Questions for anyone who has been thru divorce

[jaya3300]

Nov 19, 2012 10:19:57 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

If you are asking - maybe you aren't really qualified to cousel this person. It sounds like he needs grief counseling - because he has to come to grips with the loss of the family unit. If you are the only counselor he has, I would search for divorce grief books and support groups. I would talk about the 7 stages of grief with him, and help him to move along in the process. What he wants isn't an option, so it is time for him to accept what he has and make the best of it.

www.lifeafteryourdivorce.com/divorce-recovery-coaching/the-7-grief-stages

I did strongly encourage support groups and gave him info. To my knowledge, he has not sought them out. I know that there is grief and loss but the anger is a barrier. Thanks for the suggestion.

[whoami]

Nov 19, 2012 18:24:00 GMT -5 jaya3300 said:

Nov 18, 2012 19:13:19 GMT -5 whoami said:

Your "client's" situation is hardly unique. You are a volunteer at a counseling center? Shouldn't most people in that position have some clue about what they are counseling people about?

If you reread my post, you'd find that I asked about peoples perspective who have been through divorce, since I've not personally experience a divorce myself. I didn't ask for counseling tips.

I did read your post and I think its inappropriate to be detailing peoples personal issues when you are supposed to be in a "counselor" mode, regardless of whether there is identifying info or not. I guarantee you if the guy you are talking about or his wife read the description, they would certainly know who you are talking about. The question could have been posed without the story attached. JMO

[Deleted]

He needs to look forward, not backward. He needs to define and move towards his new life and the new family dynamic, so helping him to focus on that will drive his thoughts in a more productive direction.

Bad Mouthing the other parent in front of teen kids is idiotic. They are not his friends, spouse, or counselor they are his KIDS. I'm guessing that this guy did not have much life outside his family, so he is lost + angry. He also needs to consider what his kids like to do when he has time with them. I guarantee that if he's just hanging out in the house with them it is not what they want to be doing. Teens have a life and often would like to be doing things with their friends, not the parents. If he is interfering with their sports, friends, events to "have the time he is entitled to" then they will opt not to be there. He should have them visit, but provide them with transport etc to their other activities so it is not punishment to be with him, but a natural part of their weekends.

[thyme4change]

I know that there is grief and loss but the anger is a barrier.

Anger is one of the stages of grief - so getting him to understand that he is already working through the grief process may help him to look into grief counseling.