susanb
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Post by susanb on Dec 12, 2012 13:52:43 GMT -5
A friend emailed me this article yesterday. Enjoy "To be sure, all such evidence will never outweigh the desire to procreate, which is one of the most powerfully encoded urges built into our DNA. But a new paper shows that parents fool themselves into believing that having kids is more rewarding than it actually is. It turns out parents are in the grip of a giant illusion. The paper, which appears in the journal Psychological Science, presents the results of two studies conducted by Richard Eibach and Steven Mock, psychologists at the University of Waterloo in Ontario. The studies tested the hypothesis that “idealizing the emotional rewards of parenting helps parents to rationalize the financial costs of raising children.” Read more: healthland.time.com/2011/03/04/why-having-kids-is-foolish/#ixzz2ErheYhgg
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 12, 2012 13:58:03 GMT -5
Yay, yet another article that informs me I am an idiot for having children.
Guess some lab had to justify keeping their funding.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2012 13:59:33 GMT -5
YES YES YES and OH YES!
But it is no different than folks stating that: - everyone has credit card debt - everyone leases - it makes more sense to lease than to buy - might as well buy my dream home now
Everyone gets defensive over their decisions and feel a need to defend/protect
Fact: SAHM vs Working moms - I don't feel one is better than the other but the war will never end because you will have those in both camps that will feel the need to justify their position an why it is the right choice.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 12, 2012 14:01:00 GMT -5
So how long before this gets labeled as a disease and we see commericals for drugs to treat "parental illusion disorder".
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2012 14:02:28 GMT -5
Yay, yet another article that informs me I am an idiot for having children. Guess some lab had to justify keeping their funding. No one said you are an idiot; but just stating a fact: Parents tend to make parenthood sound easier than it is. Why do you think so many women suffering from postpartum depression are so ashamed and afraid to come out: Because so many women out there are screaming to the world that they should be happy, grateful, this is the best moment of their lives and feeling any other way is WRONG!
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susanb
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Post by susanb on Dec 12, 2012 14:03:46 GMT -5
So how long before this gets labeled as a disease and we see commericals for drugs to treat "parental illusion disorder". Not sure who would want to take that. My mom wouldn't take any drug that burst her illusion that I walk on Jello water.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 12, 2012 14:04:44 GMT -5
Would it make the kids go away? Or just numb the pain a bit...Depends on what you wash the pill down with.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Dec 12, 2012 14:05:12 GMT -5
You could probably say that of anything. Close, long-term relationships come with a lot of ups and downs, heartburn and rewards. The bond with your kids can be stronger than with a spouse (in some circumstances.) They share your space. They share your life. You can't escape them. There are days it sucks eggs, and days when it is awesome to have those ties. I guess the reality of how rewarding it actually is depends on how close you end up being with your children.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Dec 12, 2012 14:05:45 GMT -5
Huh??? I've yet to meet those parents.....
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 12, 2012 14:09:45 GMT -5
I was screened so many times for PPD that I started to doubt my answers. And I don't see anywhere in the article that talks about how this will help arents because now they can share their true feelinsg that parenting can suck. itBasically what it says is that having kids is a stupid decision but we tell ourselves it isn't. Well duh. Pretty much any decision I make in life if I look hard enough can be considered a stupid deicsion from a finanical standpoint. I'd be way better off without pets. I'd be way better off not married to DH, but I still did it. What exactly does this study prove?
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susanb
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Post by susanb on Dec 12, 2012 14:10:58 GMT -5
Huh??? I've yet to meet those parents..... I would be happy to introduce you to my MIL. Her quest for grandchildren is not to be dampened with reality.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Dec 12, 2012 14:11:24 GMT -5
Huh??? I've yet to meet those parents..... I would be happy to introduce you to my MIL. Her quest for grandchildren is not to be dampened with reality. Are you married to my DH's brother?
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Dec 12, 2012 14:11:59 GMT -5
That Psychologists know how to spend money on stupid things just like everyone else.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Dec 12, 2012 14:12:28 GMT -5
That Psychologists know how to spend money on stupid things just like everyone else. I wonder if they have kids.
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susanb
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Post by susanb on Dec 12, 2012 14:14:12 GMT -5
What exactly does this study prove? I dunno. Ironically, the friend who sent it to me is a happy mom of one who is actively trying to be a happy mom of two.
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susanb
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Post by susanb on Dec 12, 2012 14:15:02 GMT -5
I would be happy to introduce you to my MIL. Her quest for grandchildren is not to be dampened with reality. Are you married to my DH's brother? No, but I would trade you in for my SIL any day of the week. ;D
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Dec 12, 2012 14:16:43 GMT -5
What exactly does this study prove? I dunno. Ironically, the friend who sent it to me is a happy mom of one who is actively trying to be a happy mom of two. maybe she's not happy?
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 12, 2012 14:16:58 GMT -5
That Psychologists know how to spend money on stupid things just like everyone elsePretty much. Gotta get something published in order to keep your funding. This works. "Having kids is stupid and here are all the reasons why but you're going to do it anyhow because biology trumps economics, so nevermind". Nobel prize winning material right there.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2012 14:18:46 GMT -5
Emotional rewards are completely subjective. It is impossible for parents to be wrong about how good they feel about being parents.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2012 14:19:07 GMT -5
What exactly does this study prove? The obvious... Wouldn't be the first study stating wasting resources on something that anyone could have told them the answer from the get go. Does watching porn arouse men? DUH!!!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2012 14:19:43 GMT -5
Close, long-term relationships come with a lot of ups and downs, heartburn and rewards. The bond with your kids can be stronger than with a spouse (in some circumstances.) They share your space. They share your life. You can't escape them. There are days it sucks eggs, and days when it is awesome to have those ties. I guess the reality of how rewarding it actually is depends on how close you end up being with your children.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Dec 12, 2012 14:20:21 GMT -5
I saw an interesting documentary not too long ago. It weighed the happiness of parents vs non-parents. Turns out, the non-parents were happier. The parents were only happy when their kids were asleep.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 12, 2012 14:22:23 GMT -5
I believe it was Kinetic Kid who told everyone that if you love your kid that means you are a drug addeled idiot because it's hormones in your brain telling you to love your kid, you don't actually feel anything for them. Well I'd rather be a drug addeled idiot than live my life with a viewpoint like that. I certainly have a very solid understanding of biology but I don't sit around and constantly analyze and dismiss everything to do with my life based on it. That would get pretty depressing after awhile. Same applies here. I could sit and analyze down to the tinniest detail how much having a kid sucks from an economic perspective. Or I can enjoy the fact I have a kid and just let the rest of it go. By far one of the dumbest decisions from an economical perspective I've made is marrying DH. If I hadn't married him I wouldn't have had a kid.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Dec 12, 2012 14:23:13 GMT -5
What exactly does this study prove? Well, I guess it demonstrates why more parents don't strangle their kids or leave them at a truck stop - they're delusional! (Please note that I am not advocating child abuse!! (But I did think about it a time or two))
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kgb18
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Post by kgb18 on Dec 12, 2012 14:23:50 GMT -5
It is definitely NOT easy. I don't personally know any parents who claim it's easy. But I try to focus on the good things because there are a lot of good things that go along with the hard stuff. I don't think that makes me delusional. I'm just glass half-full. Some days are better than others, but every day there's at least one moment when I say to myself, "This is what makes it worth it." This morning it was something DD said to me. I did something to screw up my shoulder/neck. I said something while getting ready for work about how I just wasn't feeling too good and it was hard for me to move. She said, "Don't worry, mommy. Everyone will take care of you." So sweet. When she throws a huge temper tantrum at bedtime and I'm ready to scream, I'll remind myself of that moment.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Dec 12, 2012 14:24:10 GMT -5
I saw an interesting documentary not too long ago. It weighed the happiness of parents vs non-parents. Turns out, the non-parents were happier. The parents were only happy when their kids were asleep. they are awfully cute when they're sleeping...........
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2012 14:28:21 GMT -5
So how long before this gets labeled as a disease and we see commericals for drugs to treat "parental illusion disorder". There is a new pill for that - it's called Fuckitall. I hear it works wonders.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2012 14:28:28 GMT -5
I'm curious about the happiness of parents vs. non-parents over time. I think you'll get a very different response based on the age of the child.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 12, 2012 14:29:52 GMT -5
There is a new pill for that - it's called Fuckitall. I hear it works wonders.
Side effects include anal leakage, constipation, dehydration, frequent urination, headaches, nausea, heartburn, rash, impotence, excessive gambling and caring about it all.
;D
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Dec 12, 2012 14:31:54 GMT -5
I will never take a pill with a listed side effect of "anal leakage"
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