midjd
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Post by midjd on Sept 10, 2012 21:11:38 GMT -5
I didn't want to hijack the 'what time do you start work?' thread but it got me thinking. DH is looking into moving into a new job at the end of this year. This will involve a decent pay increase and good career path, with the corollary that he'll probably spend 5-6 years working third shift before a spot on first shift opens up. On one hand, it seems like it's going to be a pretty big adjustment.* On the other hand, we would be spending about the same amount of waking time together. And it seems like daycare would be easier to handle/cheaper if we were working different shifts, assuming we have a kid. Do any of you keep substantially different hours from your spouse? How does it work? How about with kids? *DH spent about 4 years working 2nd shift and a year and a half working 12-hour swing shifts, so he's not too worried - most of the adjustment will be on my end
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Sept 11, 2012 0:00:07 GMT -5
My dh has worked graveyards Th-Sa for the last 10 years, while I have always had a full time M-F 8-5 gig. DH is temporarily working W-F for a few months, so we actually both wake up Sunday morning without either of us having to get to (or just getting off from work). It's almost odd, but in a good way. Originally he started because he found a weekend graveyard job that paid just enough for him to have spending money while he finished his first degree. Then he was able to make more money and gain a lot more experience by working graveyard with his degree (and complete his 2nd degree during the days). Now we keep doing it because it saves us a ton in daycare costs and the shift differential is nice. Once the kids are in school I want him to have weekends off at the least, and hopefully at least working 2nd shift. It isn't healthy for a person to work graveyards for so many years at a time, although the benefits to it at this point have made it worthwhile for us. It can be very tough to plan family get togethers. Dh will stay up to do things with everyone, and then be an absolute crab from lack of sleep later in the week which drives me nuts.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Sept 11, 2012 0:11:39 GMT -5
Well, my Dad has worked rotating shifts, weekends, and holidays since before I was born, you just end up managing as a family.
Personally I don't think third shift would be that bad, you just sleep when most people work and work when most people sleep.
I'm curious how you think he'll be able to watch a baby during the day after he's worked a full shift. Or is he going to sleep after you get home then get up and go to work? You'll never see him then.
By the way, how did you get 2000+ Karma?
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rileyoday
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Post by rileyoday on Sept 11, 2012 0:45:10 GMT -5
I worked 11 pm - 7 am for three months. I could never sleep for more than four hours in the morning and seldom any sleep in the evening. I became sleep deprived and had to quit as another shift was not available. I was 35 years old. When I was 25 I worked that same shift without any problem. Hope it works out for you two.
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Sept 11, 2012 7:17:03 GMT -5
I work in an industry that has always had rotating shifts. I have worked them, and then supervised them. I understand a lot of the issues of people working "non-traditional" work hours.
Working 3rd shift when it is two adults is not that bad. The shift worker generally sleeps during the day and you have evenings together. But watching a baby during the day would definitely be out, might work for a few days, but that will wear you out.
My brother and SIL work for a TV station, she works during the day, he works evenings. He usually wraps up work after the local news. Their employer works with them so that they can trade off and take care of their 5 year old (in school now) and 1 year old. It works for them. The problem is that my brother does not have a lot of time with the 5 year old.
I also have a really good friend who works long weekend hours as an ER nurse. He usually works 12 hour days on Sat-Sun and then sometimes will work a Fri or Mon. Because of OT, working Sat-Sun pays the same as a 40 hour week. His wife has a SAHM but also now working on her home based business (catering/baking). They love having all week together. Their kids are all school age now, but it was great when they were younger (before school) because a kid at home does not know the difference between weekday and weekend.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 11, 2012 7:19:18 GMT -5
It works for a lot of people and it's usually because of daycare. A friend of mine worked weekends as a nurse to stay in the system while her husband worked a regular 9-5 M-F job at a bank. He got good time with his kids, kids got good time at home with mom and she stayed fresh with her skills and seniority.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Sept 11, 2012 7:42:27 GMT -5
Studies have shown that constantly changing between shifts is damaging to your health. However working steadily on a particular shift is not.
I worked second shift for a while, before we had a kid. Wasn't that bad.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Sept 11, 2012 7:59:55 GMT -5
I'm curious too - I have two friends who work different shifts from their spouse (including one who works the same shift/employer DH will be) and don't use daycare but I'm not sure how they do it. Maybe I should just ask I don't think we can completely avoid daycare, but it would probably be possible for me to go to 4 9-hr days and be off Mondays - that way we'd only need childcare 3 days a week, since DH would go in on Sunday nights and get off early Friday mornings. All hypothetical at this point, but we figured if he's looking at having this schedule for 5-6 years, kids should be a factor... Second shift is ideal for me, I'm an afternoon/evenings person. Only problem when I worked it was that I had zero social life during the week because everyone was asleep or at work during the times I was awake. Programming error (I think I got Archie's lost karma. I have no idea what my real number is).
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 11, 2012 9:02:11 GMT -5
I'd think 2nd with kids in school would be worse...
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Sept 11, 2012 9:46:42 GMT -5
It is a very rare day that we'll have dh watch ds all day in between shifts. That is why Th-Sa works so well for us because Friday is the only day we need a babysitter and our parents do that for free. I try to get off early on Thursdays so that dh can sleep for 4-5 hours before his shift (not that he ever does, but at least I know it was his choice).
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Sept 11, 2012 10:18:45 GMT -5
Most day care centers require you to pay for full week, even if you only use 3 or 4 days. If your kid is home sick you still have to pay. You usually have to pay if you take a vacation week also.
Unless you can find a situation like raeoflyte mentions (family or private provider), you usually have to pay full amount. Working only 4 days a week may give you more time iwth your kid, but it generally doesn't reduce day care costs.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Sept 11, 2012 10:46:24 GMT -5
Well, my Dad always split his sleep schedule when on the third shift. He'd get home and go to bed for like 5 hours, then get up, and then go back to bed for three hours until it was time to get up to go to work again.
I'm not sure if that's feasable if you work it all the though.
I don't think you could avoid daycare. You can't expect your husband to both spend time with you in "second shift" and take care of a baby in "first shift" and work during "third shift." You have to schedule at least 7 hours of sleep a day somewhere in there.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 11, 2012 11:09:31 GMT -5
When my kids were small, DH worked days with varying days off, and I worked swing shift FT M-F. My hours were set, but DH managed an auto center for Wards, so he worked whatever hours they wanted him to.... Typically about 60-70 of them a week. I would get home about 12 midnight, have to try and unwind from work/commute, and then get some sleep before the babies awoke about 6am. DH would be up getting ready for work and it would wake them up. From that time on they were my responsibility until they went to daycare for a couple hours while we both worked. I would drop them off about 2pm and then commute and go work. DH would get off about 5 or 6 and pick them up from daycare, feed them, and put them to bed. We had different days off, so we never spent much family time, but one of us was home most of the time with the kids. We used to refer to that time as the "no one slept" years. I had a few hours at night I could sleep, and DH had a similar situation if the kids didn't want to go to bed or whatever in the evening. I also failed the parenthood test because we did use TV as a babysitter because while the kid watched Barney, I could nap on the couch with him for 20 minutes. Heaven... I got stuck on graveyard once when I first started working. I had it for a week. The same week our apartment complex decided to re-roof the building... I spent all night at work and all day trying to sleep with people walking/pounding overhead. That was the most miserable week of my life. Can your DH sleep during the day and do you have a quiet place where that is possible?
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sbcalimom
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Post by sbcalimom on Sept 11, 2012 11:36:05 GMT -5
My DH has a more traditional 9-5 schedule while I work 2-4 evenings a week and usually all day on the weekends. I usually get a little break when he gets home around 5 before my classes start and then I'll teach for several hours. I usually get done around 10ish and then help with the baby since she usually wakes up around 11-12 for a bottle. We spend very little time together since I'm home all day while he is at work and then I work shortly after he gets home. It has put a strain on our relationship but I'm not sure that the schedule is the main culprit since we'd have similar issues (I think) regardless of our schedules. we'
Financially, it works great since we haven't had to have childcare expenses. When DD1 was a baby, we had a sitter come for maybe 5 hours a week so I could run errands and such but that was totally optional. Once DD2 arrived, things got a bit more crazy especially since she is not a very consistent sleeper. We had a nanny come for about a year but she usually game between 10-15 hours a week so we spent around $100/wk for that for both girls. Now that DD1 is in preschool, we have to pay for that but otherwise have no childcare expenses. The other thing is if we needed to, we could always cut all those expenses out since they weren't an actual necessity.
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kgb18
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Post by kgb18 on Sept 11, 2012 12:10:23 GMT -5
Our lives are total chaos. I work the night shift on Mondays, daylights the rest of the week, but every fourth Saturday I have to work a night shift. DH has no rhyme or reason to his schedule. This month he's midnights. Next month he's daylight. We have no idea what he'll be the week after that. Sometimes he's on midnight for months, sometimes 3 to 11 p.m., sometimes days.
Now that we have kids, we're constantly adjusting who is watching them, who is dropping off and picking up from preschool, etc. We don't see each other a whole lot. There are good and bad points about shifts.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Sept 11, 2012 12:19:24 GMT -5
DH worked third shift when we were first married and it was all right for awhile but like Miss M's husband his schedule was never consistent so he didn't adjust. He'd spend all day sleeping and come out to suck down dinner and then disappear again. I tried to be understanding but after awhile it really worn me down. He'd be gone by the time I got home and he'd be coming in at around 3 am.
We're considering him going to second shift for a supervisor position at some point. This would be a lot more tolerable as far as his sleep schedule because he'd be getting home in time to get a full night's sleep almost.
We would not be able to eliminate daycare though because his shift would start at 2 pm and I do not get off work until 4 pm.
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We could easily juggle things between the two of us now, we're in a lot better position maritally than we were when he first worked nights and Gwen is old enough that I don't need him to help out with the nighttime routine.
He's wrestling with it because while the money is nice if he moves to second shift he will be there for awhile since first shift supervisor positions are given to whoever has been on second shift the longest (understandable). So it could be 2-3 years before he is able tomove back to first shift. That would mean hardly ever seeing Gwen and he is not sure if it is worth it.
Which I know is a non-YM approved answer, the money is ALWAYS worth it, but he's not sure he wants to give up being on the same schedule as me.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Sept 11, 2012 12:22:15 GMT -5
That sounds like the schedule at DH's old job - 13-hour swing shifts, 3 days on, 2 days off. He had about an hour commute each way which I think added to the difficulty - when he was working days, he left the house at 4am and returned around 8pm, and vice versa on nights. He can sleep during the day as long as it's dark - we'll have to get some blackout curtains for the bedroom, but noise shouldn't be an issue. Once he's out, he sleeps like a rock. I have no problem with some daycare - I'd just like to avoid the $250/wk cost for a center if at all possible Most of my friends use in-home daycares/babysitters and they seem to have much more flexibility. It would be nice to be able to choose whether to have someone come over while DH slept, or me drop off in the morning and have DH pick the kid up when he wakes up, or have MIL come up one day a week (she has a flexible schedule)...
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lynnerself
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Post by lynnerself on Sept 11, 2012 12:52:01 GMT -5
I worked some alternate shifts and weekends in the first part of my career. And some on call stuff. I have never regretted changing to a position that although it paid less had no nights, weekends, holidays etc.
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telephus44
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Post by telephus44 on Sept 11, 2012 15:09:57 GMT -5
When DH and I first moved in (no kids) he worked 3rd and it was awesome. I worked all day and came home, we had dinner together and plenty of time to talk, watch TV, do things newly moved in couples do, and then I just got to fall asleep while he went to work. He slept all day and was just fine.
I don't know if I'd want to do that with kids though. I know my inlaws did it for years to avoid daycare, but seeing how they relate to each other now makes me think twice.
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