Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Dec 3, 2012 15:02:38 GMT -5
2 is a tough age because they aren't great at explaining anything yet. For all you know she's pretending to be a superhero type character from a cartoon that's beating up bad guys when you see her smacking the stuffed animal around. I think something like that is far far far more likely than her imaging the stuffed animal as a person while smacking it around which would potentially be cause for concern.
Just remember to keep it in context. Some kids that age are biters, of actual people not toys, and the vast majority of them don't grow up to be sociopaths or anything.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Dec 3, 2012 15:03:14 GMT -5
It is definitely not abnormal. Ok, good. That is really all I am looking for. If I had 10 posters telling me their kids never did anything of the sort, then I would know I should be concerned. But, if no one finds this that weird, then I won't worry or assume it has anything to do with anything besides just being a kid & learning. As far as daycare, she has been at the same center for the past 10 months, the same one DS goes to. They haven't mentioned anything really changing & she generally loves going. I will mention it to them & see if they have noticed anything odd, but usually they have nothing but wonderful things to say about her.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 3, 2012 15:25:51 GMT -5
2 is a tough age because they aren't great at explaining anything yet. For all you know she's pretending to be a superhero type character from a cartoon that's beating up bad guys when you see her smacking the stuffed animal around. I think something like that is far far far more likely than her imaging the stuffed animal as a person while smacking it around which would potentially be cause for concern. Just remember to keep it in context. Some kids that age are biters, of actual people not toys, and the vast majority of them don't grow up to be sociopaths or anything. Sources please.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 3, 2012 16:02:39 GMT -5
Actually, Dark isn't too far off the mark. Learning cause and effect comes in stages. There is a significant difference between understanding that something hurts you and understanding that the same action hurts other people. Development of empathy usually begins around the age of 2.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 3, 2012 16:13:49 GMT -5
DD turned 2 in September. I have recently noticed she occassionally beats the crap out of her stuffed animals. This weekend she hit one probably at least a dozen times then picked it up & told it she was sorry & gave it a hug. Given DD's previous incident I probably watch for odd behaviors closer than I should. But, does this seem like normal child behavior? My son never did anything like this, but then he was never into stuffed animals at all so no real opportunity to exhibit such behavior. Given her history, should I be worried? What would you suggest I do about it? I would be worried, but of course the best approach is not to show that. I would join in the playing and try to get her to think about how that might hurt *kitty's* feeling. Why is she hurting kitty? See what she says.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 3, 2012 16:34:11 GMT -5
Just remember to keep it in context. Some kids that age are biters, of actual people not toys, and the vast majority of them don't grow up to be sociopaths or anything. My 2 and a half year old is finally getting over the biting stage, but he was really bad. He would clamp on and draw blood. Thank god he's getting a little empathy now!
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Dec 3, 2012 16:37:54 GMT -5
I was a biter and according to my criminal record I've never killed or tortured anyone.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 3, 2012 16:43:27 GMT -5
I was a biter and according to my criminal record I've never killed or tortured anyone. I knew it!!
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Dec 3, 2012 17:02:26 GMT -5
I can remember beating up my stuffed animals as a kid. I was older than two though. I'd just gotten new Ninja Turtles pajamas, and everyone knows you can't pretend to be a ninja without something to punch, kick, and karate chop. I couldn't beat on my little brothers without getting in trouble, but I could kick stuffed animals across the room to my hearts content.
She wasn't punching another kid, she wasn't wailing on the family pet. It's a cloth sack stuffed with soft synthetic material. The only difference between a punching bag and a stuffed animal is that the punching bag doesn't have a little button nose on it.
This doesn't sound abnormal to me at all.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Dec 3, 2012 17:03:13 GMT -5
You can't prove anything!!
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Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Dec 3, 2012 17:19:50 GMT -5
I agree that her attraction to this play could be the "I'm sorry" and giving a hug just as easily as the hitting. I do notice that she hasn't acted this way towards other people, only to inanimate objects. And she is likely re-enacting something that she could have seen/heard anywhere. Cartoons are a likely suspect. I don't think it is cause for concern yet. If she continues to play this way for any length of time (more than a few weeks), then it might be cause for concern. If it were my dd, and this sort of thing continued, I would want to consult a child psychologist, just for my own peace of mind. I am so glad to read your sweet little girl is happy in her new dcp. (I recall over-hearing my dd talking to her stuffed animals, pointing her finger and saying angrily "I have told you and told you!" Lol, I never said that to her again.)
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Dec 3, 2012 17:22:21 GMT -5
Sure, but so will any kid that watches Power Rangers. I wouldn't worry about this unless there's something else going on that seems off.
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Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Dec 3, 2012 17:27:00 GMT -5
I can remember beating up my stuffed animals as a kid. I was older than two though. I'd just gotten new Ninja Turtles pajamas, and everyone knows you can't pretend to be a ninja without something to punch, kick, and karate chop. I couldn't beat on my little brothers without getting in trouble, but I could kick stuffed animals across the room to my hearts content. She wasn't punching another kid, she wasn't wailing on the family pet. It's a cloth sack stuffed with soft synthetic material. The only difference between a punching bag and a stuffed animal is that the punching bag doesn't have a little button nose on it. This doesn't sound abnormal to me at all. An abused child or one who has been traumatized in some way WILL beat up on their animals or dolls. I've seen it happen, more than once. Doesn't it seem likely though, that if she is re-enacting the trauma she suffered, it wouldn't end with a hug and an "I'm sorry"?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 3, 2012 20:25:03 GMT -5
Are day cares still picky about biting?
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Dec 3, 2012 20:56:40 GMT -5
...:::"Precisely why spanking doesn't work. It sends a mixed message.":::... It only sends a mixed message if people try to explain spanking with the WRONG message. Its much clearer when boiled down to its simple blunt truth: "I'm in charge, obey me or else". The message is the same regardless of what actual disciplinary consequence is on the table. To me, it sends the message "You're not allowed to hit, but I am, because I'm bigger than you." It's not a good message, IMO.
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milee
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Post by milee on Dec 3, 2012 20:58:49 GMT -5
Are day cares still picky about biting? They were a few years ago when my kids were in preschool.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 3, 2012 21:16:27 GMT -5
Some people here must have saintly little children.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 3, 2012 21:32:30 GMT -5
I've had a few headless barbies. Daughter went through a phase when she drew boo boo s on her animals so she could put a bandaid on it... She loved band aides.
I live in a rough and tumble, paint everywhere, creative (which sometimes does resemble destructive, yes) environment. I think kids act lots of different ways and pounding a teddy is not something that I'd b rushing to judgement about. Kids explore, reason, learn in different ways.
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michelyn8
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Post by michelyn8 on Dec 4, 2012 7:43:28 GMT -5
I've had a few headless barbies. Daughter went through a phase when she drew boo boo s on her animals so she could put a bandaid on it... She loved band aides. I live in a rough and tumble, paint everywhere, creative (which sometimes does resemble destructive, yes) environment. I think kids act lots of different ways and pounding a teddy is not something that I'd b rushing to judgement about. Kids explore, reason, learn in different ways. I think with your average child you shouldn't rush to judgment when they do what Angel's daughter is doing. However...............her daughter what assaulted (and to be honest we don't know how often she was smacked without raising any bruises for Angel to see) which changes how I view her actions. To me this is a watch and wait situation but also one that can be used to teach her what is an isn't acceptable. As for Dark's example of acting out being a Ninja Turtle.............my children did that with Ninja Turtles, Power Rangers, Pokemon and Dragonball Z and I can't say I ever saw them or the {dumb} cartoon saying I'm sorry after hitting someone/thing for no reason other than to hit.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 4, 2012 11:04:46 GMT -5
Gwen has a tendency to "drown" her baby doll in the bathtub. I am 99.9% sure she doesn't have any clue that is what she is doing. I'll admit it's bothered me, so I'll say "Baby can't breathe sweetie, here let's take her head out of the water". She also likes to stomp on them, but I know where that comes from. She has one doll that talks that grandpa accidently stepped on and it talked. So she decided that you need to stomp on all dolls to see if they can talk.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2012 11:30:22 GMT -5
Gwen has a tendency to "drown" her baby doll in the bathtub. I am 99.9% sure she doesn't have any clue that is what she is doing. I'll admit it's bothered me, so I'll say "Baby can't breathe sweetie, here let's take her head out of the water". She also likes to stomp on them, but I know where that comes from. She has one doll that talks that grandpa accidently stepped on and it talked. So she decided that you need to stomp on all dolls to see if they can talk. My son likes to run over dolls with his pedal tractor. Then he says "Oh NO! and puts them in the trailer to on the "poop" pile. I'm not worried...yet.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Dec 4, 2012 11:45:59 GMT -5
I have 3 boys, so pushing and hitting and grabbing things is pretty much a normal, daily occurrence. That being said - I try to watch their faces and their eyes - I want to see if there is any real anger there or just "give me my toy back" look. They haven't hit their toys, but they hit WITH their toys, thankfully it's been mostly soft toys and not their big-ass bulldozers.
So, I wouldn't be "OMG, she needs to get to the shrink NOW" stage, but I would probably keep an eye out for any kind of aggression/anger.
And btw, my kids are soooo far from being little saints - just last week I got a huge temper tantrum and "you are the worst mommy in the whole world" from my 4 yr old followed by "you never let us do anything fun". When I asked what is it I don't let him do - I got - "well, this and that and this and that AND you turned off my show". Yeah..... I stopped worrying after that.....
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Dec 4, 2012 15:07:54 GMT -5
Well, I don't have kids so not going to comment on your situation but once when my niece was 3 yrs old she took one of her stuffed dogs and a plastic knife and pretended to cut it straight down the middle. I asked her what she was doing and she said "I am giving this dog an autopsy." I didn't know whether to be concerned or proud. She is now 16 and is super good at math. I am hoping she might actually end up going to medical school but who knows...
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Dec 4, 2012 15:49:20 GMT -5
Her daughter was smacked around once that we know of, and she was a year old at the time. She probably had no concept of what was going on.
I wouldn't spend the rest of her life watching her for signs of acting out her trauma because she got slapped once by a babysitter when she was barely old enough to crawl. What that guy did was horrible, but don't victimize your daughter twice by letting the actions of one dumbass define her. Unless there's a really obvious reason to think something is going on, just let her be a normal kid. Because she is one.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 4, 2012 16:15:30 GMT -5
but I would get into a game with her, where I would try to bring out some considerations for the stuffed toys feelings, or why the stuffed toy is in trouble or whatnot - see what transpires.....
I wouldn't. It's too easy to play arm chair psychologist. And if her daughter isn't really communicating much yet then you're not really going to get what she's really thinking, just what you think she is thinking.
I see no harm in maybe calling up and doing a consult with a few child therapists. Tell them your fears and they'll be able to tell you what to look for/if you should be worried.
Otherwise I'd let it go. I don't think it's worth the time and anxiety to try to break down and analyze everything DD does.
I agree with Dark, let's not make the kid a victim yet again by reading into every single thing she does and trying to psychoanalyze her.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 4, 2012 16:21:01 GMT -5
Sure I do, but I am not trained to know if the kid is mimicking something that actually happened to her elsewhere, something she saw on a TV show, at daycare with another kid, etc.
Last night I couldn't figure out why the hell she kept trying to put the diaper bag over her shoulders until she shouted "backpack" in my face. Then I figured out she wanted to play Dora. She doesn't have the communication skills to tell me yet "Mommy, I am playing Dora and this is my backpack".
There is no way I'd ever be able to tell for sure she's drowning her doll in the batthub because that's something she experienced/saw and not because she thinks she is washing its hair.
And if I am going into it thinking I might see signs of mimicking abuse, that's probably what I am going to see.
If I am really concerned about that type of issue I am going to call an expert in child psychology, not try to figure it out on my own. They'll be able to tell me if my concerns are on the mark or if it is in my head.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Dec 4, 2012 16:28:57 GMT -5
Sure, but I don't do it to explore some traumatic thing that happened to them as babies.
For example, shortly after our youngest was born our oldest pushed her off the bed at one point. The older one would have been about 16 months old. The younger one goes over the edge of the bed before my wife can grab her, and smacks her face into the bottom of a wooden rocking chair that we had next to the bed. Had a nasty black eye that took weeks to go away. Taking a newborn into their well baby visits with a black eye is like the most uncomfortable thing in the history of ever, just in case you were wondering.
Anyway, we pretty much forgot about the incident completely. We made sure to get her checked out and make sure there was no permanent damage, of course, but after that we forgot about it. I didn't watch her play for signs that she was turning into a budding psycho because she was assaulted by her sister once when she was too young to remember it.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 4, 2012 16:32:08 GMT -5
Taking a newborn into their well baby visits with a black eye is like the most uncomfortable thing in the history of ever, just in case you were wonderingI took my 2 year old to daycare with a split lip and had to explain she really did fall and hit her face.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Dec 4, 2012 16:33:08 GMT -5
But did you watch the older one to be sure that SHE wasn't the budding psycho???
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Dec 4, 2012 16:35:42 GMT -5
No, but she wasn't allowed around the baby unsupervised until she was old enough to understand the concept of hurting somebody else.
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