Anyone reading about the NY Nanny case?

[Deleted]

Warning: horrible things happened in this case.

I can't stop thinking about the poor families involved. The articles yesterday made me cry. I don't know how you ever recover from having your children murdered and the nanny has a child too, no father in the picture. Apparently she was mentally ill and having financial problems.

Do you think this is about mental illness, or having to personally live with such stark differences in wealth? DH says you shouldn't have a nanny unless their kids get the same opportunities as yours because it makes things weird. That it was simpler when the nanny just moved in with you.

[Deleted]

Crazy folks come from all walks of life and are everywhere.

You can only pray it doesn't happen to your family!

[Opti]

Not following the case. It might be helpful if you post a link for those who might want to plus a summary of what happened.

[Deleted]

abclocal.go.com/wls/story?section=news/national_world&id=8862449&rss=rss-wls-article-8862449

[Deleted]

Terrible story.

[kgb18]

Do you think this is about mental illness, or having to personally live with such stark differences in wealth? DH says you shouldn't have a nanny unless their kids get the same opportunities as yours because it makes things weird. That it was simpler when the nanny just moved in with you.

I think it would be very awkward to have a live-in nanny with her children living with you and not also provide for her children to some extent. Yes, kids have to learn not everyone has as much as others. But it would be very difficult to grow up in the same house with wealthy children and actually live with the disparity day in and day out.

It reminds me of that movie, "Imitation of Life" where the housekeeper and her daughter live with a wealthy woman and her daughter. Even though the woman tries to provide for the housekeeper's daughter, as the girls grow she has a difficult time accepting her life. It was a sad movie.

[zibazinski]

Does anyone hire a nanny without running a background and psychological test on them? Seriously?

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

It just makes my heart and tummy hurt. That poor, poor mother. While i wish it didn't happen at all, I do hope the babies didn't know what happened and went quickly.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Oct 27, 2012 20:28:45 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Does anyone hire a nanny without running a background and psychological test on them? Seriously?

Everything I've read says the nanny had absolutely no criminal background.

[milee]

Oct 27, 2012 20:28:45 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Does anyone hire a nanny without running a background and psychological test on them? Seriously?

I've had a nanny (actually 2 different ones) and know many people who have or have had nannies and I've never even heard of giving a nanny a "psychological test". Exactly what kind of test are you proposing?

And as for the idea that the nanny losing weight and looking nervous being a red flag - it probably concerned them, but surely they had no idea that she was developing mental issues that were severe enough that she'd harm someone. We've had employees at work lose weight and have issues (mostly after divorce) and we try to be understanding with them, not immediately turf them in case they might kill us all.

Look, mental health issues are extremely hard to diagnose and treat, even for professionals. It's pretty unfair to be critical of the parents for not guessing this nanny was suddenly homicidal.

[Deleted]

Oct 27, 2012 20:28:45 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Does anyone hire a nanny without running a background and psychological test on them? Seriously?

Is there anyone we have crystal ball knowledge on to know that something is going to happen? Seriously?

[Deleted]

In my opinion, these kinds of scenarios are why i would choose daycare over home babysitting. At least in daycare, there are lots of other adults and people coming and going to drop off their kids in open, well lit rooms. And, yes, anything can happen everywhere, we can't stop all evil. But, i personally have always felt way more comfortable taking my kids to daycare than leaving kids home with a sitter or taking them to some sitter's house.

[zibazinski]

There are tests you can run. It isn't fool proof but before I'd let a stranger into my home accessing my children, I'd do a very thorough screening and that does include a psych exam. This is not for a random babysitter that you know the parents and all that but someone doing full time child care, period.

[Deleted]

I don't know the case or how she was hired. Was she from an agency or just a friend referral? I don't know that you can require a "pysch exam". Not sure what you mean by that exactly so you will have to clarify. The reality of life is that we trust people for the most part. We look at them and make decisions. We don't know everything about anybody and never will. I assume this lady probably had good references or a long work history with kids. It is the overall picture. And, more and more people DON"T get treated for mental health issues because they are afraid of leaving a record that will prevent them from getting a job as well. So, i don't know exactly how what could be done to differently that is going to ENSURE that this type of thing doesn't happen.

[Deleted]

Did you have a brain scan, EEG and colonoscopy before you were allowed to sit?

[milee]

Oct 28, 2012 8:00:43 GMT -5 @shooby said:

I don't know the case or how she was hired. Was she from an agency or just a friend referral? I don't know that you can require a "pysch exam". Not sure what you mean by that exactly so you will have to clarify. The reality of life is that we trust people for the most part. We look at them and make decisions. We don't know everything about anybody and never will. I assume this lady probably had good references or a long work history with kids. It is the overall picture. And, more and more people DON"T get treated for mental health issues because they are afraid of leaving a record that will prevent them from getting a job as well. So, i don't know exactly how what could be done to differently that is going to ENSURE that this type of thing doesn't happen.

Although much of what is circulating right now is gossip, at least one of the stories reported that the nanny was hired after being the nanny for the family of a friend for several years. Apparently the friend gave the nanny a good recommendation and the story implied that the current employer had known or seen her at her old job.

Again, mental health issues are very hard to diagnose and treat for professionals. Not only that, but even if there was some "psych test" that you could give to screen out people (BTW, I don't believe for one minute there is such a test or that it would be meaningful without extended observation and testing over a long period of time), it is very possible for mental illness to develop or progress to a serious state in response to a life event. So even if you did screen someone, that's not a guarantee that they don't later develop a mental issue.

Let's stop blaming these poor parents. It's incredibly cruel and frankly, baseless, unless there's a lot more to the story that has not been published or implied.

[raeoflyte]

We try to rationalize ways and reasons that such tragedies could never happen to us because we're smarter or better than the victims, but the reality is sometimes bad things happen. In hindsignt we can always say why we wouldn't have allowed such and such to happen, but you can't know that. We make the best decisions that we can at the time.

[raeoflyte]

Oct 28, 2012 8:08:30 GMT -5 milee said:

Let's stop blaming these poor parents. It's incredibly cruel and frankly, baseless, unless there's a lot more to the story that has not been published or implied.

[Deleted]

So, what would be the big "red flag"? If someone has a history of depression does that mean they are going to go "Postal" or what? I think we need to stop defining evil as a mental health problem. There are mental health problems. Millions of people have some issues like anxiety, depression or what not and that doesn't make them potential killers. As soon as something happens we jump on the "mentally ill" bandwagon. Being disturbed in a pyschotic way is not the same things as other types of mental health problems. Yet, they all get lumped together.

[Deleted]

Oct 28, 2012 8:11:38 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Oct 28, 2012 8:08:30 GMT -5 milee said:

Let's stop blaming these poor parents. It's incredibly cruel and frankly, baseless, unless there's a lot more to the story that has not been published or implied.

[Deleted]

Yes. For others to stand by and say "that wouldn't have happened to me" well, you dont' know what can or will happen to you in your life.

[Deleted]

Well, everyone is a bit "nuts" in their own way. I can't think of anyone who isn't a bit "off" in some area or another.

[Deleted]

And, we can also rush in with the "moms should stay home with their children" parade as well. ;D

[Deleted]

Oct 28, 2012 8:12:02 GMT -5 @shooby said:

Oct 28, 2012 8:11:38 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

[Deleted]

True. And, this is a pretty rare occurrence. I do think people should consider having Nanny cams in the home though. That is a good idea.

[Deleted]

We simply do not know who is going to snap. We don't know. 99.999% of people don't snap no matter what is going on.

[Deleted]

Update:

news.yahoo.com/nyc-nanny-not-herself-childrens-killings-035636233.html

[Deleted]

BTW, the woman had a degree in accounting. And, the family vacationed with her and her family. I don't see how you can get much more intimate knowledge than that.

[raeoflyte]

So we're talking about relatively short (article referenced a month) period of time with a large financial set back. Yet, Lone would fire a long time employee because she lost weight and was sad? I guess I'm happy for people who have such lives that they have never had a bad month that those things have happened to themselves.

And not to get completely side tracked, but losing weight is so subjective from an outsiders perspective. I was called anorexic at a 22% bmi which is completely ridiculous, but everyone has their own hangups about weight that they try to make out to be other peoples problems.

[Deleted]

It sounds like she did "snap". It sounds like something that came about pretty suddenly and it is doubtful most people would have looked at her and said "she is going to stab and kill two little kids".