child behavior at school vs. home

[Deleted]

Really? Because you've said it twice already.

[thyme4change]

Wouldn't it be more exciting if we didn't see all our own traits in our children?

Although as I said - I can't help my son, because he has the same problems as I do, and I haven't figured out how to deal with them. And I can't help my daughter, because she has all different problems than me, and I can't even relate!

[Wisconsin Beth]

Swamp, have you asked why she does this?

[Deleted]

Of course I am.

[thyme4change]

When in doubt with my kids, I would watch an episode of Dog Whisperer. I found Cesar Milan's advice to be totally applicable to pre-schoolers as it was to labrador retrievers.

1) Be the pack leader
2) Make sure your dog/child gets enough exercise
3) Punish bad behavior immediately and forcefully
4) Always speak quietly, but firmly to your child/dog (much scarier than screaming)
5) Give them their own space

So, now all you need is a crate and a harnass. Oh wait...

[Deleted]

Nov 21, 2012 12:52:21 GMT -5 @lonewolf said:

I had a cousin, young at the time, who acted the same as what you are describing.
When his mother, my aunt, asked the boy's teacher why he was good at school and not at home, the teacher explained that
from what she had observed, the boy didn't respect his mother, as he did the teacher.
Do you think that might be the problem?

Nov 21, 2012 13:08:10 GMT -5 @lonewolf said:

I'm remembering back with my aunt and she would also complain to my mom... "But he keeps doing it!"
Mom would reply, "Well, then punish him."
Aunt would whine, "But I can't! He'll hate me!"
He had 0% respect for my aunt. When he grew older he would physically hurt her. It was like he was mad that she wouldn't stand up to him. It made him feel insecure to know he was stronger than his own mom.
However, he was very respectful to his teachers and the other members of the family, especially my mom.

Note: Not saying your like my aunt, Swamp.

[Deleted]

My brother works at a doggie care and he absolutely thinks you need to treat a child in the same way you treat a dog.

[thyme4change]

My brother works at a doggie care and he absolutely thinks you need to treat a child in the same way you treat a dog.

The people I have known that have had the best behaved dogs tended to have the best kids.

Of course...our dog was a disaster. Luckily our kids have responded to cat training.


If it worked on Cartman, it'll work on your kid.

[Deleted]

Nov 21, 2012 13:15:06 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

When in doubt with my kids, I would watch an episode of Dog Whisperer. I found Cesar Milan's advice to be totally applicable to pre-schoolers as it was to labrador retrievers.

1) Be the pack leader
2) Make sure your dog/child gets enough exercise
3) Punish bad behavior immediately and forcefully
4) Always speak quietly, but firmly to your child/dog (much scarier than screaming)
5) Give them their own space

So, now all you need is a crate and a harnass. Oh wait...

I've got a picture of DS in the dog's crate as well as one of him in the dryer. I told DH that he can use them against me in the divorce proceedings when I showed them to him.

[Deleted]

Nov 21, 2012 13:24:51 GMT -5 @lonewolf said:

Do we ever hear of kids who are good at home and bad at school?

Yeah, but the parents are either lying or not paying attention.

[Tennesseer]

Nov 21, 2012 13:24:51 GMT -5 @lonewolf said:

Do we ever hear of kids who are good at home and bad at school?

Not immediately. It takes a while to turn into a serial killer.

[Colleenz]

But may kid keeps removing his choker collar.

[thyme4change]

Do we ever hear of kids who are good at home and bad at school?

Sure we do. I always assume the parent is clueless as to what a respectful child actually looks like.

I know a single mom, with a spoiled rotten child who is an "angel" at home, but really has trouble at school. Well, he spent the night at our house once, and he was selfish dick the whole time. I suspect he is the same way at home, but with no other children to compete with, and a mother who will cater to his every whim, he doesn't have to act out because he never hears "no." So, he sweet talks mom the whole time, and she thinks he is flawless, and then gets to a classroom with 28 other kids and gets all sorts of behavior notices sent home. Mom just doesn't understand why.

[thyme4change]

Once when my kid was giving me a hard time, my husband took him aside and told him to respect his mother. My husband has a very authoratative stance with the kids when needed - but he has been very fair and logical with them, so when they get Mr. Authority, they know it counts. It helped my son to treat me a little better knowing that Dad was on Mom's side.

[Deleted]

Nov 21, 2012 13:24:51 GMT -5 @lonewolf said:

Do we ever hear of kids who are good at home and bad at school?

They are usually abused at home and acting out about it at school.

[973beachbum]

Nov 21, 2012 12:44:40 GMT -5 swamp said:

I'm serious. My 5 year old daughter is a holy terror with me. smart mouthed, disobiedient, disrespectful. She gets time outs daily. She gets toys taken away from her. She gets rewarded when she does the right thing.

For example, she asks me to read to her, I do. She will put her hand over what I'm reading, or repeated hit the book. I tell her to stop. She keeps doing it. I tell her to stop or I will stop reading. She does it again. I stop reading and put the book away. She has a temper tantrum. I ignore her. She eventually stops.

She does whatever she's not supposed to do. I tell her to stop. she does it again. Do it again and you'll get time out/toy taken away/sent to room/don't get whatever. She does it again. I take away whatever. She throws a fit. I ignore her.

She is wonderful at school. She's wonderful for my mom. She's wonderful for the babysitter. She's great for my friends.

She loves to torture me.

I know this is going to sound like I am kidding but bear with me because it really did work with my kids.

When your DD asks you to read a book and then starts acting like a brat your "punishment" isn't really punishment to her. If it was then she wouldn't do it. What I did when my kids were little and acted like that I did the opposite of what they expected me to do.

In my DD's case I would hug the stuffing out of her and smother her with kisses telling her how much I loved her. She would be a little surprised and pretty quick and tell me to stop. I would explain that she was acting like a brat because she wasn't hugged and kissed enough so I was fixing that. She normally stopped it pretty quick.

When she got older I would threaten her with me singing the theme song to Sponge Bob Square Pants, I do know all the words and have sung it for her at home, at top volume in front of her friends. For some reason that worked even better.

[midjd]

I know a single mom, with a spoiled rotten child who is an "angel" at home, but really has trouble at school. Well, he spent the night at our house once, and he was selfish dick the whole time. I suspect he is the same way at home, but with no other children to compete with, and a mother who will cater to his every whim, he doesn't have to act out because he never hears "no." So, he sweet talks mom the whole time, and she thinks he is flawless, and then gets to a classroom with 28 other kids and gets all sorts of behavior notices sent home. Mom just doesn't understand why.

You're friends with Cartman's mom??

[thyme4change]

Maybe change the venue - if she asks you to read, say "No, because I don't like it when you hit the book and everything...but I will play dolls with you." (Or legos, or tea party, or nerf darts or spiderman, etc.) And then she can be playful, but you won't have to deal with a child's sweaty, germ-filled hands on your mouth.

[Deleted]

Nov 21, 2012 12:44:40 GMT -5 swamp said:

I'm serious. My 5 year old daughter is a holy terror with me. smart mouthed, disobiedient, disrespectful. She gets time outs daily. She gets toys taken away from her. She gets rewarded when she does the right thing.

For example, she asks me to read to her, I do. She will put her hand over what I'm reading, or repeated hit the book. I tell her to stop. She keeps doing it. I tell her to stop or I will stop reading. She does it again. I stop reading and put the book away. She has a temper tantrum. I ignore her. She eventually stops.

She does whatever she's not supposed to do. I tell her to stop. she does it again. Do it again and you'll get time out/toy taken away/sent to room/don't get whatever. She does it again. I take away whatever. She throws a fit. I ignore her.

She is wonderful at school. She's wonderful for my mom. She's wonderful for the babysitter. She's great for my friends.

She loves to torture me.

I tortured my Mom too. I don't know why...I just did. At school I was actually very shy and reserved, but at home I was always power-tripping with my Mom. It never really got better with us until I was an adult and the teenage years were absolutely awful between us.

I was terrified during my pregnancies that I'd have a girl, but thankfully they were both boys!

[thyme4change]

You're friends with Cartman's mom??

Oh crap! I never really thought of it that way - but I think I am. Oh no! I like her so much. She is so smart and awesome. Luckily, my son doesn't really hang with her son as much as they used to. So, he might not take my son down to a new low with him. Although, each of my children has a friend that I wonder if they will be "that kid."

[Deleted]

Nov 21, 2012 13:41:43 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I tortured my Mom too. I don't know why...I just did. At school I was actually very shy and reserved, but at home I was always power-tripping with my Mom. It never really got better with us until I was an adult and the teenage years were absolutely awful between us.

I was terrified during my pregnancies that I'd have a girl, but thankfully they were both boys!

HA! The in-laws consist of DH, BIL & FIL, so MIL will turn on the waterworks occasionally. I told her that boys will do anything to stop their Mom from crying whereas girls will do anything to get their Mom to START!

[Formerly SK]

I can think of multiple approaches - it really depends on the kid. I love beachbum's ideas! I do stuff like that too.

There are certain behaviors, though, that I don't give warnings about anymore. For example, jumping on the living room couches. I've told both kids in advance there are no more warnings, and if I see them do it they will be immediately punished. It has reduced the amount of incidences dramatically. By a certain age, kids know what is allowed and not allowed and warnings are just a waste of time IMO.

[justme]

Nov 21, 2012 13:43:44 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

Nov 21, 2012 13:41:43 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I tortured my Mom too. I don't know why...I just did. At school I was actually very shy and reserved, but at home I was always power-tripping with my Mom. It never really got better with us until I was an adult and the teenage years were absolutely awful between us.

I was terrified during my pregnancies that I'd have a girl, but thankfully they were both boys!

HA! The in-laws consist of DH, BIL & FIL, so MIL will turn on the waterworks occasionally. I told her that boys will do anything to stop their Mom from crying whereas girls will do anything to get their Mom to START!

Haha, that's probably true. Once we got older my brother would apologize for anything he did that upset mom while I'd only apologize if I really was sorry. I'd say no, I'm not sorry, and then walk off to my room because I knew I was going to get sent there anyways. And my dad would get super upset and angry when my mom would cry and half the time I'd just roll my eyes and say I've seen her cry because of a freaking baby commercial, her crying doesn't mean anything!

[weltschmerz]

Nov 21, 2012 12:58:09 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Does that actually work? Taking a door off the hinges? My BIL did it with his DD a couple of times. I don't think it really worked. Granted, there's a ton of issues in that house anyway.

I knew a family that removed the doors from their hinges in their sons' rooms. It was to prevent them from "abusing themselves".

[Miss Tequila]

Swamp, your dd sounds like me when I was a child...I was a TERROR! And look how adjusted I am now

[Tiny]

Nov 21, 2012 12:22:20 GMT -5 swamp said:

At home, she is a holy terror and lives to push my buttons.

What am I doing wrong?

This is an easy answer - what you are doing 'wrong' is giving your daughter the response she expects The solution is to change the way you respond to the button pushing.

I love it when someone lets me control their emotional state (via button pushing). I have no idea why people are so quick to surrender control of themselves to other people... It's not like they have to do it.

[Chocolate Lover]

Nov 21, 2012 13:54:55 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

Nov 21, 2012 12:58:09 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Does that actually work? Taking a door off the hinges? My BIL did it with his DD a couple of times. I don't think it really worked. Granted, there's a ton of issues in that house anyway.

I knew a family that removed the doors from their hinges in their sons' rooms. It was to prevent them from "abusing themselves".

Did they take the bathroom door off the hinges too?

[Deleted]

Do we ever hear of kids who are good at home and bad at school?

I hear this song at most of the parent conferences. The second verse is "But he/she never acts like this at home."

I think you guys keep a spare set of kids in the closet.

[Chocolate Lover]

I only wish my kids would behave as good at home as they do at school.

[swamp]

Nov 21, 2012 13:04:34 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Nov 21, 2012 12:44:40 GMT -5 swamp said:

I'm serious. My 5 year old daughter is a holy terror with me. smart mouthed, disobiedient, disrespectful. She gets time outs daily. She gets toys taken away from her. She gets rewarded when she does the right thing.

For example, she asks me to read to her, I do. She will put her hand over what I'm reading, or repeated hit the book. I tell her to stop. She keeps doing it. I tell her to stop or I will stop reading. She does it again. I stop reading and put the book away. She has a temper tantrum. I ignore her. She eventually stops.

She does whatever she's not supposed to do. I tell her to stop. she does it again. Do it again and you'll get time out/toy taken away/sent to room/don't get whatever. She does it again. I take away whatever. She throws a fit. I ignore her.

She is wonderful at school. She's wonderful for my mom. She's wonderful for the babysitter. She's great for my friends.

She loves to torture me.

My guess is the acorn didnt fall far from the tree,

actually, my mother tells me I was a very quiet and obedient kid. I never gave her any issues until I was college age, and by then I was an adult, so she couldn't really do anything about it.

She tells me DD acts just like my sister, which is unfair because my sister got 3 well behaved kids.