moxie
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Post by moxie on Jul 20, 2012 8:30:16 GMT -5
We told DS not to come home unannounced because we now walk around bare ass naked all the time.
We don't, we just wanted to give him that mind picture that he will forever be unable to erase.
lol
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moxie
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Post by moxie on Jul 20, 2012 8:30:39 GMT -5
Hey shooby!
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moxie
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Post by moxie on Jul 20, 2012 8:32:16 GMT -5
I love my kids, but we knew they were ready to go off to college and we were ready to get back to "us." No one had adjustment issues...them or us.
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moxie
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Post by moxie on Jul 20, 2012 8:35:11 GMT -5
Ha!! ;D
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 20, 2012 8:38:38 GMT -5
Hi moxie! I actually dread the day my kids do leave. I love being a mom and having a house full of kids and chaos. As lone said, i wouldn't want to send a message to my kids that they were a burden or i am happy they are out of my life for the most part. But, if you and the kids have sense of humor, you can make this a humorous thing. I think my boys would laugh at what moxie said, but my daughter might be a bit offended if i celebrated her moving out. ;D
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moxie
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Post by moxie on Jul 20, 2012 8:39:37 GMT -5
My kids know we are kidding...they have GREAT senses of humor!
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moxie
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Post by moxie on Jul 20, 2012 8:41:18 GMT -5
When I asked my daughter what she was going to do if she moved out west and couldn't find a job...she said, "I can always be a hooker!" *I laughed...kinda. ;D
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moxie
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Post by moxie on Jul 20, 2012 8:42:09 GMT -5
BTW, she found a job. Not on the street corner either.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 20, 2012 8:46:04 GMT -5
Your kids leaving the nest means that you've done your job as a parent. You've raised your children into independent adults who are ready to start their own adventures - and that's a GOOD thing. If my kids never wanted to leave the home, I'd wonder what I did wrong.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jul 20, 2012 9:04:13 GMT -5
I don't understand how so many of you could be so happy to have your kids leave. Now you have your money, your bathrooms, your vacations, your nookie time??? I wonder how your kids feel knowing you are celebrating their leaving. I would feel awful, thinking I'd been such a burden to my parents. I would wonder why they even had me. No, I don't get it. Ummm... my parents partied when I left, but I don't think I was a burden to my parents. Maybe because I am secure knowing that they love me and want the best for me. They will always be there for me when I left. But I think they deserved to party. They raised 3 good kids. All "a" students. All of us graduated Magna semen Laude from college in YM approved fields (Accounting and Civil ENgineering). We all got scholarships to college. None of us even had speeding tickets in high school. WHy shouldn't they party? Why shouldn't they celebrate that they succcessfully raised 3 good kids who love them and respect them? Why shouldn't they celebrate that it is the 2 of them again and they can do things I don't want to think about without worrying that I will hear them or walk in (Both of those happened while I was in high school). Heck I was even told I was an oopsie baby and I still feel loved and wanted. Like I said I am very secure in the fact that my parents love me and want the best for me. SOrry if your parents didn't make you feel that way.
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swasat
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Post by swasat on Jul 20, 2012 9:07:30 GMT -5
However, to express to them that you're glad they're no longer a burden to you just seems so wrong. IMO, kids take their cues from their parents. If parents are the sad willowy types, always dreading an empty nest, thats how kids will react. Sense of humor differs among families. I see no issues in telling your kids how you plan your life after they leave. Personally, I'd rather keep it light and have a goal in mind when the kids leave the home. Sitting around and moping about your empty nest is not setting up a good emotional example for a kid who just moved out to a dorm. If I saw my parents moping around after I left home I would seriously think what the heck is wrong with them. I'd rather they continue with their life. Less worry for me about how they are coping with my moving out.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jul 20, 2012 9:12:33 GMT -5
I think it's a bit sick, actually. I don't suppose it ever occurred to him that if he made better choices, he might not have been hit with those CS payments? after all, he's been divorced twice. once, okay you made a mistake. twice? makes me wonder what's wrong with him. Oh come on chiver, chilax! I don't think for a second he regrets having his kids and his youngest just came to spend the week with him without being asked or bribed, you know at that age where you barely want to be around your parents? As of August 3rd he will stop paying $300/week in child support and be done for good. I guess he is just happy at the prospect of suddenly having that much money and looking for ways to spend some of it: Big party, Mercedes Benz, and other toys etc. If he was still married to their mothers and did that after dropping off their youngest on campus or when they move out, it would be ok; but becaus he is divorce and it is in the form of child support the idea/action is sick? Why the double standard? So if I have a kid with my wife and I go out and buy thy bike I always wanted when he/she moves out it is ok if we are still married but if we are divorce it is in poor taste? Did I get it right? It seems a little tacky to me but understandable. If he had been married with the kids he probably would just get the Benz but not have a specific party. So far having only read page one of this thread it sounds like parents celebrate but don't throw a party to do so. So not really a double standard.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jul 20, 2012 9:20:02 GMT -5
I do plan to party! I don't think I'll take it to that extent. But will probably have a drunken night out with friends at a bar or something. Oh, and one of my DDs will be my DD that night whether they like it or not!
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 20, 2012 9:27:18 GMT -5
However, to express to them that you're glad they're no longer a burden to you just seems so wrong
Of course I will miss her but I don't think it is wrong to not miss not bein gable to go to the bathroom alone or when she is a teen having no hot water because she hogged it all.
Just because I am happy to be moving onto the next stage of my life does not mean I hate my kid or think she is a burden.
Gwen is a part of my life, not the only thing. I had a life before she arrived, I have a life now and I will have a life when she leaves.
My parents never thought I was a burden but they are enjoying not having to worry about the responsibilities that come with having kids in the house. I think we're all happy that we've moved into an adult/parent relationship instead of trying to remain in a child/parent relationship.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Jul 20, 2012 9:34:03 GMT -5
My parents have really steped up their travel since my sister and I left home. But I don't recall any specific "celebrations." At least any that I was made privy to.
They still seem to want to have me around though. In fact, I'm usually ready to leave sooner than they are.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jul 20, 2012 9:40:33 GMT -5
I'm not saying mope around and don't expect to have a life. We all enjoy getting our lives to ourselves again. Just don't treat your kids like they're some wart you're getting removed.
So celebrating the next stage of your life is like having a wart removed?
I'm chronologically closer to being the kid that was celebrated being gone than celebrating my own children leaving the house (I'm still waiting to celebrate child #2 no longer being in utero). I think you are completely off base in your assumptions and this is coming from the child who was celebrated leaving not as me of the future celebrating my kids leaving. My biggest hope is that I get to do that celebrating with my husband and that I won't be a young widow when I do it. So I have pretty low expectations on that end. So, yeah if my DH and I are still married in 19 years. YOu can bet your butt we will celebrate. FRom my parents perspective, after I graduated they went into full on Grandparent mode (my sister had 2 kids at that point), but they also had to do more and more to start caring for their parents.
I certainly never felt like a wart being removed. I felt like my accomplishment (getting scholarships to a good school) were also celebrated.
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skubikky
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Post by skubikky on Jul 20, 2012 9:46:29 GMT -5
DH and I acclimated gradually. Pants were the first thing to go. No need to wear pants around the house any longer. Next, meal planning took on a decidedly liberal and loose format. Didn't have to close the bedroom door anymore..... After enjoying these and some other small freedoms... Redid DD's room. Remodeled her closet to house the washer dryer brought up from the basement laundry room. Repainted from an intense purple to a pale and soothing yellow. Minimalist in me has just the bed and bookcase....and it'll stay that way. Next, will dismantle DSs loft bed, shampoo, set and fluff the carpet and repaint from a Kiwi green to some other soothing color...will devise some other minimalist set up for this room that can be w Mommy's "decompression suite". We really miss them but have gotten used to a lovely sense of calm and freedom that we're really enjoying. We looked back at a calendar from 2002 when they were 16 and 13. Activities every night and weekend. We were always on the run....sniff, sniff,... I definitely got a little teary....then I took off my pants and felt better
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Post by Deleted on Jul 20, 2012 9:58:05 GMT -5
DH will celebrate and I will cry when DS moves out. Hopefully he'll be leaving for college so we'll still be on the hook financially. I see us moving to a different/smaller home when DS leaves. I'm planning on traveling like crazy between the time DS leaves the house and he gives me the grandchildren I deserve, damnit!
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Jul 20, 2012 10:04:04 GMT -5
My oldest is off to College in August. I am more like Lone. I think I am going to have a really hard time adjusting.
I can't imagine how hard it will be when DD goes to college b/c then I will have an empty nest. My DD is my difficult-high maintenance child though, so we just might be having a party when she leaves.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 20, 2012 10:21:46 GMT -5
I usually feel sad at the idea of my kids leaving (toddler and in utero so I have a long time to adjust). However, this morning I was talking about my cousin--21, no job, no school, as far as I can tell no ambition and I think that is the saddest thing ever. Even worse that her mom doesn't see it as a problem. That jolted me back to the reality that I will be happy to see the kids on their own.
Like Anne--I hope to pack in some travel and fun until I get grandkids.
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swasat
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Post by swasat on Jul 20, 2012 10:25:58 GMT -5
I'm not saying mope around and don't expect to have a life. We all enjoy getting our lives to ourselves again. Just don't treat your kids like they're some wart you're getting removed.
Wart? What wart?
I am celebrating the end of a successful era. A successful era of bringing up a kid who is smart and capable and moving on to the next chapter in his life. A celebration of things done right. And a celebration of getting back my life after having dedicated it to the kid for 18 years. And a happy message to the child that its ok to move on to the next phase in life while celebrating the existing one.
Different perspective than yours lonewolf.
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Jul 20, 2012 10:28:03 GMT -5
I like my kids. I'll be very sad when they leave. But I'd be even sadder if they didn't leave.
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swasat
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Post by swasat on Jul 20, 2012 10:29:20 GMT -5
I like my kids too. I'll be sad too but that does not mean that I will not be happy to get my life back.
The two are not mutually exclusive.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jul 20, 2012 10:31:24 GMT -5
I like my kids too. I'll be sad too but that does not mean that I will not be happy to get my life back. The two are not mutually exclusive.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 20, 2012 10:33:04 GMT -5
I like my kids too. I'll be sad too but that does not mean that I will not be happy to get my life back. The two are not mutually exclusive.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jul 20, 2012 10:34:08 GMT -5
I think it does depend on the relationship. I know my mom was equal parts sad/relieved when we left the house, but now that she's had a mostly empty nest for 3 years, she seems to enjoy it. I'm glad she has more free time and freedom to do what she wants, and I'd never begrudge her for celebrating that. She raised 3 kids on her own, got us all to/through college and on to productive lives - she deserves a break!
My dad views his children only as financial burdens, so I'm sure he'll celebrate the end of CS when my sister graduates, and IMO that's hurtful.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jul 20, 2012 11:16:51 GMT -5
...:::"I wonder how your kids feel knowing that you are celebrating their leaving":::...
Many of said kids are stoked that they no longer have to obey a curfew, eat their vegetables, and answer for every little thing they want to do. Those who are older are probably thrilled to be able to support themselves and be able to be independent. The door definitely swings both ways.
I also agree that them leaving means you've either done your job as a parent, and/or they managed to get into college.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 20, 2012 11:20:38 GMT -5
I think it does depend on the relationship. I know my mom was equal parts sad/relieved when we left the house, but now that she's had a mostly empty nest for 3 years, she seems to enjoy it. I'm glad she has more free time and freedom to do what she wants, and I'd never begrudge her for celebrating that. She raised 3 kids on her own, got us all to/through college and on to productive lives - she deserves a break! My dad views his children only as financial burdens, so I'm sure he'll celebrate the end of CS when my sister graduates, and IMO that's hurtful. Right or wrong, but celebrating an empty nest seems different than celebrating the end of child support. The relationship between parent and child could tip my opinion either way though, and I know people who have been relieved to be at the end of alimony and/or cs payments which I think is normal.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jul 20, 2012 11:21:11 GMT -5
When I was in 5th grade and heading toward the bus on the first day of school, I remember my Mom hamming up her "wooo hooo, wooo hooo!!!!". I knew it wasn't meant to be hurtful. I'm sure I was a handful and I respected her being excited about getting a break from catering to me.
FWIW, I feel the same way about DW sometimes. She sometimes works at home on days I have off. Once or twice I verbalized my frustration at that. She of course played it as some nonsensical "you don't want me around" and my counter was "its not that I don't want you around, I just need some ME time to recharge". I love being able to make whatever I want to eat, and sit down and eat it immediately. I think she gets what I mean.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jul 20, 2012 11:52:25 GMT -5
I completely agree - I know I'd be hard-pressed to not be relieved if a financial obligation ended, doesn't matter what it was. Being relieved and having a catered party with limo service to celebrate your financial freedom are at two different ends of the spectrum, though
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