"How Couples Manage Their Money" article

[jennml]

I read this interesting article on Slate.com about how couples merge/manage their finances. It's the first part in a 5 part series, which looks to be interesting.

www.slate.com/id/2281613

I know this is something we have talked about on YM many times. But it's always interesting to see how we all fit in with a larger sample size. Plus I'm looking forward to reading the author's findings on the influence of social changes on how couples manage their finances.

Her sample isn't very diverse, which she herself acknowledges. Regardless, it is interesting to see some numbers.

I believe we have a broader age range here on YM, hence the poll. I'm interested to see how we compare to the numbers in the article. Obviously, this is a loose comparison, since I can't factor in age, income, and education like she did.

ETA: DEFINITIONS (as I understand them)

Common Potters = all money earned is shared. No separate accounts.

Sometime Sharers = each maintains a separate account but there is also a joint account for major household expenses or purchases.

Independent Operators = All money is separate and household bills are paid from individual accounts.

[Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ]

I have been single for well over 20 years....

Women's haircuts and salon visits are purely wants based spending. The article used this as an example.
The author also mentioned something about buying new boots. She noted that she wanted them and not needed them.

[Deleted]

You might want to define the terms in the original post.


I am a common potter with my wife. Everything is combined that can be combined.

[swamp]

Jan 31, 2011 11:36:52 GMT -5 Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ said:

I have been single for well over 20 years....

Women's haircuts and salon visits are purely wants based spending. The article used this as an example.
The author also mentioned something about buying new boots. She noted that she wanted them and not needed them.

Men's haircuts are needs but women's aren't?

[Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ]

Men's haircuts are needs but women's aren't?

A man's haircut in midtown Manhattan runs $11 to $15, tops. A woman's haircut would easily run 5 or more times that price.
A guy going to get his hair cut, is solely about getting his hair cut.
A women going to get their hair done is about a social event.

[Deleted]

I liked the Austrian grandma saying, "a woman should have her own money". My Ex's Italian grandmother used to tell her daughters "you should always have a little money put aside that your husband doesn't know about".

I don't hide money from DH-don't need to. But I'd go nuts with joint accounts.

And I thought the haircut example was a little weird. I do pay a lot for mine, and I cut DH's hair(he doesn't have much). I spend much more on my clothes because I go to the office and he has a small 100% work-at-home freelance business. What's important is that we agree on the financial priorities, and we do.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Interesting article. Thanks for posting it. I wonder if she knows about us? She may find YM or the WIR interesting enough to write about...

ETA "she" being the writer and assuming she does right about financial stuff every so often.

[shanendoah]

Jan 31, 2011 11:48:32 GMT -5 Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ said:

Men's haircuts are needs but women's aren't?

A man's haircut in midtown Manhattan runs $11 to $15, tops. A woman's haircut would easily run 5 or more times that price.
A guy going to get his hair cut, is solely about getting his hair cut.
A women going to get their hair done is about a social event.

Umm, I get my hair cut once every six months or so, go to SuperCuts to keep the cost down and do not have a regular stylist. So not a "social event" in any way, shape or form. Yet they charge me more for being female. And no, its not based on length of hair or time between cuts. DH has hair about the same length as mine that is actually harder to cut because its so curly, and goes longer between haircuts, but they always charge him $5 less than they charge me.
However, our haircuts do come out of our allowance spending, just like our clothes do. The fact that I have a professional level job (and therefore need to spend more on clothing and personal grooming) means that I get a larger allowance than he does.

[swamp]

Jan 31, 2011 11:48:32 GMT -5 Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ said:

Men's haircuts are needs but women's aren't?

A man's haircut in midtown Manhattan runs $11 to $15, tops. A woman's haircut would easily run 5 or more times that price.
A guy going to get his hair cut, is solely about getting his hair cut.
A women going to get their hair done is about a social event.

Oh, cut the crap. I go get my hair cut and colored because I need it done, not because I wanna chat. It's not my fault they charge me more because I have a vagina.

[thyme4change]

A women going to get their hair done is about a social event.

My life is pretty lame if I spend money to have an awkward conversation with a dude I have nothing in common with for one hour every six weeks. You are thinking of movies like Fried Green Tomatoes, or some other time and place where the women sit around and gossip at the beauty salon.

I'm cool with saying that I spend more than I need to, or even that I would be "okay" with a super-cuts cut, which I choose not to do. But I will not agree that I do it as a social outlet. I will also agree that I spend a lot of money that I don't need to so I can have social interaction - but it isn't the beauty palor.

[Clifford]

I am curious about single income families. Do they still share or allowance at the same rate as dual income families? We are 100% common potters married with kids, but do some single earner households divide the check?

[❤ mollymouser ❤]

Jan 31, 2011 11:48:32 GMT -5 Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ said:

Men's haircuts are needs but women's aren't?

A guy going to get his hair cut, is solely about getting his hair cut.
A women going to get their hair done is about a social event.

Not in my world.

[jennml]

Just from the contrary opinions regarding haircuts, I feel that is is a good example to use. I would hope the author would maybe expand upon it when she addresses the social changes aspect of couple money management. Obviously, women are playing more prominent roles in traditionally male dominated fields which necessitates increased spending for professional clothes and appearance. This includes haircuts/coloring for women. In general , I'd assume hair coloring would specifically be more important for women since there is such a focus on youthfulness for women. Men with gray or salt and pepper hair are described as distinguished. I don't think it's usually the same for a woman. I'm sure there are exceptions but I'd think, depending on your job, hair maintenance is very important for women and typically more expensive than for a man. If I didn't have my mom to cut and dye my hair, I'd be shelling out major bucks at a salon since my hair is midway down my back.

[jennml]

Although this also calls to mind the recent shift showing more men focusing on their appearance. The metrosexual look. I know of some men that spend more than a woman on beauty products and maintenance. Hence, having beauty products/hair maint. as a necessary line item on the budget might be more likely in younger couples? IDK

[thyme4change]

I've seen pictures of SF - a $10 haircut is still a $10 haircut.

[shanendoah]

clifford: Common potters, no kids. I suppose we are currently dual income as DH is getting UE, but we don't live on that money as all. It goes to debt paydown or savings. And we will be down to one income in a few months when UE ends.
We will remain on the allowance system. Its built in to our actual budget. And I will keep getting a higher allowance because of my additional work related expenses. When he is done with school (also in the budget) and re-enters the work force, we'll re-evaluate the allowance amounts at that time.

[cytoglycerine]

Jan 31, 2011 13:26:55 GMT -5 swamp said:

It's not my fault they charge me more because I have a vagina.

That is PURE GOLD!!!!!!!

[Cookies Galore]

Jan 31, 2011 11:48:32 GMT -5 Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ said:

Men's haircuts are needs but women's aren't?

A man's haircut in midtown Manhattan runs $11 to $15, tops. A woman's haircut would easily run 5 or more times that price.
A guy going to get his hair cut, is solely about getting his hair cut.
A women going to get their hair done is about a social event.

O-kay...
BF and I go to the same salon. He goes more often than I do (4 weeks to my 6-8 weeks) and his cuts are $7 less than mine, which is a non-issue to me. Now, I'm not the best judge of myself, but I'm pretty sure I get a hair cut simply because I need a hair cut, as does BF.
Meet different women, man!

[stantonjane]

These posts on the haircuts are interesting, I'll have to go read that article, see what they're figuring.

My family goes to Supercuts, I get mine done about 2-3 times a year, so every 4-6 months. One thing I notice, a basic haircut is about $14, I assume both for men and women. One thing I notice, many men come into Supercuts, sit in that chair for maybe 10 minutes, they all seem to pull out a $5 tip. What percentage is that? 35% ?

I tip maybe $2-$3, and they spend a lot longer on me. Mind you, that's still 15-20%, which is a basic tip in my book.

Common potter with kids, just for the record.

[lurkyloo]

Jan 31, 2011 17:47:02 GMT -5 Cookies Galore said:

Jan 31, 2011 11:48:32 GMT -5 Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ said:

Men's haircuts are needs but women's aren't?

A man's haircut in midtown Manhattan runs $11 to $15, tops. A woman's haircut would easily run 5 or more times that price.
A guy going to get his hair cut, is solely about getting his hair cut.
A women going to get their hair done is about a social event.

O-kay...
BF and I go to the same salon. He goes more often than I do (4 weeks to my 6-8 weeks) and his cuts are $7 less than mine, which is a non-issue to me. Now, I'm not the best judge of myself, but I'm pretty sure I get a hair cut simply because I need a hair cut, as does BF.
Meet different women, man!

Seconded! DH and I go to the same small salon, usually at the same time. I'm invariably done miles before he is, usually at least 10 min; yet he costs $16 and I cost $20+. I think either MP or Liz wrote a column at one point listing haircuts as a poster child for the vagina tax (not that they have quite such a succinct way with words as swamp.)

[justwhoever]

lol I don't get my hair cut. Haven't had my hair cut in almost 4 years. It look fine. If I think I see some gray...I grab a hair color kit at walmart for $5. It's been over a year since last color.

Dh goes in and gets a cut every couple of months for $9. Unless he goes to the other person...then it's $10. If I were to go and get mine cut....it would cost....wait for it!!! $9.

Dh and I have kids and our money is all put in the same pot. We both make money and it's going to make the same dish. Our home.

[Deleted]

I don't think the point of being married is to comingle finances. For us it is just much easier that way.

[thyme4change]

We actually combined finances because my husband was bad at managing his money. It takes a level of desire, organization and attention to detail to keep a checkbook balanced and stay on budget. He just didn't feel like it. It worked out best for everyone that we combined the money. If we had seperate accounts, I would probably end up managing them both - why bother.

If I was married to someone who was more like me, I'm not sure what we would do.

[thyme4change]

I thought the point of being married was to get on each other's health insurance and avoid writing a will.

[Deleted]

Feb 1, 2011 8:39:27 GMT -5 Lady Gaga Gaga Snerd said:

Archie, your avatar. Really?

It is more cuddly than your avatar.

[Deleted]

Feb 1, 2011 8:39:00 GMT -5 Lady Gaga Gaga Snerd said:

I don't think the point of being married is to comingle finances. For us it is just much easier that way.

Read more: notmsnmoney.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=finance&action=display&thread=2655#ixzz1CiLYQpoe

The point of being married is to comingle EVERYTHING.

Do I have to wear my wife's clothes?

[cael]

Feb 1, 2011 8:38:06 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

We actually combined finances because my husband was bad at managing his money. It takes a level of desire, organization and attention to detail to keep a checkbook balanced and stay on budget. He just didn't feel like it. It worked out best for everyone that we combined the money. If we had seperate accounts, I would probably end up managing them both - why bother.

If I was married to someone who was more like me, I'm not sure what we would do.

My DF is exactly the same as you describe your husband. Once we're married I told him everything's going into one account for bills/rent etc., and we can maintain separate accounts for our fun money if we want. It'll just be easier that way.... I think he isn't fully convinced, only because he feels like he'll have no control, but I've put it this way to him - I'd happily let him take everything over, but would be be able to handle it all? He mopes around a little bit & admits no, he wouldn't. Lol.

[jennml]

Part 2 of the series is now available. It focuses on Common Potters, which seems to be the major money management strategy for Married/Civil Union couples with or without kids (based on my poll). But, as true YMers, it is not the strategy of choice for couples cohabitating.

www.slate.com/id/2281885/

[Cookies Galore]

Feb 1, 2011 9:00:22 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Feb 1, 2011 8:39:00 GMT -5 Lady Gaga Gaga Snerd said:

I don't think the point of being married is to comingle finances. For us it is just much easier that way.

Read more: notmsnmoney.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=finance&action=display&thread=2655#ixzz1CiLYQpoe

The point of being married is to comingle EVERYTHING.

Do I have to wear my wife's clothes?

That was going to be my question! I don't fit into BF's clothes. Stupid tall and skinny man...

[jennml]

From Part 2

Because Mike and I were wary of combining any money before we were married, we still think of the money we earn as "yours" and "mine." But from the couples I interviewed, I heard over and over again about the psychological importance of "ours." Most Common Potters I spoke to believe that shared money is an inextricable part of a true union, with easing the awkwardness of income disparity as a side benefit. Brian, a 31-year-old in marketing and communications, offers this quote from Wendell Berry to explain his reasoning for the Common Pot he shares with wife Keri, 30, who is a stay-at-home mom:

There are, however, still some married couples who understand themselves as belonging to their marriage, to each other, and to their children. … To them, 'mine' is not so powerful or necessary a pronoun as 'ours.'

Sounds a lot like what some of the Common Potters here have been saying.