Backing Yourself Into a Financial Corner

[Deleted]

This is just an observation. And, of course, it doesn't apply to everyone. Just something i have observed.

I have noticed that people often back themselves into a financial corner. That young couples starting out, get pregnant. Then, before the baby arrives, they buy a bigger home and/or a new car/minivan. In fact, i have a friend doing this very thing today. What i find is that they often think that life will go on just the same after a new baby and that they will want to continue to work as much and so forth. But, then have a change of heart, wishing they could stay home more but now cannot due to increased financial obligations. My advice is to wait to buy until after you get settled in with a new family and THEN make those decisions. Just my 2 cents.

[dancinmama]

I know that a lot of people say that if you wait until you're ready financially to start a family, that it will never happen. I think a lot of people go with the "it will all work out" way of thinking and throw caution to the wind.

Being fiscally prepared before starting a family is key to financial health and financial health can have a huge impact on the health of a marriage.

For the record, we bought a brand new minivan 10 days before DS was born. We paid cash.

[Sam_2.0]

While we were not financially "ready" for DD, we did make some preparations and we got lucky that everything went smoothly & didn't bankrupt us.

Maybe its where we are, or the friends we hang out with, but there are very few people I know that have been "trapped" by their kids. Then again, most of us are working moms (at least PT). I sometimes wish I could SAH with DD when she's being cute & cuddly. On the days when she's being a royal PITA, I thank my lucky stars that I have a great job to go to and wonderful people to leave her with

[Clever Username]

I think your example is great in how people BACK into a corner.
IE they don't know that they're going to get stuck until they get there.

We "need" a bigger house and car for the baby (advertising told me so), but it seems so affordable as DINKS (double income/no kids).
But once little Dresden arrives with his daycare bills and diaper allowance, things prove tighter than previously assumed.

[savecents]

Well for us... we're trying not to do what everyone expects in terms of getting the house and the bigger car. We still have our smallish car. We still are renting as opposed to buying. It's what makes sense for us. There is a lot of pressure to "settle down" and buy a house, but it's just not something we want right now.

I think working hard to avoid the pressure that you need a bigger house or a car for a baby is a big part of it. But in this society it's what people expect, unless you live in a very big city like NYC it's expected you will buy the house as soon as you have kids. Not everyone can do that financially, and it's too bad there's such pressure to do so.

[twinmama85]

She isn't referring to waiting to have kids until you are financially ready, she is saying not to get yourself up over your heads because things don't always go as plan. If a mom thinks she wants to keep working after the baby is born but then has a change of heart (just like the original post said) and wants to stay home but can't because they would not be able to afford their bills and that is not fair to anyone if a mom cannot stay home to raise her child because the financial burden would bankrupt them.

I agree with you, if you have a baby coming, burying yourself into more debt isn't exactly the smartest thing to do, especially if there is an emergency with the pregnancy and mom ends up on bed rest with no pay. I think emotions and social pressure makes us do un-smart things when you do not need to make them...


I do find it funny how people think that because they have one kid that they need a full size SUV or a mini-van...we had twin, preemie boys and transported them safely in a 1997 Acura TL (we still own this car) and we were able to put a double stroller in the trunk with ease. just my

[Sam_2.0]

I do find it funny how people think that because they have one kid that they need a full size SUV or a mini-van...

Well, we did upgrade DH's car from a RWD CTS to an Explorer, but that was more because we couldn't get out of the driveway when it snowed than it was for the baby But the Corolla works just as well (and that little FWD powers around in the snow like nobody's business too - LOL).

[Deleted]

"She isn't referring to waiting to have kids until you are financially ready, she is saying not to get yourself up over your heads because things don't always go as planned".

Thanks twinmama, that is what i was trying to get across.

[muttleynfelix]

Jun 5, 2012 22:42:23 GMT -5 @shooby said:

"She isn't referring to waiting to have kids until you are financially ready, she is saying not to get yourself up over your heads because things don't always go as planned".

Thanks twinmama, that is what i was trying to get across.

I'm wondering how many posters here have done that after they were on this board. The vast majority of the women on the "kids" thread once they are pregnant (planned or not) keep things pretty simple and cheap. I can't think of anyone off the top of my head that had to upgrade to something during their pregnancy. Sure, go to babycenter and you will see women do it all the time (and they don't care), but the advice seems a little wasted here.

[redwagon]

Yeah we're definitely waiting to see what our situation is after the babies are born before we start looking into upgrading our house (which we will need to do purely based on lack of storage. Four closets just won't cut it!)

[Rocky Mtn Saver]

I think it can happen in other situations, too. I'm thinking of young couples who over-buy on housing, new furnishings, wedding expenses, etc, when they're just starting out. As things don't go exactly as planned (which they rarely do!), they are saddled with bills and perhaps a house that's not as right for them as they'd thought. New grads getting their first 'big job' can also fall into this trap. I've been advising a couple of recent graduates who found good employment right out of the gate that they may feel 'rich' when they start bringing in those full-time paychecks after squeaking by for years. But they're not, and I want to make sure they don't over-extend themselves because of their sudden change in circumstances.

[Deleted]

I am just trying to post a "learn from me" experience. I know that after we had our first child, i thought the obvious thing to do was to trade in a perfectly good and paid for car to buy a 7 passenger minivan. But , i learn lots of the things the hard way!

[sbcalimom]

We've tried really hard to avoid this with our two DDs but it is really tough. We live in a 2 bdrm apartment and have a pretty small car because it make sense for our stage in life. I totally hate every single minute of it because things would be so much simpler if we had more space and I had a bigger car. That being said, DH really helps me remember that simpler is not the same thing as necessary. We've managed to keep our expenses reasonable and that has allowed me to work fairly part-time (although my awesome pay sure helps too!). I try to remind myself of that when I get envious of some of the moms in our playgroup that have a nice house and big car.

That being said, now that we're moving to a lower COL area we are definitely upgrading in a few ways. We plan to get a larger place, hopefully a house of some kind, and we're buying a new car. The main reason we held off on getting a car after DD2 was that we didn't know if we'd still be living in the US after a year or two. Now that we know we'll be here for at least 3+ years, I am definitely looking forward to more room!

[Rocky Mtn Saver]

Jun 6, 2012 11:53:20 GMT -5 @shooby said:

I am just trying to post a "learn from me" experience. I know that after we had our first child, i thought the obvious thing to do was to trade in a perfectly good and paid for car to buy a 7 passenger minivan. But , i learn lots of the things the hard way!

Good lord, how big was your baby? ;D

[Deleted]

[Deleted]

There is nothing wrong whatsoever with upsizing. I dont' mean to imply that at all.

[twinmama85]

Nothing wrong with upsizing at all...as long as you can afford it.

[Rocky Mtn Saver]

Jun 6, 2012 14:49:33 GMT -5 twinmama85 said:

Nothing wrong with upsizing at all...as long as you can afford it.

... and continue to afford it when the poo-poo hits the fan.

[murphath]

Let's see here....I'd have to say we were very fortunate that things didn't go badly for us. Married in '79 w/o plans to buy a house until our apt. was being converted to condos. They'd "allow"us to purchase at the bargain price of $65,000. We bought a 4 bedroom house for $62,000 instead at an interest rate of 14%! Also, bought DH's restaurant business that year. Yikes--we were young and oblivious. DD1 was born in 1982 and we moved in 1984 to our current home. Bought it for the shorter commute as I was in sales at the time, access to all the various freeways was literally minutes away. Also, we love this little town. DD2 came along in 1985 and our surprise baby boy in 1990. That's when the minivan was purchased. Also, with the restaurant business being kind of crazy, I never felt I could be a SAH mom. The revenue stream was just all over the place and one of us had to bring some stability. That was me.
Definitely feel I had a guardian angel watching over us although we are frugal folk by nature.

I look at my nieces and nephews that have kids and most seem to be pretty financially stable. All have homes, good jobs, etc.. My own are not yet married and have been very wise not to have children prior to that event! ;D The girls are very good with $ and DS is a work in progress. He's one of those just graduated and a new apartment lease (he's sharing with 3 others). He sometimes has to learn things the hard way BUT I'm hoping our little budgeting talks over the years have finally sunk in. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

[formerroomate99]

It isn't just the financial 'backing into a corner' that goes on either. I see plenty of women who infantilize their men, letting them get away with doing almost nothing around the house. Then they get pregnant and suddenly a guy who is going through all the emotions of becoming a new father has a few months to go from being a child to an adult to a father. And, all these 'you need to do more' discussions are going on when the wife is all hormonal.

[formerroomate99]

One of my coworkers has a house that is bigger than the house I'll soon be sharing with DH and 3 kids. She is expecting her first child they are now scratching their heads trying to figure out how they will fit their first child into a 3 bedroom house. There is something to be said for staying in an apartment when you're dinks. Not only does it allow you to save tons of cash, but it keeps you from acquiring so much stuff that you can't live in the kind of housing you can afford post baby.

[seriousthistime]

I'm wondering how many posters here have done that after they were on this board.

Well, here's one who is contemplating it:

notmsnmoney.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=finance&action=display&thread=22842&page=1

Anyone who remembers elusionsofgrandeur from the old MSN days will know she has "been there, done that" and could give anyone a lot of really good financial advice. Short version: she really seems to be trying to follow the advice, but there was the job loss/wedding/pregnancy/new car. And a new husband who is not on the same financial page who wants to buy a house.

[Formerly SK]

I remember going to Babys R Us when I was about 8 months pregnant with my first LO and being simply amazed that there were women in the store with new babies! LOL For some reason, I had it in my mind that I should have everything bought/washed/stored before the baby came so that I was "prepared." Once I saw the women and realized that stores would still exist once my baby was born, I quit buying stuff until I actually needed it. ;D

[Deleted]

There seems to be no amount of money that can't be spent!

[Deleted]

I know some people who have worked for 30 yrs, but still complain that they "can't afford" this, that or the other thing. I mean, if you have spent 30 yrs working full time all of your life but you still live check to check?

[thyme4change]

Let's simplify this into something basic, that is so often true...

"People don't think ahead"

* I remember having dinner with a friend who was showing off his new pick-up truck. It was a small one (back when they made those really small pick-ups.) A month later, he sold it because he wife was pregnant, and the truck had no backseat. The pregnancy was on-purpose/planned. So, why the frack did he buy the truck in the first place? People just don't think.

* A guy at work sold his house and moved into a new house across town. A very short time later, it was announced that he was relocating to another state. I asked him when this came up and he said they had been negotiating this for a while, and he got his first clue a year ago. So, why the frack did he buy a new house in town? People just don't think.

* A lady I knew wanted to move into a giant house, so they went to the very, very, very edge of the ex-urbs and bought the biggest house they could afford. 6 months later they sold it because the commute was just too far. Really? People just don't think.

I could go on and on. Frankly, when I meet people that have thought it through, I consider that a rare bonus.

[Jaguar]

Thyme I know exactly what your saying. The absolutely costly mistakes that people make cause they just didn't "think it through" just baffles me. Honestly are some people this stupid.

[racermom]

We had two unplanned LOs. We bought a house (which may or may not have been a good idea. We paid down a lot and our mortgage, taxes, and insurance is about $150 less than we would ever be able to rent anything around here) and then found out I was pregnant a week after moving in. DH and I had an old Chevy pickup, and Toyota MR2 (two-seater) and a 1990 Chevy Cavalier. We decided to trade in the MR2 and sold the Cavalier and made another large down payment for a larger sedan. Our payments are only $180 a month. DS was four months old and I found out I was pregnant again (I had an IUD that didn't do it's job! lol) At this time DH and I made about $45K a year together and had no other debt and about $2500 in an EF.

We unfortunately did not have a lot of luck with either pregnancy. We wiped out the rest of our savings on hospital bills and then starting putting care on CC's because they wouldn't see us if we didn't pay our deductible up front. In two short years after buying our house DH's income has been cut in half, mine has only increased slightly, I still owe nearly $10K to the hospital for both of kids (interest free, thankfully!) we are $16K in consumer debt if you include the car, and as of this moment we only have $85 in an EF.

I totally agree with the OP. We definately did not go overboard. We bought an extremely affordable house. Our car payment is very small. If I only compared it to my sister (who got a raise and decided to buy a $30K minivan!) I'm doing extremely well. But circumstances have made all of our minimum payments, not including housing to go from $180 a month, to nearly $700. I thank God every day that we have not gone under! I'm sure that there are many things I could have done better and maybe we wouldn't be this bad off. I didn't do nearly as bad as I could have and I seriously would love to smack a few people in the head that are doing way worse than I ever did (ie - my sister! lol) But some people will never learn......

[formerroomate99]

Do you guys find yourselves being callled a worrywart or getting weird looks when you say well 'What if this happens?'