, not just a kind, affectionate and competent caretaker.

No solution is perfect, but in my experience, part-time work comes as close as it gets. I would encourage you to keep your job (or find another one since you are unhappy there.) Do take some time off between the two.

I always worked three or four days per week. But as a mom of four kids ages 12-24 now, I would like to point out that even though you desperately want to stay home with your baby, it is VERY likely that you will still want some quality time and flexibility later on to spend some time with him or her, to to drive him or her to sports / theater / tennis / horse-riding, whatever, to be on the PTA, to be active in their hobbies. Plus, you may well have another child or two by then.

More money now = more options later. Yes I ended up on the "mommy track" to some extent. But if you are feeling this way now, I doubt that you'd be feeling that once your child enters preschool or school, you can then start working a ton of hours.

Some people live to work, and some people work to live. If you have a decent income now, I would suggest that continuing to work part-time leaves you more options for later. Maybe if you continue working PT now, once they are in preschool you will have more money to launch that business ...

Big kids benefit from having their parents around too ...

Best of luck!

[Firebird]

Excellent point, debtheaven. Older kids probably benefit from the difference between Mommy and daycare much more than little babies do.

[debtheaven]

Aw thanks Firebird! I really appreciate your post because this is something I feel very strongly about.

I am in France so I always had generous maternity leaves for my babies. But, I could never afford to take any extra time off. I left my old job with a very generous payout in Jan 2009, and for the first time in my life I decided to take a year off. I could drive my kids anywhere they needed to go, be anywhere they needed me to be, I was at their total disposition for 12 months. It was WONDERFUL! I saved money by being home, shopping better, cooking from scratch, etc.

And it was very, very timely. Literally my last day of work (at the co I had been at for 18 years) we found out DD was having serious problems. I was SO THANKFUL that I could take time off when she needed me. She was 16 then, she's 18 now, and thank Gd she is doing well now.

And I am working again too, and I'm stepping it up now to pay for DD's college. But my time off gave my kids both closeness and confidence. As time went on it went from "of course I can pick you up!" to "no sorry I can't pick you up today you need to work it out." And they did.

Again, there is no perfect solution, but IMO working PT long-term beats not working and / or working full-time short-term.

[Firebird]

Thanks for sharing that, debtheaven. There's nothing more important in life than being there for your family when you're needed the most.

It made a huge difference to me having my mom there while I was growing up. It's something you can't really quantify. That's why I tend to say "go for it" in situations like this-- but I'm glad you offered your perspective, because I never thought about having more options when your kids are older and specifically need YOU by working more when your kids are younger and can be cared for by anyone qualified.

[mcmommy]

Thank you so much for your replies!

To the person that said (paraphrase) that being passionate about something doesn't necessarily mean it would be a good business - I totally get that and understand that. I'm also passionate about sleeping in and not exercising! But, baking is something I know that I am good at. I have started working on a business plan and have even looked at how much renting kitchen would be. I do sell quite a few of my desserts to friends. I even have an upscale bakery where I am that wants to buy one of my desserts from me to sell in the bakery. I would just start out as a sell-from-home bakery and get a store front later, but my state requires a separately licensed kitchen to be able to sell food from home. I want to adhere to the health codes, so I haven't figured out if I have a way of getting around that.

I know that I am fortunate to be able to work part-time. Maybe the solution needs to be that I drop that required 30 hours/week. (It's actually 60 hours/pay period for an average of 30 hours/week). I think making sure I get all my hours in is what is so stressful. Dropping below that threshold would mean I would lose my health insurance and would have to pay the $100/month to be on DH's. However, since I know we could swing it on just DH's income, I know that we could swing that extra $100/month. Perhaps that should be our short-term solution and that would resolve a lot of stress and free me up a little. For example, my baby is sick right now....but I can't stay with her as much as I want because I have to get my hours in to keep my insurance.

(sidenote: This board seems way nicer than the MSN board!)

[mcmommy]

Feb 9, 2011 8:58:25 GMT -5 Lady Gaga Gaga Snerd said:

I think you just take one thing at a time. First, establish your life in the manner that will work be it SAHM, PT, etc. Then once you get settled in, then you can begin to explore pursuing your bakery.

I know. I really don't think the bakery is in the short-term plans. I was using it to point out that I don't want to do medical billing forever. I enjoy it, I'm very good at it, and it certainly pays the bills, but it's not what I hope to be doing 10 years from now.

[mcmommy]

Feb 9, 2011 13:57:40 GMT -5 CCL said:

Not to be discouraging, but I think you may find it's just too expensive and time-consuming to rent out a kitchen to do the baking. You have to sell a lot of baked goods to make it worthwhile.

I think your idea of just cutting back your hours might be the best solution, at least for now. Believe me I know what it's like to have a sick baby. It's very stressful to have to go to work knowing your little one is sick. Is it possible that you might be able to pick up extra hours occasionally just not be committed to it every week? Then you would just be losing the $100 for insurance.

In the meantime, I would start trying to save some of your paycheck or using it to pay down some bills like car payment or whatever you have. Then you can reevaluate in a few months and if you decide to quit working you'll have a cushion or a little less expense to pay.

Don't be too hard on yourself. It takes a while to adjust to being a new mom. If you can get some extra sleep or just take some time to do something you enjoy it makes things easier.

We do save quite a bit of what we earn. Like I said, we have no debt other than a very manageable mortgage - so no car payment, etc.