Epiphany
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Post by Epiphany on Jun 13, 2012 15:40:25 GMT -5
So I work in a small office of 6 people. My boss (the owner of the company) decided to stop using deodorant awhile ago because he believes it causes cancer and he had stage 1 prostate cancer last year. Obviously around this time of year when it's hot out... he stinks. It's embarrassing. I'm embarrassed for him. I can't imagine what our clients think.
The thing is, I've been using natural non-toxic deodorant for awhile now for health reasons also and have tried different kinds. I'd like to tell him about these options but I don't know how to tell my boss "hey, you stink, here are some non-toxic deodorant options"
What would you do? In case it matters, I'm a girl, been with the company 11 years, but am half his age.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 13, 2012 15:42:19 GMT -5
Leave a stick of natural deoderant on his desk with a note "I think you could use this"
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kindthatjingles
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Post by kindthatjingles on Jun 13, 2012 15:59:07 GMT -5
Wow.
How can people not know they stink?
I would say make it about you.... And share your great find..
You to Boss.
I looked into the deodorant thing and thought you had something there, only I know for me, I sweat like a pig and needed something. I found product xyz.
Thought I would share with you since you were nice enough to inform me about the other product..
don't address the funk unless he doesn't take the hint
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milee
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Post by milee on Jun 13, 2012 15:59:30 GMT -5
Tough one. We has this exact issue last year on a sailboat team I race with. It's ungodly hot and you're all very close together and often downwind - one of you doesn't believe in deoderant and things get ugly fast. Granted, this was a group of women who were at least casual friends and there was no boss/employee relationship to deal with. Still, very uncomfortable to talk about. We ended up doing a version of drawing straws and short straw had to handle it with a direct conversation.
With a boss of the opposite sex and a large age difference, though, that is really tough. Do you happen to know his wife? Even if you're not close, I know most wives would understand your hesitation to discuss this directly with him and would be helpful in getting him the message without exposing who told her.
Alternatively, is there a person close to his age/level who is either very diplomatic or a close enough friend who you could go to for help? That person may either offer good advice to you or, hopefully, even agree to talk to the boss him/herself.
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Waffle
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Post by Waffle on Jun 13, 2012 16:00:22 GMT -5
It would probably be best to tell him. But, honestly, I don't think I could do it. Probably the most I could bring myself to do in a similar situation is talk about myself using the natural deodorant. Something like "Boy it's so hot today, I'm sure glad I discovered XXX brand deodorant". and hope he would get the him.
eta: looks like Jingles and I were on the same wavelength.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jun 13, 2012 16:41:17 GMT -5
If the boss has regular client contact, needs to keep clients happy, and has to bring in new clients, you bet I'd tell him, becuase his stinkiness is scary off my paycheck.
If he doesnt, I wouldn't.
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Jun 13, 2012 16:55:23 GMT -5
would you tell your boss he stinks?
I've said worse. I can imagine it's hard if it's a small office, especially if it's tight quarters. If you're not sure about saying anything you could buy some and leave on his desk (or mail/ drop at his doorstep). Get one of those deoderant rocks too. I can't remember what they are called. Anything to give him options. Ripe men are not good.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jun 13, 2012 20:40:57 GMT -5
Many years ago, we had a boss who didn't have the guts to tell a female employee that she smelled. I was assigned the task of telling her. She was clueless which both boss and I knew. She said she took a shower every morning and then did her farm chores. I advised her to do her farm chores and then take a shower. It helped for a while. This was one of the most difficult conversations I've ever had to do and she didn't seem the least bit flustered. Manager and I laughed about it. He never asked me to talk to her again and I never noticed the odor again.
If my boss had client contact, somehow I'd have to work up the courage to tell him. I've had the same concern and found a deoderant that works for me--and I can tell when I stink.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2012 20:44:31 GMT -5
I have students with odor problems. I have never figured out a way to tell them. So sometimes I just email the counselor.
The counselor in your case would be HR. If you don't have an HR dept, I guess the anonymous note would be best. I would never tell someone he/she "stinks." It is not an action that is recoverable.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2012 21:00:46 GMT -5
I would tell them in a private meeting. I would tell them I'm sorry if it is rude but I don't think he realises how offensive his odour is to others. Our sense of smell desensitizes very easily and he would not realise how much he smells. I would explain that I understand his cancer concerns and the only reason I bring it up is that it is probably making his life with clients more awkward and he wouldn't realise why. At the end of the conversation I would say we must now pretend this conversation never happened.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2012 22:48:52 GMT -5
I would just let him know that you are aware of his concerns for cancer causing agents in traditional deodorants, but you got him some samples of some natural/organic/whatever products that you thought he might be interested in & hand him the bag. Beat a quick exit if it makes you uncomfortable or you are going to look embarrassed. I would not leave an anonymous item or note on someone's desk.
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chocolat
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Post by chocolat on Jun 13, 2012 23:01:21 GMT -5
I would stop using deodorant. He may be insensitive to his own odor but not to yours. I think smelling other's people BO makes you self aware.
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Works4me
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Post by Works4me on Jun 14, 2012 0:26:43 GMT -5
BTDT - not easy to do but sometimes necessary.
In college I did the banking for a major department store - handling very large sums of money in a small locked room. I was just straight forward and he thanked me. Turned out he was kind of aware of it but did not realize how bad it was for others. I told him it was especially difficult for me to work in such close proxemity because I have an extremeky sensitive sense of smell - which I do.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 14, 2012 7:14:33 GMT -5
DF is very allergic to a lot of things, deodorant being one of them. Yes, he smelled and still does sometimes but I went to a health food store and got him some from there and it didn't make him break out. It had to be nasty for people around him all those years. . I can't imagine why his wife or children didn't tell him. I can see his employees not telling him but still.....
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2012 7:42:19 GMT -5
So get him a fiancee and let her tell him!
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Jun 14, 2012 9:03:41 GMT -5
The natural deodorants make me have a reaction - my skin BURNS for days. Maybe that's his problem? You could always leave a pack of baby wipes or something so that he could freshen up throughout the day if he does not want to wear deodorant at all.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2012 9:24:00 GMT -5
This is a tough one. Once I had to tell a subordinate about his bad breath......I mean REALLY bad. I could tell in the morning if he was in when I opened the office door. I told him we had a health concern with him and that delaying doing something could not be put off. Didn't do any good; he knew about it but was not willing to do anything about it; he eventually got fired (for that and other reasons). But to approach a boss with a smell problem.....
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Epiphany
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Post by Epiphany on Jun 14, 2012 9:33:03 GMT -5
I would just let him know that you are aware of his concerns for cancer causing agents in traditional deodorants, but you got him some samples of some natural/organic/whatever products that you thought he might be interested in & hand him the bag. Beat a quick exit if it makes you uncomfortable or you are going to look embarrassed. I would not leave an anonymous item or note on someone's desk. This is what I'm leaning towards.... It's been going on for awhile now and clients must notice. Yes, his client list affects my paycheck so it's in my best interest. Our office person is his age and has mentioned things in passing to him but he doesn't take the hint and she said she's not saying more. If I work up the guts, and get the samples, I'll let you all know how it goes.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jun 14, 2012 11:39:23 GMT -5
Sometimes this is when a blunt person who has no shame or consideration for others feelings is a huge asset. Someone who will just blurt out "PEEE YOUU!!!!" and then make a bunch of French jokes.
I have to wonder whether his friends have the same issue?
Perhaps you can disguise it in a larger gift? Like a nice set of shaving creams, lotions, and some special organic deodorant?
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Ava
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Post by Ava on Jun 17, 2012 10:23:15 GMT -5
I would keep quiet. I don't have the guts for bringing up the subject. Actually, my last boss farted several times a day, and I was the person sitting closest to him. I felt miserable, but never said anything.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 17, 2012 17:34:46 GMT -5
If theres more than one employee, do it anonymously.
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Waffle
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Post by Waffle on Jun 18, 2012 8:48:20 GMT -5
I was thinking more about this situation, and I can see ( I mean smell ) the OP's dilemma. I guss at the end of the day I would just look for a better-paying ( and smelling ) job. I still wouldn't tell him that he stunk, though. He has the power to abruptly terminate her income, and I wouldn't offend the dude. Rljrdn, I've been thinking about this, also. And I think one very important thing that no one asked, but was hinted at (above) is what kind of guy is the boss (other than stinky LOL)? Does he have a temper, hold grudges, cry at the drop of a hat, avoid confrontation, etc.? In other words, try to take into account how he handles other problems, that might give you a clue as to whether or not it would be wise for your to brooch the subject with him. Good luck
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daylight
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Post by daylight on Jun 23, 2012 16:13:09 GMT -5
The person having the position closest to HR in your firm should talk to him and directly. This is not your job to do. We know very little about your boss, so it's hard to tell how he would react. But he gives you your paycheck - keep this in mind. I understand how he is meeting clients and how this could affect your paycheck, but still, I would not talk to him if I were you. You could stop using a deodorant though for a couple of days, maybe that wakes him up.
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Epiphany
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Post by Epiphany on Jun 25, 2012 10:02:51 GMT -5
UPDATE - Well I braved it and told him this am. He worked all weekend on an important project and has a really important meeting tomorrow am with new clients. I really didn't want him to go into that not knowing and stinking like BO.
So I told him that I could tell that he is stressed and it shows more now that he's not using a deodorant. I told him that I know he didn't want to use aluminum based ones and I myself have found some great alternatives and am happy to get him samples. I told him I just thought he should know with the big meeting and everything and he was a bit embarrassed and said the guys probably didn't care but he'd do something about it. He also that he'd take the samples. I guess a successful conversation.
So would you do business with someone who stank like BO? cause as silly as it is it would make me doubt their abilities if they stank.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 25, 2012 10:06:53 GMT -5
Glad to hear it went well.
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Epiphany
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Post by Epiphany on Jun 25, 2012 10:07:02 GMT -5
To answer some of the questions: No HR, secretary from hell has already made a few comments to him with no help and she said she isn't going to do anything.
Boss absolutely avoids confrontation at all costs. In fact, everyone in our office avoids, avoids, avoids, except me. So I have to be really careful to no offend, walk on eggshells, etc. Hopefully I did this as politely and as non-confrontational as possible.
For example: when ants started invading the coffee room one year, everyone just started bringing their own coffee because boss didn't want to use spray or call exterminator and thought ants were no big deal. Everyone just avoided the problem by bringing their own coffee until I finally spoke up and he finally called an exterminator. Yeah, we are that level of crazy
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 25, 2012 10:07:40 GMT -5
If I was desperate for their product, I'd suck it up and do business but if there were others to choose from, no, I wouldn't deal with a stinky.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 25, 2012 10:08:00 GMT -5
I'd say you handled that really well!
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MN-Investor
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Post by MN-Investor on Jun 25, 2012 12:06:48 GMT -5
Back when I was in the tax department of a large corporation, we were regularly audited by the IRS (this is common for large corporations). They would have various IRS specialists involved depending on what they were looking at. One of those specialists had terrible body odor. My boss, who had to deal ono-on-one with him brought in a can of air freshener and would use it after he left her office. The best thing - we housed the IRS agents all together in one conference size rooms. The other IRS agents had to live with his B.O. the entire time he worked on our audit!
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deantrip
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Post by deantrip on Jun 25, 2012 12:43:02 GMT -5
Sounds like you handled it very well, hopefully it improves
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