Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Oct 27, 2012 0:45:14 GMT -5
So you are thinking about sending your kid to visit the lady who just tried you murder your ex husband?
Ummmm, that would be a negative.
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InsertCoolName
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Post by InsertCoolName on Oct 27, 2012 7:45:20 GMT -5
Noooo I am NOT thinking of sending him. I asked because I wanted to see if my reaction was reasonable.
I told him he wasn't allowed to go see this woman for the time being. Let her be pissed at me. I know her games and I know how to get her to shut up. I've had to deal with her and craziness for 10 years.
I just can't recall how long it takes to get a divorce once filed. Not sure there is anything left for her to fight over. So hopefully it will be quick.
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on Oct 27, 2012 8:14:45 GMT -5
Isn't this crazy that we are even discussing this? just like the thread about 'how can i ask someone to pay me back the money that they owe me without hurting their feelings or looking like the bad guy'? 'how can i let the ex's wife know that my son can't come see her without making her mad'?
we have got to stop thinking like we do! who cares if the family can't believe that we asked DB or DS for the $1000 we loaned them 2 years ago? who cares if the crazed tire tool wielding woman gets mad if she can't see the 17 year old step son?
we need to cowboy up people!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 27, 2012 8:16:53 GMT -5
If she tried to kill someone why isn't she in jail? ![:(](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/sad.png)
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Ombud
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Post by Ombud on Oct 27, 2012 8:30:20 GMT -5
Although you & your ex have shared custody, that doesn't transfer to a crazy step who tried to kill the x, now moved onto new prey, whose kids won't have anything to do with her. Actually, doesn't matter if charges are pressed or not IMHO. It's a he'll no ---- keep away from him ----- don't let the door slam ya on the way out of our lives!
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InsertCoolName
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Post by InsertCoolName on Oct 27, 2012 8:46:21 GMT -5
Not sure. The timeline is coming to me in bits and pieces. So I'm not sure what went down or when.
She could have been sited and given a court date. Perhaps my x is very embarrassed about being abused and didn't say anything? Or it could be that she took some Paralegal classes and knows enough about the laws that she scared the police with being sued or something.
I've always heard the saying "Every dog gets their day." And "Karma is a bitch." So. Time will tell.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 27, 2012 9:02:14 GMT -5
If she tried to kill someone why isn't she in jail? ![:(](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/sad.png) she didn't try hard enough
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InsertCoolName
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Post by InsertCoolName on Oct 27, 2012 9:46:16 GMT -5
LOL That's funny.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Oct 27, 2012 9:53:55 GMT -5
ICN, Divorce process depends on your state. It could be anywhere from 6 months to close to 2 years depending.
Personally I wouldn't tell DS he might be able to see her in the future. I think it might be wise if you feel you have to hedge to say not until after the divorce is final but for his own safety I think you should start telling him what you know about XH being abused and let him talk to his Dad.
People do kill children to get at spouses and ex-spouses.
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whoami
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Post by whoami on Oct 27, 2012 11:21:29 GMT -5
Went through something similar (minus the attempted murder thing) when ex was going through another divorce. She wanted to keep having the kids visit because they were such good friends with her kids. Uh....no way. A few years later the son was in juvenile and the daughter was in rehab for meth addiction at 14. She was a PITA to me and a passive aggressive bitch the whole time they were married so once they were divorced there was no way I was going to allow my kids to be anywhere near her or her train wreck children.
Its actually funny....any kids my ex has had any hand in raising have been disasters. His own bio kids who have had little contact with him are all functioning adults with no teen pregnancies, drug habits, rehab stints, arrest records etc. Yet he loves to brag what a fab parent he is.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 27, 2012 12:19:44 GMT -5
NO!!! Why didn't your idiot ex get a restraining order on behalf of the minor child also???
Until the court decides whether the woman did what she is accused of, I would say that NO visitation is appropriate.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Oct 27, 2012 12:24:23 GMT -5
The first scenario is much more likely than the latter. Cops aren't too worried about being sued by someone who just committed assault...
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Oct 27, 2012 12:47:32 GMT -5
...:::"I guess the last beating(tire tool to his back) took place 2-3 weeks ago. And then a week ago my x just left after she told him he had to go make a phone call to cancel her hair appointment. Or something like that. Who knows.":::...
The fact that there was a "last beating 2-3 weeks ago" (with a tire tool, no less) is just ridiculous. I know this is a delicate situation, and I guess its really hard to predict how to act even sometimes if you are in the thick of it because its hard to think clearly in such chaos.
I hope things never get so bad for any of us that tire tool beatings are a factor, let alone something we have to recover from.
...:::"But her son who is 26 took off years ago and has never come back. And her daughter...doesn't want anything to do with her mother either.":::...
Gee I wonder why... Its going to be interesting for the new guy. Crazy comes in many different forms, and some of them are quite dangerous.
...:::"...but in my experience it's nigh impossible to make a 16YO go someplace they don't want to go. I'd just tell him for now you're better off here, and facilitate any interactions with his dad, and tell him that once his dad is settled again, of course he'll again be welcome to spend time there with him.":::...
While I'd like to believe that the tire iron incident would support such an action, it sounds like the kid doesn't know what he wants (and even if he does, it may not be for the right reasons). I agree it would help a LOT if both you AND his Dad could be united on this, if possible.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 27, 2012 12:51:36 GMT -5
So here we go again with the double standards... The kid should not see the step-mom ONLY because she tried to kill someone (the dad, mailman, neighbor, etc doesn't matter). The ones who are saying she has no rights because she is a step-parent, that is such a double standard. So when it comes to supporting your kid, she has to treat him like her own but when it comes to divorce, she cannot see the kid or has no rights??? My point being, the only reason for not allowing contact should be that she tried to kill someone. And the fact that she is not in jail makes me think there is a whole lot more to the story. If it was the bio-dad that tried to kill someone, would you have been okay for him to visit the dad and still not the step-mom?
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InsertCoolName
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Post by InsertCoolName on Oct 27, 2012 17:43:26 GMT -5
So here we go again with the double standards... The kid should not see the step-mom ONLY because she tried to kill someone (the dad, mailman, neighbor, etc doesn't matter). The ones who are saying she has no rights because she is a step-parent, that is such a double standard. So when it comes to supporting your kid, she has to treat him like her own but when it comes to divorce, she cannot see the kid or has no rights??? My point being, the only reason for not allowing contact should be that she tried to kill someone. And the fact that she is not in jail makes me think there is a whole lot more to the story. If it was the bio-dad that tried to kill someone, would you have been okay for him to visit the dad and still not the step-mom? ![](http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff155/JiminiChristmas/smileys/1-1.gif) That's cute if you think she supported my son. Not every step-parent is some great human being.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 27, 2012 18:29:43 GMT -5
![:)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/smiley.png) I didn't mean she supported. Just saying everybody has ideas on what a step-parent should do but then when there is divorce or conflict, they have no rights.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 27, 2012 19:06:36 GMT -5
I objected based on the tried to kill the dad part. I support the rights of a good step parent to maintain a relationship with kids they have helped raise.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Oct 27, 2012 19:08:48 GMT -5
I objected based on the tried to kill the dad part. I support the rights of a good step parent to maintain a relationship with kids they have helped raise. ![](http://forums.clubrsx.com/images/smilies/yeahthat.gif)
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Oct 27, 2012 19:14:15 GMT -5
![:)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/smiley.png) I didn't mean she supported. Just saying everybody has ideas on what a step-parent should do but then when there is divorce or conflict, they have no rights. Legally they don't after a divorce to my knowledge. If you have people involved who are good and caring on both sides relationships can be maintained. I know my family once kept in touch with an ex-wife of my Uncle because we really liked her.
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skubikky
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Post by skubikky on Oct 30, 2012 9:17:19 GMT -5
![:)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/smiley.png) I didn't mean she supported. Just saying everybody has ideas on what a step-parent should do but then when there is divorce or conflict, they have no rights. That's correct, they don't.
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chen35
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Post by chen35 on Oct 30, 2012 9:49:15 GMT -5
Don't you know that step-parents are only good for their money?
InsertCoolName - not a commentary on your situation at all. You made the right choice! I am sorry you have to deal with this.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Oct 30, 2012 10:03:03 GMT -5
DF is a stepfather. I guess legally he isn't any longer but he raised, supported, and loves those kids and their kids. His stepkids are better people than his own bio child. She's a useless piece of work.
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chen35
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Post by chen35 on Oct 30, 2012 10:06:04 GMT -5
Is step-parent a legal term? I have step-kids, does that mean anything legally? Or is it just a label we came up with as a society?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Oct 30, 2012 10:09:02 GMT -5
It kind of does. If you die, they can collect your social security benefits.
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chen35
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Post by chen35 on Oct 30, 2012 10:09:44 GMT -5
Huh, I didn't realize that. Thanks!
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InsertCoolName
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Post by InsertCoolName on Apr 21, 2013 23:09:29 GMT -5
My oldest DS's father was killed in an accident early this morning.
He was 36.
Not sure exactly yet what happened, but we do know that he hit 3 big trees. He was killed instantly.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Apr 21, 2013 23:24:49 GMT -5
I'm so sorry, CoolName. That must be very hard on your DS. ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/wilted.png)
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resolution
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Post by resolution on Apr 21, 2013 23:29:24 GMT -5
I am so sorry that you are going through another tragedy. My thoughts and prayers are with your family.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Apr 21, 2013 23:33:58 GMT -5
Oh ICN ![](http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff155/JiminiChristmas/smileys/hug.gif) I am so sorry. Best wishes to you and DS1
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Apr 21, 2013 23:46:13 GMT -5
So sorry! (Are the police investigating his estranged wife?)
My sympathies to your DS.
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