Net Nannies, what do you know about them?

[Deleted]

Ya ya it's me again

Sooooo LGW, my creative little 9 year old, likes to play on the internet. She plays the My Little Pony video game, and Cut the Rope and You tubes Gangham Style videos and My Little Pony videos...and impersonates a man she is angry with and invites males to have gay sex at his house, address supplied. 

Obviously she is losing internet access for a while but it's not realistic to expect I will keep her off of it forever.

Anyone have experience with a good net nanny program that will allow me to monitor her internet usage on her tablet from my computer?

[kittensaver]

Well I don't know if this will work for you or not, but  - -

In our house, we set it up so the only internet access was the computer out on the counter between the kitchen and the TV room. If the girls were on the internet, we were there (they did not have the password to sign on). Granted, at that time the internet was in its early years, but they still used it for school research and talking to their friends through MySpace (remember THAT?). They had a computer in their room with a printer, but that was for non-internet games, homework, etc. They never had unlimited, unfettered access to the internet (at least at our house) until they went to college. But they were also not "problem" children. And I also recognize times have changed.

The problem with net-nannies is that YOU become the nanny of IT. Many of them require regular monitoring to make sure that key words don't get missed. And new sites with keywords you wouldn't think about as problematic pop up almost daily. It's a huge pain in the backside. And in the end it runs you ragged and doesn't solve your problem if darling LGW is hellbent on bad mischief.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Can you password code it?  When my  brother got caught looking at porn and caused a virus to be downloaded into my parents computer my mother locked the internet so he couldn't get on unless he knew the password. .. which he didn't.  He was really pissed when he found out and got even more pissed when I would not tell him how to overwrite it.

Only time he could be on was when my parents were home so they could put in the password.   The computer was kept in the living room and they reserved the right to look over his shoulder at any time.

You could possibly take it even a step further and lock the computer like you often do with work computers.  Then she can't get on without your username AND password. Only time she can be on the computer is when you are around to allow her access.

[The Captain]

WOW.

Sounds like you have your hands full.  Good luck!

As far as the internet nanny thing goes - I'm in agreement with the "computer out in public space" crowd.  If you little darling is that creative and smart at 9 (and yes, that is a compliment) she will be able to figure out how to work around the primitive net nanny programs that are out there.

[Deleted]

According to my sources, what I want is a keylogger. It will monitor everything she is doing and email me reports and screen shots. I don't want to physically stop her from doing stuff. I want to teach her not to do it!

[Deleted]

Did I mention I am not going to tell her about the keylogging program and just let her think I'm psychic?

[Chocolate Lover]

  OMG, that's hilarious!! In an evil, you can't let her do that, but you have to give the creativity some credit, kind of way.  You are going to help her harness her powers for good, right? Or steer her toward the Canadian version of the CIA or something? 

[Deleted]

Jan 25, 2013 15:31:10 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

  OMG, that's hilarious!! In an evil, you can't let her do that, but you have to give the creativity some credit, kind of way.  You are going to help her harness her powers for good, right? Or steer her toward the Canadian version of the CIA or something? 

Ya, I admit it, I laughed.  And yes, I need to redirect that energy.

[Chocolate Lover]

Good luck with it, I have no suggestions. ;D

[Deleted]

I would try to find out why she is angry with this man. Is she entitled to therapy?

Later, could you be liable for her doing that from your computer (or home, or IP address?)

Personally I wouldn't worry about Net Nanny, I would zap her internet access so fast her head would spin. I guess it's not for nothing that she has been to so many foster homes?

Sheesh, if she's doing this at nine, what's going to happen when she's 12?

I hope she doesn't realize you're secretly admirative of her skills, lest she continue to try to impress you. I'd be scared that the next time she was angry at me, she'd announce a party at my house on FB.

A 9YO doesn't NEED internet access. I'd start there.

Sorry if this sounds harsh. I know you want the best for her but it sounds like she is much more of a handful than GW was (and GW was older when you got her). You may need to be much, much tougher than what you are used to.

ETA If I remember correctly, you have a trip to Disney planned? And, you have back-up care for the kids when you need to be away?

That might be another place to start. GW and I are going to Disney, not sure you are. Again, Disney, like internet access, is a privilege that needs to be earned.

Good luck!

[Deleted]

I know why she is angry with him and it (the anger) is warranted. She is getting counselling for that. Her internet access has been cut for the weekend. That is a big deal in her world. The offending post has been deleted. She has no idea I saw a funny side to it. 

No one needs internet access but it is a fact of life in today's world. Denying her access for the rest of her time with me does not teach her to use it as a tool safely. 

[Deleted]

Denying her access for the rest of her time with me does not teach her to use it as a tool safely.

I agree Later. But, I do think a weekend is quite short.

Good luck!

[speechchick71]

How do you think that having a key logging program on her computer and still "allowing" her to access what she wants and having you be "psychic" in terms of "knowing" what she does is going to teach her not to do those types of things on the internet?  I would be denying her internet access for a bit.  All of those games can be played on a smart phone/tablet that doesn't require internet access.  I might even consider taking away the games and putting extra homework or a book in her hands.  By putting a key logger program on your computer, all of YOUR keystrokes will be recorded as well.  It seems that having that sort of program could be very daunting (time consuming to go back and look at everything) and punishments, especially for a 9 year old, are best delivered quite soon after the offending act.  With a key logger, the 'punishment' will only take place after a long delay and will not be nearly as effective.  My opinion is that learning that some sites are not appropriate for her would be better than punishing her after the proverbial horse is already out of the barn.  What does the counselor say about this? 

I have heard of families having a separate account/password for the kids to get on the computer with offending sites being denied.  I have also heard of parents who change the password to the wireless every day with the kids having to earn the privilege of getting the password.  And computers should be kept in the open.

It sounds like you have your hands full with this young lady.  I'm sad to hear that she already knows about gay sex and that she is able to portray herself as not only a male, but an adult male.  Many kids really thrive on knowing what their boundaries are, even if they are strict...but the punishment that you 'threaten' if the boundary is crossed must be consistent.

[Deleted]

She has lost internet privileges.
The key logger program would go on her tablet not my computer.
She will have rules about what to access and what to stay away from, the program is so that I can know if she is following those rules. The joke about letting her think I am psychic is a referance to getting her to understand that I am paying attention and she can't easily get away with things.
She did not do a good job imitating the man, she just said she was him. 
What world do your kids live in that they don't know about gay sex by the age of 9? 
This stunt has been used on most of the crime dramas I watch, excuse me (and her former families) for not sending her out of the room when we watch Law & Order or CSI.

I must be considered a real Money Boards mother, lots of you are criticizing my parenting style!

[Deleted]

My kids knew gay people loved someone of the same gender at that age. But not the details of gay sex. I'm not sure exactly what was referenced in the message. 

[Deleted]

Agreed. I also think that at nine this is troubling. It sounds like she's getting counseling though, and later is aware/taking steps.

[Deleted]

Guys, I just got her six weeks ago. Did you guys start with your babies by punishing them every time they cried? I am the FIFTH foster home she has been in in 2 years. I am addressing the behaviours and I have seen progress with the tantrums and the chores. I don't need perfection overnight here.

[Deleted]

And she already knows whatever it is she knows about sex and soliciting it. Obviously she hasn't had good examples of healthy and respectful sexual behaviour or behaviour around sex or however you want to describe it. I can't exactly punish her for knowing more than you guys think she should know at her age.

[Deleted]

I am putting safe guards in. I don't think of the internet as a right or a need, just a part of modern living. She is already exposed to it and flies around it with an ease that a lot of members of these boards would envy. It is too late to put that genie back in the bottle. And most of the things she does are very age appropriate. Watching My Little Pony and playing kids video games. So my approach is to try to teach her safe surfing and appropriate internet behaviour.

[Miss Tequila]

Jan 26, 2013 23:36:18 GMT -5 @justaposter said:

And she already knows whatever it is she knows about sex and soliciting it. Obviously she hasn't had good examples of healthy and respectful sexual behaviour or behaviour around sex or however you want to describe it. I can't exactly punish her for knowing more than you guys think she should know at her age.

Oh Later, while the immature 13 year old in me (not to mention, vindictive bitch!) finds it hysterical that she would do something that evil to someone, I have to agree with MM and oped...it makes me sad that she even knows what any of that is.  I don't know the answer (thank God I've never had to deal with this) but it sounds like you are doing the right thing by having her in counseling. 

[seriousthistime]

Apparently some adult males are now My Little Pony fans.  They refer to themselves as a bronies.
Google it.  The only reason I mention it is that I don't know if the games your girl is playing online are with other players, and whether they can chat. If so, watch out.  I don't think you want her chatting with an adult male even if it is innocent chat about My Little Ponies.

I heard of this when I read of an arrest for child porn and when the police went to arrest the guy, they found he had quite a collection of My Little Ponies in addition to the porn.  I mentioned it to my son and he said the guy was probably a brony.  I had to look it up.  I'm not saying that bronies are child pornographers (other than the one I read about), but you might want to do a google search for brony porn, brony lingerie, brony masturbation, etc.   

[Deleted]

I'll look that up serious.

Anyway, for an update. I never put internet access back on LGW's tablet. If she wants to access the internet she needs to ask to use my laptop and she uses it pretty much right next to me. She has accepted these boundaries and is very open when I go to look at what she is doing (she used to hide it and tell me I couldn't look)

Progress, bit by bit.

[Deleted]

We are making progress on the bonding/attachment process but I think it has more to do with the 400 page My Little Pony activity book I bought her for $5.

[Sum Dum Gai]

So, I'm sure I'm going to catch flak for this, but ours were 9 and 10 I think when they got their own computers.  They have totally unrestricted access to the internet.  We set some basic safety rules, like NEVER giving out our real names, address, or even telling people what city we live in while online, but for the most part we let them do their thing.  They don't know that I check out their browser history occasionally to make sure they're not getting into anything really really weird.  So far they haven't done anything online to get themselves in trouble, but if they fall behind on homework or whatever I take the power cable from their computer.

The gay sex solicitation would definitely lead to a long talk, and a temporary loss of computer privileges, but I agree that computers and the internet are an important tool that every kid should be learning to use.  She's going to work in a world where at least basic computer skills are expected of every single employee.

[973beachbum]

I am going to sound crazy by my 17 yr old DD just explained to me what the online game of "My little Pony" is really about.

I hate to say it but the 40 old dude wanting to play sex games on the internet really is in the right place at the My Little Pony online game but no 9 year old should be!!  She said she knows a bunch of adults that are really into it and she was completely confused until they explained the whole game to her.  I know it isn't really the point of this thread but I just thought there may be others out there like me who wouldn't know that.

[seriousthistime]

I had some idea when I heard about bronies. I'm afraid to ask what the online game is really about, 973beachbum.  Fortunately I have no kids (underage or otherwise) at home any more.


laterbloomer, maybe you want to investigate on your own or PM 973beachbum? 

[kittensaver]

urbandictionary.com can enlighten you

[8 Bit WWBG]

That explains the weird guys that have been showing up at my house...

OK I meant to reply to this thread earlier.  I'm sorry you are going through this laterbloomer.  As others have said, the internet is just an outlet for the real problem -- the fact that she followed through on her idea.  Most of us have probably been a few cosmos deep, and joked about doing something online to someone else.  Your GW actually DID it.

We'll skip the possible legal repercussions -- those are evident.  Pray that the post wasn't archived before being deleted.

You said she has a tablet.  Is it an iPad, Android, or Windows tablet?  Keyloggers can be found, but by the time you review the log, the damage is likely done.  A keylogger will help you see exactly what she has done.  Net Nanny won't help if the sites she is using are not inherently bad.  It wouldn't block YM, for example.

Even if you take the internet away, it doesn't mean she can't do something via the phone or something else.

My Mom once read something my sister sent that was full of bad language.  She told her that the ISP called and alerted her.

ETA: there is a lot of wisdom in my Mom's action.  It made my sister really think.  Its one thing to say "<consequence> COULD happen".  Its quite another to say <consequence> DID happen.

Its probably just as borderline to say that you were contacted about the post and may face legal push back from the person.

Now stop sending men to my house.  If you must, at least send guys with pizza.

[Deleted]

As others have said, the internet is just an outlet for the real problem -- the fact that she followed through on her idea.

I think she picked up the idea from tv shows and doesn't grasp the severity of what she did. Though she is grasping that I think it is a big deal.

I know the impression my 2 threads have given of her. That is really too bad because she has a very loving side as well. She always offers others some of whatever she has. She always defends GW if she thinks she needs it. She is very loving and gentle with both the cat and dog. She is very smart at school.

[Deleted]

Now stop sending men to my house.  If you must, at least send guys with pizza.

LOL