MarleyKeezy78
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Post by MarleyKeezy78 on Oct 24, 2012 23:08:35 GMT -5
I know the feeling, my sis inlaw has not liked me for a long time, although she has been much more friendly this past year She has always looked down on me because I didn't go to college and have no degree in whatever is deemed acceptable she's a SAHM too despite the masters degree so whatever I would probably be annoyed as well because you always know the subtle undertones a person is giving out. I know it can't be easy for her if she has always wanted kids and is not able to have any but that is no reason to take it out on someone else. I worked at a place where bosses wife was pregnant and ended up loosing the baby, I got pregnant a few months later and the boss told me not to talk about me being pregnant because it would be to painful for his wife. No offense but this was my first child too and while I would not really talk to her about it anyway I didn't appreciate him telling me that. She ended up pregnant with twins while I was pregnant so it was all good and then it was all about the babies Sorry to ramble, I have had a few
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 24, 2012 23:20:51 GMT -5
Assume Positive Intent. Your life will be happier.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Oct 24, 2012 23:57:35 GMT -5
I can't have children but have always been happy to have nieces and nephews but wouldn't write that on a card. I do feel some gifts for the children are really for the parents and should be accepted in the spirit given. My brother had a bunch of kids when he was in the Air Force and they couldn't afford nice clothing. They shopped yard sales and thrift shops and got good deals but they didn't find underwear, night wear or socks. Mom and I would both send them those sort of gifts sometimes, the kids got new clothing and the parents didn't have to pay for them so it was a gift for the parents since they wouldn't have had to buy them those things. One year mom took the DIL shopping all day and bought a lot of clothes for the kids and at the end of the day said something about having a good shopping and DIL said "I didn't get anything" Having someone else buy your kids clothes means you don't have to that is a gift for you. Mom usually took each grandchild who lived locally school shopping to save the parents money. Not for the son's or DIL's birthday or Christmas but just to save them money and have a bonding day with each grandkid. One year I sent them a box of all kinds of toys and topped it off with every size of socks since they had every size of kids I figured the mom could take all the socks and dole them out as needed and she and my brother would get some socks too since some were adult size.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2012 4:00:01 GMT -5
Eh' I would probably just ignore it. .
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MarleyKeezy78
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Post by MarleyKeezy78 on Oct 25, 2012 7:29:53 GMT -5
I can't have children but have always been happy to have nieces and nephews but wouldn't write that on a card. I do feel some gifts for the children are really for the parents and should be accepted in the spirit given. My brother had a bunch of kids when he was in the Air Force and they couldn't afford nice clothing. They shopped yard sales and thrift shops and got good deals but they didn't find underwear, night wear or socks. Mom and I would both send them those sort of gifts sometimes, the kids got new clothing and the parents didn't have to pay for them so it was a gift for the parents since they wouldn't have had to buy them those things. One year mom took the DIL shopping all day and bought a lot of clothes for the kids and at the end of the day said something about having a good shopping and DIL said "I didn't get anything" Having someone else buy your kids clothes means you don't have to that is a gift for you. Mom usually took each grandchild who lived locally school shopping to save the parents money. Not for the son's or DIL's birthday or Christmas but just to save them money and have a bonding day with each grandkid. One year I sent them a box of all kinds of toys and topped it off with every size of socks since they had every size of kids I figured the mom could take all the socks and dole them out as needed and she and my brother would get some socks too since some were adult size. That's nice! I love when my family gets DS clothes and such, come t think of it, the only things we have had to buy lately are PJs, underware, socks, and a pair of shoes My mother bought him so many clothes in so many sizes he is set for the next year or so ;D One of my other favorite gifts was a huge box of diapers for my birthday or christmas, that was always awesome because we didn't have to buy them for a month, YAY!!!
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Oct 25, 2012 7:41:27 GMT -5
Assume Positive Intent. Your life will be happier. Frankly if my SIL sent me a birthday card at all it would shock the hell out of me. Hell she can't remember her brother's birthday or her nephew's birthday, half the time. Not that she's a bad person, she's just not good with dates and she's a procrastinator, and really, whether or not I get a card from her or not isn't going to make my day better or worse anyway.
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emma1420
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Post by emma1420 on Oct 25, 2012 8:00:08 GMT -5
I would ignore it. It may be annoying, but you have something she desperately wants. Unless something changes she will never receive a Mother's Day card from her child. She will never know what it's like to get gifts from her kids. Perhaps because I'm in a similar situation My heart kind of breaks for your SIL. Granted, I think adding the language about your kids is unnecessary and it might be passive aggressive on her part, but it's a little thing that is easy to ignore.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Oct 25, 2012 8:14:48 GMT -5
Emma, I am so sorry
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2012 8:16:08 GMT -5
Do you not agree that your kids are the best gift? Well, maybe to you, they are not but to her they are the best gift anyone can have (I agree with her 100%). I think you are taking what you have for granted... I also would not mind if someone wanted to give a baby gift for my birthday. I would be grateful (with or without the PS part) for the card and her thoughtfulness.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Oct 25, 2012 8:22:05 GMT -5
Wow, that is a whole lot of assumption on your part.
Do I think my kids are MY best gift??? No, I don't. I don't think my children are a "thing" for ME. At the same time I think there is a lot more to ME than my children.
Lena
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2012 8:23:27 GMT -5
"We don't talk much, she doesn't like me, so she usually ignores me "
You sure do sound like the 3 kids you have are no big deal but to someone who cannot have any, it IS a big deal. Maybe your attitude is showing and that's why she doesn't like you. I am sure she would take the no "me" time in a heart beat to be able to have what you have.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2012 8:25:09 GMT -5
"Wow, that is a whole lot of assumption on your part."
Did you have to try at all to get pregnant or did you get pregnant easily? It may not be on purpose but I think you are taking that for granted.
"Do I think my kids are MY best gift??? No, I don't."
What do you think is YOUR best gift then?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2012 8:27:10 GMT -5
"At the same time I think there is a lot more to ME than my children."
Yes there is a lot more to everyone than being a parent or anything they do.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Oct 25, 2012 8:31:28 GMT -5
OK, you are, again, making a LOT of assumptions and I don't have time nor any interest to be disputing any.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2012 8:36:28 GMT -5
I wasn't trying to argue with you. I am just saying without knowing you, just reading what you just posted, with limited information, that is how you come across. In short, just try to have a little compassion and understanding for someone who doesn't have what you have and would probably do anything to have it.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Oct 25, 2012 8:45:04 GMT -5
Fair enough.
I did and do have a lot of compassion for her, despite her behaviour towards me. She never liked me. According to my DH (which is also just speculation) when I met him, he and his sister didn't have great relationship and she kind of saw "me" (before she even knew me, personally) as taking him away from her and not being able to fix that relationship. So, she has been obnoxious to me from day 1.
At one point I was even considering being a surrogate for her, bc I did have very easy and healthy pregnancies, but my DH didn't think it was a good idea.
Anyway, I was just curious as to how people would take such a B-day card. It's always interesting to get other people's perspective.
Lena
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skubikky
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Post by skubikky on Oct 25, 2012 10:53:15 GMT -5
What do you talk about when you're together? With some women who have had children, their conversation is dominated by their children and they can't talk about anything else. Another site I'm on calls it babyjacking the conversation. If you've ever been the recipient of it, then you'd know how annoying it can be. One of my co-workers has a 15 yo DD. She spends most of her time detailing how academically superior she is, how musically gifted she is, what a perfect girl she is, and how accomplished an athlete she is. Most of her conversations focus on her DD, her recent weight loss or how she and her DD find her husband to be annoying. When she asks me about my weekend or something else that requires a response I say good and allow her to launch into her diatribe. I don't think she has any close friends so maybe needs someone to talk to. The more someone like that goes on and on about how wonderful their child is or something like that, I usually figure that they're really trying more to convince themselves that the listener.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Oct 25, 2012 11:18:34 GMT -5
"The more someone like that goes on and on about how wonderful their child is or something like that, I usually figure that they're really trying more to convince themselves that the listener. "
Or, they could just be a bore who is over involved in themselves. I had a co-worker like this too, for a while. She didn't have kids, but she came in every day and treated us to a blow by blow description of what she did the night before. Where she went to eat, what exercise she did, if she went shopping what she bought, etc. That was bad enough, but when she went on vacation it was that much worse. Literally, she related to me what she had to eat every single meal of a cruise once. Like I cared.
Like you, I learned to just say hello every day and let her go on while kind of tuning her out. She didn't limit her narrative to just me, she usually cornered several other people in the office and then called a couple friends, as well. She believed that her life was fascinating and that all her friends and co-workers were badly curious about what she did all the time, because it was so interesting. She bragged that everyone she knew lived vicariously through her.
That wasn't the case, but what are you gonna do...
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sbcalimom
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Post by sbcalimom on Oct 25, 2012 17:03:15 GMT -5
I find it annoying/interesting that ever since I had kids people don't see me as a person, but as a mother. May be it's bc I don't work, I don't know.... Oh, I totally get this! My MIL said to me once after DD1 was born, "Now your life is complete and you never have to worry about being happy again. You have DH and DD to take care of." After DD2, she again made some sort of similar comment about how I must be completely fulfilled since I now have two miracles. Granted, my MIL is bat-sh*t crazy so I just roll my eyes and ignore it but it is still annoying since apparently now that I had two kids I can't ever want to do or be anything but their mother (and someone's wife) for the rest of my life. DH got in trouble for this the first Christmas and bday after DD1 was born. He didn't get me presents, he got the baby presents and then said they were for me. I wasn't pleased. I explained that I am still a separate person from DD and if he wants to get ME a gift than it should be for ME.
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