Cost of a Mistress

[ihearyou2]

This has been on my agenda for a while. There seems to be a lot of latitude for how much you're supposed to spend and the quality of the mistress. Is housing required, or is it just expensive trips and baubles? I'm really trying to keep the recurring costs down to a minimum and trying to spend on specific items so my expenses correlate to the benefit I get.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Abby Normal]

A better way to look at it is "What is she worth to you?"

[Deleted]

You made me laugh. If you have to ask, you can't afford the top-notch ones.

I wonder if you have to pay the equivalent of the nanny tax. I mean, she is an employee if you frequent her so regularly that you are planning to support her. One day she is going to be old and retired. You'd hate for her to be 65, wrinkled, and suing you for social security.

[cronewitch]

Besides the ongoing monthly cost like her rent, food, clothing etc you need to include the price of the divorce for when the wife finds out. When the wife finds out if you can't afford a divorce you might need to spend a lot on jewelry and things to try to keep her. It might cut into your time with the mistress so it will cost you more to placate her.

Perhaps you could get a mistress on time share with a few of your friends and split the cost.

[Deleted]

Crone, when they share they don't call her a mistress...just sayin

[Deleted]

Surprisingly high. I used to work at Victoria's secret and you can't believe what men spent on their honeys . . . plus the cost of half during divorce and the maintenance of a trophy bride afterwards.

[schildi]

Jan 26, 2011 23:06:02 GMT -5 @anne81 said:

Surprisingly high. I used to work at Victoria's secret and you can't believe what men spent on their honeys . . . plus the cost of half during divorce and the maintenance of a trophy bride afterwards.

LOL, this reminds me of when I picked up the mail a few years ago and tossed it all onto the backseat of the car, next to my three year old. I then drove somewhere, and kept on hearing him say things like: "this is a really good book." "Awesome". "Nice". "The best book ever" .....
When I arrived and took him out of the car, I realized that he was browsing a Victoria Secrets catalog that was in that pile of mail.

[cael]

I saw the title of this thread & expected the poster to be MU lol

[fuel100]

Just find one that's married. Problem solved.

[NancysSummerSip]

I saw the title of this thread & expected the poster to be MU lol

Other than air and rubber replacement patches, I don't think Fatty Patty was that expensive to maintain.

In figuring the cost of the mistress, a man must include the fees for psychological counseling, gifts, lawyers and bail money for his kids. He will need the first two to placate them when they find out daddy has yet another girlfriend, and the last two when they embark on a life of crime and blame his womanizing for it.

[Urban Chicago]

Don't forget college tuition for her "career".

[cael]

Jan 27, 2011 9:27:52 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

I saw the title of this thread & expected the poster to be MU lol

Other than air and rubber replacement patches, I don't think Fatty Patty was that expensive to maintain.

LOL! Amazing! ;D did he ever migrate over here? (guess I shouldn't open that can of worms.... lol)

[jarhead1976]

Yes , hang onto your balls because by the time your wife and girl friend are done with you that's all your going to have left.

[NancysSummerSip]

He did come over, cael, but then accused an administrator of "invading" his privacy by pranking him (it involved some computer voodoo that never violated his settings or exposed anything personal about him to anyone), but he took extreme insult to the whole thing, and took off in a huff, even after apologies were made.

I think he was mad that most of us were laughing at him for being such a crybaby about it.

[floridayankee]

Jan 27, 2011 9:45:20 GMT -5 @jarhead1976 said:

Yes , hang onto your balls because by the time your wife and girl friend are done with you that's all your going to have left.

If I ever did that, I wouldn't even have them according to DW.

[sheilaincali]

Cost my husband WAY more to win back my love and affection then he spent on his mistress. She had her own place that she paid for but he paid for airline tickets for her to come see him and him to go see her. Paid for hotel rooms, etc. All I know is it wasn't worth it and 3 years later I still don't trust him 100%. Does help that the mistress did pass away 3 months after my restraining order was granted. So at least I know she won't be coming back out of the woodwork again. Because oh yeah- fun fact- after I insisted they end their relationship she started stalking me and my son. So it cost me in regards to court time and serving her papers, etc.

[HoneyBBQ]

Sheila... why are you still with him? Have you guys had counseling?

[floridayankee]

Jan 27, 2011 9:51:35 GMT -5 sheilaincali said:

Cost my husband WAY more to win back my love and affection then he spent on his mistress. She had her own place that she paid for but he paid for airline tickets for her to come see him and him to go see her. Paid for hotel rooms, etc. All I know is it wasn't worth it and 3 years later I still don't trust him 100%. Does help that the mistress did pass away 3 months after my restraining order was granted. So at least I know she won't be coming back out of the woodwork again. Because oh yeah- fun fact- after I insisted they end their relationship she started stalking me and my son. So it cost me in regards to court time and serving her papers, etc.

Sorry to hear that sheilaincali. Trust is so hard to earn, so easy to lose and damned near impossible to ever get back. I have to say, you're a stronger person than I am. There is no way in hell I could stay with somebody that cheated.

[sheilaincali]

honey: we have had extensive counseling. Like hundreds of hours worth. Both individually and together. DH is a recovering sex addict and bi polar. In the 2 years he was dating her, he only saw her 3 or 4 times. She lived in Mississippi and we lived in California.
We have been together 14 years now.

She sent me transcripts of every text message and email they exchanged. Honestly what hurt more was the conversations he had with her than the actual physical betrayal. If it was just sex that would be one thing. But he would text her about his day, email her and ask after her kids, sharing stories about our son, etc. That hurt more.

But yes- it took a LOT of counseling to get to this point. He attends a 12 step group for his addiction still. Has a sponsor even. She preyed on his emotions since they knew each other in college. He suffers from white knight syndrome. Every time he would break up with her she would threaten suicide, threaten to tell me, etc.

[cronewitch]

My favorite nieces husband had a mistress out of state. He left his family and moved with her to a local apartment. Then he figured out a wife and children and home can't be replaced by a sex object and wanted back. They had a lot of counseling and it took them a lot of time to get it were they were back together. He had at least the cost of moving the women here, renting the term of a lease, counseling, things for the apartment. Now he has lost the trust and respect of everyone, I don't see how he can ever earn it back. I know if she inherits from me it won't be to them as a couple.

[Urban Chicago]

Didn't even think about the costs if the mistress has children!

[sheilaincali]

In my husband's case- her DH left her and got custody of all three kids. She went from living the good life in a fancy house with a pool. To living in a run down trailer home and seeing her kids every other weekend. Of course- she was bat sh*t crazy so that didn't help with her custody issues either.

[HoneyBBQ]

Sheila - so sorry. I hope you guys make it through, sounds like you both have been through a lot and tried pretty hard to make it work. (hugs)

[sheilaincali]

Honey- Thanks. It's been an uphill battle. But things are actually going pretty good. We are mostly back to normal. It's just little things that pop up from time to time and remind me. TV characters with her name, any time he mentions his college days, etc.

[floridayankee]

Jan 27, 2011 10:04:54 GMT -5 sheilaincali said:

DH is a recovering sex addict...

Not to make light of your situation, but I don't believe this whole "sexual addiction" BS to explain away an individuals lack of self control...like it's an illness that can be cured.

I'm sorry, but I absolutely love sex as much as the next guy and I work in an office crawling with drop dead gorgeous 20 something sales girls....some of which I could almost certainly have a fling with if I really wanted to. I can't imagine dismissing my personal responsibility and commitment to my marriage and my wife that easily.

ETA: Maybe it's me with the addiction (to my wife) because I seem to be in the minority these days.

[sheilaincali]

FloridaYankee: I understand that people have different opinions on whether or not sex addiction is a real thing. Even the doctors and professionals disagree. They frequently have men join the 12 step group because their spouse claims that if the husband had an affair it has to be an addiction. Some men are just unfaithful jerks.

His addiction didn't manifest itself only in the form of the affair. It was a progression that started when he was 8 or 9.
I respect your decision to disagree with me. But honestly you don't know what you are talking about. I have been to the open meetings. My therapist is a doctor that deals only in "co-addicts" or partners of addicts. His therapist deals with addictions. The leader of his group is a licensed psychologist. I ignored the situation for many years even when the facts were obvious. I believe that yes my husband is an addict.

As this is a public forum and I don't want to go into specifics about my husbands addiction I will just leave this drop.

I would like to apologize to the OP though- I think they were trying to be funny and my posts made it more serious and less humorous than the op my have intended.

[zibazinski]

Some times these topics really "hit home" to someone. We lost a poster over a topic who just couldn't handle the way the subject went. It's kind of like watching Hoarders. Those that aren't mentally ill shake their heads in amazement about how the house looks. To the ill person, it's a castle filled with treasures.

[floridayankee]

But honestly you don't know what you are talking about.

Perhaps. But, I did do some reading after the whole tiger woods thing after he checked himself in to a "sexual addiction" clinic (I thought "There really is such a thing?"). I still see it as more of a narcissistic indulgement rather than an addiction though. One article I read was really interesting and had some good analysis to explain the "addiction"....right up until the part where the Dr said that Elin shares in the blame for missing the possible clues that hubby was cheating and that it was impossible for her not to know about an unfaithful hubby (wouldn't this be why she checked his text messages). Shifting the blame from the unfaithful to the victim....wow. I quit reading after that point.

As I said, I mean no disrespect or do not mean to make light of your situation, so I'll stop. Do know that I wish you and your husband success in getting everything straight and hope you have a long, happy marriage going forward.

[Deleted]

Sheila - my ex is bipolar and cheated on me many times. Two of the symptoms of being bipolar can be hypersexuality and trouble managing money. Both are really difficult in relationships and it's amazing the difference in a person when they are treated. Good luck to you and your DH.

[sheilaincali]

floridayankee- It's ok. I wasn't at all offended. I enjoy a lively, spirited discussion. I do think there are a lot of people that use it as an excuse when they get caught cheating on a spouse. I was somewhat at fault, had I confronted him about what was obviously an issue years before he progressed to the affair he could have gotten help before that. But I ignored warning signs because I didn't really want to have to ask the difficult questions.

It's like with everything in life- there are two schools of thought to everything. Just google high fructose corn syrup- you'll find two dozen sites claiming it's the greatest thing since sliced bread and 2 dozen other sites claiming it's the root of all evil.

I think sex addition is real. But I think a lot of people that claim they are addicts aren't. But for DH to go through years of therapy and years of 12 step it's a pretty convincing lie to keep up just so I wouldn't divorce him. I am not much of a keeper- I barely know how to cook