That poor woman!!!

[tloonya]

She is 50-55 y/old.
Working as many hours as she can get.
Married to an alcoholic. Living in appartment with him.
Across the hall her son and his wife with small child. Bums on drugs and wealfare.
She is trying hard to pay both appartments and bills so they have roof and meals.
Lately her boss told her that she needs to them all and run away because things are getting worse.
She can't do it because she has grandaughter who's parents are unable provide for her and she is the only one.
She told me she is afraid she is getting sick from working non-stop and she is unable to make any decision on how to continue living like that...

I can't stop thinking about it. What can she do to better the cituation?

[Deleted]

them all and run away.

[zibazinski]

Stop enabling. Her husband and her children. Grandchild not cared for? Try CPS.

[tloonya]

I googled CPS and I do not think you means cps auto loans?

[midjd]

Take the kid and run away.

[Deleted]

kidnapping children usually does not make ones situation better.

[zibazinski]

No one can take advantage of you unless you let them. Some people get off on being martyrs.

[kittensaver]

Child Protective Services - I'd call them too.

Then I'd the husband and start over for myself somewhere - anywhere but there.

She is only stuck because she chooses not to walk away.

[Tiny]

CPS = Child Protective Services (I think).

[tloonya]

Nov 27, 2012 16:38:04 GMT -5 @lonewolf said:

Nov 27, 2012 16:35:41 GMT -5 tloonya said:

I googled CPS and I do not think you means cps auto loans?

Call your county child protection service. Can't find? Call police department. They'll have the number.

I would, I just don't know where they live...and no, I probably wouldn't because I saw those good-for-nothing parents and they are not abusive at all, they love that baby...I mean they do not do anything bad to the kid...

[Opti]

Nov 27, 2012 16:35:57 GMT -5 midjd said:

Take the kid and run away.

Get the parents to sign over the child and then run away.

[tloonya]

Nov 27, 2012 16:51:54 GMT -5 Opti said:

Nov 27, 2012 16:35:57 GMT -5 midjd said:

Take the kid and run away.

Get the parents to sign over the child and then run away.

See...those parents are not stoopid! They KNOW if they gave her a child she wouldn't be supporting them anymore. So she is kind of stuck like that! I think this is the biggest thing so they wouldn't do it knowing it'll cut their oxygent!

[Angel!]

Stop enabling. She needs to find her own apartment & leave them all to deal with their own lives. If the parents are on drugs, report them to CPS.

Tell her to go to al-anon meetings also.

[Deleted]

Why do people do this to themselves??

I would quit paying the kid's bills immediately, she's just enabling them. In a perfect world, she takes her Granddaughter and leaves them all. But, they won't hand over that baby, that's their meal ticket. From Mommy and the government. It sucks, but the best thing to do is to take away the support she's giving and hope it makes their lives uncomfortable enough that they get off their butts and be grown ups that take care of their child. It might not happen.

[tloonya]

'Why do people do this to themselves?? '

That is not legit question. She hasn't done it to herself. She is just trying to keep her grandchild fed and clothed because no one else will. She had not called that upon herself. It is just how her life-cookie crumbled...and I am wondering what would I do and I have NONE absolutely nothing to suggest and I usually do...its sucks to feel powerless like that!

[movingforward]

If they truly have an addiction then I would say CPS needs to get involved. If someone is an addict their addiction can often become all that matters to them.

[midjd]

That is not legit question. She hasn't done it to herself.

She is choosing to support these people. She is doing it to herself. (Yes, it is a very sad situation and I'm sure many of us would do the same - but it doesn't mean she hasn't done her part to create this situation).

Look at it this way. If she were hit by a bus tomorrow and died, what would her family do? Would they sit in their apartment until they starved to death? Or would they find another way to get by?

[Peace Of Mind]

Nov 27, 2012 17:16:48 GMT -5 tloonya said:

'Why do people do this to themselves?? '

That is not legit question. She hasn't done it to herself. She is just trying to keep her grandchild fed and clothed because no one else will. She had not called that upon herself. It is just how her life-cookie crumbled...and I am wondering what would I do and I have NONE absolutely nothing to suggest and I usually do...its sucks to feel powerless like that!

This is what makes me so sad. She THINKS she is doing the right thing but is, in fact, enabling their bad behavior. But I'm sure she fears what will happen to her grandchild if she doesn't and feels trapped. But she set the stage for all of this and has no clue. Tough love, baby!

[tloonya]

Nov 27, 2012 17:20:05 GMT -5 midjd said:

That is not legit question. She hasn't done it to herself.

She is choosing to support these people. She is doing it to herself. (Yes, it is a very sad situation and I'm sure many of us would do the same - but it doesn't mean she hasn't done her part to create this situation).

Look at it this way. If she were hit by a bus tomorrow and died, what would her family do? Would they sit in their apartment until they starved to death? Or would they find another way to get by?

I say good question...
They would probably ending up living on streets, however she wouldn't be THERE to see it and suffer because of she wasn't able to save them and give them the roof.
Boy! Thinking about that makes me want to commit suicide!

[Angel!]

Nov 27, 2012 17:20:05 GMT -5 midjd said:

That is not legit question. She hasn't done it to herself.

She is choosing to support these people. She is doing it to herself. (Yes, it is a very sad situation and I'm sure many of us would do the same - but it doesn't mean she hasn't done her part to create this situation).

She is allowing the situation to continue & allowing herself to be sucked in & enabling them. Not seeing her role in the situation is one of the reasons the situation won't change.

[Sum Dum Gai]

I would, I just don't know where they live...and no, I probably wouldn't because I saw those good-for-nothing parents and they are not abusive at all, they love that baby...I mean they do not do anything bad to the kid...

So the kid is loved and isn't being abused. Uncle Sam will make sure it's supported if the parents won't. So why exactly is the "poor woman" stuck trying to support them? Cut them off, and tell them that if they can't get their shit together enough to provide for their kid she'll report them to CPS. Dangle the carrot that she may be willing to help from time to time if they really need it, but can't do it every month anymore. That way they'll stay in touch with her. If there's one thing you can count on from an addict is that they'll keep in touch with anyone they think might someday be willing to give them money.

Kick the alcoholic out and make it very clear to him that she'll never ever ever support his sorry ass again. Wouldn't lend him a nickel to buy water if his dick was on fire.

[tloonya]

Dark! You have a point.

[kittensaver]

Give this woman a copy of Cloud and Townsend's book Boundaries. It will save her life.

[zibazinski]

The receptionist where I get my facials has a daughter who has made terrible choices. Now there's a grandchild involved and you bet this daughter uses that grandchild to get things out of the mom. The mom is so afraid that her daughter will take her grandson to the ghetto that she lets her live there and even lets the criminal baby daddy visit. She does the "helpless what can I do" routine to anyone who listens. People are sick of it and her.

[Deleted]

Nov 27, 2012 17:16:48 GMT -5 tloonya said:

'Why do people do this to themselves?? '

That is not legit question. She hasn't done it to herself. She is just trying to keep her grandchild fed and clothed because no one else will. She had not called that upon herself. It is just how her life-cookie crumbled...and I am wondering what would I do and I have NONE absolutely nothing to suggest and I usually do...its sucks to feel powerless like that!

Bull. She IS doing this to herself. She's accepting their laziness and addictions as her problem and running herself ragged in the process. Addicts always take the path of least resistance and I guarantee you her son will never get off his ass and get a job if she keeps paying their rent and putting food on their table. She is hurting them, not helping.

If the baby is being abused call CPS.

[Deleted]

Nov 27, 2012 17:30:07 GMT -5 tloonya said:

Nov 27, 2012 17:20:05 GMT -5 midjd said:

She is choosing to support these people. She is doing it to herself. (Yes, it is a very sad situation and I'm sure many of us would do the same - but it doesn't mean she hasn't done her part to create this situation).

Look at it this way. If she were hit by a bus tomorrow and died, what would her family do? Would they sit in their apartment until they starved to death? Or would they find another way to get by?

I say good question...
They would probably ending up living on streets, however she wouldn't be THERE to see it and suffer because of she wasn't able to save them and give them the roof.
Boy! Thinking about that makes me want to commit suicide!

I doubt it. At the very least the child would be taken into foster care if they lost their place to live and would probably have a lot better life than she does now. I'm sorry, but you have to get hardcore with some people.

[973beachbum]

Nov 27, 2012 16:37:07 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

kidnapping children usually does not make ones situation better.

There is a reason people prey on drug addicts. What are the two drug addicts going to say to the police when grandma takes the kid? "Hey police my mom took my kid and wont give her back just because we are snorting herion and cooking meth in the bath tub. She also didn't pay our rent for next month before doing it. You need to arrest her and give the kid back to us so we can get back to shooting up and snorting our drugs."

[formerroomate99]

Nov 27, 2012 17:16:48 GMT -5 tloonya said:

'Why do people do this to themselves?? '

That is not legit question. She hasn't done it to herself. She is just trying to keep her grandchild fed and clothed because no one else will. She had not called that upon herself. It is just how her life-cookie crumbled...and I am wondering what would I do and I have NONE absolutely nothing to suggest and I usually do...its sucks to feel powerless like that!

Yes and no. She kept an alcoholic good for nothing husband around when she was raising her kid and her kid turned out just like the father, which is something that often happens when you keep drunks around your kids. Now there's an innocent grandchild that will suffer if she doesn't keep enabling. The only way she's going to get the kid away from the idiot parents is to let them fall and then call CPS when the situation gets bad enough. The kid will suffer in the short term, but will likely do better in the long term.

[tloonya]

Nov 28, 2012 9:21:50 GMT -5 @tbird said:

get rid of the H - but then if she was willing to do that - maybe the son wouldn't have gone down the same road?

He is not H's son.

[tloonya]

Nov 28, 2012 10:33:07 GMT -5 973beachbum said:

Nov 27, 2012 16:37:07 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

kidnapping children usually does not make ones situation better.

There is a reason people prey on drug addicts. What are the two drug addicts going to say to the police when grandma takes the kid? "Hey police my mom took my kid and wont give her back just because we are snorting herion and cooking meth in the bath tub. She also didn't pay our rent for next month before doing it. You need to arrest her and give the kid back to us so we can get back to shooting up and snorting our drugs."

Priceless, I say priceless! And so true...