Slate's Dear Prudence

[shanendoah]

This week's Dear Prudence has YM Off-Topic written all over it. www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2012/06/dear_prudie_father_s_day_advice_on_a_possibly_gay_son_alimony_troubles_and_mother_s_day_.html

Letter 1: We've all said that if a parent is helping their adult child out financially, than the parent should get to place some rules/restrictions on the kids. But does that mean they have the right to bully their grandkid?

Letter 2: When there are changes in an ex-husband's financial situation, what's the best way to get alimony amounts changed? Should the parents try and get the grown kids involved in the situation?

Letter 3: Can you cut your father out of your life if he decides to play games with your head and finances to try and get back at your mother?

Letter 4: How "all out" should you go for Father's Day if your husband had to "postpone" Mother's Day because his workload left him without the time/energy to do something special?

[happyhoix]

I read that column and letter number 3 was horrendous. Dad hasn't been in kid's life much, comes to town, takes kid to a car lot, acts like he's going to help kid purchase a car (kid is in his 20's), then walks out and tells kid "Now you know how I felt when your mom left and took you away with her."

Then calls the next day to call the kid ungrateful. So the kid wants to know if it's okay to cut his dad out of his life.

WTF is wrong with people. If you and your spouse divorce it's YOUR responsibility, not your kids, to make sure you continue to be a part of his life. It's not the kids fault his mom left and took him with her.

[CarolinaKat]

Jun 14, 2012 11:37:19 GMT -5 happyhoix said:

I read that column and letter number 3 was horrendous. Dad hasn't been in kid's life much, comes to town, takes kid to a car lot, acts like he's going to help kid purchase a car (kid is in his 20's), then walks out and tells kid "Now you know how I felt when your mom left and took you away with her."

Then calls the next day to call the kid ungrateful. So the kid wants to know if it's okay to cut his dad out of his life.

WTF is wrong with people. If you and your spouse divorce it's YOUR responsibility, not your kids, to make sure you continue to be a part of his life. It's not the kids fault his mom left and took him with her.

I'd have been pissed that I was compared to a car!

[shanendoah]

Letter 3: I'd be tempted to send a note for father's day, not a card or anything, but maybe a post card that said "Now you know why I never really noticed that you weren't in my life."

[cronewitch]

Letter 4 about Mother's/Father's day is something I am facing with birthdays. My birthday he said happy birthday in the morning then took off a few hours. When he got home I was taking a nap and he said I see you aren't dressed, I was going to take you to dinner but you aren't dressed. So he went and made a sandwich.

His birthday is in 13 days he will be 65 it would be a great time to get him a wonderful gift but it seems wrong now. I will probably say happy birthday in the morning then ignore him all day and come home after he ate telling him I would have taken him to dinner but he already ate.

I would assume Father's day is a month after the Mother's day celebration and the same quality of celebration. He isn't her dad so she doesn't have to do anything for him, his children can do as they please.

[kittensaver]

I always get sad around Father's Day when people talk about their "problems" finding a way to celebrate (or get out of celebrating) their dad. I just wish I still had mine to celebrate :-(

[shanendoah]

Crone: On that same theory, she isn't his mother, so he didn't have to do anything for her on Mother's Day. Her children presumably did as they pleased.

[Phoenix84]

Very true Kittensaver, Dad's are very un/under appreceaited in our society.

[973beachbum]

The one about the grandfather bullying and ridiculing his grandson almost made me cry.

The twenty something just needs to send his sperm doner a Thank You card for staying out of his life and letting his stepfather raise him. He sounds much better off because of it.

The last one has me completely baffled. Mothers day and birthdays are completely made up holidays. I get needing an excuse to have a party but sheesh! That sounds like an excuse to get upset.

[Formerly SK]

God help the person (relative or not) who bullies my child.

[Sum Dum Gai]

Letter four kind of pisses me off to the be honest. I won't quote the whole thing here because it's a little long, so I'll paraphrase;

"Dear Prudence,
My husband and I have been married for eight years and have a son and several foster children. I work part time, but my husband busts his ass every day to cover the majority of our needs in a physically demanding job. He's a great guy and an awesome dad. The night before Mother's Day he informed me that he was totally exhausted from all the overtime and would be postponing the holiday. I'm an ungrateful self centered bitch, so I thought he was kidding. He wasn't though, and didn't make me feel like a special snowflake on a completely made up holiday designed to sell Hallmark cards. Now I'm considering getting even by not doing anything for him on Father's Day, another made up holiday that he probably doesn't care about anyway, but I don't want to set a bad example for the kids.

- Mama Ain't Happy"

Grow the frak up lady! Jesus!

[zibazinski]

Sounds like someone who needs to get a life other than her kids. He works his butt off so she can play earth mother?

[swasat]

Jun 14, 2012 13:39:50 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

"Dear Prudence,
My husband and I have been married for eight years and have a son and several foster children. I work part time, but my husband busts his ass every day to cover the majority of our needs in a physically demanding job. He's a great guy and an awesome dad. The night before Mother's Day he informed me that he was totally exhausted from all the overtime and would be postponing the holiday. I'm an ungrateful self centered bitch, so I thought he was kidding. He wasn't though, and didn't make me feel like a special snowflake on a completely made up holiday designed to sell Hallmark cards. Now I'm considering getting even by not doing anything for him on Father's Day, another made up holiday that he probably doesn't care about anyway, but I don't want to set a bad example for the kids.

- Mama Ain't Happy"

I would have commented with this:

You are right. You have identified yourself correctly. You are an ungrateful self centered bitch Go right ahead and act like one. But don't come back to whine here when your husband finds another bitch he can lay his paws on.

What an idiot woman

[Phoenix84]

1. That's one reason why it's not good to be financially dependent on another person, because that person now has a right (or perceived right) to but into you and your families affairs. But regardless, that guy needs to stand up to his dad and tell him to stop bullying his son and accept him for who he is. Doesn't matter if he turns out Gay or not, you can't really tell at a young age, but even if he is he still deserves to be treated with dignity and respect.

2. That guy shouldn't be dragging his kids in on his money problems. There are legal ways to get alimony reduced, so he needs to talk to his lawyer and go through those channels.

3. No, he shouldn't send his "dad" a father's day card. I don't know what's wrong with some people. I can understand being bitter about a divorce and losing your kids, but that should be between you and the mother/ex wife.

4. This lady needs to grow up. People just need to let the little stuff go. She should be the bigger person and do the normal father's day routine.