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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2012 8:35:33 GMT -5
My thing is you can't and life events just mold you into who you are.
But sometimes you just hope, wish, pray that some folks will get to their senses... I cannot seat back and do nothing while others are messing with my life or things that affect me so I just don't get when others let it happen.
You messing with my personal life, my money, my career, my sanity and my family... I am coming for you gun blazing. Maybe it was having a bully as a father and I learned at a young age you either stand up for yourself or people are going to take advantage of you forever.
Anyway long story short, I just found out that : - the low life that my wife cousin have as husband took his son and went to his mom house - when his wife went to get her son he would not give him to her - now she is at home crying, cannot sleep and everyone is worried she is heading toward another mental breakdown. - Been going on for a week.
I am like WTF? So what, you are all seating on your asses waiting for him to either come back home or divorce her while you watch her drive herself into an mental asylum again.
But being my wife family they don't want to make a scene, have to stay proper no matter what and play nice. Moments like this I am grateful that my family is ghetto fabulous and I still have some ghetto left in me... a scene would be the least of this low life worries.
Not my family, not my problem... all I can do is wish them the best.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2012 8:43:37 GMT -5
Sorry to hear. Domestic issues like this are not easy. If you don't take the high road the courts can really hold it against you.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 7, 2012 8:52:53 GMT -5
OMG. That's terrible. My family would be intervening. My brothers and nephews would be pounding on the door (and then on the loser.) My sister the lawyer would be pushing me though the courts. And the rest of the family would be providing support - emotional, financial and physical.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Nov 7, 2012 9:25:46 GMT -5
::My brothers and nephews would be pounding on the door (and then on the loser.)::
Why? If he's the father why should he be obligated to give her the child? She doesn't have some right to the child that the father doesn't have.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 7, 2012 9:38:48 GMT -5
Because my kids deserve Mommy time too. And no one gets to unilaterally decide they have 100% custody - that's for the courts to decide - not you, not me, not my husband. If you're an addict or abusive, I still need to go though the courts.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Nov 7, 2012 9:45:24 GMT -5
::And no one gets to unilaterally decide they have 100% custody ::
That's not even what the OP says, it just says she showed up and he wouldn't just hand the kid over. That doesn't say anything about 100% custody. Just because you show up at someone's door demanding the kid doesn't mean they have to hand them over (even if the person with the kid agrees that both should have equal time). And frankly, if she's this mentally unstable, I can see not handing the kid over for the child's own safety.
And for the record, yes, one person does get to unilaterally decide they have 100% custody if you don't have a custody agreement. In fact that's what most divorce lawyers suggest, because the second you hand the kid over, the other person can decide to not hand them back to you again.
So then if this isn't about the gender, would your brothers and nephews pound down the door and then pound on the woman if one of their baby mamas wouldn't just hand the kid over when they demanded it?
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Nov 7, 2012 9:45:55 GMT -5
::My brothers and nephews would be pounding on the door (and then on the loser.):: Why? If he's the father why should he be obligated to give her the child? She doesn't have some right to the child that the father doesn't have. And, IIRC, this guy -- even married -- is a deadbeat who hasn't worked a day in several years. How can he contribute support for this child?
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Nov 7, 2012 9:49:46 GMT -5
::My brothers and nephews would be pounding on the door (and then on the loser.):: Why? If he's the father why should he be obligated to give her the child? She doesn't have some right to the child that the father doesn't have. And, IIRC, this guy -- even married -- is a deadbeat who hasn't worked a day in several years. How can he contribute support for this child? I'm not really sure what the question is. Does his work history have some bearing on whether he should be able to have custody of the child?
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 7, 2012 9:51:55 GMT -5
So then if this isn't about the gender, would your brothers and nephews pound down the door and then pound on the woman if one of their baby mamas wouldn't just hand the kid over when they demanded it? No, because we don't hit women. They'd yell, they'd intimidate and I'm sure a couple of them would screw up her facebook page (we've got some serious computer geeks in my family). And we don 't actually have any "baby mamas" or "baby daddies" around. We do the committed, stable relationship thing. And it looks like the teenagers and early 20s are continuing that trend.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Nov 7, 2012 9:53:15 GMT -5
To play devil's advocate, is someone who has had a breakdown, been in a mental hospital, and appears to still be having mental health issues the best custodian for a small child?
(The father doesn't sound like any prize either, but is it possible he's worried for the baby's safety?)
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Nov 7, 2012 9:53:22 GMT -5
::No, because we don't hit women.::
Got it, violence is only ok when it's against men. Sounds like you've got some real winners there.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2012 9:53:37 GMT -5
My wife's cousin married and had a daughter with the biggest loser amongst all losers. Luckily enough when she finally came to her senses and left him (with the daughter) he put up no fight. She terminated his parental rights and he never once showed up in court.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Nov 7, 2012 9:54:50 GMT -5
And, IIRC, this guy -- even married -- is a deadbeat who hasn't worked a day in several years. How can he contribute support for this child? I'm not really sure what the question is. Does his work history have some bearing on whether he should be able to have custody of the child? The standard for primary custody is what is in the best interests of the child. I say an employed nurse (I think that's what Carl's cousin does) will far better meet those standards than a lazy, unemployed, couch-surfing, spendthrift who has no means to buy diapers, formula, food, etc. for the child. But, what do I know? I'm no expert nor do I play one on tv. That is all up for a judge to decide. But, I will concede that the father in this case is entitled to visitation if that helps you understand my point.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 7, 2012 9:55:26 GMT -5
::No, because we don't hit women.:: Got it, violence is only ok when it's against men. Sounds like you've got some real winners there. whatever.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2012 9:56:20 GMT -5
I'm not really sure what the question is. Does his work history have some bearing on whether he should be able to have custody of the child? That is all up for a judge to decide. Exactly. It is not up to angry, torch carrying family members to decide.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Nov 7, 2012 9:56:34 GMT -5
::The standard for primary custody is what is in the best interests of the child.::
And you can't believe that "hasn't worked in a few years" has bearing on that can you? Or do you think SAHM's should all lose their kids?
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Nov 7, 2012 9:57:33 GMT -5
To play devil's advocate, is someone who has had a breakdown, been in a mental hospital, and appears to still be having mental health issues the best custodian for a small child? (The father doesn't sound like any prize either, but is it possible he's worried for the baby's safety?) Well. the mother is going to have to get her poop together and get back on to her meds and/or into counseling. But, it could just be a situational issue -- he's using the child as a weapon against her -- that will resolve itself when someone with some common sense and legal authority puts a stop to that crap.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Nov 7, 2012 9:59:32 GMT -5
::The standard for primary custody is what is in the best interests of the child.:: And you can't believe that "hasn't worked in a few years" has bearing on that can you? Or do you think SAHM's should all lose their kids? I'm a SAHM. There is a difference between a SAHM who actually parents and works hard at home and in different volunteer capacities and one who sits on the couch all day and channel surfs and goes on exotic Caribbean vacations without enough money to get back home.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2012 10:01:38 GMT -5
No parents are perfect.
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Nov 7, 2012 10:03:28 GMT -5
To play devil's advocate, is someone who has had a breakdown, been in a mental hospital, and appears to still be having mental health issues the best custodian for a small child? (The father doesn't sound like any prize either, but is it possible he's worried for the baby's safety?) Well. the mother is going to have to get her poop together and get back on to her meds and/or into counseling. But, it could just be a situational issue -- he's using the child as a weapon against her -- that will resolve itself when someone with some common sense and legal authority puts a stop to that crap. I'd be very suprised if the authorities do anything about this.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Nov 7, 2012 10:07:56 GMT -5
I am. ;D
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Nov 7, 2012 10:08:33 GMT -5
Well. the mother is going to have to get her poop together and get back on to her meds and/or into counseling. But, it could just be a situational issue -- he's using the child as a weapon against her -- that will resolve itself when someone with some common sense and legal authority puts a stop to that crap. I'd be very suprised if the authorities do anything about this. Not following. Please elaborate. Thank you.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Nov 7, 2012 10:11:39 GMT -5
I can't believe I agree with Hoops on this.
"We" think he is a lazy guy that sits on the couch all day and channel surfs but what he is going to tell the judge is that he is the child's primary care giver, that he gave up his opportunity to have a career in order to be a SAHP to their child, plus I wouldn't be surprised if he pulls out the mental health card. Sounds to me like someone is angling for Spousal Support and Child Support if I had to guess.
If that's how he wants to play it now, a week into the drama, it's going to get nasty before it's over.
My Brother and SIL are in a similar situation right now and she has been on a 72 hours psych hold 3 or 4 times for claiming she has attempted suicide. My brother asked his lawyer if that would impact their custody fight and his lawyer told him if you go down that path be prepared for it to happen to you too. Basically if DBro brought up her mental issues than he opened the door for her lawyers to bring up his mental issues. They would be better off leaving those sleeping dogs lie because neither of them would come out smelling rosy.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2012 10:14:00 GMT -5
I am. ;D But you don't work.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Nov 7, 2012 10:15:00 GMT -5
The cops won't do anything because it's the father has the legal right to take his child anywhere he wants. Cops are going to tell them to figure their situation out through the courts. They don't have the authority to bust in to his mom's house and take the kid and hand it over to his wife. It's not kidnapping because he is allowed to take his kid to stay at grandma's house for a few days. There is no legal agreement in place stating that he can't do what he did. If they had a written custody agreement and he refused to hand over the kid that a pre-determined time than he is in violation of a court order but right now he's just a guy who took his kid (that he is primary caregiver of) to visit grandma.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Nov 7, 2012 10:16:14 GMT -5
I can't believe I agree with Hoops on this. "We" think he is a lazy guy that sits on the couch all day and channel surfs but what he is going to tell the judge is that he is the child's primary care giver, that he gave up his opportunity to have a career in order to be a SAHP to their child, plus I wouldn't be surprised if he pulls out the mental health card. Sounds to me like someone is angling for Spousal Support and Child Support if I had to guess. Except, IIRC, the DH in this case hasn't worked in years -- not even before they were married. I guess he could argue that they intended all along for him to be a kept man AND a SAHP. As for the mental health issues, whether or not the DW's mental health issues come into play in court, she should still get help so she can parent in a strong, healthy way. We all owe that to our children.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Nov 7, 2012 10:18:18 GMT -5
I am. ;D But you don't work. Ssshhhh, Archie!!!! People will find out I sit on the couch with the Carl's cousin's DH and channel surf with him. You know I want people to think I'm June Cleaver.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Nov 7, 2012 10:22:25 GMT -5
I'm with Hoops and Sheila...
While we may see Carl's side of the story, the judge will likely view the situation as Sheila has laid out - stay-at-home dad who serves as primary caretaker, mentally ill mom.
And since they're not divorced (or even legally separated) a judge isn't going to intervene until someone petitions for custody. The cops can't do much until that happens, either.
Going through an ironically similar situation in my own family right now. Not quite sure what to think (except that my half-siblings would be better raised by wolves). I will say it is always unfortunate when parents put their own selfish desires over what is best for their children.
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Nov 7, 2012 10:26:30 GMT -5
I'd be very suprised if the authorities do anything about this. Not following. Please elaborate. Thank you. He's the kid's father and the mom is a well documented nutjob. As other posters have stated, he's going to paint himself as a SAHP who is trying to protect his child from a menally ill parent and use it to get child support and alimony. And that's assuming that she divorces the bum, which she won't, becuase they care about appearances and because she knows the score. If a woman who was a SAHM took the kid to her parent's house for a few days to get the child away from a mentally ill father, do you really think that the cops would come and drag the kid away?
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2012 10:34:05 GMT -5
I was playing devil's advocate last night and told my wife exactly how he is going to play it: - main caregiver - wife unstable
But my wife made some good points also: - unemployed since 2007 - married 2010 - baby 2011
So he was unemployed 4 years before the baby arrived so kinda hard to sell the story I gave up my career for the baby.
The only upside if this goes to divorce: she purchased the house before marrying him.
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