New Pain In the Butt Neighbor Story

[milee]

This morning when I pulled into my driveway, a white Range Rover turned up a minute later. Since we live down a very long private driveway with no turn around, this sometimes happens when tourists get lost and can't figure out how to back up, so I assumed that was what was happening and just smiled at the woman while I started to unload groceries from my car. She scowled at me, pulled up closer and shouted "Excuse me! Excuse me!'

Me: Yes?

Stranger (yelling loudly): I've seen you just flying through the neighborhood! You need to slow down! There are stop signs and children and you're driving too fast! There have been complaints! I think...

(At this point I'm starting to wonder exactly who thinks its a good problem solving technique to start to yell orders and criticisms at friendly strangers in their own yard. A few choice responses come to mind, but I decide that nothing I say will make any difference so it's best to just disengage.)

Me: I'm not going to discuss driving or traffic with you. Good bye. {Turn around, walk groceries into house.}

At this point, the lady ramps up the yelling until I'm nearly to my door. Then backs out of the long driveway, scraping the entire side of her car along the hedge and trees...

So let me be up front and say that my driving is not good and had she approached me in any reasonable sort of way, I probably would have sheepishly apologized, talked about it and let her know I'd try to be more careful. As it was, I didn't see any point interacting with her because she was acting so crazy.

Anyway, that's my crazy neighbor story. Don't know where exactly she lives, but apparently it's along the Cannonball Run, er, path to the grocery store.

[zibazinski]

Were you really doing this? Did you not stop at the stop signs? Were you speeding faster than the posted limits?

[Deleted]

Milee, I live on the top of a very short and steep hill, where it plateaus. When my kids were younger I sometimes stepped right in front some of the speeding cars, directly in front of my house.

I know that the woman could have had a better delivery. This said, I have to applaud her for doing it.

Like it or not, sounds like you need to slow down Milee.

[milee]

Oh, I'm sure I was. I drive fast and if it's a place where I can see for several hundred yards in all directions, I only slow to a "rolling stop" at the stop sign.

As I said, I'm not disagreeing with the premise that my driving is bad. I'm disagreeing with the idea that it's ever helpful to go into a person's yard and yell at them before you've even attempted to introduce yourself or discuss the problem in a rational, polite manner. It's not her job to police the streets and her attempt to do so was just as rude as whatever action she believes I perpetrated.

We have this one person who lives near the front of the neighborhood and is known for being a royal jerk to everybody else. He's built additions on his house to the point where there is 3' of yard all around the sides and back of it and a teeny, tiny little patch - maybe 10' wide in front that slopes steeply down from the house right into the street. When his kids were little, they'd be playing in that tiny front yard and always roll right into the street. He'd then regularly yell at any cars passing by, no matter what speed they drove. For some reason, he never yelled at me, but I seem to be just about the only one to escape his screaming fits. Guess he doesn't think cars should be on the roads.

Neighbors aren't always going to agree on everything, but the negotiations usually go better if the parties can remain somewhat rational and polite.

[Deleted]

Milee, a few years ago, the DH down the hill (our best friends) got a fancy two-seater. One day he just SPED up the hill as the rest of the street was putting our kids in the car to get to school. I jumped in front of the car and cursed at him. (I'm on the flat part, so that's where people always get up speed).

Frankly, I didn't recognize him, since it was a new car and he was going so fast.

The following weekend, we spent the evening together (as we often do). He kissed me hello, and told me, I hear there was a speed demon on our street last week. Shame on him, it won't happen again.

My sister is a suburban speed demon too. Thirty years ago she hit a child. Thankfully he was OK but still.

All this to say, yes, the woman's delivery may well have sucked, but so does knowingly running red lights and speeding in a suburban neighborhood.

Milee, IMO, this woman's not approaching you in the correct manner is indeed wrong, but it is NOT an excuse for you to continue to drive badly.

You have two boys ... does it stretch your imagination too much to think about how you would feel if they were walking around with a driver like you?

[milee]

So it's OK to be offensive and rude to someone you feel has been offensive and rude?

Not sure about that, but can understand the sentiment.

It's not usually a very effective approach, though. Guess if you're venting, it serves a purpose, but it likely doesn't achieve the result you're looking for. If you can't have a civil conversation about it, it's probably better and more effective to just call the police and let them do some observations in the area.

Edited to add: Not sure why you think I'd run a red light. That's a big no no and I don't do that, but it still wouldn't excuse this woman's behaviour.

[Deleted]

No, of course her being offensive and rude is NOT OK.

Not anymore than your driving badly is OK.

But you can control one, and not the other.

ETA: This said I reread your initial post, and although I understand that you found her to be a PITA, I'm not sure how she was offensive and rude.

ETA2: I guess it was because she "ramped up the yelling".

[zibazinski]

Maybe she was scared by your driving. People that are scared come off a bit hysterical.

[Deleted]

I didn't get the impression she was trespassing, I thought she was on the street.

I agree, you can definitely ask the police to control her. And she could do the same.

Again, I don't get why you just wouldn't slow down a little bit, in your own neighborhood.

Maybe I'm oversensitive on this issue because I'm on the flat part after a really short, steep hill.

Milee I've always considered you one of the most balanced, fair and tolerant posters here. Frankly, I really don't get your attitude on this. Is slowing down by 5mph really too much to ask to keep the peace in your neighborhood?!

[Rocky Mtn Saver]

Jul 17, 2012 19:01:48 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Maybe she was scared by your driving. People that are scared come off a bit hysterical.

If it's your kids playing on the road, it can make a parent be... well, let's just go with not-so-rational.

FWIW, I got my a$$ handed to me one day near my workplace by a bicylist who followed me to my workplace after I cut him off making a right turn. He explained in no uncertain terms that I needed to pay more attention and recognize that I was sharing the road with legitimate bicylists. He was right, although it was really embarrassing to happen in front of my office. I have since paid much more attention to bicycles, so I guess it worked.

[Deleted]

OK, then she was on Milee's property. She was wrong to do that, that's clear to me now. Milee would have been well within her rights to call the police, in that case.

So why didn't she?!

That doesn't give Milee the right to speed or run red lights though.

Like my parents used to tell me when I was very little, two wrongs don't make a right.

[Deleted]

Sorry, but that's another issue Hootie. Where I live kids NEVER play on the road, but I think that depends on where you live.

[milee]

As I said, I'm not defending bad driving and would have had a very civil discussion with her, the end of which she probably would have enjoyed. My point here isn't to defend any particular driving or other behaviour, it's that being rude and aggressive to someone in their own yard is not a good approach.

Yes, she was tresspassing, well into my property. She couldn't get close enough to yell from the main road. When she first started up, I thought about responding by telling her to get off my property, but decided that this wouldn't be helpful either. Better just to disengage and let her calm down. As hootieman says, if the tresspassing was a problem for me, I can call the police just as she can about any speeding complaints.

[Deleted]

Milee, all this to say, if you want to call the police on this woman because she was trespassing, you are obviously within your rights. And if you're PO'd at her infringement on your property, why not?!

But to me it doesn't change the fundamental problem, that you drive too quickly, and that you don't stop at red lights.

Sorry I need to go to bed now! I hope you feel better about this soon Milee.

[moxie]

I think the woman could have handled it better. Every neighborhood needs their Gladys Kravitz. That said, kids' safety is important and if you admit your driving could improve, then work to improve it.

[swamp]

Being confrontational from the outset doesn't get what you want. If the lady was nicer from the outset, she probably would have made more headway.

[Deleted]

Sorry Milee we crossed. I agree that she did not approach you in the best fashion.

[moxie]

"if you want to call the police on this woman because she was trespassing,"

Consider yourself lucky that SHE didn't call the police on YOU. Perhaps she will now if she didn't like the response you gave her.

[moxie]

"If the lady was nicer from the outset, she probably would have made more headway."

Agreed.

[swamp]

Where are you guys getting the idea Milee runs stop signs? She says she doesn't, that she does California slides at stop signs, which I think we've all done at some time.

[zibazinski]

That's a ticket waiting to happen.

[moxie]

"California slides"

Is that like The Electric Slide?

[moxie]

zib...

[moxie]

Oops...not EE...

[zibazinski]

My aunt does that non stop at stop sign thing. Scares me big time.

[milee]

Any time people live around other people - no matter how like-minded - there are going to be things that need to be negotiated.

We don't have a dog and live down a long, private driveway, but I still sometimes have doggie doo doo in my yard. Annoying and rude. But it wouldn't be very helpful (and I hope nobody would suggest) if I started screaming at random dog owners or leaving out poisoned treats in my own yard. Two wrongs don't make a right.

To add to it, I didn't see this woman on the road, so have no idea what she thinks she saw me doing. If she had approached this in a civil manner, we could have figured out 1) what she saw so we know what the problem is and 2) if it was even me she saw doing it. I'm not the only ML in the neighborhood you know...

[milee]

Jul 17, 2012 19:15:42 GMT -5 moxie said:

"if you want to call the police on this woman because she was trespassing,"

Consider yourself lucky that SHE didn't call the police on YOU. Perhaps she will now if she didn't like the response you gave her.

If you'll read my reply, I already said that would have been a better alternative to confrontation. If she thinks people are speeding, she can report that and the police will come set up an officer to observe and write tickets. I'm OK with that.

[milee]

Jul 17, 2012 19:20:31 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

My aunt does that non stop at stop sign thing. Scares me big time.

If it scares you to slow to less than 5 mph at a 4 way stop intersection where you can see for several hundred yards, there are no obstructions to vision and no people, pets or any other thing present, you need to start taking some Xanax.

[moxie]

Don't sweat it, milee. We ALL drive too fast at times. If it's not speeding, then it is texting, talking on cell phones, fixing hair in the rear view mirror, applying make-up, even shaving while driving. We ALL need to focus on better and safer driving.

[moxie]

I remember being distracted with two fighting kids in my back seat.