Are you Mommy tracked?

[raeoflyte]

Or Daddy/family tracked?
Did you plan it, or it just happened?
How do you have your home responsibilities set up?
Do you work from home often--if so when, and what do your kids think of it?
How does your employer/co-workers react to your arrangements, and is your job compatible with it? Is your industry compatible?
Has it affected your career growth? If not, why not?
Has anyone ever managed to un-mommy track themselves and what changes at home had to happen to allow that?
Was there an age that your kids got to that it became easier to move forward in your career?

[Deleted]

I am and it was on purpose.

My company is very small, so there isn't any position to move up to. If I ever get the desire to take on a different challenge I would have to leave here, but I plan on staying as long as my boss lets me keep my "mommy hours".

[Deleted]

Yes, i did "mommy track" myself. I have a very good career and i could be making a lot more money. But, i choose to downsize our lives because i wanted to be home more with our 3 kids. I was working full time and also had contracted positions. I was fortunate to look for other other opportunities and have been able to start my own business with better hours and now make a good income with better hours and more family time. I do think that as my kids get older or when they are ready for college, that i will ramp up that part of my life again. My sister has done likewise. She moved to a town where there was no family and as a result she had to cut her career to be home with her child. She didn't have to and could have gotten by with full time daycare but that wasn't what they wanted to choose. And, now that her daughter just started college, she went back to work full time and hasn't seemed to miss a beat. I think the same will apply to me.

[mandyms]

I'm a singler mother, was not planned; but it happened after I was already working "a grown up" job (I had completed my BS/MS).
I work full time away from home, DD is very social and loves daycare

Household responsibilities (I currently rent right now) are broken up in to small daily tasks (Monday is vacuum night, Tuesday mopping, Wed laundry, Thurs dusting, Fri grocery shopping) so I can have majority of the weekends free w/DD (or "sanity" nights with the girls). I cook meals most nights of the week (1-2 nights eating out); criteria for recipes are 5 ingredients or less and need to take less than 20 minutes start to finish (longer meals I save for Thurs/Fri and weekends).

I'm doing exactly want I want to in terms of my career; I never really considered myself management criteria. In fact, if it wasn't for DD, I would probably be stuck in a demanding, lower paying job that what I have now (I moved to be closer to my family and now have a higher paying, more benefit job).

ETA: my boss if VERY family friendly. As long as I can clear my schedule, I can usually leave on whim within reason

[busymom]

I wasn't sure what DH & I were going to do when I was pregnant with our first child, but my work location was slated to close. Once I was home with my new baby, I realized I didn't want to send her to daycare, at least not as a baby. And, we discovered (surprise) we could actually live on my husband's wages if we made the effort. I went back to work part-time when DD was a toddler, but left the workforce during my 2nd pregnancy. (I don't have "nice" pregnancies. I get sicker than a dog, and end up on bedrest or borderline hospital stay.) I worked around DH's schedule when I returned to work, which was great because although I didn't get much sleep, we weren't paying for daycare.

I do feel like my career was derailed, but wouldn't have missed the time with my kids. There are a lot of opportunities to get my own business up & running when DS is done with school, so I'm trying to "patiently" wait for the next stage of my life. My friends who are empty-nesters are doing some awesome things! ;D

[zibazinski]

I chose teaching because it was more family friendly. I gave up a lot financially that I will never recover from but I had the best of both worlds so there's that.

[muttleynfelix]

I work for a family friendly very small business. When things are slow, it is an easy place to work at and I can balance family and work. When things are very busy, work takes over my life because so much falls on me. If something does not get done, it is all on me. But even when we are swamped, my boss certainly had no issues with the time I took off for family funerals or going with my DH to take DS to his check-ups. I make probable $5k less a year than I would at the big companies in town, but I get back that in flexibility, job security, and a boss that treats us fairly and cares about us as people. I still make enough that DH can stay home with our DS.

I work from home on the weekends as needed. Since having DS I refuse to drive the 20 min one way on the weekends when I can use the 40 min commuting to work at home. Working from home varies per company. Sometimes, I think about leaving this company, but at this point in time I don't like my options to leave, in a year I will gain another week of PTO, and I have a lot of flexibilty. Maybe in 10 years, I'll buy in and be my boss's partner. Or maybe in 10 years my DH and I will want to move. Right now my options are pretty limited since we don't want to move.

Currently, my long term goals are to stay here and do the best job I can. We have some very stable clients who have weathered the recession well and like using our services and like the work specifically that I do. In 5 to 10 years, I would like to obtain my master's degree - basically once my kids reach elementary school, but before they reach junior high. After that, I have no more long term goals. Just be able to support my family no matter the situation.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Eh I wouldn't really consider myself mommy tracked. I'm stuck here unless I start getting more degrees regardless if I had a kid or not.

But I did choose to stay put for the moment because I carry our benefits, the hours are really flexible and I have awesome bosses. It's all worked out really well when it comes to being a new mom.

With my industry it kinda depends on if it is mommy friendly or not. I fortunately am able to shift around my lab work so I was able to pump 3 times a day when Gwen was a newborn.

The unversity/medical center is very pro-breastfeeding (which makes sense if you are going to push it on patients out should extend the courtesy to your employees) so there are lacation rooms all over campus and you can take as much time as you need to pump.

But even with that some of the jobs here are not pump friendly. I've been lucky that I could let most of my work take care of itself while I was out pumping.

The hours are awesome. I love working in a results driven environment. As long as I get everything done my bosses do not mind if I have to run out at noon because Gwen has a fever so she can't be at daycare.

Working in an academic research lab has had its perks when it comes to being a working mom.

It'd be awesome if I coud work from home but I think my PI would have a fit if I tried to take the HPLC machine home.


Now that Gwen is two I am looking into moving up. To do so I am going to have to leave here and I would have to do that even if I didn't have a kid. I am being A LOT more picky than I would be otherwise. I already have a sweet gig that isn't going anywhere so I can be choosey and wait for my ideal job to come up.

[swamp]

yes, i am. I could do so much more work, but I dont want to.

[Deleted]

It's hard to separate Mommy-track behavior from other circumstances for me. I was married to a guy who was useless, put me down a lot, and actually once said. "I do what I care to" as far as household and parenting responsibilities. When I went on the occasional business trip when DS was tiny, we had to leave him with sitters because my husband didn't feel comfortable taking care of him alone. (He DID get better as DS got older and he felt more confident about taking care of him but was still mean and cranky any time I left on a trip.)

So, my career slowed down a lot during those years. DS is now out on his own and I'm married to a wonderful supportive househusband. My career has done so much better since I remarried. I won't retire as a C-suite but I'm happy where I am.

[Deleted]

no I'm not, but like DQ I have a good job with good hours and VERY little overtime (I'm salaried). I'm looking to move up though, but I definitely want to stay with this company - they are big on work/life/family balance.

[lynnerself]

Yes
I chose a health care profession on purpose that allowed me to work part time while my kids were young.
I returned to full time when they were older, but there is little upward mobility in my profession. I'm in a supervisory role now, but that's about it.
And yes, I'm fine with my choices, I am a very unambitious person.

[thyme4change]

My husband told me that his job is considered the "Mommy-track" job. Fine with me - he makes good enough money, and I get to see him when the sun is still shining!

I would like to think I'm Mommy-tracked, but some days I wonder if I have fulfilled my potential.

[shanendoah]

We're daddy tracking DH- a few (7) more years of school, then looking for a teaching job at a community college while I continue to be the main earner. I'm in management now and do have plans to move up.
However, I work for a major healthcare organization that is big on work/life balance, so that makes it easier to remain work focused.

[Sum Dum Gai]

I am to a certain extent. I'd have to start working in San Jose to keep furthering my career, or be willing to relocate to the east coast to move up at my current company, and I don't want to deal with the commute/increased hours, and I'm sure as hell not moving. Right now I'm happy with my flexible hours and the amount of money I make. I'm giving up moving up into the business management and VP area. I thought I wanted too for a while, but one semester of going back to school showed me pretty plainly that if I make that choice it comes at the expense of time with my daughters. The bigger paycheck isn't worth it. Not even close.

[Formerly SK]

Since I quit working 7.5yrs ago to be a SAHM, I'd answer yes.

I'm lightly job hunting for the fall and it's making me ponder how much of a career I want to have and what that sacrifice will mean for my family. I've always been ambitious, but like Dark said there are very tangible daily costs to me working...especially with my autistic son. At my core I believe he'll be a more functional adult if I'm home to work with him every day after school. And since I need sanity time before I can spend two hours wrestling with him on homework/chores/daily life, it means I'll only work PT when I return. It definitely saddens me on one level - I feel like a dream will go unfulfilled. But I'm not willing to pay the price I'd have to pay to get that dream.

[Phoenix84]

Don't have kids, so I can't say I'm mommy tracked. I will say I don't have the people skills to move into upper management.

[Deleted]

I am pretty much mommy tracked thanks to DH career in the military. It is very difficult for me to have a career because we move so much. Now we are in Italy and the jobs are extremely scarce for military spouses since we are only allowed to work on post. I will more than likely go back to being a full time SAHM while here. I will also work on my Master's degree online through a college in Michigan. I could work part time as a subsitute teacher, but I am not sure if I want to do that yet.

This is how my life pretty much has been since getting married. Follow his career and mommy tracking myself because my kids need some sort of stability and like I mentioned, it is extremely difficult to have a career while moving all the time. I have worked part time, but that is about it.

[Deleted]

Jun 29, 2012 21:20:55 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

Don't have kids, so I can't say I'm mommy tracked. I will say I don't have the people skills to move into upper management.

Yeah, there are certain jobs that don't appeal to me with our without kids.

[Deleted]

Jun 30, 2012 8:59:43 GMT -5 @shooby said:

Yeah, there are certain jobs that don't appeal to me with or without kids.

ITA. I look at the lives our top executives have and it's not for me. My guess that either today or tomorrow, most of them will be on planes headed to meetings several time zones away. Once in awhile I enjoy that. As a way of life, no thanks. Same for the conferences and office visits that start with breakfast meetings and end with dinner meetings, then an hour of catching up on your e-mail before you go to bed. Even without kids, I would not have wanted to live that way.

[Phoenix84]

Yeah, as an outside observer, that's one of the things that sucks about having a military spouse. The nature of military careers require moving and if you want to follow your spouse, you often end up moving a lot and losing a lot of career opportunities.

Though have you considered signing up yourself? I have seen two spouses be in the military. I've been told the Air Force at least tries to keep married service spouses together on the same post. Maybe that could fix your mommey tracking issue .

I used to have a co worker who did this, both he and his wife did 20 years in the military. He said they were only apart 18 months one time, other than routine TDY's of no more than a few weeks.

[Phoenix84]

"Yeah, there are certain jobs that don't appeal to me with our without kids."

Exactly. There are other limits on one's career than having kids. For me, it's the fact that I lack the acute interpersonal skills to be an executive. Also I'm sure I wouldn't find the work interesting. When you get to that high of level, it's all about budgets and having tons and tons meetings (at least in the government). Also you end up dealing with all the crap that happens, no thanks.

My career aspirations are to become a first or second level supervisor, I can't see myself going much farther than that.

[midjd]

^ Same here. I don't have kids but have more of a "mommy-track" job than most lawyers (and in fact, a lot of my coworkers retired from the rat race and started here (or at similar agencies) after they had kids). We have good hours, good benefits, and a lot of PTO. Working from home isn't really an option, but they seem to be fairly amenable to flex schedules - as long as you get in your 37.5hrs/week and are getting your work done, doesn't really matter if it's in 3 days or 5.

I love my job and have no desire to work twice as many hours at a firm, even if my salary was doubled. My job will be handy when we have kids, but since I didn't have kids in mind when I chose it, I'm not sure if it counts as "mommytracking."

[Deleted]

Phoenix I don't have the personality to be in the military myself. I am too bitchy and would end up doing push ups all the time...or peeling potatoes. Do they still force bad soldiers to peel potatoes?

[raeoflyte]

I never answered my own question.

I am mommy-tracked, but it isn't working out. I was offered a job opportunity a couple years ago that I'd keep a good salary, but be lower stress, no overtime, etc. My current employer pretty much matched the offer so I stayed with them instead of moving companies.

However it is dependent on my branches volume, and we're 2 1/2 years in and we're still not close to hitting the volume needed on our own, so I take overflow from other branches to help cover my cost. I really do like the work (for the most part), but overflow means that I never know the people I'm working for, or when it will be busy. It's become very high stress again and the last 2 months I'm back to putting in OT. Couple those issues with absolutely no pay raise in years and this just isn't working for me.

I'm taking on a 2nd job in sales and I'm hoping that I'll be able to build a strong enough commission income that I'll be able to process part time--which my branch could cover those costs even if their volume doesn't go up.

If that doesn't work I'm preparing myself to leave the industry and start completely over. I just can't really imagine how that will work money or family wise, but I don't want to spend another 20 years miserable in my career either.

[Apple]

I'm not, but I do work four tens, and that's a great schedule for me. For a while, I couldn't work two days of overtime (and some weeks not even one) because I had my son to take care of, but overtime is voluntary so not that big of a deal. There were some good jobs that pretty much required overtime, so I'd make sure I could cover things before I asked to get on them. My temporary promotion really seemed to help my career--I'm just waiting to see if the guy who holds it is going to come back to the job or move on to something else permanently. I really hope he moves on.

[nittanycheme]

I don't have kids, but my job is definitely NOT a mommy or daddy track. In my company, everyone else who does my job, if they have kids, has a stay at home spouse. In fact, there were two woman who had the same type of job as I do, and had kids. One totally moved into a different department/line of work when she came back and the other didn't come back at all since they wouldn't work with her on her hours. While my company is pretty small, i don't see them as being family friendly at all. Although, to be fair, they don't claim to be either. If I ever had a kid, i would essentially need to leave this job and do something else. i'm not even sure how many more years I can do this job and it's hours even without kids. It just makes me feel old some days!

[raeoflyte]

Sad--is it your job, or the industry itself that lends itself to long hours/inflexible schedules?

I think my issue is more industry based than job.

[nittanycheme]

Essentially my job is the reason. I am an engineer that works in a manufacturing plant, and I need to run trials on the machines. The machines are staffed with operators to run 24/5 (or 7 days with OT), so I need to be ready whenever they are for my trial to start. It would be less of an issue if most of my trials didn't last for a couple of days too, and that I work for a startup division of my company. The other engineers in the "parent" division actually work less extra hours, but they still have the same crazy "be ready when the machine is" timing. Sometimes if commercial production falls through for some reason, they pull up our trials. So, it's really hard to plan your life. I've been at other companies that aren't quite this crazy. Sometimes the engineers have help, or multiple ones are on a project, or a lot of the trials are on non-commercial production machines so you can schedule your time. Maybe someday I'll be able to get one of those jobs....

[HoneyBBQ]

No, but I'm considering it. I miss my baby.