Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Aug 8, 2012 15:45:11 GMT -5
What would you want her to do - abortion, adoption, or keep? Honestly.
And if you have a son and he got a girl pregnant in high school, what would you expect of him?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2012 15:47:07 GMT -5
If DS got a girl pregnant in H.S. I would hope she'd get an abortion. In the meantime I'd tell DS he doesn't get a choice in what she does, that he'll be paying CS because it's the right thing to do, and that he damn well better get an education and a career.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Aug 8, 2012 15:48:06 GMT -5
My daughter - abortion.
My son - unfortunately, he doesn't get a say, but I would hope his gal would also abort. But, if she decided to keep it, I would ride my son to be a good dad and a good provider. He wouldn't be able to get away with squat.
That said - if that 10 year shot in the "tri-state area" is available in any acceptable country when my son is a teenager, I would fly him over, get the shot, pay full price, and hope it works.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Aug 8, 2012 15:48:25 GMT -5
I am pro-life so I would be devestated if my child killed her baby. If she didn't want the baby I would expect her to give it up for adoption (that would kill me, too...but not as much as knowing my grandbaby was dead because of a choice my daughter made).
I don't have sons but if I did and he got someone pregnant, I would expect him to man up and support the baby. I don't mean be stupid and get married but do what he had to to provide financial support as well as his share of parenting.
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Aug 8, 2012 15:48:51 GMT -5
I'd tell DS he doesn't get a choice in what she does, that he'll be paying CS because it's the right thing to do, and that he damn well better get an education and a career. I plan on telling DS that long before he gets a girl pregnant.
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kittypuppymom
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Post by kittypuppymom on Aug 8, 2012 15:50:15 GMT -5
Well I would give her all the options available. But ultimately its her choice and I would stand by her no matter what she chose.
Son would have to step up to the plate. If the GF chose to keep the baby then I would expect that we would file for visitation/shared custody. No matter the choice monies would be forth coming in whatever they chose. I would also expect son to get a job to help out with the cost.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Aug 8, 2012 15:50:29 GMT -5
This is a good topic for discussion FB, and I want to allow it so long as it stays constructive. I'm going to state up front that if this thread starts to veer off course, then it may need to be paused or removed altogether. I'll be notifying the others, so that I am not the only one watching.
A lot of these topics touch very strong sensitive emotions -- many fueled by personal experience or second-hand experience.
-WWBG Still and always, Your Money Administrator
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Aug 8, 2012 15:51:17 GMT -5
WWBG, I think as long as you don't start veering it off course we will be fine :-p
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Aug 8, 2012 15:51:38 GMT -5
I really, really, really, really, really do not have the first clue what I would do. I don't know what I'd want my daughter to do.
An abortion would just about kill me but so would watching her life get derailed at such a young age. I guess I'd want her to place the baby for adoption but that's hardly a painless option either.
No good answer to this one.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Aug 8, 2012 15:52:35 GMT -5
This is a good topic for discussion FB, and I want to allow it so long as it stays constructive. I'm going to state up front that if this thread starts to veer off course, then it may need to be paused or removed altogether. I'll be notifying the others, so that I am not the only one watching.
Sounds fair enough to me. I am glad you're still a mod.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Aug 8, 2012 15:53:36 GMT -5
FB, I agree that there are no good answers to this. I have spoken with my dd many times about pregnancy, disease and just plain old having respect for yourself....but shit happens and I certainly can't say it couldn't happen to "my child".
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Aug 8, 2012 15:54:10 GMT -5
To me, I think adoption would be the worst choice. Knowing I have a grandbaby out there, and I have no access - that would destroy me. Especially because I would assume that my family is better at raising babies than other families.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Aug 8, 2012 15:54:23 GMT -5
I'd tell DS he doesn't get a choice in what she does, that he'll be paying CS because it's the right thing to do, and that he damn well better get an education and a career. I plan on telling DS that long before he gets a girl pregnant. I will be ringing that one like the Liberty Bell if I ever have a son.
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milee
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Post by milee on Aug 8, 2012 15:56:32 GMT -5
If DS got a girl pregnant in H.S. I would hope she'd get an abortion. In the meantime I'd tell DS he doesn't get a choice in what she does, that he'll be paying CS because it's the right thing to do, and that he damn well better get an education and a career. That. But hopefully it will never come to that. We talk early and often about birth control to our boys. And like Thyme, if the 10 year BC shot for males becomes available, I'm going to take my boys to get it.
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milee
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Post by milee on Aug 8, 2012 15:58:08 GMT -5
This is a good topic for discussion FB, and I want to allow it so long as it stays constructive. Or we could "allow" it since it's within the CoC, not because any particular person is granting a boon.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2012 15:58:18 GMT -5
I plan on telling DS before too. Honestly though, I don't know what we would do. What if they wanted to get married, and live together? Would we help support them financially? What if DS, or the girl, acts like a complete asshat? What if our grandkid is suffering because one or both of the parents just can't grow up?
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oreo
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Post by oreo on Aug 8, 2012 15:59:02 GMT -5
My DS is only 3 and I'm HOPING that they have a male birth control pill by the time he reaches 16 or whenever. There is NO WAY I'd trust a teen aged girl to be responsible. There are too many out there who want to get pregnant to keep the father in her life without thinking about anything else. That obviously is a minority of cases but you just can't be too careful when there is something so life changing involved.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Aug 8, 2012 16:01:57 GMT -5
Daughter: Keep or Adopt out, her choice. But if she keeps it she has to work and support the kid.
Son: Wouldn't force the son to get married, but encourage him to be involved in the kids life and work to provide the agreed upon child support. Help him file for shared custody and parenting rights. Only issue is how do you pay child support if your son is in school and not working, or only working part time at crappy jobs?
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milee
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Post by milee on Aug 8, 2012 16:02:40 GMT -5
I plan on telling DS before too. Honestly though, I don't know what we would do. What if they wanted to get married, and live together? Would we help support them financially? What if DS, or the girl, acts like a complete asshat? What if our grandkid is suffering because one or both of the parents just can't grow up? Ugh, I know - those are really possible and really awful. Unfortunately, the only answer as a MIL and mother is to and be supportive, hoping you can maintain their trust and have some influence. MoneyJenny's thread about the MIL reminded me of that.
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Aug 8, 2012 16:03:08 GMT -5
This is a good topic for discussion FB, and I want to allow it so long as it stays constructive. Or we could "allow" it since it's within the CoC, not because any particular person is granting a boon. please, chill. hear me out before you reply, if you're inclined to do so. I wasn't around for whatever happened the other night, and I'm not going anywhere near it. thank you. that said, this is a topic that comes up periodically in P&M, and invariably gets very heated and eventually locked. WWBG beat me to that post by about a minute. we just want you guys to know that we are used to threads about this stuff going off the rails in explosive ways. we all hope you guys over here can handle it a bit more civilly. thanks. -chiver mod
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Aug 8, 2012 16:03:18 GMT -5
I think I'd want my child to do what they feel in their heart is right. I'd be there to back their decision. Were it my daughter, we'd talk it through but the decision would have to be hers, not mine. Were it my son, he'd need to understand he had a decision to make and the result of that decision would be his responsibility, which I would expect him to shoulder without complaint ... just as I'd expect of my daughter. I'm so thankful this isn't something I had to face.
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Malarky
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Post by Malarky on Aug 8, 2012 16:03:19 GMT -5
I would let DD choose. She knows that I am pro choice, although aborting a baby is not something I would choose to do. I don't presume to speak for others. However...she is 15. She went on the pill a couple of months ago, partially to control heavy periods and partly because teenage hormones are unpredictable and her friends that I know of who have already become sexually active didn't really plan on it. I believe that she isn't currently sexually active, but then again, my mother thought I was in my room all those nights I sneaked out when I was 15. I'm trying not to be naive. DS has heard the condom/responsibility speech for years. He doesn't really get a choice so he has been made aware that the best option is to not be in the position at all. I've been randomly embarrassing my children and their friends for years with the "I don't want to be a grandparent, and neither do your parents" speech. At 15 and almost 18, we're good so far.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Aug 8, 2012 16:03:29 GMT -5
To me, I think adoption would be the worst choice. Knowing I have a grandbaby out there, and I have no access - that would destroy me. Especially because I would assume that my family is better at raising babies than other families. It would be tough, for sure. But an abortion would be equally awful for me. I would probably never get over that. I know some people don't consider a first-trimester fetus a person, but I do.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Aug 8, 2012 16:03:53 GMT -5
I struggle with those questions too. I hope to have enough money to help in a really controlled way (like buy a second house, and let them live there for free or cheap, but not hand them cash.) But, I'm pretty sure that I would be one of those hellion mother in laws. I will learn to control myself when my kids become adults and make their own decisions (at least control myself to a point.) But, if they are 17 year old dumbasses who think playing house is cute, and now they have to grow up - FAST - I am going to be relentless on them. I might make it worse. My husband is reasonable - I can usually count on him to throw a muzzle over me, but he has his moments with our kids too.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2012 16:06:02 GMT -5
Abortion, and if it was my son, he would be getting a job pronto. Gods, I wish they made a male birth control.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Aug 8, 2012 16:07:21 GMT -5
::Gods, I wish they made a male birth control. ::
Yes, if only males had some way to ensure they didn't get females pregnant, they could make a fortune! lol
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Aug 8, 2012 16:07:34 GMT -5
...:::"Or we could "allow" it since it's within the CoC, not because any particular person is granting a boon.":::...
It is within the CoC for NOW, and I trust it to stay that way. But these topics can jump from "borderline" to "bloodbath" very quickly. Two points have already been brought up that, when left unchecked in the past, required threads to be paused or removed (and not because of me).
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Aug 8, 2012 16:07:42 GMT -5
Honestly, I have no idea. I hope I never find out.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Aug 8, 2012 16:07:55 GMT -5
However...she is 15. She went on the pill a couple of months ago, partially to control heavy periods and partly because teenage hormones are unpredictable and her friends that I know of who have already become sexually active didn't really plan on it. [image] I believe that she isn't currently sexually active, but then again, my mother thought I was in my room all those nights I sneaked out when I was 15. I'm trying not to be naive.
I get that. I really hope my kids would tell me if they were planning to have sex. I kind of don't buy the "teenage hormones get out of control" thing because really, there are plenty of ways to avoid having sex if it's important to you, and it SHOULD be important to everyone to wait until they're ready. I know the current teenage culture is that sex is no big deal and should in fact be experienced as early as possible but I say - pun intended - screw that.
I hope my kids wait on sex till they're out of high school - quite honestly, I think most high school students are way too young and emotionally immature for sex. But if they feel like they're ready, I want them to be on the right birth control from the start. It is ultimately their decision when they have sex - no one else's.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Aug 8, 2012 16:08:23 GMT -5
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