Major life decisions: Have you ever wondered...

[2kids10horses]

"What if?"

Everyone has to make decisions what path to take at one time or another. Who to marry, which college to attend (or whether to even attend college), which job to take, etc.

Looking back, can you identify an "Inflection Point?" One where you knew that you had to choose one way or the other, and your life would forever be changed by which decision you made?

I did.

For me, it wasn't the college decision. I knew that was only for 4 years. For me it was the career. The first "real" job.

I was in Grad school, getting my MBA back in the '70s. I had several job offers: Consulting jobs with the Big 8 accounting firms, or move to NYC and work for Goldman Sachs.

I chose the Consulting career with one of the Big 8. I've done well. Other than the first 3 years when I traveled 100% of the time, I've lived in the same community I grew up in. (Well, 10 years ago I "retired" out in the the country.)

If I had taken the Goldman Sachs job, it would have been to move to NYC and life would have been VERY different. I always wonder what that would have been like. Would I be one of those hated Investment Bankers with the huge bonuses and spend my summers at places in the Hamptons? I think so.

So, for me, it was that first job decision. I knew it would determine my fate for the rest of my life.

What about you? Ever have to make a "Life Decision?" One that you knew at the time you were making it, it would determine your future?

[zibazinski]

I didn't know I was making it at the time but, yes, I wish I had do overs.

[Formerly SK]

Yes. I was 25, recently divorced, and finishing up my BA. I spent a summer in Russia through my school and LOVED it. I saw myself very happy living outside the US for the rest of my life working for the peace corps or Doctors Without Borders. But there was the other side of me that wanted to have kids and settle down and do the Typical American gig. I chose the latter.

I wouldn't do it differently, but man that calling was strong and occasionally I feel pangs of regret. If only we had more time in our lives, KWIM?

[cael]

Kind of. Throughout college I was extremely into joining the peace corps, wanted to so badly. But that would've meant leaving my boyfriend... who is now my husband, who went through a lot of bad shit right after I graduated (dad died, spiraled into depression etc). I decided I already had student loan debt to worry about paying, needed a job, couldn't just up and leave if I wanted to try to be a responsible adult. Plus I didn't want to leave DH. If I'd left and done that, who knows where both of us would be, I'm pretty certain we wouldn't be married and he wouldn't be OK. I always tell him I'm doing peace corps when I retire and if he wants to come, cool, if not he can stay in the states with the kids and cats

[zibazinski]

The FBI was heavily recruiting women. I wanted to join but was worried I wouldn't pass the background check. I wish I had confronted my fears and just done it. What's the worse they could say? No. Big deal now but then I would have been crushed. It's wrong for children to pay for their parents mistakes.

[Deleted]

I had several "forks" in the road in my life. So, yes, there could have been other choices made. At one point, i was very close to joining the Army Reserves and i did not. I sometimes wonder if that would have been a great life experience. I could have made many other choices other than what i did do from where i live, career, and on and on. I am happy with the way my life has turned out but you do look back sometimes and see that some doors have closed on parts of your life.

[Deleted]

Jun 16, 2012 9:25:20 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

The FBI was heavily recruiting women. I wanted to join but was worried I wouldn't pass the background check. I wish I had confronted my fears and just done it. What's the worse they could say? No. Big deal now but then I would have been crushed. It's wrong for children to pay for their parents mistakes.

Zib, this sounds like a fascinating can of worms. I wish you'd elaborate. Whatever was in your past, I'm sorry it held you back - but I hope you've ended up in the right place in the long run.

[Deleted]

I've probably had two of these crossroads. The first was when I graduated from college when I chose to go to graduate school out of state over a boy. When I finished graduate school, I had the opportunity to move to Kentucky or California and chose Kentucky.

I think those were the right choices, but it would be interesting to have my own little Sliding Doors moment to know what those alternatives would have meant for my personal and professional life.

[Deleted]

Heck, yeah! What if...TGH and I had married as soon as I finished high school instead of 30 years later? What if I'd never gone to Europe to work? What if Whatsisname and I had stayed married? And most especially...what if when TGH wanted to buy the bike, I'd said "they aren't called donorcycles for no reason"?

[InsertCoolName]

Yes. I wish I had told those who said I couldn't and laughed at me to go jump in front of a semi or something. I am ok with where I am today because I can't compare it to anything else. But I do wonder who I would be today if I had just done things my way.

[Deleted]

I wish i would have:

Backpacked across Europe
Had more self confidence and spent more time having fun when i was young instead of being a serious student
Let myself live with abandon and just threw myself into things 100% instead of being afraid to try

[2kids10horses]

I do appreciate the responses, but I'm talking about major life choices.

In my case, it was either Big 8 Accounting or Goldman Sachs. It was one or the other, stay in Atlanta or NYC.

A decision to backpack across Europe isn't the same. You can still do that. (Or could do that.) Now, if you were to say, backpack across Europe and stay forever, or not, THAT's a decision.

And I'm talking about at the time, you KNEW it was a major life decision. Telling people to "go jump in the lake" isn't on the same scale. (Or maybe you haven't faced a life path decision yet.)

[simser]

Getting divorced.
Chosing the job offer I had vs waiting to see if the job in Perth, Australia panned out.

But for the record I think all decisions are reversible if you really want and all decisions are impactful. Choosing to invite someone to Xmas dinner changed my life forever within 4 months. Moving to AZ hasn't been nearly as impactful yet. But if I hate AZ- I'm sure I can go work in Australia!

[thyme4change]

Just this week my husband and his high school crush discovered that they both had planned to "run off" together shortly after high school. She was waiting for him to ask, and he was too chicken to do so. If however, either of them had been just a little more bold, life for all of us would be very, very different. My husband said "It would have been really fun, until it turned into the inevitable massive nightmare."

I don't really have anything that clear - but I know there are dozens of times in my life where the butterfly effect could have caused a massive change in where I am today.

[zibazinski]

Praying it doesn't curse my DD who needs clearance for the military. So now it curses another innocent. One woman's idiocy curse two generations.

[2kids10horses]

lonewolf,

Shooby didn't get the answer wrong, just misinterpreted what I was asking. I backpacked across Europe. It was a vacation. It wasn't a decision to MOVE to Europe.

And the inviting someone to Christmas dinner... that may have affected your life forever. But, you didn't KNOW it was a choice between two (or more) once in a lifetime choices.

Now, the decision to move to Australia, yeah, that counts.

As to being reversible? When I chose to go Big 8, I knew I would never again be able to go with Goldman Sach. Maybe I could have applied at another NYC firm, but never again at G-S.

Not a big deal, just trying to have a conversation on a Saturday...

[Deleted]

Jun 16, 2012 17:17:23 GMT -5 @lonewolf said:

Shooby didn't get the answer wrong, just misinterpreted what I was asking.

She knows I was just joking with her.

And we know it was 2kids you were taking the shot at.

[Deleted]

Jun 16, 2012 14:21:34 GMT -5 2kids10horses said:

I do appreciate the responses, but I'm talking about major life choices.

In my case, it was either Big 8 Accounting or Goldman Sachs. It was one or the other, stay in Atlanta or NYC.

A decision to backpack across Europe isn't the same. You can still do that. (Or could do that.) Now, if you were to say, backpack across Europe and stay forever, or not, THAT's a decision.

And I'm talking about at the time, you KNEW it was a major life decision. Telling people to "go jump in the lake" isn't on the same scale. (Or maybe you haven't faced a life path decision yet.)

Um, you can say that about anything. I can't simply go backpack across Europe. Unless i want to quit my job, my kids off on a relative or whatever. I could also divorce my spouse and marry someone else too.

[kimax]

In the mid-90's I just graduated college and had no idea what I wanted to do, so I worked in a research lab of one of my undergrad professors. After working in the lab for a few years, I was considering getting out of academic research and getting a job in industry. One of my friends was a graduate student in another lab and said that his professor had recently formed a pharma start-up company and was looking for scientists. I had a 10-minute "hallway" chat with the professor and he told me to send him my resume and setup a meeting if I was interested in joining the company. I never followed up with him. Well, this past January the company was acquired by a big pharma company for $11 billion in cash and the professor walked away with $460 million. Some of the earliest employees of the company were each paid between $80-120 million because of their equity interest. Had I joined the company, I would have probably been employee #4 or #5 and be included in that payout.

[Happy prose]

2kids...Would you have been in the Trade Center working for GS?

[2kids10horses]

prose,

I don't know! Did G-S have an office there?

My choice was made back in 1978, long time ago. Who knows if I would still have been at G-S on 9-11.

But, there is no denying my life would have been different if I had chosen the Investment Banking career to the Data Processing Consulting. I'm not saying it would be better or worse, just different.

Shooby, maybe I'm missing the point about your decision whether to backpack across Europe or not. Was it a decision you knew AT THE TIME would change the course of your life?

Palm Beach Paul has been deciding on moving back to Chicago. (Or was a couple of weeks ago... I lost track.) He was trying to decide if the monetary rewards of moving to Chicago was worth giving up "living in paradise". He knew that if he made the move, he'd make a lot of money and take him closer to his financial goals sooner. But, it would take him away from the lifestyle he loves.

That's the kind of "Infection Point" decision I'm talking about.

[steph08]

I studied abroad in London in 2005, and my plan had always been to move there to live and work. I desperately loved the city and everything about it. Instead I decided to stay in the States and marry my DH. I do wonder what life would be like if I had chosen London over him.

[Deleted]

It is kind of interesting to wonder, but you never will really know either way.

[Deleted]

I posted a different crossroads on the other thread. But this one seems appropriate here.

I was in graduate school pursuing a MLIS degree. I work for one of the best-paying school systems around. An opening came up a much poorer system for a media specialist. I interviewed and was offered the position. I didn't end up taking it primarily for two reasons. It paid a lot less, but also my principal was in the process of being fired. So I couldn't figure out who to "beg" for release since I was slightly past the date.

Fast forward. The guy who did take that job spent three years there and now has a job at the "other" high school in our district. It is hard for me to look at that position without wondering if I had taken the cut and pay and transferred out . . .

On the flip side, the boyfriend moved out a few months later, and I had a major budget shortfall. I'm not sure I would have been ok with a lower salary. Ironically, to the month he left, I actually got a $500 a month RAISE, which was his contribution.

Still, it's hard not to wonder if it would have turned out differently. I would really like to be a school media specialist, but nobody wants to leave their job in this economy.

[simser]

My point was along the lines of "when you don't know what is going to make your life different, every decision has the potential to change your life." And I absolutely think that the decision to "backpack across Europe" is one that is life altering.

I no longer think that any decision doesn't have the power to change my life. Or every decision is potentially life altering.

[TheOtherMe]

Why did I waste 15 years of my life on a man I could never have and knew down deep that I could never have him? Had I moved on when he made that clear (in maybe year 2), I might have married and had kids. Who knows?

My fantasy was always to live in London. I've tried to figure it out. I can't figure out a way to do it.

[needanewjob]

This is one of the reasons that I really love the movie "Butterfly Effect" every choice changes your present. I wanted to get stationed in Germany and explore Europe on the Army's dime, but if I had, then I wouldn't have my wife, kids, etc.

[Deleted]

Every decision is potentially life altering. For instance, how did you meet your spouse? Was it a chance encounter and then you clicked? And, if you would not have been at that place at that time you might not have met. Many things in life are like that which set us on our path.

[movingforward]

My college BF asked me to marry him when I was 21. We had been dating for 2 yrs. He had already graduated and I had one more year left. I told him I wasn't ready but in reality I knew I never wanted to marry him. We broke up shortly after that because things were weird. Looking back I know I made the right decision. My best guess is that we would have ended up divorced after 2-3 yrs and yes the entire course of my adult life would have been different. We were extremely different people but when you are young sometimes you are with someone for the wrong reasons. I am really glad I didn't go down that road.

[constanz22]

I also spent a year abroad as an exchange student in France. It was the year after I graduated HS but before college. It was the most incredible experience of my life, and I did consider staying after my year was up. I had already been accepted to college and ended up coming home and going to college. I have frequently regretted my decision.