Are you a problem-solver or a venter?

[midjd]

I suppose every relationship has one of each...

DH texted me this morning - "This job is really starting to bug me."

I responded with "Is it the boss, or the customers? Should you maybe start taking training classes again so you'll be able to move to another dealership? If it's really bad, you know we can make it on my income..."

He replied, "Nah, I'm fine. Just blowing off steam."

Men...

So are you a problem-solver or a venter? And are you male or female? I suspect YM has a much higher proportion of female problem-solvers than the general public. And I also suspect most are married to venters. But I could be wrong!

[swamp]

generally problem solver. but i've been known to vent a few times.

[Deleted]

both One leads to the other. I have to vent my way through to the solution.

[Firebird]

So are you a problem-solver or a venter? And are you male or female?

Problem solver for sure. And female last time I checked.

Venting tends to - not annoy me exactly, but confuse me. I don't really understand the purpose of it.

[Firebird]

I responded with "Is it the boss, or the customers? Should you maybe start taking training classes again so you'll be able to move to another dealership? If it's really bad, you know we can make it on my income..."[/b]

PS - you are a nice wife

[midjd]

Well, if DH ain't happy, ain't nobody happy

(And vice versa!)

[Deleted]

I vent as a way to work through the angles, the issues and possible solutions. It helps me come to the best possible conclusion by going through all the thoughts, feelings and emotions. Helps me make better decisions.

[midjd]

I think that's DH's process, too - but I have zero patience for venting so he has to work through it on his own.

[Colleenz]

Engineer=problem solver ;D

[Deleted]

I create problems, vent about them, get someone to fix them, vent that they fixed them wrong, correct the problem myself and pat myself on the back for a job well done.

[quotequeen]

Depends on what the issue is. I guess I would say I am more like a venter, because if I'm talking about something, I am probably not asking YOU to come up with a solution for me. I am perfectly capable of coming up with my own solution, once I get to the point that I decide to do that. If I want to know what you think I should do, I will ask "what do you think I should do?"

[Deleted]

Yes. It can be annoying. But, i have to attack every issue from every point of view and possibility and then come to a decision. It works for me but it even drives me crazy!

[movingforward]

Count me in on the both side. I am always looking for a solution to a problem. From time to time there just isn't a solution. I typically vent a little about things I can't change and then finally say "oh, well it is what it is" and then accept it and move on.

[Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ]

So are you a problem-solver or a venter? And are you male or female? I suspect YM has a much higher proportion of female problem-solvers than the general public. And I also suspect most are married to venters. But I could be wrong!

I AM the solution to the problem.

[Angel!]

Both I guess. I do vent on rare occassion when upset, but I don't expect others to solve my problems. However, when people vent to me, I always want to solve their problems. I can listen to some venting, but when you hear the same problem over & over again, you just want to shake the person & yell "Are you an idiot? Do x & fix the problem & stop complaining".

[Firebird]

I feel like it's human nature to want to solve OTHER people's problems. Most of us don't seem to be very good at listening to other people vent even if we like doing it ourselves.

But that can be a good thing - it's easy to see the solution to other people's problems sometimes. And sometimes it's helpful to hear the "obvious" solution to our own problems.

[Waffle]

Usually a problem solver, but there are a couple of people I will vent to when I don't see a solution.

[HoneyBBQ]

Solver for sure. I think it drives some people crazy though.

[justme]

Both. Usually the venting comes from situations I'm not in control of or for various reasons can't change at the moment. Otherwise I solve the problem. I also sometimes talk out loud as I'm problem solving, which probably sounds like venting to other people.

[shanendoah]

I'm one of the both. I generally need to vent to get over my frustration before I am capable of seeing the solution.
Actually- this is the answer I give when asked in job interviews what my weakness is- while I adapt to change over the long term quite well, I have difficulty processing instantaneous paradigm shifts. I have to be able to talk through the problem in order wrap my mind around to the new way of viewing things and thus solving.
DH is often the same way. He needs to talk through the issue out loud.
We are both pretty good at knowing when the other person is done venting and ready to find a solution, so that's when we start asking questions.
DH is currently majoring in math, and while he has a much stronger grasp on the theoretical and abstract ideas than I do, I am still naturally stronger at basic Algebra. So he'll vent about something, and then turn to me, and I'll make him explain it in real terms (using actual numbers) and attack it from that angle. He can then see it in that way and translate it back into the theoretical.
We did this in an opposite fashion when I got got in ciruclar thinking in my stats class. I would be certain I was doing something right, but it wouldn't be working, so DH would make me describe it without numbers, come at it from the abstract, and then I'd have to translate that back into what I was actually doing.
It works really, really well for both of us.

[sheilaincali]

I am a problem solver and DH is a reformed venter. He used to just vent and whine all the time and I got so sick of it I would tell him to "call me back when you have a game plan and a solution" So know he is learning to be a problem solver.

I would have to point out to him how much time he was wasting whining and venting about things that he could easily remedy. He is slowly learning.

[cronewitch]

I do problem solving when I can and like telling other's how to solve their's.
My ex was a high school dropout and was whining/venting about how he wished he had listened and finished school and gone to college. After a while I told him, quit complaining and do something about it. He asked what he could do. I was a housewife, he didn't want me to work, so I said get your GED and I will get a job to pay off the car then support you in college. So he got a GED and I got a job but he complained I didn't make enough money to support us so I might as well not work. So I quit working and went to college for two years to make more money so he could go to college and he went to college nights while working days.

We have a employee at work I want fired. She is causing a hostile work environment and the company has been refusing to fire her. They told her again to apologize to a coworker she disrespected this week by going in her office in front of other people and yelling at her and making demands. She said she was sorry the employee misunderstood but she needed her to drop everything and do what she demanded. I demanded the bosses write her us and have a meeting so she is one step closer to the door. I explained we are going to be losing good people over her. They don't fire people without three warnings but always let her get away with attacks on other women because she doesn't do it with one of them witnessing. They tell us she has mental health issues not to upset her. Now they agreed they will write her up for this last issue. The upset coworker has told her never to speak to her again even about work. I told coworker I will hand her things for her and get her mail so she doesn't need to go within ten feet of her.

[Phoenix84]

I'm both I think.

Sometimes I do simply vent, but I think I'm pretty rational and objectively look at my problems.

[Phoenix84]

If I had to choose one I'd say I'm more of a objective problem solver, I'd say I'm 70% problem solver and 30% venter. I generally try to avoid venting much because there's a fine line between venting and complaining, and nobody likes a complainer.

[hockeygrl]

Jun 22, 2012 11:21:36 GMT -5 justme said:

Both. Usually the venting comes from situations I'm not in control of or for various reasons can't change at the moment. Otherwise I solve the problem. I also sometimes talk out loud as I'm problem solving, which probably sounds like venting to other people.

This is exactly what I do. I do like the philosophy that hangs on my wall, though:

There are few of life's problems that cannot be solved by the proper application of a high explosive projectile.

[Catseye]

I love to vent, then I problem solve. I also don't mind other people venting to me, I usually find it entertaining and informative.
There are just some situations where if I can't vent to someone who won't judge me, I might say the wrong thing to the wrong person at the wrong time. I got demoted once because I'd had it up to HERE with a supervisor. So, yeah, let me vent before we get to the solving part, please!

[MN-Investor]

Definitely a problem solver, very seldom a venter.

My dear mother, bless her heart, NEVER complains, even when she should. She's 90, in a nursing home. Unfortunately, a 90 year old's health can be so fragile that, if they don't say when something bothers them, it can quickly become life threatening. Thank goodness the nursing staff is as observant as they are! But, basically, Mom abhors others' "organ recitals" - the response of a person when you say "How are you" and you hear about every ache and pain in excruciating detail.

My DH is a venter. Bitch and complain, bitch and complain. Drives me nuts! He loves to listen to Talk Radio. Personally, I think that feeds the concept that bitching and complaining is acceptable social behavior. He knows that discussing politics with me is off limits. If he does get into an issue rant, I just say "Yes dear, yes dear" until I can change the subject.

DH has been complaining about his job a lot lately. His favorite comment "I don't know how much longer I can do this." He'll be 58 in a week and, except for health care costs, retiring now could be a possibility. I wish I had a crystal ball. But, basically, I think that interacting with others at work is good for him - he's a real people person. The main issue is that DH's job has evolved to include something which was only supposed to be for a limited term. With money tight, no one else was hired to take that part of his job over and so he has to continue to do it and the manager he works with (not works for) in that one task is a pain in the ass. I've talked with DH about some approaches he can take, but I don't know if he implements any. He's taking off time during his birthday week. Maybe I can help him draft up an action plan. DH has to change from venting to acting on this problem!

[busymom]

I do both. Venting allows me to talk out the problem, which seems to help me arrive at a solution quickly. Unfortunately, I tend to be a problem-solver for quite a few other people, too. There's gotta be a way to turn that into a business, other than writing an advice column....

[midjd]

There's gotta be a way to turn that into a business, other than writing an advice column....

LOL, if you figure out a way to make money from it, let me know!

[thyme4change]

I don't see this as an either/or question. I can vent and solve.