taz157
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Post by taz157 on Jun 27, 2012 9:06:30 GMT -5
I'm happy for you, Twin!!! And I'm glad your DH was receptive to hearing what the chaplain said. Hopefully things will keep looking up for you guys.
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twinmama85
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Post by twinmama85 on Jun 27, 2012 9:51:23 GMT -5
We are going to continue to get counseling from the Chaplin and if need be, go to a marriage counselor as well. We both agreed to see what the chaplin said, but we are looking at going once a week for a bit and then two bi-monthly and so on..well shall see. He has been very receptive and very patient. Time will heal all wounds so we just have to keep pushing and making sure that we keep bad and negativity out of this relationship as much as possible.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 27, 2012 12:06:29 GMT -5
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twinmama85
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Post by twinmama85 on Jun 27, 2012 14:58:27 GMT -5
Not only are we dealing with our marriage, one of our twins was just diagnosed with high functioning autism murphy really likes us for some reason
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 27, 2012 15:07:28 GMT -5
Uh oh
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twinmama85
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Post by twinmama85 on Jun 27, 2012 15:27:43 GMT -5
diagnosed today that is
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 27, 2012 15:50:21 GMT -5
Does your husband know?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2012 16:49:47 GMT -5
Twinmama, I'm so sorry. You really do have a LOT on your plate. I don't have much advice, just hugs. I'm happy the meeting with the Chaplain went well, you should definitely carry on, despite this setback. There are a lot of posters both here and on YM who are dealing with autism. If you want, when you're ready, you might want to start a thread on that. If you post on YM, you should know (I think you already do) that although YM can be a great resource, the YM posters are generally not as "warm and fuzzy" as the WIR posters. But, you could get some good advice there, and the posters dealing with autistic children are generally very compassionate. Hugs, friend. You will get through this!
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Jun 27, 2012 16:55:09 GMT -5
<HUGS> for twinmama! My youngest is on the autism spectrum. When you catch your breath from all of these recent shocks, PM me anytime. You can do this!
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twinmama85
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Post by twinmama85 on Jun 27, 2012 17:19:17 GMT -5
DH was there with me and was being very supportive and just a few minutes ago my mom called me to tell me she fell through a floor!!! are you kidding me?! She is okay but she injured her knee and she lives on farm land in the middle of nowhere! She could have really injured herself and no would know!! murphy needs to GO!!
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2012 17:39:16 GMT -5
K to Busymom for racing here to be there for TwinMama! Oh my, Twinmama! When will it stop?!
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jun 27, 2012 17:40:40 GMT -5
Yikes! That's 3 big things. It should stop now. (((Hugs))) Twin, Busy is a sweetheart so I think you should take her up on her offer. Plus she handles things like a true champ! I love her.
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twinmama85
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Post by twinmama85 on Jun 27, 2012 17:43:26 GMT -5
thanks ladies, i pmed her because i am just unsure about this autism situation..i am not sad about it, i feel relieved kinda because we arent guessing anymore..there is a beautiful bottle of 1800 tequila on top of my cabinet that sounds good
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Jun 27, 2012 18:03:05 GMT -5
Ah, margaritas! I can already see you're my kind of Mom! Check your messages twinmama! Busymom POM! POM, you & my MIL would get along GREAT (yes, she's one of the good ones)! She's always said that death & trouble comes in 3's.... Now that problem #3 has come & gone, show Murphy the door! (And make sure the door hits him in the butt...)
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jun 27, 2012 18:03:21 GMT -5
Not only are we dealing with our marriage, one of our twins was just diagnosed with high functioning autism murphy really likes us for some reason Is this the one the babysitter has a hard time with?
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twinmama85
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Post by twinmama85 on Jun 27, 2012 18:07:15 GMT -5
yes it is...we knew something was wrong but i guess we were just fearful to find the answer...but now i feel better because i know there is an action plan.
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twinmama85
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Post by twinmama85 on Jun 27, 2012 19:55:25 GMT -5
I have not, we are going to be working with several different people so I will bring that up to them. We will see his ped. in a month and I can discuss it with them as well.
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mizbear
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Post by mizbear on Jun 27, 2012 20:45:47 GMT -5
HUGS!
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Jun 27, 2012 20:59:12 GMT -5
Has the doctor discussed diet changes with you? Children with Autism seems to do better on gluten and casein free diets. My sitter's 15 year old daughter that is autistic can't process milk. Even the milk in cupcakes or in Hershey's chocolate causes problems for her. Unfortunately, I don't recall what the exact issue is, but I do recall there is an issue. I hope you can work out your marital problems. I hope you can treat him with respect, and he can do the same.
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seriousthistime
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Post by seriousthistime on Jun 27, 2012 21:03:31 GMT -5
You have your hands full, twinmama.
I have no experience with autism, but I'm pretty sure my brother has Aspergers. He always had trouble in school (behavior and impulse control) and my mother was widowed early on. She thought that since he was the only boy, the middle child, and lost his dad when he was 5, he had family issues. She's been gone for about 10 years now, and I know she would have been so relieved to know that there was a name for his issues, and she wasn't to blame. When he was growing up, there was no name for it or even a diagnosis. He is so smart it's unbelievable. I have friends who are very knowledgeable about the spectrum. I think you will find plenty of guidance on these boards, but if you ever need anything else, PM me and I'll see if I can get one of my knowledgeable friends to talk to you.
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Works4me
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Post by Works4me on Jun 27, 2012 21:36:59 GMT -5
Twinmama - 4th child, only son, of a dear male friend was diagnosed at about same age but was not considered high functioning. He has just graduated from high school and is going to JC to study vet asst. He is young emotionally but due to the hard work of all of them he is a delightful young man struggling with the normal issues of adolescence, just a bit harder for him. I bet your son will come out well also due to early dx and tx programs available now.
My mother was a special ed teacher before they had them and I always knew that people learned differently. She would be so pleased that soicety has come so far in learning, treating and accepting/working with these issues.
IMHO with something like this lurking in the background no wonder the two of you have been encountering difficulries. Not as an excuse but more of an ah-ha as some of the issues behind it. After all, I am sure you would like to leave sometimes but that is not what mothers do. So glad the chaplain challenged him to man up!
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Saving4Norway
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Post by Saving4Norway on Jun 27, 2012 23:41:19 GMT -5
I have been a teacher for 20 years and to tell the truth I actually like having a kid with high-functioning autism in my regular-ed science class. They are 100% honest and straight forward - they literally can't lie. Which is great sometimes, and at other times... well... you know exactly what they think about your new haircut, how your lunch has smelled up the room, etc. They are unique and delightful.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Jun 28, 2012 0:29:40 GMT -5
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 28, 2012 8:53:48 GMT -5
There is a poster on here who's kid has high functioning autism, I just can't remember which poster. Hopefully she'll see this thread and stop by.
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twinmama85
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Post by twinmama85 on Jun 28, 2012 10:00:32 GMT -5
Thanks for all the kind words, they help, more than you know ;D.
DH was REALLY loving last night, he wasn't feeling those feelings he felt the night before (anger, doubt) and I could just tell he wasn't feeling those things. Its amazing how you can read how a person feels by body language and just their overall aura.
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mizbear
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Post by mizbear on Jun 28, 2012 16:51:49 GMT -5
Norway- KARMA! Very few teachers try to look on the bright side of teaching special needs students at any level- regardless of the need. Teachers especially tend to overlook students who have intangible needs.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jun 29, 2012 9:44:37 GMT -5
twin - I know there's autism support groups around here. Start looking for them around you. They will likely have a pedi that is really good with dealing with the kids. My DH is seeing a naturalpathic doctor who's also a pedi. They do a LOT with autistic kids. And when I was posting about DH's health issues, at least 1 person here told me about the pedi for their autistic child who also is into the natural stuff.
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DVM gone riding
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Post by DVM gone riding on Jun 29, 2012 20:07:21 GMT -5
Twinmamma--ur in my prayers. Your little boy is the same little guy he was the day before, but now you have an explanation for things and can help him learn to function
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twinmama85
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Post by twinmama85 on Jun 30, 2012 9:37:59 GMT -5
Let's see you are active duty military, have twins, that's a handful right there. Then a husband too, why do I think he just feels neglected, they are little boys you know. I told my husband one time, I'm about to work my self to death, why don't you help more? He said because you never give me the chance. Hummm, never thought about that, he got more chances after that. Sometimes they need coddling and attention just like the kiddos. Take it from a long time old married lady with a special needs adult daughter. He only gets home 4 times a year so I center all my time around him while he is home. I know this isn't possible for you with little ones, but try a little bit. DD gets really jealous when dad is home. He gets favorite foods, we try to eat out where he wants to go. I have always been a take charge, take over, probably run over type of person and sometimes I just have to step back. I don't know what you do in the military or your rank but could that be some of it? I'm not sure what you said he does. Anyway not a whole lot of help but just a bit of insight into men, don't know if any of it will help you or not. And diagnosing you son that young will afford him the opportunity to start getting help within the school system so that's a good thing too. Good luck Hey thanks for your post! You know, I am kind like that too, I more less took charge and pretty much started wearing the pants in this family and just took away his responsibility as a husband. Things have gotten so much better, he has turned around quite a bit and has opened up a lot to me. We are still healing, but i am no longer fearful of him leaving. As far as the kiddo goes, we have to get him into a bunch of therapists and right now I am just waiting for these places
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Jul 1, 2012 11:40:18 GMT -5
I don't ever come to this board, but someone PM'd me about this thread. I have a 7.5yo DS who is high functioning autistic. He was dx at 2.5yo. The first couple of years were VERY rough. Every kiddo is different, but if you want to PM me I'd be happy to share my experiences. Autism (like many other things) can really kill a marriage. I've heard the divorce rate is something like 75%. For us, once we got the dx and the problem became "official" we went into emergency mode. If something wasn't crucial to our life, we didn't do it. For example, I threw away all my houseplants because I couldn't handle the burden of watering them. DH and I got very clear very quickly about what our own needs were (sort of like when your house is on fire) because we realized if we didn't get our needs met we wouldn't be able to take care of our children and our marriage. The early years were not fun - my whole life was shuffling DS to therapy appts while entertaining his baby sister - but as DS made progress we were able to slowly get out of that emergency mode and start doing "normal" family things. But it is crucial IMO that you each figure out what you need on a sustaining basis so you don't end up killing yourselves (and your marriage). Again, feel free to PM me if you want. Now that I'm five years into the autism life, I can tell you the lows are incredibly difficult. But the lessons we have learned - the strength of character and kindness that we've developed, the ability to slow down and enjoy the roses, they are wonderful. My son brings me incredible joy. Have you read this yet: WELCOME TO HOLLAND I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this.... When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michaelanglo David. The gondola in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting. After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands, the stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland". "HOLLAND?" you say "What do you mean Holland? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy." But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine, and disease. It's just a different place. So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It's just a different place. It's slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for awhile and you catch your breath, you look around and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills. Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandt's. But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And the rest of your life, you will say, "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." And the pain of that will never, ever, ever go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss. But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland. webpages.ursinus.edu/bestbuddies/page2.html
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