NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jul 15, 2012 10:14:45 GMT -5
It's been a hot and cold thing when it comes to workplace appreciation, in my experience. It pretty much depends on the culture. When I worked for a police department, the rank and file really took care of its own, from donating sick time to fundraising down to get well cards. But that is a very tight-knit group, normally. When my mother passed, my boss asked me what charities were near and dear to her, and he made a rather sizable donation to one of them. Very kind of him, and far more useful than flowers for me, quite honestly. And more than most of her many friends did, I might add. My boss had never met her. I think what you get in an adverse situation can depend a lot on what you do for others in a similar situation. But yes, corporate culture and the attendant rules also matter.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 15, 2012 10:33:20 GMT -5
I think what you get in an adverse situation can depend a lot on what you do for others in a similar situation. So what you're saying is that if there's no in-kind response when an employee has contributed time and again, they're sending a pointed and thinly-disguised message. Hmmm.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 15, 2012 10:40:23 GMT -5
I don't find that to be true. I find most workplaces to be very High School. A popularity contest and a lot of pecking. There are some wonderful kind people and there are people at work that are friends. But, the only version of "caring" for others is there version and nothing else. If you dont' want to participate then you must be a Big Meanie. The select group gets to decide what constitutes caring. But, it seems certain people get much more and others are ignored. I just want to go to work and work and be pleasant. If they are not interested in my personal life, then why should i be interested in theirs? The road needs to run both ways.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Jul 15, 2012 11:14:25 GMT -5
I quit a job soon after my dad died because of it and many other reasons. The job wasn't what was promised and they didn't give me health insurance as promised so I wasn't happy. There were only 3 other people in the company and I took off 3 days for my dad's funeral and family stuff. I didn't get a card or any comments at all from the boss or coworkers and they didn't pay me for the missed time. I don't want or need company parties, lunches with coworkers or any of that stuff but in a tiny company they should at least be a little friendly.
I worked in a 5 people company when my ISO's dad died. I took a few days to help him out with cleaning his dad's apartment, planning funeral and stuff. Coworkers asked what they could do, I said he would appreciate a card since his uncle got one and he told me he didn't get any. They sent him a nice card and a little book on grief. They liked him he always brought me flowers at work and brought them flowers too. One has a dad who dropped in with things for his 40 year old DD and I always said here comes our dad I wonder what he brought us. He and his wife brought me maple candy from Maine on their vacation. When they all moved to California he gave me his plants. I did go out drinking with one of the young women a couple of times and they came to my house a couple of times but that was a job I had 11 years and we worked closely together. We did a bridal shower for one, we all liked each other and still talked a bit after people moved on. One year we ate lunch together every day because one was on a diet. We all brought salad stuff and made salad together for lunch on a conference table.
Now with 10 years on this job I get along with people at work but nothing outside of work. Company does catered lunches once a year but when a long term employee retires they might give a luncheon. When a more key person retires the guys take him out that he worked closely with.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 15, 2012 11:29:59 GMT -5
I don't find that to be true. I find most workplaces to be very High School. A popularity contest and a lot of pecking. There are some wonderful kind people and there are people at work that are friends. But, the only version of "caring" for others is there version and nothing else. If you dont' want to participate then you must be a Big Meanie. The select group gets to decide what constitutes caring. But, it seems certain people get much more and others are ignored. I just want to go to work and work and be pleasant. If they are not interested in my personal life, then why should i be interested in theirs? The road needs to run both ways. The pointed and thinly-disguised message mentioned in reply #37.
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drivingaround
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Post by drivingaround on Jul 15, 2012 11:36:00 GMT -5
There is a difference between appreciation and camaraderie and based on OP sounds like the new hire is searching for the latter. Work can be very lonely, even when busy, as 8-10 hours a day you’re in this office with a computer by yourself. Sometimes a brief break with a close proximity colleague is nice way to break up the monotony. Sure it is work where you go to get paid to do your job but you can also mildly invest in your colleagues without disclosing you were abused as a child, smoked pot thru college and got a DUI last weekend. Last year I changed employers (been in the corporate workforce 16 years) and my 35 person department has no personal sharing at all which baffles me. Not corporate policy but department preference. I have no desire to spend my outside office time with co-workers, DW if my lovely number 1 time suck, but I’m surprised no one cares to talk about movie they saw, recipe tried, kids sporting event – pick whatever quick social topic you want. I don’t know, I’ve always enjoyed the pre-post weekend 5 to 10 minute chats about what people are up to and found it bonding without encroaching on true personal space.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jul 15, 2012 12:26:12 GMT -5
Um, gosh, golly, gee, well, yup.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Jul 15, 2012 13:18:24 GMT -5
When I worked for a large temp agency, we'd get to pick something from a rewards site if we had a great review. I think they did it quarterly. I got amazon codes and loved it. My bosses at the employer didn't say much so it was nice to be acknowledged. And I was making half of what I used to so those little treats were very nice.
We did go out to lunch in that group. We'd also bring stuff in for lunches. We did stuff when people got married, when the big boss got a phd and so on. It wasn't all the time but it was nice.
In my current group we have more regulations on what we can and can't do. We can do parties/gifts if someone is leaving, getting married or having a baby and thats it. I've heard over and over that they used to do happy hours, dinners during restaurant week, baseball games, and so on. It sounded like fun.
A handful of people from that group have left and the rest have gotten married and had kids. I'll admit to being young and moving here knowing next to no one. That might color my opinion.
It is a pretty expensive place and a not so safe one to boot so I've been very hesistant to get out and meet people. I've been here for 2 years now and feel like I have a good relationship with my bosses and coworkers. I go to lunch with coworkers. I hardly ever go out at night so this is my tradeoff.
I don't need them to be my best friends but if I'm going to spend 50 hours a week some weeks with them, I'd like to get along with them. The regional/field offices who do the bulk of the audits have a much closer relationship. I have friends in some of them, one office did a baseball game the other day during the work day.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 15, 2012 14:30:09 GMT -5
I am not friends with people at work, not really. I got along really well with the postdoc but we didn't do anything outside of work, same with the students. I prefer to keep work work and private private.
We do have a potluck every Christmas and it never ceases to amaze me how big our department really is, there are days taht go by when I don't see a single soul. The christmas party at Durham for the entire college is even bigger. I got because it earns me points and the more people I get to know the easier it is if I need something to ask. I've socialized quite a bit with people from the lab down the hall so it was really easy for me to ask if I could utilize their plate reader. They already "know" me to an extent so everyone is a lot more comfortable saying yes.
I am not friends with my boss but they have gone out of their way at times. My PI and his wife gave me an umbrella stroller when Gwen was born and he does a $100 gift card every year. I always always write a thank you note in return.
Appreciation for me is acknowledgement I am there and I am doing a good job. Sans when I have a student I am the only employee in the lab. My PIs are so busy that I can sometimes go days without hearing from either one of it. It can start to feel like I am operating in a vaccuum and while of course I am motivated, doing it "for the paycheck" sometimes only goes so far. It's nice to occassionally get a "thank you" or a "good job' so I know they know I am busy working away and doing my best.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 15, 2012 14:36:41 GMT -5
Actually, we recently have some new people coming in. And, they seem like pretty nice peeps we celebrated one's baby shower and the other gal, i helped her move cuz she is going through a divorce. So, the new blood is much more fun.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jul 15, 2012 15:15:14 GMT -5
Now I have the song Classical Gas stuck in my head for some reason.
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violagirl
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Post by violagirl on Jul 15, 2012 15:25:22 GMT -5
I am very much like the OP. I don't understand why everyone wants to spend time socializing at/after work. I also go to work to work. Not to make friends. Not that I'm not friendly, or occasionally go out for lunch with people from work, but don't expect me to go to functions that are not part of the work day. I will pick a couple of events during the year that I'm am willing to suffer through, just to put some face time in. I have to go to a pool party next Friday. Not saying I dont like pools or parties, but it's just weird to do them with people who are not my friends. And have to guard what you say and who you say it to. Not that relaxing. As much as HR wants you to believe we are just one big happy family, your work is a business arrangement in the end. Some people forget that and are unpleasantly surprised. I also think that people that think like me are more inclined to not think about work when the day is done. My husband is complete opposite and is always stressed. It's a mystery to me why someone woud want to worry about work at night. The more you do, the more work you get. Life is too short. Maybe it's just a personality thing. some people seem to need all the baby shower crap. Maybe they have no friends outside the office?
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Post by Deleted on Jul 16, 2012 8:06:31 GMT -5
Twice a year I get appreciation pilled on by the truck loads at my reviews. I also get opportunities my coworkers don't because management wants to do almost anything to retain me.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 16, 2012 8:21:09 GMT -5
I think that employers could make people and staff feel more appreciated by treating people way, saying "Thank you" and a few occasional perks like buying pizza or stuff like that. My department celebrates significant work anniversaries, and has work-related baby showers and such. It's not that people don't have friends outside of work (well, it's not true for MOST of the people involved) - it's that we spend most of our time with co-workers... might as well try and make the best of it. And yes, it does improve morale.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 16, 2012 8:52:53 GMT -5
I think it is all about the happy medium.
We advocate moving to a new city for the right job here all the time - so it is very possible for a new coworker not to have any friends. I've been in that position before, and while I didn't necessarily want to spend my weekends with my coworkers, I do like to have pleasant conversation over lunch.
I don't want you to take up a collection or sing to me, but it is nice if your coworkers wish you a happy birthday.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 16, 2012 10:30:41 GMT -5
"We have a new hire and one of her complaints is lack of camaraderie, which in her mind entails things like birthday lunches, going out for drinks after work, holiday parties, having occasional weekend barbecues at someone's house and so on."
She's a NEW hire and already bitching about this? Something tells me she's in the wrong company.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 16, 2012 10:36:35 GMT -5
That being said, wow! I'm amazed at how negatively some of you feel about company socialization. We often do teambuilding activities in my department - my boss took us all out for a day to teach us sailing not too long ago and I had a blast. We had a nice shower-type party for someone whose wife was having a baby. We usually do something for birthdays - depending on who it is and what else is going on we might just have cake in the office, or we might go out to lunch. But we always at least pass around a card. When I was getting married, my team actually organized a surprise party for me Right before I left, we had a phony meeting in a little-used conference room and had a champagne toast. They gave me and DH a nice present. We did the same thing for someone else who got married a month or so after me. Months later, it still makes me feel warm and fuzzy that they made the effort to do that for me. We also do teambuilding stuff with the whole company - we went to a ball game, sometimes we'll have happy hours. The all-company holiday party is one of the most hotly anticipated events of the year. It was such a good time last year. I love meeting my coworkers' spouses and significant others, and it's fun to be around people when they're talking about something besides work. Do you guys hate your coworkers or something? I wouldn't complain if this stuff was lacking because to me it's very company-specific and not a "perk" I would automatically expect just for working somewhere but I do acknowledge and appreciate the fact that we have a very social work atmosphere and we really care about one another.
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Jul 16, 2012 11:21:57 GMT -5
I don't think this is about appreciation, I think it's about workplace satisfaction. Our company takes the Gallup work sataisfaction survey every year, and one of the questions is "Do you have a best friend at work?". We often mock this question, but the truth is, research has shown over and over again that it is a key indicator of being happy at work. So that's probably what this girl is looking for- friendship at work. Even if it's friendship with just one person, it can help increase job satisfaction, which increases productivity.
My company does send flowers for a death in the family. I've had co-workers give me a card when we lost one of our dogs. A lot of the rest depends on the people. My theory is, if I want to celebrate my birthday at work, then I'm the one responsible for bringing in cake or whatever. However, I've worked with multiple teams that do monthly birthday celbrations- generally potlucks. And the one I work with now has people sign up to bring in goodies every day in December. Since my birthday is in December, I generally sign up to bring something in on or near my birthday.
With my last team, though, people didn't always like to celebrate things. We had one woman on the team who got upset when we didn't do anything for her birthday. She complained to me- her family always made a big deal about her birthday and did things the whole week, etc. I very kindly explained that #1, we didn't know when her birthday was if she didn't tell us. Yes, her supervisor had access to that, but having access to it doesn't mean it popped up as a reminder on his calendar. #2, we weren't her family. We were her coworkers, but to expect us to treat her birthday the way her family did was not reasonable or even realistic. #3, if she wanted to celebrate her birthday, she needed to tell us and say what she wanted to do. I reminded her that all of our previous celebrations had been instigated by the person celebrating- like when I said - Hey, it's my 5 year anniversary with the company and co-worker's 27 year anniversary- let's order pizza today. I'd like to note this woman was quite a bit older than me (two grown kids), so it's not like she was new to the workplace, and she wasn't even new to our company, or even our team by that point (she'd been on our team for over a year at the time of the complaining).
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 16, 2012 11:27:39 GMT -5
My theory is, if I want to celebrate my birthday at work, then I'm the one responsible for bringing in cake or whatever.
Meh, I would feel weird bringing in my own birthday cake. It's like throwing yourself a party. What's the point? I'd rather do nothing than have to plan my own birthday celebration. But that's me.
I'm in charge of organizing the various department celebrations that we do, so I make a big effort to keep track of people's birthdays, company anniversaries, and naturally if someone has a huge event coming up I tend to know about it. I like planning this stuff, though. It's no burden. The baby shower was particularly fun.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 16, 2012 11:34:48 GMT -5
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 16, 2012 14:39:11 GMT -5
Absolutely. I hate feeling like my work is being thrown into the abyss. Things that make me feel appreciated is knowing that the work I produce is being used to run the business, make deicisions, improve the company bottom line. I know my work is appreciated when I'm brought into the decision making of projects, and when I'm sought out as a resource. But, sitting here for two weeks without any contact from people, and then finding out that my project was canned without anyone talking to me. Well, that makes it hard for me to get excited about my job.
That isn't appreciation - that is friendship. Big difference - huge!
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 16, 2012 15:09:50 GMT -5
That isn't appreciation - that is friendship. Big difference - huge!This kid needs to learn the difference between a friendly collegial atmosphere where socializing is encouraged and one in which you are appreciated for your work. You can have both sometimes, but they're not the same thing.
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Epiphany
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Post by Epiphany on Jul 16, 2012 15:30:13 GMT -5
I don't think this is about appreciation, I think it's about workplace satisfaction. I think it's both, but not necessarily strictly socializing. Lack of morale, workplace satisfaction is the main reason I'm looking for a new job. I've been here a long time (small office of 6 people) and everyday is LONELY. No one talks much, there are no career goals, sense of direction, mentoring, appreciation, anything. I know I do a good job because I get more responsibilities for the same pay. I don't have to hang out with my co-workers but I want to like them or being around them 8-10 hours a day and have some kind of satisfaction and appreciation for a job well done. DH on the other hand works for a great company. They don't hang out after work much (except for an occasional friday drink) but management is appreciative of work and tells them. They buy pizza for the team if they have to work late, they take a vested interest in what their employees are doing and their career paths. The overall environment is much more positive.
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Jul 16, 2012 20:31:59 GMT -5
I think where I work has a very positive and balanced environment in regard to professional appreciation and socializing. I enjoy the work that I do, I get good feedback from my boss and others in my department, a couple of the VPs request that I get put on projects, great hours (35/week) and even better benefits, yada yada. My company also has two parties a year (summer and Christmas) with some serious food. Our summer party is on Thursday (I'm on my department's and the company's party planning committees) and we are having karaoke, spin art, face painting, a magician, a balloon artist, and an ice cream bar. Food too, but I'm all about making a sundae. ;D Socially, I am friends with and hang out outside of work with three coworkers and happy hours with others seem to happen every couple of months or so. Moral of the story is, I'm happy where I work.
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