swamp
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Post by swamp on Nov 21, 2012 12:22:20 GMT -5
yesterday was parent teacher conferenced.
DD is 5 and is in Jr. Kindergarten. She got a glowing report. She is quiet, respectful, helpful, cooperative and loves to please.
At home, she is a holy terror and lives to push my buttons.
What am I doing wrong?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2012 12:22:54 GMT -5
You are her mother. everything is wrong with that.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Nov 21, 2012 12:23:29 GMT -5
What is that quote - you only hurt the ones you love, or you treat the ones you love the most, the worst or something?
Maybe she loves you that much.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Nov 21, 2012 12:24:05 GMT -5
What is that quote - you only hurt the ones you love, or you treat the ones you love the most, the worst or something? Maybe she loves you that much. She REALLY loves me. Seriously, she does. But she also loves to torture me.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Nov 21, 2012 12:26:18 GMT -5
Funny, I was the same way basically from age 5-18. I was a near perfect student, and as soon as I got home my brother and I were jumping off the roof tackling each other, having "pool stick fights" with the neighbors, and generally destroying the house. My brother was that way at school though frankly. I think for me, it was this idea that school was "public" and home was "private". I had to be respectful and behave in public, at home I could be myself...which just happened to be a terrible child.
ETA: And really, it's carried over into adulthood. If you asked someone at work about me, they'd say I was respectful and kind, caring a lot about others, helpful, etc. I'm probably the last person they would think screams filthy parodies of songs on the way home with my wife or seriously discusses how to be a serial killer. Some of us assholes learn early on that there are only certain places we can actually be assholes.
So on a brighter note, congratulations, your daughter is probably going to be a lot like ME!
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Nov 21, 2012 12:28:38 GMT -5
I was a terror at school and home, so I'm no help.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2012 12:28:40 GMT -5
What hoops said! I, as well as my kids, have been taught to behave in public. When we are home we get to "let it all out" and be ourselves.
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lynnerself
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Post by lynnerself on Nov 21, 2012 12:29:26 GMT -5
What is that quote - you only hurt the ones you love, or you treat the ones you love the most, the worst or something? Maybe she loves you that much. The best advice my mother ever gave me was essentially this. She said they act out the worst with you because they know you will love them no matter how bad they are. It gave me the patience to get thru some rough times.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Nov 21, 2012 12:30:24 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2012 12:30:54 GMT -5
You need to take her into the men's room so she can get a glimpse of the real world.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Nov 21, 2012 12:31:19 GMT -5
You need to take her into the men's room so she can get a glimpse of the real world. DH does that for me.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2012 12:31:43 GMT -5
LOL!
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2012 12:33:50 GMT -5
I have a friend whose kids have always been excellent students, good grades and well behaved at school. At home they were kind of wild. Oldest son is a sophomore in college now 3 hours away from home. He works and has an apartment with roommates. Middle and youngest sons are still excellent students and involved in various activities. You only have one "wild child". My friend had 3! But they're good kids. Just don't let her drive you nuts and you all will be ok.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Nov 21, 2012 12:36:21 GMT -5
What is that quote - you only hurt the ones you love, or you treat the ones you love the most, the worst or something? Maybe she loves you that much. That is basically what my Mom said about my DD. It turns out my son loves everybody that much. Just ask his teacher.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Nov 21, 2012 12:38:40 GMT -5
Something else to possibly consider is whether you are structuring enough "wild child" time for her. If home is kind of "do your thing" then she might be a terror all the time. If the goal is to limit this craziness, I would suggest structuring time a little more. She clearly has a mental grasp that certain behavior is appropriate at certain times. Trying to eliminate her natural behavior all the time probably just means it doesn't work. Give her some time to act like a lunatic without fear of being yelled at or told to calm down.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 21, 2012 12:39:28 GMT -5
Also, kids are perfectly capable of learning what is acceptable in 1 location isn't in another. The grandkids didn't question why they got sippy cups with lids until they were like 8 at Grandma's. While at home they fought them off from 4+. Temper tantrums don't work at my Mom's. She'll walk over the kids and tell them to come find her when they're done. School is just another environment with different rules than home.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2012 12:41:58 GMT -5
If you are a mother, you are doing it wrong, it's just that simple!
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Nov 21, 2012 12:42:44 GMT -5
She sounds like she's got ADHD, you should probably pump her full of meds.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2012 12:43:20 GMT -5
She sounds like she's got ADHD, you should probably pump her full of meds.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Nov 21, 2012 12:44:40 GMT -5
I'm serious. My 5 year old daughter is a holy terror with me. smart mouthed, disobiedient, disrespectful. She gets time outs daily. She gets toys taken away from her. She gets rewarded when she does the right thing.
For example, she asks me to read to her, I do. She will put her hand over what I'm reading, or repeated hit the book. I tell her to stop. She keeps doing it. I tell her to stop or I will stop reading. She does it again. I stop reading and put the book away. She has a temper tantrum. I ignore her. She eventually stops.
She does whatever she's not supposed to do. I tell her to stop. she does it again. Do it again and you'll get time out/toy taken away/sent to room/don't get whatever. She does it again. I take away whatever. She throws a fit. I ignore her.
She is wonderful at school. She's wonderful for my mom. She's wonderful for the babysitter. She's great for my friends.
She loves to torture me.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2012 12:51:05 GMT -5
Well you are kinda fun to torture. Just sayin.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Nov 21, 2012 12:51:12 GMT -5
::For example, she asks me to read to her, I do. She will put her hand over what I'm reading, or repeated hit the book. I tell her to stop. She keeps doing it. I tell her to stop or I will stop reading. She does it again. I stop reading and put the book away. She has a temper tantrum. I ignore her. She eventually stops. ::
I'm going to try to phrase this in the nicest way possible so that all the mommy's don't go into killer attack mode.
Do you ever just screw around and play along when she does stuff like that? She probably covers up what you're reading because she thinks it's funny. Do you ever just play along and either make up words or hit the book yourself? She's not causing any harm, it's not like she's biting you because she thinks it's funny and you need to break her of the habit.
Replace "read with her" and re-interpret it as "play with me". Because in her mind it's probably the same thing. Then you're basically telling her that how she plays is wrong and she needs to stop.
Disclaimer: I have no kids, but my nephews act like this a lot, particularly when they were younger. "Read" ends up being code for "play" because they've spent a lot of time "doing books" as they grew up. Sometimes it's ok to just screw around and be fun even if you think they're just being annoying.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2012 12:52:18 GMT -5
It is always the mother's fault, so you are definitely doing something wrong.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2012 12:52:57 GMT -5
Time-out aren't working with DD and I figured out that the thing she cherishes most are her things. So now I just throw out a toy every time she disobeys.
She has been even more petulant than normal this week. I don't know which thread it was on, but she currently has no bedroom door because of her behavior (which is traumatic for her because it was the only dog-free zone in the house). It looks like THAT is finally getting through to her because she has been on her best behavior since Monday night.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 21, 2012 12:58:09 GMT -5
Does that actually work? Taking a door off the hinges? My BIL did it with his DD a couple of times. I don't think it really worked. Granted, there's a ton of issues in that house anyway.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Nov 21, 2012 12:58:26 GMT -5
Wow - you give her three chances? I have been notoriously impatient with my children. I would tell her before I start reading something - "I'm serious - if you put your hand on my mouth or hit the book, I'm done." And I would put that book away the first time every time. And all temper tantrums had to take place in their bedrooms. But, my kids were pretty easy going, so it worked for them.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2012 13:00:02 GMT -5
Does that actually work? Taking a door off the hinges? My BIL did it with his DD a couple of times. I don't think it really worked. Granted, there's a ton of issues in that house anyway. It wouldn't do anything for DS but she likes her privacy (at 7). I have a feeling we'll be using it when she hits her tweens and teens too.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Nov 21, 2012 13:04:34 GMT -5
I'm serious. My 5 year old daughter is a holy terror with me. smart mouthed, disobiedient, disrespectful. She gets time outs daily. She gets toys taken away from her. She gets rewarded when she does the right thing. For example, she asks me to read to her, I do. She will put her hand over what I'm reading, or repeated hit the book. I tell her to stop. She keeps doing it. I tell her to stop or I will stop reading. She does it again. I stop reading and put the book away. She has a temper tantrum. I ignore her. She eventually stops. She does whatever she's not supposed to do. I tell her to stop. she does it again. Do it again and you'll get time out/toy taken away/sent to room/don't get whatever. She does it again. I take away whatever. She throws a fit. I ignore her. She is wonderful at school. She's wonderful for my mom. She's wonderful for the babysitter. She's great for my friends. She loves to torture me. My guess is the acorn didnt fall far from the tree,
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2012 13:05:19 GMT -5
I'm serious. My 5 year old daughter is a holy terror with me. smart mouthed, disobiedient, disrespectful. She gets time outs daily. She gets toys taken away from her. She gets rewarded when she does the right thing. For example, she asks me to read to her, I do. She will put her hand over what I'm reading, or repeated hit the book. I tell her to stop. She keeps doing it. I tell her to stop or I will stop reading. She does it again. I stop reading and put the book away. She has a temper tantrum. I ignore her. She eventually stops. She does whatever she's not supposed to do. I tell her to stop. she does it again. Do it again and you'll get time out/toy taken away/sent to room/don't get whatever. She does it again. I take away whatever. She throws a fit. I ignore her. She is wonderful at school. She's wonderful for my mom. She's wonderful for the babysitter. She's great for my friends. She loves to torture me. My guess is the acorn didnt fall far from the tree, My wife is very worried about that...
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Nov 21, 2012 13:07:24 GMT -5
..And well she should be!
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