Appreciation in the Workplace

[msventoux]

Does feeling appreciated at work make a difference in your level of satisfaction with your job? What makes you feel appreciated?

We have a new hire and one of her complaints is lack of camaraderie, which in her mind entails things like birthday lunches, going out for drinks after work, holiday parties, having occasional weekend barbecues at someone's house and so on. She said she doesn't feel overly appreciated because no one takes a personal interest in her.

I work to get paid. I want to go to work, work, then come home and pursue personal interests. I keep nothing personal at work, and if I was fired tomorrow I'd be upset at the loss of a job, but I wouldn't be emotionally upset if that makes sense. I've worked here for over 8 years. If we had to spend so much personal time together, I wouldn't feel appreciated, I'd feel very uncomfortable.

It's a relatively small company. We're all nice to each other, polite, and talk casually in passing about weekend plans and so on. We do have an annual holiday party outside of work hours at a nice club the next town over. I've never gone to it. As much as I like my coworkers, we often spend weeks working large amounts of overtime together and I have no desire to spend personal time with them...I think we should see other people occasionally! ;D I feel appreciated if I've gone above and beyond and it's acknowledged verbally, and if I feel I'm compensated well monetarily. We do get large seasonal bonuses, and I feel very appreciated then.

The new hire is just out of college, and this is her first professional job. I realize I'm probably at the extreme end of keeping my personal life separate from work and maybe being too mercenary, but is it normal to be well paid, work in an environment where everyone is professional and treats you well, and still feel unappreciated? Do you need your workplace to take an interest in your personal life and emotions in order to be happy at work?

[zibazinski]

I'm surprised that you are surprised at this.

[Phoenix84]

I learned early on in my working life the only appreceiation you often get is your paycheck. You don't get a pat on the head for doing your job.

"We have a new hire and one of her complaints is lack of camaraderie, which in her mind entails things like birthday lunches, going out for drinks after work, holiday parties, having occasional weekend barbecues at someone's house and so on."

I've never been much into those things. I'll occasionally go but I go to work to work, not to make friends and be chummy. Unless I work directly with the person on a daily basis, I don't really care if they get married, have a birthday, or have a baby or whatever.

"The new hire is just out of college, and this is her first professional job."

That's the problem. I felt the same way initially. In school you are rewarded with an A if you do well and showered with attention. After getting your first "real job" you start to realize you're not a beautiful and unique snowflake and instead just another cog in the machine.

Also, adult life is different than life on a college campus. In school, you're typically with a cohort of many peers your age or roughly. Most everyone is single and childless. In adult life people are vastly different ages, have vastly different family situations and interests. Young people share everything about themselves, wheras adults are more private, and more likely to keep their personal lives separate from work lives.

[zibazinski]

It also depends on the area and the environment. Where DS works in Florida it is very young and very social.

[TheOtherMe]

Jul 14, 2012 17:39:02 GMT -5 msventoux said:

Does feeling appreciated at work make a difference in your level of satisfaction with your job? What makes you feel appreciated?

We have a new hire and one of her complaints is lack of camaraderie, which in her mind entails things like birthday lunches, going out for drinks after work, holiday parties, having occasional weekend barbecues at someone's house and so on. She said she doesn't feel overly appreciated because no one takes a personal interest in her.

I work to get paid. I want to go to work, work, then come home and pursue personal interests. I keep nothing personal at work, and if I was fired tomorrow I'd be upset at the loss of a job, but I wouldn't be emotionally upset if that makes sense. I've worked here for over 8 years. If we had to spend so much personal time together, I wouldn't feel appreciated, I'd feel very uncomfortable.

The new hire is just out of college, and this is her first professional job. I realize I'm probably at the extreme end of keeping my personal life separate from work and maybe being too mercenary, but is it normal to be well paid, work in an environment where everyone is professional and treats you well, and still feel unappreciated? Do you need your workplace to take an interest in your personal life and emotions in order to be happy at work?

While I wanted to feel appreciated at my job, that did not mean socializing. It meant being treated respectfully at work. It also meant receiving a realistic job review and rewards if applicable. I'm old school. I'm retired.

At different times during my career, we'd go to lunch together. At other times, it didn't happen. Sometimes lunch together was lunch in the break room. Breaks together meant breaks in the break room.

Birthdays might or might not be celebrated with work friends. If they were, they were with the people with whom I had developed a friendship with outside of work.

As for drinks after work, that usually happened only when somebody was leaving or being transferred. It certainly wasn't routine. Almost always planned, not spur of the moment.

In 25 years with the same employer, I never heard of a BBQ being held. I did attend many weddings over the years.

Our so-called union held a Christmas party or New Year's party, but not both. There was usually a Christmas potluck at the office. I have no idea what they do since I retired.

Over that length of time of working with many of the same people, many did become personal friends and I am still in contact with them. However, many of those people, I didn't like and have no idea of where they are today.

I would suspect she has an unrealistic expectation since she is just out of college.

When I did the working for CPA firms, we were too busy during tax season to have lunch together. We had one just before tax season and when it was over. Never did anything outside of work at those small businesses except for the end of season party paid for by the boss.

[Phoenix84]

"It also depends on the area and the environment. Where DS works in Florida it is very young and very social."

True. Where I work, the vast majority of people are old codgers in their 50's or over. I don't really have much in common wtih many of them.

[plugginaway22]

Wow, reality slap! I am 51 and never thought of myself as a 'codger'. So that is what all my 20-30 year old co-workers think!

[zibazinski]

Well, did you just win the kickball championship tonight? DSs work did!

[plugginaway22]

Well, must be the age then, daughter's company does weekly happy hours, there is a softball team, they have a pumpkin decorating contest,
very social place. I definitely go to my job to get a paycheck.

[midjd]

Does feeling appreciated at work make a difference in your level of satisfaction with your job? What makes you feel appreciated?

Yes - although I don't really define "appreciation" as company social events. We do have pitch-ins when someone retires or has a baby/milestone birthday, and we have an annual holiday lunch, and a lot of us go out for lunch together a couple of times a week.

But my boss really makes my work life wonderful. He gets me good assignments and always thanks me for completing them. Whenever anyone sends me a job-well-done email, he makes me give it to HR for my personnel file. Those are things that make me feel appreciated. I'd still like my job if he left, but probably not as much

[Formerly SK]

I don't define company socializing as appreciation either.

That said, one of the hardest things for me as a SAHM is the lack of appreciation. Back when I worked I'd get regular comments of appreciation - a "good job" at the end of a day/project or at minimum a semi-annual review. I always had a good vibe from my bosses that they liked me and thought I did a great job. Being a SAHM you toil all day doing boring, brainless work that is ruined within minutes of the kids entering the house. Or you spend half the day doing something with your kids that will hopefully help them grow into the best adults they can be, but you won't know the results for a couple decades. There are many days when I wonder why I should even bother - everyone else seems to spend their summer playing video games in their squalor-of-a-house, why should I aim higher?

Bleh...I'm grumpy.

[simser]

She's probably lonely. It's hard to find friends outside of the workplace when you're fresh out of school. Especially if she moved for the job. I know that I get lonely a lot, and it takes me a long time to make real friends.

As for appreciation I feel very appreciated at my job. We get little goodie drawers where people will give you $10 if you do well. It can add up. People like me and always are willing to help me (as I am them). We also get free baseball tickets (and symphony/Broadway tickets), retirement dinners, "youve done a good job" lunches, "welcome to the group" happy hours, etc. etc. etc.

[msventoux]

Jul 14, 2012 22:17:43 GMT -5 lightsdaughter said:

Jul 14, 2012 21:38:54 GMT -5 Formerly SK said:

That said, one of the hardest things for me as a SAHM is the lack of appreciation.

You have immediate appreciation from me if your children are polite and well-behaved.

My grandmother was huge on manners, she was always prompting the grand kids to say please, thank you, etc. anytime it was appropriate to do so, family interactions included.

I remember I thanked my mother for dinner once when I was a kid and she burst into tears. I thought I'd said something wrong but she said I was the only one that ever thanked her for doing anything. Many, many years later I don't think that it's still ever occurred to my father or brother to do the same, even once.

[msventoux]

Jul 14, 2012 18:27:14 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

"The new hire is just out of college, and this is her first professional job."

That's the problem. I felt the same way initially. In school you are rewarded with an A if you do well and showered with attention. After getting your first "real job" you start to realize you're not a beautiful and unique snowflake and instead just another cog in the machine.

That may be it. About three years ago we had another new hire a similar age, but she'd had family difficulties growing up and didn't seem to be quite so needy. She'd already had to work some pretty crummy jobs putting herself thru school so this was a definite step up for her.

Jul 14, 2012 21:35:53 GMT -5 lightsdaughter said:

OP, this may not apply to your new hire, but some of the job advice that came out of my university's career center and articles I read in the past two years included the need to participate in social events with co-workers. Going out to lunch or going for drinks after work were specifically included. The point seemed to be that if we didn't try to participate in these events, we were missing networking opportunities, but if we were being excluded, something was very, very wrong.

Or, she may just be lonely.

I could understand if the culture of the job was that people were doing that and she was being excluded, but we all have different things going on personally and we simply don't do group things. We don't even have set lunch hours, we just go if we want to and when we have time. Many of us just work through lunch so we can leave earlier.

She may be lonely, but as much as she's on her cell phone taking personal calls, it seems she has a pretty wide social network.

I had to think about this for a little while. As a fairly private person, I don't necessarily need or want people to poke about in my personal life. However, it is nice when I have an employer, or at least manager, who is interested in my development as and employee.

Receiving a "thank you" for helping someone, customer or co-worker, especially for doing things that are outside my routine job responsibilities or required me to master new skills in a very short amount of time.

If I need supplies, support, or have new ideas that I think would make our immediate working world a better place, please explain why those things can't happen rather than just saying no. This especially applies if the reason is internal bureaucracy. I am young and still learning how to deal with it.

Occasional opportunities for professional development. This can be as simple as a webinar or as go as far as attending a conference or special training.

I think we do pretty good at most of the above. The bosses are accessible and part of your annual review is reviewing your professional development and what they can do to help you reach your goals. There's always continuing education opportunities. You're not assigned a specific mentor, but there's usually one or two senior staff members that you'll work very closely with and who can help guide you.

Jul 14, 2012 21:16:25 GMT -5 plugginaway22 said:

Well, must be the age then, daughter's company does weekly happy hours, there is a softball team, they have a pumpkin decorating contest, very social place. I definitely go to my job to get a paycheck.

Are they taking applications? Maybe I can point our new hire there! Seriously, I think it is the age and perhaps the size of the company/industry. We're small enough that the company isn't going to sponsor any of the above; sort of if we're not working, we're not earning our keep and won't get paid. And I'm okay with that.

[Deleted]

I think that employers could make people and staff feel more appreciated by treating people way, saying "Thank you" and a few occasional perks like buying pizza or stuff like that. I think those little things make a big difference. As for socializing at work, when i was younger i wanted to do so. Now, i don't. i don't like the forced together of people constantly collecting money for everyone's bunion surgery and throwing parties for some and not others. I contributed and participated for years but when i had a death in the family, nobody could be bothered to even send a card or express condolences. So, i am not interested in playing office politics.

[Deleted]

Jul 14, 2012 22:18:40 GMT -5 @hootieman said:

Where I work, the appreciation you get for a job well done is more work, same pay, and harassment to get it all done in 8 hrs a day. If you are a slacker, you coast your whole way through. You'll retire with no injuries, plenty of energy, and the same retirement package.

I think we work for the same employer. For some reason I have the impression that we actually do, but your description fits my workplace even if we don't really have the same employer.

What makes me feel appreciated at work is recognizing the difference between me just doing my job and when I go over and beyond. I don't expect anything beyond a paycheck for just doing my job, but a "Thank you, good job" when I obviously do my job AND my co worker's or yours (manager) would be appreciated and make it more likely I'll do it again when needed. It's almost always needed. It's kind of hard to keep covering your bosses' butts and making them look good when they don't treat you well. If I let the bosses crash and burn, as long as I do MY job it doesn't really affect me, but the customer suffers. My personal integrity usually makes me just do what's needed.

I don't really care about socializing with my coworkers. I'm cordial and friendly, but I don't really want to see most of them any more than I have to.

[simser]

Actually the comment about the cell phone just adds to her loneliness. I was talking to my old friends a lot when I first moved because I was really homesick.

Just saying that maybe the most social person at your work could invite her to do something sometime.

[Deleted]

At my last job, when we exceeded our goals, we got "tokens". You could cash them in for gift certificates at major retailers. I got gift certificates for a couple hundred dollars each. They also bought us lunch sometimes, just because. One time we had a snowstorm (rare where I live), and our VP of operations ordered lunch in for everybody that showed up to work. The rare times that we were in a crunch trying to meet a deadline our manager and the VP (if she was around), would hunker down with us and help us finish. Their willingness to work alongside us mattered, and the things they did to show their appreciation for a job well done mattered. Not surprisingly, our department always worked hard to meet or exceed our goals no matter what happened. We had good leaders and we felt appreciated. At least I did.

[Deleted]

Perhaps the new hire has some energy and fresh perspective. Maybe you should open up to the possibility of doing some of those things if she is willing. Sometimes a fresh face can reenergize everyone as well. And, when you first start working you really don't know how your work life should be compared to your personal life. I also used to want to do some of those things and thought sharing my personal life was just part of bonding together and so forth. So, no doubt i have been guilty of TMI in my life. But, over time, you realize that the vast majority of people don't care if you expire the next day as long as it doesn't mess up their schedule so you learn to not waste your breath!

[zibazinski]

DF does this mostly in the summer as there are once a week bar b ques. Also, his secretary buys food for the week and puts it in the kitchen so if you don't feel like going out for lunch you can eat there, for free. But it's a small office. There's the company Christmas party as well.

[Deleted]

I truly hate forced socialization like company parties and all that where you feel obligated to attend. I go because i have to not because i have a desire to do so. And, i dont' want to go to any tupperware parties or buy pampered chef. And, i used to buy some of the stuff that people would bring in that their kids were selling, but when i did likewise and nobody bought my kid's stuff, well, heck with em!

[Deleted]

Jul 14, 2012 23:31:33 GMT -5 @shooby said:

I contributed and participated for years but when i had a death in the family, nobody could be bothered to even send a card or express condolences.

<MissRigby sits on hands and also

[Deleted]

Jul 15, 2012 9:01:21 GMT -5 @shooby said:

And, i used to buy some of the stuff that people would bring in that their kids were selling, but when i did likewise and nobody bought my kid's stuff, well, heck with em!

<More sitting on hands and >

[Deleted]

;D

[Deleted]

Yup, but they took up a collection for the Secretaries ' cousin twice removed for toenail fungus!

[zibazinski]

I've been had by that scam as well when I worked. I never had any "cash" on me.

[Deleted]

Heck, i didn't even get a baby gift when i had my daughter! I really never manage to make it into any cliques or the popular crowd! And, i am so darn lovable! Go figure!

[Deleted]

Jul 15, 2012 9:25:16 GMT -5 @shooby said:

Yup, but they took up a collection for the Secretaries ' cousin twice removed for toenail fungus!

Pants on fire. I call BS.

[Deleted]

BS? Who me?

[Deleted]

Seriously, they did take up a collection for someone's aunt who for some benign type of surgery. I thought that was going over the top.